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#1 of 8 Old 11-29-2011, 02:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am almost 5 weeks pregnant and single.  I was on birth control pills when I got pregnant, so it came as a complete surprise.  I am 31 and want children more than anything.  It took a few days, but I became very happy about the pregnancy.  I had spoken to the father and he said he would be okay with the decision I make.  Until I spoke with him last night...

Last night I called him to tell him I made the decision to continue the pregnancy.  He freaked out!  He spent an hour yelling at me, saying terrible things, and being down right mean.  He is not an abusive person or a mean spirited person at all.  I have know him for 15 years.  We were, and still technically are, married for 6 years.  We have been separated for 7 years, but have remained good friends.  Recently we started sleeping together.  I was very careful with my pills because I didn't want to be pregnant by him, but it happen anyways.  I guess I should also mention that he is suppose to be moving to Hawaii in two weeks.  He has been preparing for this move for a long time and right before he is suppose to leave, I end up pregnant.

I was so strong in my decision.  Fine with being a single mom.  I still am.  But after his reaction last night, I am questioning myself.  When I think about not having the baby, I can't.  It's like my mind won't go there.

Am I selfish for wanting this baby when he doesn't?

Is having a baby in these circumstances okay?

Is it possible he was just freaking out, like I did when I first found out?

Is there anyone out there who has or is going through something similar?

Any guidance would be helpful.

~Namaste~

 

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#2 of 8 Old 11-29-2011, 04:50 PM
 
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You are not being selfish at all. I myself have never been there, a few close friends have, in fact most recently only 21 years old. And it was the best decision for her. She adores that little girl for than life itself. Sounds like you already know your a mommy and you sound like a strong one at that. I would be suspicious that maybe dp got a "talking to" by someone, because that sounds like quite a change in opinion, IMO.

 


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#3 of 8 Old 11-29-2011, 07:10 PM
 
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I also have never been a single parent. I also do not think you are being selfish. You have every right as a women and mama to decide to keep and want to raise your child. He probably is freaking out and he may never be comfortable with it but that is his problem and he will need to figure out his emotions and commitment to his child himself. I think it is completely okay to keep your baby but you may have to depend on other friends and family as your support and not be able to count on him, or he may come around and want to be involved with his child. You sound like a very dedicated mama. 


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#4 of 8 Old 11-29-2011, 08:43 PM
 
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I don't think you're being selfish at all!!!  I have plenty of single parent friends -fathers and mothers, some by choice and some by circumstance. If you want this baby, you have every right to have it -it's yours and you'll be an amazing mother!  Of course he's freaking out, although it wasn't nice to do in that way, but especially with this move that he's planning on making -that's a huge adjustment to get used to and he has to decide what to do, and either way he wont feel 100% good about the decision.  Things will settle down with him, and you two will reach an agreement that works for both of you I'm sure.  If you've been friends for this long, it doesn't sound like he's going to just desert you.  This could very well be the start to a beautiful new phase in your lives together.

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#5 of 8 Old 11-30-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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Congrats on your BFP's.  He is being the selfish one, you are not selfish at all.  Yes, having a baby is OK in those circumstances, I know many single moms they all say the BEST thing that ever happened to them was their baby.  He might just be freaking out, but his actions are not appropriate and that doesn't make it okay.  Just give him some time and space and continue to take great care of yourself during your pregnancy.  


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#6 of 8 Old 12-01-2011, 05:53 AM
 
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You're not alone. Single women facing an unplanned pregnancy make up approximately one-third. If this reflects your situation, and you'd like to keep your baby, you may feel overwhelmed with questions. The good news is that you don't have to make every decision today. Take some time to think through the following questions as you prepare to raise your child as a single mother.

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#7 of 8 Old 12-01-2011, 09:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for all of your kind words.  Those words, along with talking things through with my support team, have gotten me through this rough week.  Last night I finally came to peace with my decision.  No more doubts or concerns about whether or not I am doing the right thing.  I am doing what is best for myself and for my baby.  That's right ladies, I am doing what's right for ME, for once in my life.  

It's funny to me that once I finally made a decision it seems the other person involved seems to be calming down...  I woke up this morning to a text saying, "I don't hate you."  Hey, it's a start.

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#8 of 8 Old 12-01-2011, 11:21 AM
 
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Your post brought tears to my eyes. Especially this line " That's right ladies, I am doing what's right for ME, for once in my life." It is amazing how much strength being a mother can bring. I am so happy for you and I think your baby is very lucky to have such a strong mama :) 


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