Elliha, if it makes you feel any better, I've had testing up the wazoo too, because apparently I am just thaaaat old. I hope you have the testing done, BUT I hope you find a team that doesn't fuel your fears. I went with an OB instead of the midwives this time - felt totally conflicted about it but my hopes for natural birth and goddess pregnancy (ha) with the midwives last time ended in a long hospital labor from hell. I hate being pregnant too.
The reason I picked the OB, despite her being medical model, is because she doesn't make me feel old. She does all of the tests as if they are routine (I can decline anything I want) and my worries are met with meh, it's normal, you're fine. She is just completely unconcerned, and yet they are monitoring at a high level.
Having a doula didn't work for me (the fact that I wasn't able to have the crunchy mama perfect birth made me feel like a failure in her eyes) so this time I just surrounded myself with a team of people that make me feel good. My health issues are musculoskeletal, so I am in PT and I do pilates and get regular OMT. Pregnancy and relaxin hate me. The PT isn't the awesomest PT in the world, but I wish she was my sister. She's calm and wise and listens to me. The pilates teacher isn't my favorite human but she helps me stay strong and pain free. The DO for OMT makes sure that my pelvis is in alignment. And so far, pregnancy hasn't sucked. I'm healthier than last time because I know what to look for and I'm preempting everything. So despite being ambivalent about the baby at first, and totally afraid, I feel in control and healthy and energetic.
I use too many words but I guess my point is that if you find the right team, the extra testing doesn't have to be about fear, it can be powerful and empowering. Hugs to you! Heart stuff must be so scary.
Mama to Isabel, 10/14/11, and Baby Boo-boo, due 7/8/16. Devoutly opposed to Mommy Wars, except the one where we are all Warrior Moms fighting for our babes together.
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