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#1 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 05:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've decided that we will only have two kids. Hard decision-- I'd almost want one more, but my husband is adamant and in my head I agree that it is best for our family.

But if we're done, we need to find the best permanent birth control. I don't want to, seven years down the road when the kids are school-age and I'm back to work, suddenly have a surprise.

We don't want to use condoms. Too great a possibility that we are out of them one evening and say "oh well" and chance it.

I'm only 26, and I don't want to use hormonal birth control for 20-30 years. I'm scared of what that could do to my body.

I think the best option is surgery, either me or him.


Anyone else in this situation? What are your thoughts?

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#2 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 05:26 PM
 
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We have decided we are done. We are so done we have been abstaining. DH is having a vasectomy on Thursday. Its really the obvious choice. 30 minutes in the doctors office and its done. He gets to spend the weekend watching tv while I bring him snacks. Surgery for me would be actually surgery and I have been sliced open enough for a lifetime.

Mom to Kira March 2009
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#3 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 05:45 PM
 
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We had always planned on my husband having a vasectomy when the time came but I ended up having a planned c-section with my second and we had the tubal ligation done at the same time. I like it and don't worry about an oops. I'm glad it worked out the way it did.

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#4 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 05:51 PM
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Vasectomy is less invasive, easier recovery, less expensive, more effective, and has lower risks of complications. For us, it's an easy choice. Well, for me it's an easy choice, my husband isn't thrilled, but he knows it's the better option. We aren't done, but we've talked about it. If we knew going into a birth that we were for sure done and I had to have a c/s, I would probably request a tubal at that time. That's the only way I'd have one though.
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#5 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's what I was wondering, if I got a c-section with this one (no reason to think I would, but you never know), if I should get a tubal done then. And otherwise, have my husband get snipped.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#6 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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That's what I was wondering, if I got a c-section with this one (no reason to think I would, but you never know), if I should get a tubal done then. And otherwise, have my husband get snipped.
I would check hospital policy. Some places won't let you decide on a last minute tubal. Some have waiting periods and therefore only usually do them as a separate procedure or in a planned c-section. But I'm sure that varies from hospital to hospital and doctor to doctor.

As I said, I'm glad it worked out how it did. I like the idea that if anything were to every happen to me my husband could potentially have children in a future marriage (he thinks I'm crazy for this by the way).

But if I hadn't gotten the c-section the plan would have been for him to get a vas. due to the easier surgery, and recovery. And because I carried and delivered two children. It would have been his turn to do something about the size of our family. I already contributed.

We had also planned on waiting 5years after the last child was born to be absolutely positive we were certain we were done before scheduling his vas. But we the c-section and two miserable pregnancies, and two c-sections changed that plan. I don't regret getting it done when I did.

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
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#7 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 10:55 PM
 
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Obviously it is your body and your choice, but 26 is really, really young for permanent birth control methods that can't be reversed. What if your kids were in a car accident or something?
Have you looked into something like a copper IUD? You can have one in place for 10 years. Some women have side effects, but others love them. I haven't had any problems with mine.

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#8 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 11:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
Obviously it is your body and your choice, but 26 is really, really young for permanent birth control methods that can't be reversed. What if your kids were in a car accident or something?
Have you looked into something like a copper IUD? You can have one in place for 10 years. Some women have side effects, but others love them. I haven't had any problems with mine.
ITA in fact I could have written that---- please consider the fact that your young, and yeah what if something happened to one of your children,I would def. get the copper iud, perfect for 10 years!

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#9 of 17 Old 03-29-2010, 11:05 PM
 
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I would suggesst a Vasectomy. My husband had one two weeks ago. The recovery was fast. The only thing I would reccomend is maybe banking sperm "just in case". I know we made the decision we needed to make but it is still hard to accept that we are TOTALLY DONE. I would feel better having a back up plan I guess, even though I'm sure we wouldn't ever use it I am 25 and he is 27 and we have two little girls. We are so blessed but I'll sure miss the baby days.

-T, Wife and Best Friend to R 3/2005; Mommie to E 8/2007; and G 3/2009

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#10 of 17 Old 04-02-2010, 12:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
Obviously it is your body and your choice, but 26 is really, really young for permanent birth control methods that can't be reversed. What if your kids were in a car accident or something?
Have you looked into something like a copper IUD? You can have one in place for 10 years. Some women have side effects, but others love them. I haven't had any problems with mine.
I have one as well and am really liking it. I had the heavy bleeding the first yr or so. (nothing that caused any problems, just heavy bleeding) and now my period is normal/light. It is wonderful to not have to worry about BC when the moment arises yet it isn't permanent. I was told by my mw that it is a effective as a tubal.

~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

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#11 of 17 Old 04-02-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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If he's the one who's adamant about only having two kids, I think he should be the one to have the surgury. That, or maybe an IUD might be a better option. A lot can happen between now and menopause- what if your situation changes? I hate to be morbid, but what would happen if you were widowed or divorced, and remarried, and wanted another baby with DH #2?

Ruth, single mommy to 3 quasi-adults
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#12 of 17 Old 04-03-2010, 04:28 AM
 
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Another "are you sure?", just because you don't sound convinced. I know you said you didn't want a seven-year-gap - what about deciding when your cutoff would be for another pregnancy (say, 3 years PP or whenever), using a non-permanent method until then, and then revisiting the issue to see if you and your DH feel "done"?

If you do decide to do it, vas are easier, safer etc than tubals. Given that your DH is older, the one really wanting no more kids, and the physiological issues, it's a no-brainer.

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#13 of 17 Old 04-03-2010, 04:58 AM
 
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Is he saying he wants to do it, or that he wants you to do it?

I think in a debate between a vas and a tubal, the vas is going to win. It can be reversed in some cases as well.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#14 of 17 Old 04-03-2010, 05:12 AM
 
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I would suggest the IUD. I haven't btdt, but I've had the copper IUD. Wonderful, no worries, etc.

My mom got pregnant with me the month after her tubal .
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#15 of 17 Old 04-03-2010, 10:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
Is he saying he wants to do it, or that he wants you to do it?

I think in a debate between a vas and a tubal, the vas is going to win. It can be reversed in some cases as well.
He's saying that he wants something to be done, and if the vas is the better choice he is willing to do it (he gets that cringe look on his face talking about it, though, hahaha).

At this point he's 100% certain that he is done, and I'm 99% certain. As some of ya'll have mentioned, I am still fairly young, but he is 10 years older than I am and I have always known that he didn't want children late in life. I think that if we got divorced or I died, he would not want to have any more children. He didn't want any children at all until we got together (which is why he hadn't had any in the past when he was younger). Really if I were widowed or divorced, I can't imagine wanting to have children with anyone else (I didn't want to have kids until I met him, either), but I guess you can never say never...

So it's looking like the vas is the way to go, except now I just read that thread over in "I'm Pregnant" about all the failed vasectomies and I'm going Oh, Great

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#16 of 17 Old 04-03-2010, 11:13 PM
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My husband is getting a vasectomy this year and we're 26 and 30. We might want more kids in the future but only through adoption. We feel the environmental impact of 3 kids is enough, and I don't want to be pregnant again. Ever. We weren't sure for a while whether we wanted to stop at 2 or 3, but more than 3 was never a consideration. We're done and feel great about it. If we somehow manage to get pregnant after the vasectomy, we would abort.
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#17 of 17 Old 04-07-2010, 08:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
Obviously it is your body and your choice, but 26 is really, really young for permanent birth control methods that can't be reversed. What if your kids were in a car accident or something?
Have you looked into something like a copper IUD? You can have one in place for 10 years. Some women have side effects, but others love them. I haven't had any problems with mine.
Seconding this. Since you are on the fence I wouldn't go with a permanent method, esp at your age. The copper IUD worked great for us and was quickly removed when we wanted to start again (we knew we wanted more). Plus it works for 10 years, minimal side effects, and covered by insurance.

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