The (New) Surrender Thread - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 04:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey everyone!

A while ago, a wonderful wise TTCer started a thread that came to be fondly known as "The Surrender Thread" -- you can read it here

I would like to invite you to join me to revisit this subject. I sort of envision this as being the thread about the spiritual aspects of TTCing and how it effects us emotionally. The difficulty you have had, the wisdom you have gained, the wisdom you would like to gain. The wisdom you want to share, the hugs you need and the hugs you want to pass on.

So, I ask you: where are you in this journey? How are you surrendering to the process? Do you feel like you can surrender to the process? Do you feel like you are not quite where you want to be? (I don't mean not pregnant, b/c obviously we all want to be pregnant!) Do you feel you are happy while you go through this journey? Do you want to find more happiness during this journey?

Talk amongst yourselves
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#2 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 04:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll begin

Where am I right now?

Physically, I am at a place where my cycles are normalizing and everyone around me is starting to ask me about when I am going to start getting tested (for infertility) or take Clomid. I do not want to medicalize this process, and am staying with my gut instinct, which is to bring more balance to my life, and use appropriate alternative treatments as I see fit.

I am going to a chiropracter. I am doing deep tissue massage of my abdomen every night before I go to bed (I started this recently based on some advice my step-mother, who is a L&D nurse gave me. I'll try to ffind the link she sent me to share later).

I have been thinking about accupuncture.

Mentally, I'm coming out of a deep depression/ grief spell. This last period was so very difficult for me. It sent me into a tailspin that I am just now pulling out of (and I can feel myself sinking into it when I don't pay attention to taking care of myself).

Emotionally I am trying to rid myself of my fear. I have begun to realize that living with constant fear (that I will never get pregnant) is part of the depression that has been haunting me. It is not the way I want to live. I deserve to be happy. I know that no matter what happens, I will become a mother (I have the funds available to afford to adopt. I realize I am very lucky in having that option!)

Still, I have been afraid since my abortion in 1997 that I would never be pregnant again! That's a long time to be afraid...

Spiritually, I am feeling very connected to G-d and the Oneness of the Universe. (Yom Kippur was last weekend). I am trying to bring this connectedness to my every-day life. To remember that I am connected, that we are all One that everything is love. To surrender to the path, instead of being jealous of the others paths I see around me.

It's a weird place I'm in right now. I think I'm at a crossroads. I have this immense spiritual place within me, but it's also hard for my personality (ego) to get to that place. To not live in constant fear. To not stress out about everything. I think this is a learning experience I am creating for myself, and I absolutely hope I grow wiser because of it!

Belly Blessings to us all!
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#3 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 05:27 AM
 
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I would like to be more at peace with the fact that I am not pg yet. I know that I will be a mom one day whether it is through adoption or naturally. But my heart has a hard time with it at times. The sadness definitely has something to do with the fear that I won't get pregnant.

Spiritually, I need something. I've been drawn to Zen buddhism, but have always felt like I was too superficial, or lazy to be that peaceful or kind. But in reading and studying, I've learned that it's all about the journey. Every step counts. We are so consumed with instant gratification that we lose sight of the journey.

Physically, I have faith in my body. I need more sex! I have been going to a physical therapist for chronic neck pain from a car accident and stress. I saw my doctor for a follow up and she suggested yoga. So I am going to sign up for some classes. It will benefit me spiritually as well. I am really wanting to change my eating habits, exercise, etc. But I am going to adjust my life slowly.

Mentally, I just need to find a comfortable, stable place to "be". Does that make sense?

Emotionally, I need to stop obsessing about a child that is not here yet, and put more focus and energy into those that are in my life right now. My father is very sick, my husband needs me, and I need me. I am ready for my baby when he or she is ready to come stay with me.

Thanks for starting this thread Alexis!

Danielle, fabric artist, mama to Eleanor 5/05 and Charlotte James 09-26-09
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#4 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 11:05 AM
 
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Thank you Alexis. I think this is exactly what I was looking for and, as usual, you articulated it so much better than I can. BTW, your's was one of the 'faces' I missed the most.

I'm 26 and we've been trying for 6 months. Everyone tells me that I'm young, and that's not long, and I shouldn't have this overriding fear that I can't get pregnant. However, I spent 3 years in the Navy running a nuclear reactor. Because there are so few women in that field (particularly when I was in from 96-99) I have no way of knowing if it negatively affects a woman's fertility. It is well known in the "nuke" field, however, that male "nukes" don't have little boys. Nobody is sure exactly why that is, it just is. So that gives me cause for concern. Plus I am about 80 pounds overweight and I know that can affect fertility.

All in all, I had come to peace with waiting for God's timing, and accepting His will. I wasn't frequenting The One Thread because I knew I needed to not obsess about my cycle, etc.... Then just before the second hurricane (I guess right before Labor Day), I found out that my 20yo unmarried sister got pregnant accidentally. I was a complete wreck for about 2 weeks. I couldn't talk to anyone in my family, I just sat and cried about how UNFAIR it was. Why should she get a baby, and not me??? In the last week and a half or so, I have struggled to get back to that place where I am content to accept His will. In the last week, I have felt a very strong need to be in touch with other women facing the same struggles.

On top of the thing with my sister, my DH has 3 children from his first marriage who live with their mother. We get them every other weekend and they're great kids that I love dearly. But every time I see them, it's like pouring salt in an open wound. Two reasons: the first - his ex was able to give him children, wonderful children, and I'm afraid I will never be able to share that with him (we've been together for 5 years and this is the only area I am still insecure about). The second is that I'm tired of being "just a step-mom". The kids love me, and we used to have a great time together, but I wanna be Mommy.

DH says that I'll be a Mom no matter what, whether it be naturally or through adoption, but honestly, I have no idea where he thinks we're going to get the money to adopt.

Wow! That was longer than I intended it to be. Thanks for reading.
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#5 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 01:44 PM
 
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I'm not exactly sure where I am in the process right now, but I know it's not a good place. I'm caught in the middle between letting what will be, be and starting some sort of testing or treatment. We are about one year away from being done trying and I'm having a really hard time wrapping my mind around that.

I have started taking a pilates/yoga class to help myself relax. I've put away the thermometer. I'm quitting my job (Ok, that's more to focus on the child I do have, but I'm hoping the resulting decrease in stress will help produce another child). If I'm not pregnant by the end of the year, I'll be looking into acupuncture. Next cycle I'm planning to start trying some alternative things - herbs, etc, but I'm not exactly sure what.

I'm trying to have faith that things happen for a reason and that they happen when they are meant to happen. I need to get to a point where I can react positively to pregnancy announcements, rather than with tears. I'm not there yet, but I work each day to remind myself of the wonderful things I do have and try not to just spend my time waiting for something that may or may not happen.
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#6 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 04:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey everyone!

I'm glad I started this thread It's been on my mind for awhile now, actually. So, Jamie, your thread just encouraged me to do what I should have done awhile ago! Yay! I have missed a lot of the One Thread people, too -- but every single time I even try to read the One Thread, my mind just kicks up all this resistance and negative thinking my way.

Dani, more sex is a good thing When I was deep in my depression this cycle, I had absolutely no sex drive at all -- very scary. I knew I was starting to come out of it when I had a sex drive last week, finally!

I can definitely relate to needing a solid place to "be" mentally. I need to remember that place is always within me. I've been having a lot of problems sleeping, and it mostly comes from not wanting to settle into that peaceful, solid place -- having real problems finding it, I guess.

Wow, Jamie, I hadn't known that about your working as a nuke. I can understand that fear a lot -- that's a scary thing, for your uterus to have been around!

Sara, I can totally relate to where you are -- I think that's where I am, too. It's a sort of limbo -- not sure where to go next. Yoga is one of the things I have let slip away from me, and I am hoping to get back to it soon.

BTW, here's the website I mentioned last night http://www.clearpassage.com/whatothersay.htm

It's about deep tissue massage and fertility (really, it's just an ad for the clinic in Florida that does this therapy, but I don't see what doing my own deep tissue massage could harm! I'm also thinking of getting some shiatsu or other deep tissue massage done.

So, it's been almost a week where I've been massaging my abdomen at night before bed. It is pretty relaxing (helps me get to sleep, actually) and has been having a good effect on my digestion. We'll see about the effects on my fertility.

Blessings
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#7 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 05:47 PM
 
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I'm trying to decide if my experience relates to this thread at all.

I was told by a RE that I would probably need injectable drugs and possibly donor eggs due to diminshed reserve. I accepted the diagnosis. I kept temping and charting but made plans to get on with my life. Obsessing was a way of life. It's the danger of TTC. I moved my horse home, cleaned out the garden and started contacting an adoption agency. I had big plans to spend the winter getting me and the horse in shape, start a market garden for next summer and work on the special obsession that is adoption. I was at peace with my body betraying me (after several days of bawling).

I don't think for a second that my lack of fertility was related to "relaxing". I needed to recover from 17 years on BCP's. 100mg of Clomid finally kicked my ovaries into gear and we caught the egg. In this process it really helps to remember that Docs are human. They can't know everything. It's better to know your body (via charting, etc.) when you need to advocate for yourself.

On a related note, I find that people are resisting the whole AP thing (wholistic parenting) and I am very sad about it. They think intervention is "normal".

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#8 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 06:12 PM
 
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"So, I ask you: where are you in this journey? How are you surrendering to the process? Do you feel like you can surrender to the process? Do you feel like you are not quite where you want to be? (I don't mean not pregnant, b/c obviously we all want to be pregnant!) Do you feel you are happy while you go through this journey? Do you want to find more happiness during this journey?"

Interesting questions, and I've been thinking a lot about them lately. I feel like I'm in a pretty good place. This is the second time that I've done the ttc thing, and one of my main goals (other than getting pg) has been to do it differently than I did the first time. Obviously, I have a perspective now that I could not possibly have had before. After 5 difficult years of ttc and then two more years of pursuing adoption, I have a 2-year-old son through adoption. My main goal--to be a mother--has been reached, and that makes so many things different this time around. I now know that miracles do happen and the day when that child finally arrives WILL come for virtually all of us. I did not have that knowledge before. Even during my most hopeful times, there was always uncertainty and fear that I would never have a child. When you've gone so long without it happening, it's hard to believe it will ever happen. Now, I know it happens, and I know that even when things seem most dark, it doesn't negate the probability that someday the gift will be given. I have times now when I get discouraged about ttc, but it is different, because I have that underlying assurance that good things do happen. I might have to wait a long time, but they will happen.

So, I feel like it is much easier for me to surrender this time around. I am not fighting so much fear, and I am already living the life I've wanted to live because I"m mothering a child.

I think my options are more open this time around. We are ttc, but I am not locking myself into the idea that a pregnancy will result. I have great hope that it will, and I believe that the chances are good (so I don't think I'm shooting myself in the foot with negativity or cynicism). But I am aware that there may be other reasons why I'm being led to ttc again (such as gaining much-needed complete closure), and that adoption could just as well be in my future. Having adopted one child whom I adore, I would welcome that experience again too. I hope I don't offend those who are really into affirmations, but when I hear people telling themselves over and over, "I will conceive. My body will become pg" and things like that it kind of makes me cringe because to me, that is something you just can't know, and all the saying it in the world can't make it happen. I'm pretty religious, and I used to take that approach to faith. If I just had enough faith I would conceive. I finally came to understand that God had a different path for me and that I needed to come to acceptance of it and then I would be happier. I hope I don't offend anyone who isn't religious or who believes differently--I think we all process our experiences in the context of our beliefs. I also think that we often use different words to describe things according to our belief patterns, but often below the surface we are describing the same things, just differently.

Anyway, after that ramble... I feel like I'm pretty accepting of whatever happens from here on out. That doesn't mean there won't be disappointment and grief if I don't conceive. I know there will, and I am a little bit scared about that possibility, mainly because I don't want to feel that pain again. Sometimes I do wonder if my approach to handling ttc is mainly a pain-avoidance approach. Don't let yourself feel too much or get too attached--not because that's the healthiest way, but just because it might hurt too much.

The main negative thing I"m experiencing right now is the feeling of what a "drudge" all this is. I want to either be pg and move on or adopt and move on. I am seeing all this treatment as no more than a means to an end. I see an RE next week, and I'm nervous about getting back into treatment. I've seen a naturopath for the last six months and love many aspects of doing it the natural way. But I've recognized that emotionally I need things to go faster. I know that physically a few years on herbs would probably be a good thing and my body would probably respond. But I have to balance that with the emotional realities of needing answers and knowing how much capacity I have to be stuck in this ttc phase.

I am trying to balance ttc with the other aspects of my life. I"m trying to make sure I enjoy the child I have and don't shortchange him for something I want in the future. I know thlat is one advantage you don't have during ttc'ing #1, and I try to remember to be grateful for it every day. Also, for the first time in years, I am thinking heavily about some career involvement. It would all be at home--teaching private music lessons for now and developing an early childhood music curriculum and then teaching mom/tot classes in my home. I am so excited about this! For many years I subverted my career and any professional interests to the ttc/adoption journey. I was just paralyzed about going forth with anything that way because I "might" have a baby. I couldn't get interested in anything enough to pursue it because what I really wanted was to be a mom. So now it is weird to be in this place. I want a second child so badly and yet I know that I might have to put my other plans on hold if I got pg. Yet I am wanting to do these other things in a way that I haven't experienced for so long, and that is really refreshing. I am trying to be open to all of it. I am trying to tell myself that I can go forward with some career and outside things and that it will be OK to alter my life however when other things (like babies) happen. I'm just trying to be flexible.
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#9 of 42 Old 09-29-2004, 07:25 PM
 
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Wow this is a great thread. So where am I now. Well all in all I was doing quite well for the first few months. I was eating right, exercising, and I felt good about TTCing. But as the months dragged on and I faced yet another month of TTCing it got really hard. The last few periods really hit me hard. I have had a hard time exercising or trusting my body. I have been eating alot of comfort foods, and putting on weight. This month a friend of mine sent me a care package. Organic home grown (by her) pregnancy tea, and Vitex. Also quite a few of my friends have become pregnant after a loss and so I am hoping that maybe this is my time as well. So I am getting back on the horse. Making a concious effort to eat better, and get exercise. I am also drinking my tea which is ever so relaxing. I have been doing some visualizing, and inviting a new spirit to join our family. Spent some time thinking about the fertility of the earth, and my own fertility. So I am feeling a bit better. But I can't promise that another period won't send me into another tail spin. I guess that is what I am hoping to gain, the ability to trust my body to become pregnant and carry a baby to term. I have always trusted my body before, but sense the loss of my daughter I have seen my body as my enemy. I want to get back to a place of trusting myself.
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#10 of 42 Old 09-30-2004, 02:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Amy, I don't think that I'm not pregnant because I need to relax. But I do think that the quality of my life has been greatly reduced because of my TTC-induced stress. Does that make sense? I need to relax for me, not for baby-making. (Tho I also don't think all my stress is helpful to my body, or to the TTC process. But I don't think I've had this stress from the beginning; it really has been building up the longer this has taken!)

Laurel, I really really relate to where you are. I know that seems weird, because I don't have a child already, but I can feel that I will be a mom. I am also impatient, a little, just cause this waiting is really difficult!

And yeah, Shannon, I don't know how I'm going to handle my next period. The last one was so so so hard for me. It just shattered me.

I was reading over my own posts in the last surrender thread -- mindfullness. Living each moment as it comes. Wow, that's good advice I give, but after four months of living each grief, it just gets harder and harder. I want to forget about it, I want to move on. Sometimes I even start to tell myself it's OK if we don't get pregnant, that I don't want to pass my genes on anyway! But it's a lie!!!!! A total lie.

My mantra these days is: you are safe. you are wanted. you are loved. (That's as much said to myself as it is to the baby I really want to have).

You are safe, you are wanted, you are loved.
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#11 of 42 Old 09-30-2004, 04:11 AM
 
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I tend to feel best when I am active in the process. When I am reading and taking herbs. When I am continuing to educate myself.

So far I've not been stressed out to a great degree but once we pass the one year mark I do think I the stress will go up.

I also imagine that when I finally do get pregnant and stay pregnant that I will have a huge emotional release.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#12 of 42 Old 09-30-2004, 11:05 AM
 
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I was writing my post in retrospect. I'm all about examining my reactions and motives for everything. When I wrote that it sounded like "relax", I was worried about how my post came across.

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#13 of 42 Old 09-30-2004, 12:38 PM
 
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Where am I at...well..I am 38 and want a 4th child...sometimes I look at all the ladies here with all their issues and think "boy am I greedy" because some of them really really have been trying really hard for their first child....and if someone has to get pregnant, honestly if it was a me or them choice I would say let it be them and in meditation I have said that to the universe...

But the universe doesn't work like that and I am secretly hoping that we ALL get our babies me included.

Also I have this feeling that there is also another child to come into our lives...we are to have another child...another girl most likely although most people ask if we will try for a boy...I tell them if we have another we do not care if it's a boy or girl...as much as I would love to mother a son the thought seems really foreign to me at this point since I have 3 daughters.

I also feel like we have several strikes against us, the biggest being my husbands absence all week..so while I chart and obsess in reality we are in a hit or miss situation...

We are also 38(hubby is 39 in October) so our ages are also a factor...

So I take all those things into account, meditate, go on with life but somewhere deep down inside I know there is another child for us....

And so I am charting, getting my body healthy and ready for this marathon, doing my prenatal yoga etc etc, taking the supplements and mothering the 3 I have to the best of my ability.

I also am spending more time in welcoming this new soul into our lives...I feel him around so much these days that I can't help but feel we are getting close
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#14 of 42 Old 09-30-2004, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No worries, Amy. I know we all deal with this issue in a different way. I just wanted to clarify my point, and state clearly that I don't feel if I "relaxed" I would get pregnant easier.

amarasmom, I hadn't thought about that. I've really reached a low on feeling like I'm taking care of myself. Haven't done yoga consistently since I got back from Cali in early Sept, haven't done much reading about pregnancy, just about IF, and IF treatments, which doesn't bring me any hope! I've been moping, really.

allgirls, I feel like my baby is around a lot, too. Especially since the summer. It confuses, me, tho, because I don't know why s/he hasn't been concieved yet. It seems that either a) I'm not ready phsyically, and my baby is sad about not being incarnated yet (and that I am picking up on that sadness, hence my incredible grief this cycle) or b) our baby isn't quite ready and is waiting for some special moment that I don't know about yet.

Blessings!
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#15 of 42 Old 09-30-2004, 04:34 PM
 
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What a super thread! I can totally relate to the fact that my quality of life has decreased since TTC. DH and I lost our first pregnancy back in July of this year. That pregnancy was a surprise and boy have I been on a mission to be pregnant since then. I tested last night and got a positive and this morning I started my period. I'm relatively certain this is miscarriage #2. My life is consumed both professionally and at home, even in my dreams, by my desire to replace what I have lost. I have baby lust and look at other mothers with desire and with shame of my judgemental attitude. Despite their situations, their babies are just as loved and desired as mine will be.

Where do I need to be? I need to be at peace. I need to relax in the knowledge that everything happens in its right time. Where will that come from? That part I have yet to find! I am considering staying away from the charting and testing practices that I have adopted and just let me body be my guide. I am getting rid of all of my pregnancy tests until I truly need them.

With all of our hearts, we want to be parents, but I would hate to be the child that is delivered into these neurotic arms! I have to find some peace before this process can go any further!
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#16 of 42 Old 09-30-2004, 05:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LaurieLu!

Yeah, it's difficult. I don't want to spend my entire life being this neurotic, that's for sure! I think that's why I struggle so much with it - because it isn't really my nature to be this fearful. I am pretty relaxed and laissez faire about the rest of my life, but this one issue -- well, I've been waiting so long, and have had so many set backs... still, I want to be less stressed out about this, and have more faith.
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#17 of 42 Old 10-03-2004, 05:23 AM
 
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#18 of 42 Old 10-03-2004, 06:47 AM
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Where am i in this? Well, i already have a wonderful sparkling two year old dd who is a joy and a gift , so i know my body can do this. She is still nursing, and i feel quite certain taht this is inhibiting ovulation. I discussed this at some length with my dh last night; he will support me in whatever i choose to do, be that wean or wait. He just wants to fix my ever deepening sadness, after close to a year of trying, now.

DD is nightweaned now, for the most part. I get great fertility signs every month, and my cycles, except for a few oddities here and there, have been exceptionally regular and normal. I get positive opk's, and a scan of my uterus revealed it to be in good condition. There are no cysts on my ovaries, and the follicles seemed to be developing fairly on the right track (it was i think cd 12 when he looked at them and he did say they were a tad small, but probably a-ok if i am ovulating at like cd 16). I just don't know where to go from here, but i do know that my heart tells me my angel girl is NOT ready to be weaned. I do know also that if i did in the coming months decide to wean her, that i would let her pick it back up with the new baby (something i would not have wanted to do previously). I don't have peace about that at all, right now. I am trying so hard to trust in the God that loves me, and has the very best and most perfect plans for my and our future, but my womb aches with emptiness and longing for the son that i know God will give me.
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#19 of 42 Old 10-03-2004, 04:45 PM
 
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I am in a state of intense desire, and great excitement, and of course some apprehension.

I have one 4 year old dd, and have been wanting to ttc since she was still an infant. I always wanted to have my children close in age, and I've had to mourn that loss. But our circumstances kept changing, making ttc not the best idea at the time. There just kept alwaying being something, and it has been very difficult.

We have finally decided that we can try starting around the end of November/early December. Even then, is not ideal, but I can't wait for ideal. We will be moving overseas early 2005, and if we were to conceive as early as we hope, then I would be late-1st-trimester, or early-2nd-trimester when we travel. We moved twice when I was pregnant with dd, so that doesn't exactly freak me out, but dealing with the move while pregnant has been VERY difficult to reassure dh about.

I've been a bit obsessive about charting; it's very new to me. I only recently read TCOYF, and was pretty annoyed that all of this information that I did not have before.

It's hard to not be pregnant, even when we haven't been actively trying. It's been hard to accept that so far, the timing just hasn't been right. Especially since I've been preparing to ttc for a while, I think it will be additionally difficuilt if conception doesn't come easily. It took 7 months to conceive dd, but I attributed that largely to adjusting from birth control. This time, I will have been off bc for several months before we start ttc, and it's a different bc as well. Those 7 months were full of hope, anticipation, disappointment. A negative pregnancy test is just so hard to look at.
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#20 of 42 Old 10-20-2004, 03:03 PM
 
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Just wanted to give this a bump!

Danielle, fabric artist, mama to Eleanor 5/05 and Charlotte James 09-26-09
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#21 of 42 Old 10-20-2004, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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:

I'm trying not to be obsessive, and I'm pretty much doing an OK job, I think! In fact, I stopped temping, have a vague sense of where I am in my cycle (but am not talking about it with anyone except my dh) and am knitting like crazy in my efforts to come back to this present moment.

Thta's connected to a realization I had a week or so ago that all my daydreaming and fatasizing about each cycle's baby-to-be was *not* doing me any good! I've started pulling my mind gently back to the present moment whenever I catch myself doing this: not that I don't think fantasizing about me having a child in general is bad (I still let myself do that!) but attributing uniqueness to each cycle's baby-to-be (and then baby-that-could-have-been) wasn't helping!

Breath in: I'm OK
Breath out: It's OK

Feeling pretty good about where I am now. At this present moment, I feel I have surrendered control. Not like it was ever mine to begin with! :LOL
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#22 of 42 Old 10-20-2004, 04:08 PM
 
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I am so not connected right now. I am usually very committed to my daily meditation and prayer time...haven't done so in over 2 weeks. Been in a bad funk that I am trying despertly to get out of.

Thanks for bumping this thread Dani....
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#23 of 42 Old 10-20-2004, 04:30 PM
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Wow, this is first time in a long time that I've even been back here (at TTC) b/c I was so depressed about not being able to get pg. But this is a great thread and I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

I am really close to being able to surrender to Mother Nature. I realize that there is so much in my life now that is keeping me in a state of not-readiness. I have thought I was ready and wanted to get pg so badly. But in the end, my energies are all wacky, my stress level is so high, I know (in my head, not my heart) that pregnancy is the last thing I need right now. I need to give it time to get all the kinks out so that I can relax, breathe, get my energies flowing in the right direction again, and make a healthy happy baby and have a healthy happy birth.

We have some major house renovations going on right now which drain our $$$ and cause me no end of hassle - worrying about money and dealing with contractors. Once this is done and paid for (hopefully by the end of the year), I'm going to:

1) go back to yoga classes
2) go to a chiropractor
3) see an accupuncturist
4) meditate everyday
5) begin some daily rituals to get my energies in the right place
6) make sure I'm eating a healthy, dairy free diet and taking the right supplements.

oh yeah, and most importantly, 7) have lots of sex and actually relax and enjoy it and try and not make it so goal oriented.

And if I do all that and I still don't get pg, then hopefully I will make peace with it and enjoy the time I have one on one with my beautiful daughter. At least having only her will make homeschooling easier! :LOL
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#24 of 42 Old 10-21-2004, 11:22 PM
 
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Hi Mamas, I hope you don't mind me dropping in. I've so been where all of you are right now (I'm the former ttc'er who started the old surrender thread -- Alexis, you say such sweet things to me ).

I just wanted to give each of you a big (((((HUG))))) and some baby-dust (my smilies arent working) and tell you how wonderful I think you all are. Your babies-to-be are very lucky babies indeed.

Alexis -- I know it's silly because we've never met IRL, but I love you like a sister and think you're so special. You will have your baby -- I know it with every fiber of my being.

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#25 of 42 Old 10-22-2004, 01:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, Kate!!!!!!!!!!! Mama, you *are* my sister! A soul-sister! It's so kind of you to drop by

Do you have any belly pics? I wanna see that babe! A most-longed for, most-loved babe
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#26 of 42 Old 10-22-2004, 11:32 AM
 
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Lexie I do have belly shots and just for you I'll be sure to get them on an accessible website within the next day or two...

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#27 of 42 Old 10-22-2004, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#28 of 42 Old 10-25-2004, 03:32 PM
 
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My sister mommas-to-be, thank you. You have no idea (then again, maybe you do!) how wonderful and comforting this thread is. I'm really struggling to pretend like everything's ok, when in fact I'm feeling so much of what everyone else has written about. At least I no longer feel alone. I'm surrounded by women who've gotten pregnant quickly and easily, including my new 37-year-old sister-in-law. She and my brother moved up their wedding because they "accidentally" got pregnant. It's her fourth and his third; combined it's their 6th. My DH and I have been trying for two years for our first with no luck. (I'm 36, he's 34).

I'm in my second month of Clomid/IUI, and my temps really shot up over the weekend. But I feel paralyzed: I don't want to get too hopeful, but I don't want to give up all hope altogether. The disappointment of not getting pregnant is so deep, after 24 cycles I don't know how many more times I want to go through that. In some ways I'm ready to just give up.

Little bit of good news: the IUI really takes the pressure off of doing the BD. On Saturday we GIO just for fun--for the first time in months. Wow!

thanks for listening,
Leslie
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#29 of 42 Old 10-25-2004, 04:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Leslie

I'm glad this thread could help I struggle with whether to let myself feel too much hope, too. It's so hard. We have a more active thread for those of us who are over 30 and trying for over a year... join us there, if you want!

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#30 of 42 Old 10-26-2004, 04:52 PM
 
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What a great thread! I haven't been here in a very long time, and came by to do a search- this one instantly caught my attention. where am I right now in the process of ttc? I feel discouraged and desparate. I have found myself searching for the spirituality I feel I lack. I am also very grateful for the wonderful daughter I do have.
After my m/c last year, I really thought that I would be able to conceive whenever I was emotionally ready. But my cycles have been very long, with only 6 since last December, although I am ovulating. There also seems to be a problem on dh's end, and although he wants another child, I can't seem to convince him that he needs to see a doctor. My goal is to come to terms with the fact that we may or may not have another child, and to find peace within myself no matter what happens. I guess I'm in the process of searching for the path which will take me there. Thanks for creating this thread. I'd forgotten what a positive force this board is...
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