Hey, just seeing this now (10/29). I'm in recovery. I'm an alcoholic and PLEASE feel free to PM me somehow (can you even do that on here?) and I'll be happy to dialogue with you.
Yes, I go to 12 step meetings. I recommend you do, too. Yes, there's a lot of god talk in there, especially heavy depending on where you live, and the language of the literature is archaic, as it was written in the 30s and 40s, but if you want to get and stay clean, you kinda have to "translate" into whatever works for you.
I'm Pagan. My deities are mostly female. I had to do a LOT of "translating".
I'm clean and sober 25 years now. Which sounds daunting to someone needing to stop, I get that. But I am by no means cured of my addictions. Not even close.
I don't crave anymore, if that worries you. I just know it's there, waiting for me to lapse my vigilance, or "forget" that I'm an alcoholic.
You got this, mama.
Go to that rehab. Tell them you're pregnant. They'll help, somehow, but I don't think they'll give you anything to make you stop drinking or whatever. They ain't no medicine to make people stop.
You got this. I hope
PM me if you need.