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#1 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hate that csections are viewed as sooooo awful and something you should avoid at all costs. Since becoming pregnant that was my biggest fear since csections are so common. My baby became breech and chose to never turn. After talking to my doctors and doing a lot of research I ended up having a csection. My Drs strongly advised against a natural birth but did give me that option if I did not want to do a C-section. The C-section to me posed more risks for myself then my baby. Knowing I have no other children (to depend on me) I chose to have a C-section to offer my baby a chance to not have ANY possibly injuries. It seemed the safest way to do things knowing that my hospital doesn’t not frequently birth breech babies vaginally. Knowing I didn’t feel comfortable trying it at home and that I couldn’t afford to go to another hospital where they birth breech babies vaginally more often. I hate that I have this HUGEEEE guilt over having had a C-section. I hate that I feel so unwelcome into the natural/parenting/crunchy/mothering group. I hate that I feel like an outsider when my views are so similar to everyone’s. I hate that I ended up with a C-section when I so badly wanted a vag birth. I hate that I feel soooo cheated. What I hate the most is that I feel SOOOOOO embarrassed over having had a C-section. I thought all of this shame would go away once my baby arrived but it hasn’t. I feel like an outcast, I feel like everyone views me as someone who chose to have a C-section, not someone that NEEDED one. I feel like my baby being breech wasn’t a good enough reason. I hate feeling this way. It’s not like I wanted this. I hated that I didn’t get my drug free natural birth experience the way I dreamed about, the way woman have been doing it for millions of years. If I went back in time I would still do the csection because I could not live with the possible guilt if anything had happened to my baby. I just hate that I keep quiet and I’m so embressed to let anyone know the way my baby came into this world. I
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#2 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 06:20 PM
 
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Honey do not feel embarressed about having a c-section. People choose c-sections for MANY reasons and it is their choice. No one else's.

You did what you felt was right for your breech baby. I probably would have done the same. I have had two c-sections due to pre-eclampsia and will be having a third in 3 weeks due to a thin uterus. I wasnt given a choice so I cant say I know what your feeling because I do not.

But You did what you felt was right for your baby!! That is all you can do! Do not feel embarressed at all!

Traci
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#3 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 06:41 PM
 
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Don't feel guilty. The best thing you can do is to research the option for a vbac early on if you ever decide to have another child.

I don't think people in ap/nfl circles oppose people who have had c-sections at all. I have a few friends who have had them. I think the only thing you will find is that people in ap/nfl circles are into making educated choices. I think when they seem judgemental sometimes its just because they want women to be empowered to give birth naturally and they want women to know their options. So many times doctors and hospitals, and even midwives, trick women into thinking they have no options when they really do.

I hope you feel comfortable here at Mothering....If you want to talk to some more women who are dealing with thoughts about their cesareans, you could visit this thread here (https://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=563373), or you could contact your local ICAN chapter. Here is the webpage - http://www.ican-online.org/
I know many friends of mine have had tremendous support & healing from that group!

Good luck mama, sounds like you are doing a great job.
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#4 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 06:46 PM
 
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WOW, you took the words right out of my mouth Kibba.

I feel outcast because my pregnancy was not normal. I'm not sure I belong her and I sure as hell don't belong in the birth and beyond.

I get very defensive when people start attacking c/s and say there are too many, from some arbitrary number. Come on over to the c/s tribe.

And ndunn, there are people who oppose all c/s. There is a lot of fear mongering and mistruths about c/s floating around on here.

This is a topic very near to my heart, and I'm glad you posted this.

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#5 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 07:02 PM
 
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OMG, it's like I typed that myself. Once I knew I would be having a c-section, I didn't want to come back on the boards because I was embarrassed, ashamed even. However, I don't feel that I had any choice in having my c-section. It is what was best for my baby and I knew that his entry would be a lot less traumatic.

I had a c-section with ds#1 after 20 hours of labor and my body just didn't respond well. I ended up with fever of 105 within 2 hours and I think that's why we never had a successful breastfeeding relationship. I didn't want that this time and with ds#2 being breech and having NO fluid, I felt like my hands were tied.

I had to realize that as much as I enjoy the support and friendship here, if I wasn't going to be accepted, then so be it. My baby made it here happy and healthy because I chose what was best for him. I have to say though, I haven't had anything negative even hinted at and I think it was mostly in my head.
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#6 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 07:03 PM
 
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While I think SOME people get high and mighty about the c/s thing, there are those who do that about NAY topic they feel strongly about! I have noticed that here on many topics (circ, vax etc.) They are either all or nothing and that just makes for a hostile environment!

I commend C/S Mamas. Having just had my first DC (11 days ago) I can not imagine what you had to have gone through during your recovery AND being a new Mom! I know how hard it has been for me but I think of my sister who had a section and thin "WOW! I don't think I could have made it through the last few days with MAJOR surgery to recover from too!!"

Just know you did what you had to do. I feel the same way about not having had the drug free birth I had planned for. But I knew that I had not progressed all day and that my BP was getting dangerously high. I needed to drugs to help me sleep and regain strength AND bring my BP down. Is that a good reason for people here? No, not likely. They will say I should have used imagery and stuff...well I did... and it didn't work. BUT I have a healthy and happy baby, even if I did need to use the drugs.

Know you did the right thing for you and be proud!
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#7 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 07:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post

And ndunn, there are people who oppose all c/s. There is a lot of fear mongering and mistruths about c/s floating around on here.




I definately don't oppose ALL c-sections! That would be well...ignorant to say the least.

I think anyone who is smart can seperate any mistruths and fearmongering anywhere from fact and truth so, I don't really see why it is an issue. Anyway.... I'm glad you all are giving this mama some support :0)
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#8 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 07:38 PM
 
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dear Kibba, it is not a race. it is about having healthy babes, and raising them the best way we could.

Liv, SAHM of 3 kiddos 

 

 

 

 

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#9 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 07:55 PM
 
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I know how you feel momma. For me, I tried the natural birth route, and my son got stuck (after 33 hours of labor with 3 hours of pushing) I opted to have a c-section rather than try the alternatives. After all I went through, I was exhausted! When all was said and done, I didn't feel cheated at all. More than a natural vaginal birth, I wanted a baby.

I have opted to skip the VBAC for this next birth. I have no interest in it to be honest. I feel very out of place at times because of that. Some remarks I read on the boards definately sting, but I know that the choices *I* have made are best for me and my family. I don't allow the comments to get me down. They aren't personal....just general comments/opinions.

You really are being hard on yourself for no good reason. Stop beating yourself up!!!! You made what you felt was the wisest choice. Be confident with that...have more confidence in yourself. The reality is, in the whole scheme of things...you missed out on a very minor detail. You have a beautiful baby, who will grow into a fun toddler, who will grow into a brilliant child, who will grow........does the birth experience *really* matter in the end? I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, just trying to help you see what's more important.

If you plan on having more children, there is always next time! You can try for a VBAC...women do it all the time with great success. This is something you may want to discuss with your OB now. If he/she is opposed to VBACs, you will have the opportunity to switch doctors.
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#10 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 08:28 PM
 
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I know what you mean. In RL, someone whom I told I had a caesarean told me off about how I harmed my baby.

I have endometriosis so bad that my uterus is a mass of scar tissue. The doctors didn't even want me going into labor, out of fear that the small amount of uterus that had done ALL of the stretching for the whole thing would rupture.

I patiently explained this to her in detail. She said, "You should have tried it, you were just too scared to."

Well... DUH.

She made it sound like it was better that I had ruptured a baby into my abdominal cavity, causing my death, and potentially causing hers, too, than have surgery! HELLO.

Let me tell you something. I know someone who had a natural home birth with her baby who was breech. Her sweet little doll is now quadraplegic. She lives every single day of her life blaming herself for that. She listened to those who judged others, and threw away her own judgement that kept asking her to do it at the hospital. Her baby got stuck in the birth canal and she ended up having to be cut open anyway, and the baby pulled with forseps back into the womb, and out of her body. Had they not done so, both would have died.

Your instinct is right and true. You may have to live with some embarassment... but I'd take that over a quadraplegic child any day.

God bless my friend, may she find peace with herself instead of only sorrow, self-loathing, and regret.
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#11 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 10:09 PM
 
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It makes me sad that people are so judgemental about c-sections. I do think there are some medical reasons that they are justified, and I definitely don't fault moms who have them because baby is breech, baby in distress, previous c-section, etc. The only ones I get upset with are people who choose them because they don't want the pain of childbirth or other stupid non-medical reasons (i.e. Britney). If it's medically indicated, then it might be what's best for you and your child, kwim?
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#12 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 11:16 PM
 
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I want to say for the record that I am not against c-sections. I do think they are overused, and I do believe that for many women c-seections are overperformed, but I don't blame women for that. There are definitely reasons for c-sections, no doubt, but 30% of all women don't need to be having them. I think there is a large proportion fo those women who have been mishandled by their doctors/care providers into thinking that a section was absolutely necessary for their and baby's safety.

A breech is a good example, most breeches these days are sections because of the simple fact that it is risky to delivery a breech vaginally, especially for a first time mom. But it also has a lot to do with liability on the doctors and the simple fact that breech delivery is no longer taught in medical/midwifery schools.

There are so many variables to every situation, and obviously you can't say what is right or wrong for any woman, but it has been proven that c-sections as a whole are more risky than vaginal birth. Doctors do make mistakes with c-sections. Working as a doula I have seen my fare share of very serious complications from c-sections, such as the doctor cutting to deep and actually cutting baby, infection, hemorrhage, etc.

I am very happy that in an emergency a c-section could potentially save my baby's life, but it is not a guarantee, like with anything else. Okay flame away!

Non Practicing Midwife, going back to school! Mamma to my 3 loves, living each day to the fullest.
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#13 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 11:26 PM
 
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Kibba- Amen, sister. My first baby died at two days old, and my second was m/c at 7 weeks. I am having a csec with this pg b/c I have placenta previa, and there is no other way. The goal of pregnancy is to have a healthy baby, no matter how he or she comes along. I will undergo anything to make sure my baby is healthy this time. That is the goal of pregnancy. Sure, many women have an ideal birth plan in mind, but sometimes things don't go according to plan.

- Brooke, having a csec and not apologizing for it.
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#14 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 11:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thankyou for all the responses. I've just had so many issues and have had alot of sadness over the fact that I didnt get my vag natural birth, and that I have this guilt over me. I hate that I'm embressed.
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#15 of 22 Old 01-08-2007, 11:28 PM
 
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I have definitely felt hostility about having had 2 c-sections. And believe me, I tried to give birth vaginally - both times. But such is life! My ds's and/or I would have been part of the childbirth mortality stat -> A fate I would not wish on anyone.

A word of advice is to just stay out of the threads/forums where c-sections are bashed because people who judge us have likely never had the birthing situations that we had.

Shannon, mum to ds1 (8/03), ds2 (6/05), dd (5/07), and ds3 (7/09)
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#16 of 22 Old 01-09-2007, 06:57 PM
 
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i dont think anyone here is against MOMS who have c/s's for medically necessray reasons (and it sounds like yours was).

the problem is ELECTIVE c/s's and c/s's that are not medically necessary but MOMS are TOLD they are (my case twice).

im so sorry you don't feel supported about your birth. but there are many women here who do provide support for those faced w/ a c/s.

and there is tons of information here for VBACs if you ever decide to have more children. I know that I would never have had a VBAC if i hadnt found MDC.

s

rach
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#17 of 22 Old 01-09-2007, 07:22 PM
 
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Hi Kibba,

Yay you for posting that. It sounds like you were speaking for a lot of women. It is no fun worrying about being judged. Boo to high and mighty stuff! Yay to informed decisions!

It sounds to me like you have two things going on--one is the dealing with the judgement, which you have been doing by posting and checking out what people really think. The other is your own grief at not having the experience you dreamed of (and chose, before the circumstances changed and it made sense to choose something else). Sounds like you need to let some of that grief be expressed--by a good cry, or some journaling, or a talk with the great spirit or however you do it.

I hopes that helps.

Sending a hug .

From someone who does my best to make informed decisions, some of which would probably send some of the high and mighties on a very large tirade.

treehugger.gifMama to DS (3/05 )carrot.gifh20homebirth.gif, wife to DH bikenew.gif, remembering rainbow1284.gifdog2.gifdog2.gif and angel1.gif Spirit 1/07, angel1.gif Hope 5/09, angel1.gif Harmony 6/10, angel1.gif Love 5/11, angel1.gif Joy 6/11
 

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#18 of 22 Old 01-09-2007, 07:30 PM
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I'm having my 3rd c-section on my due date (1/25) if I don't go into labor before then. I have PIH and don't feel comfortable going past 40 weeks. If I do go into labor, I'm planning an unassisted home waterbirth. How's that for extremes?
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#19 of 22 Old 01-09-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AugustLia23 View Post
I want to say for the record that I am not against c-sections. I do think they are overused, and I do believe that for many women c-seections are overperformed, but I don't blame women for that. There are definitely reasons for c-sections, no doubt, but 30% of all women don't need to be having them. I think there is a large proportion fo those women who have been mishandled by their doctors/care providers into thinking that a section was absolutely necessary for their and baby's safety.

A breech is a good example, most breeches these days are sections because of the simple fact that it is risky to delivery a breech vaginally, especially for a first time mom. But it also has a lot to do with liability on the doctors and the simple fact that breech delivery is no longer taught in medical/midwifery schools.

There are so many variables to every situation, and obviously you can't say what is right or wrong for any woman, but it has been proven that c-sections as a whole are more risky than vaginal birth. Doctors do make mistakes with c-sections. Working as a doula I have seen my fare share of very serious complications from c-sections, such as the doctor cutting to deep and actually cutting baby, infection, hemorrhage, etc.

I am very happy that in an emergency a c-section could potentially save my baby's life, but it is not a guarantee, like with anything else. Okay flame away!
And this has what to do with the OP's request for understanding and support?

Highly inappropriate to lecture about c/s to the choir.
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#20 of 22 Old 01-10-2007, 09:10 PM
 
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I'm not sure if someone has mentioned it already, but have you seen the support thread for moms who have had c-sections in the personal growth forum? It's already been discussed that we would like it to be a place for all women who have had a c-section, and for all of the range of emotions that we may have about our experiences.
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#21 of 22 Old 01-10-2007, 10:56 PM
 
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Yes, Kibba, I'd like to invite you to post your concerns in our c-section Tribe - you are exactly the type of mom that we are! We don't have c-sections as our lifelong dreams - but birth is not perfect for everyone! Come on, girl, join us

Shannon, mum to ds1 (8/03), ds2 (6/05), dd (5/07), and ds3 (7/09)
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#22 of 22 Old 01-11-2007, 03:31 PM
 
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You have no reason to feel guilty in any way. I just had a c-section and although I hated it and was dissapointed that I had it I am also proud, and you should be too. I didn't want to have any medical intervention during my birth, and although my baby was still healthy when we had the section and he wasn't in immediate danger I am very happy that I had it. He was at risk and so I made what I think was a tremendous sacrifice for his well-being. I have never had surgery before and the idea of it has always disgusted me. C-sections have been a big fear of mine my whole adult life, but I got one to be certain that nothing bad at all would happen to my baby. I am proud of the fact that I made such a big sacrifice (my midwife cried because she knew how much I wanted a natural birth) after 17 hours of hard unmedicated labor. I don't feel like I gave up or gave in in any way. I did was was best for him and that's what matters to me.
Be proud that you did something you were so against doing for the health of your baby. It's a terrific begining to your life together and a sign that you really hold him above your own existence.
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