OH, boy, did this ever bring up "stuff". With our first, ttc was the furthest thing from our minds. We actually did not want kids (a mutual decision when we first started dating) at all, ever. We used protection and were utterly shocked to find out we were pg with our first when it happened. I was very angry for most of the first half of my pg. I resented dh for getting me pg (du-uhhhh, it does take 2 to tango....). I had even briefly considered abortion but since I consider that murder, it was but a fleeting escapist sort of thought and nothing I could have ever gone through with.
So, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm never given more than I can handle and that things happen for a reason and I needed to step up to this new challenge in my life. Sometimes when I look at my 4 yo, the beauty and purity and innocence in him, it really brings me to my knees and gives me a real 'shame on you' feeling for ever thinking I didn't want him in the early months of that pg. If anything, having him brought dh and I closer together as a unit, working to have each others' backs so to speak. Pushing each other to do better, get better jobs, do more, become more actualized. It was truly a blessing in disguise, and one I couldn't see the rationale behind for many years. I'm still learning about the mysteries and beauty of bringing people into this world. It is something I wish all women would experience. It is such an empowering thing-to incubate life, coddle and feed and nurture a baby, and then watch them grow up into a person, complete with their own personalities.
About coping and all that-both the mama and her SO need to be there for each other for support and love and encouragement. Let's face it too-unless you're independently wealthy, you'll never have enough money. Kids are expensive, but you don't have to go in debt over them!! Things can be purchased cheaply and wisely and bf'ing is the cheapest baby food out there.
Sometimes the timing seems wrong too, and that is so hard to deal with, but I strongly believe that if everyone waited to have babies until they thought they were ready by all accounts, well then, we would have died out as a species long long ago.
Ok, that's enough rambling. I hope your friend sees that her feelings are quite normal and she isn't alone. Making people is a scary and daunting journey that'll leave you feeling so helpless, vulnerable and out of control, BUT it's also a rewarding journey that allows for growth and more love than you could ever imagine you could muster. It'll make you stronger and you will grow, and best yet-you will be loved unconditionally by the baby you give life to. That's just pure bliss to me.