Sign that Toddler Isn't Ready to Witness Birth? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 02-17-2007, 02:14 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm wondering if this is a sign he is ready or a big sign he's not. My ds will be 3 yrs old when this baby is born. I think it would be nice to have him here but both my dh and I really wonder if that is a good idea. If I even cough he usually comes running and asks if I'm ok. He's just soooo concerned about dh and I all the time we wonder how he would handle me being in pain. The plan is that my mom will be here just for him and so if he wants to be there he can and if not she can take him somewhere else.

So in hopes of starting to prepare him, he and I sat down and watched the Gentle Birth Choices DVD. During each birth I would explain what was happening (the baby is in the mommy's tummy and is going to come out through her legs, etc, etc). He noticed the mom's crying and hurting and I told him that is ok, it's just part of having a baby, and it doesn't last long, and then I'd point out how happy the mommy and daddy were when the baby came out. He was really interested and was super excited each time the baby was born.

That night however I came home to him crying in his bed (dh puts him down and said he'd been doing it for awhile and he couldn't get him to calm down). So I go in there and first he tells me this long story about some little girl at daycare who got hurt. But then he said his teddy bear's tummy hurt. I asked why, figuring he had a stomach ache, but he said it was because the baby was coming out. He kept saying how much it hurt. Then he was crying and saying basically that he was crying because I have a baby in my tummy so I must be hurting. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't hurting right that moment but it was making him more and more upset so I changed the subject since it was late and he really was over tired.

He hasn't brought it up since, and that was 2 nights ago. Is he not ready? It obviously really bothered him. I'm not sure what to do. I got the feeling my dh was unhappy with me for showing him that video but I'd read on here that lots of kids/toddlers loved that video so I thought it'd be OK. I also just ordered that homebirth book "Welcome With Love."

Sorry this is so long but I just don't want to traumatize my kid you know? I don't want him walking around worried because he thinks I'm in constant pain. Where do I go from here? How did your toddlers deal with the information?

Rachel, mom to Jake (5/04) and Alexia (7/07) a surprise UC thanks to hypnobabies!
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#2 of 5 Old 02-17-2007, 02:53 PM
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Sorry, I don't have any advise because we're in the same boat -- ds is extra sensitive and we're expecting dc #2 in the summer. But I'm really interested in what other folks have to say...

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#3 of 5 Old 02-17-2007, 04:28 PM
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Hmm, DD1is pretty sensitive, but she did ok when DD2 was born. She was 3y and 10m old. We read a lot of books, talked, and watched the gentle birth choices video, I did turn the sound off the first few times we watched it, and then I started playing it with the sound. DD1 never got upset about the noise. I didn't vocalize until the very end of my labor when I climbed in my pool, i was probably going through transition then. I don't think she even noticed, she was in the kitchen with my mom making a card for the baby. I called her when when I started pushing, she was unsure, and fearful, she went out of the room and I told her that baby was coming out and she came back in to watch. DD2 was out in 3 pushes total so it wasn't that long of a time, and she was so excited to see her that she forgot she had been unsure.

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#4 of 5 Old 02-17-2007, 04:32 PM
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Hm, I don't know. DD watched the video and loved it, but maybe she didn't understand that the women are in pain? She is also younger, only 2, so that might be part of it, too. If she ever sees me cry, she always says "ok, mama, no cry," but it doesn't seem to scare her. Not that it happens that often, but anyway.

Could you ask him if he wants to be there? I think, personally, if DD acted that way, I would not have her be at the birth. I would not want to be worrrying about her reaction if I knew that she could be really stressed out by it.
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#5 of 5 Old 02-17-2007, 09:00 PM
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I did not have my DD, then age 28 months, at the birth of #2 because she was still nursing.

"Vaccines are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get - acute hemorrhagic edema of infancy, allergies, anaphylaxis, asthma, autoimmune disease, diabetes, eczema, petit/gran mal seizures, fibromyalgia, Henoch-Schonlein purpua, Dravet's Syndrome, Retts Syndrome, Sweet's Syndrome, Hughes Syndrome, encephalitis, speech delay, tics, neurological damage, coma, ADEM, ADHD, AFP, ASIA, CFS, CRPS, GBS, ITP, JPA, JRA, LGS, LKS, MS, OMS, ORS, PANDAS, PANS, PINTANDS, POF, POTS, RA, SIDS, SJS, SLE, SPD, SUDS, TPI, the disease one is being vaccinated against, or death."

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