I hope you can find the support here you need. Check out the Birth Trauma sites - there is info on what PTSD is, how DH feels about it, how you are treated (or ignored by others who think you should just be over it....) and yes, what feelings will re-emerge if you get pregnant again.
I suffered PTSD for about a year (hypersensitivity, trigger-happy, sleep deprivation, flashbacks... Every single thing in my life was blown up and rerlated to the 42 hour birth period. I have never felt so alone in my life. The worst was how little DH could relate.)
I was getting much better, but it took a year. What helped: reading alot on the above sites. Reading others birth stories. Joining midwiferytoday, to find out what happened, and why. Later I joined MDC. I wrote, rewrote and rewrote Kristoffers birth story and then shared it with others. Very theraputic and a great learning process. (You can read it at abrosenlund.com For access, username is 4cmopen, password is 3567.) I fought with DH, tried to make him understand and went with him to therapy. We had to shop around and try several before finding a therapist that dealt with birth trauma and was helpful to us. Expensive, but worth the money, or I'd still be a nutcase. I educated myself, and contnue to do so, which helps me prepare for DD's birth in Nov.
Honestly, when I got pregnant again it got much worse again. The fear, anxiety, the desire to fight for all my rights, even when I didn't need to, in the first several months. Luckily my support system is working well, and as the pregnancy porgresses I get a little more confident every day. The biggest thing was finding my bordeers and limits (all were crossed last time) and saying "This is what I accept, no more. Theese are MY limits. i.e. I will not be in a hospital or be induced, I will not XYZ... I will have a homebirth or I will have a cesarean. Nothing in between. And I don't care how others judge. This is for ME to decide, because it isn't just the birth, but if I am able to cope afterwards and for the rest of my life."
DH will do whatever I ask. I have private midwives for a homebirth. The hospital is bending over backwards - yes, they will pay for my private midwives, yes they will respect my homebirth decision, yes they will honor my birthplan and actually put specific requests in my medical records, yes if I transfer to the hospital it will be for a cesarean based on MY opinion, not their "rules"... All of this has helped me cope. If I was still fighting against the medical system, I fear I would be in a lot worse place.
Lastly, all the people here who have suffered, should respect one another. This means you have not walked in their shoes, so do not know their experience, or where their limits are. Yes, I am having a homebirth, because that is where I feel safest and most connfident in my ability to birth. And because the idea of being in a violent, unsupportive hospital makes me ill.
A friend came to me today, asking how to get a planned cesarean, for no medical reason, but because of a previous traumatic birth. She knows she has to survivie in her head, not just her uterus, so she can heal herself and cope with her new babe. A cesarean is what is safe for her. I may get flammed here, but I gave her articles on how 93% of mothers in Denmark who chose cesarean do so because of the trauma of a past birth. I told her how to fight the system tio get what she wants, a cesarean. Who am I to judge? This is not the right decision for me, but this is the RIGHT decision for HER. And that is what is most important.
OK, this mail was way too long. If youu have specifics, so I don't hog the whole forum, you can email me at [email protected]