Near Death Experience, Out of Body Experience - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 16 Old 08-25-2006, 07:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DEATH. That was the answer!
“I want to die.” But I was still alive. Maybe I had spoken to myself? No one heard me?
“I want to die. Let me die.”
I watched my body. Strange. How is that possible? My body was lying on the floor, dead. There was no halo, or white light (no burning fires of hell either). Just my plain body, grey floor, flat corpse pose. But how beautiful it was. Beautiful because there was no pain. There was no hoplesness or despair. No misery. But I am watching it, so I am still alive?
“Let me die!”
“Don’t you want to see your baby?”
Shut up. What baby? I NEED out of this. My mother, she has legal power of attorney! (over my bank account in USA as I am in Denmark). “Call my mother, ask her to let me die.”
“Where in hell is that doctor?”
Footsteps. So many voices. Christian, is he still here? I can’t see. It doesn’t matter, no one is listening to me anyway. I am completely alone.
God? There is no God. I am furious. I am enraged! I wish there was a god, so I could tell him to F**K off to H*ll with all of my pain. ….

Apparently someone put a needle in my back sometime after this. An epidural. When it started working I was empty. Live, die, whatever. It did not matter in the slightest. As long as the pain was gone.

Had someone had said to me “I know you feel like dying, like splitting open, like you are on fire.... but, you are in transition! In an hour or two you will be holding your baby!” Perhaps I would have been able to come back into my body and cope. But I was not 9cm open, or in transition. It was 30 something hours later, horrifically overwhelmingly painful contractions, 3cm open. I had not hours to go, but days. How many days more? I had access to nothing, no acupuncture, bath, medicine, compassion… It was not the pain itself, but the total hopelessness, the unending pain that made me leave my body.

For over a year I said the word “DEATH” or “DEAD” outloud, at least once every day. I don’t know why.

Have you had an out of body or near death experience? Please share with me.
How did your out of body or near death experience come about?
What were your primal feelings, or were you displaced from feelings?
Were you aware of others fully, partially, or were you in a different space/time/place?
Were you aware you were in birth? Aware of a baby?
Did you find or lose your God, or a higher power?
Did you find or lose yourself?
Did you see normally, or did you see lights, colors or hallucinations?
Was hearing, smelling, taste, touch affected?
How long did this experience last? What got you out of it?
How did the experience affect you immediately afterwards? What about a week, month, year later?
Has your life / personality been profoundly affected?

Thanks,
Allison
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#2 of 16 Old 08-27-2006, 01:03 PM
 
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I know this relates to your birth experience but you may want to move it to spirituality forum. You may get more answers there.
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#3 of 16 Old 08-27-2006, 03:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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fourgrtkidos,
Thanks for the reply. Worried about moving it to spirituality. I didn't write this to offend anyone, and am concerned my reaction to god, or lack thereof, during labor will hit on a lot of peoples nerves.

I find it strange so many have read this post but no one will comment. Last week I was speaking with the head midwife at the local hospital, and she commented that saying "I want to die", "I want to go home now", "I changed my mind, I don't want a baby" or even "I am not having a baby"... these comments, though not typical, do happen, and are warning signs of the stress/trauma to the mother. So I thought maybe others had experienced the same, and I am curious how their experience was, how it affected them....
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#4 of 16 Old 08-27-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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Ok - I'll go there - I think birth throws wide open the spirtual chakras and in that moment of extream pain and stress the body and soul can seperate - I know several people who have had that experience. The lack of God on the astral plane is absoutly correct (in my opinion of coarse, I know I am being totally controversial here) Its not that he is not there, but he is higher. If you seperate again, try flying up, and see what happens. Read Robert Monroe's books, they could be a great comfort to you. Espeically ultimate journey, although I found that book compleatly confusing until I read his first two books - then it made lots more sense.

Birth brings us to that raw point of life and death, and with that long long time lingering on that line the draw towards death must seem so tempting. Hugs to you mama, what an increadible ordeal you went through. May you have strenght to process it all.
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#5 of 16 Old 08-27-2006, 04:12 PM
 
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I couldn't read and not post, so I just wanted to tell you that out-of-body experiences are pretty common even without impending death. My husband used to be able to come out of his body anytime he wanted to but now he doesn't like to much anymore. I've also had OBE accidentally, it was an experience that is incomparable to any other that I've had. Most people who have OBE think it's a very strange dream. It sounds like you are pretty shaken by your experience and I don't blame you. IME I was in bed sleeping with my ds, 8 mos, when I came out of my body. I didn't know that had happened and I thought something was amiss because I thought I had felt a cat jump on the bed and walk across my legs. I remember thinking, "That's weird, we don't have a cat. Did one come in through the window?" So I reached over to where I thought the cat was and definitely felt a furry tail. Instantly our room exploded into a frenzy, it sounded like all sorts of animals fighting and tearing around on the floor and the bed was shaking. I was terrified and hoped they would all get out through the window. I felt like I couldn't move. Then I found myself trying to speak and couldn't speak, kept trying and finally I heard myself say something and instantly was back in my body in bed, all quiet and baby still sleeping in the crook of my arm. After that I didn't want to go back to sleep for days and couldn't be in bed without the light on. OBE are a pretty controversial if not interesting subject so I'm sure some people will blow it off or try to explain in some other way. Hence the reason alot of people think that they've had very weird dreams... I personally think there is some realm that exists around us that is not acknowledged by the physical world, that is where you go when you have OBE. People have had good experiences in this realm and visit often, others have not so good experiences and try to avoid visiting. Of course, I'm no expert and have not explored that realm to any extent but there are books by people who have OBE just to explore that world. Anyway, I'll check back later if you want to talk some more. Hope you are feeling a little better.

Andi

Andi, wife of Seraphim
Mom to Elijah (6/05) and Moses (6/08) and baby Joshua, UBAC February 18, 2011!

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#6 of 16 Old 08-27-2006, 04:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllisonR
fourgrtkidos,
Thanks for the reply. Worried about moving it to spirituality. I didn't write this to offend anyone, and am concerned my reaction to god, or lack thereof, during labor will hit on a lot of peoples nerves.

I find it strange so many have read this post but no one will comment. Last week I was speaking with the head midwife at the local hospital, and she commented that saying "I want to die", "I want to go home now", "I changed my mind, I don't want a baby" or even "I am not having a baby"... these comments, though not typical, do happen, and are warning signs of the stress/trauma to the mother. So I thought maybe others had experienced the same, and I am curious how their experience was, how it affected them....
I did,too, but I would not call it a near death experience which is why I didn't answer to the opening post. I did not leave my body either. So no help.
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#7 of 16 Old 08-27-2006, 09:37 PM
 
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During the birth of my first son, I did beg my dh to take me home, promising that I would return the following day to birth the baby after I had a break. It was not a "near death" experience but rather a VERY exhausted mama who didn't know how to cope with delivering a baby. I thank God for what I learned from that birth and was able to make my next ones much more spirit filled and loving.
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#8 of 16 Old 08-27-2006, 11:55 PM
 
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I hemmorhaged after birth. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. I wasn't thinking about my baby, or anything, I just wanted SLEEEEP. When I recovered more, I realized that that must be what it feels like to die. I was bleeding to death. Thankfully, I didn't need a blood transfusion, and everything was under control. But, now, I"m not afraid of dying anymore. I think I flirted with the edges of life and death (truly, anyone who gives birth does, some more than others), and it wasn't scary, or bad, or painful. It was peaceful, and I live without fear of death now. I still don't want to die, I want to live very much,- I have so much to live for!- but I know when my time comes, it will come, and feel SO NICE.
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#9 of 16 Old 08-28-2006, 12:28 AM
 
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My initial reaction was not to respond either because, although I have several times experienced being "out" of my body (as in not feeling it at all, being totally away from it, detached), I did not actually see or do anything. I just like that state of being. It usually happens during intense prayer or when I have a fever. I did not experience this exactly while I was in labor.

I did have a very quick labor this time (an epidural interfered with my first) and the last hour was very intense and frightening. But at some point I flew away. I felt gooooooooooood. I saw stars and felt that I was flying in space. I was far away. Time had stopped and all was good. Then another contraction would start and I would come back.

I would have forgotten all this if my husband hadn't said afterwards that he noticed (and was quite shaken) that I seemed "out of it" in between my last few contractions, I seemed drugged and spaced out. I was smiling and peaceful.

That was for me a very positive and relatively gentle experience, compared with what you describe. It's saddening that you had to have this experience in such a negative situation.

My faith in God is strong. There was no God when I was "out" of my body, in the same way that there is no God around me now, in a sense, so it didn't surprise me. I hadn't even thought of it before reading your post. It seems to me that God is only as near to us as we allow Him to be, wherever we are. And most of the time, I don't think I am close enough or open enough to feel Him here.

Hopefully the pain you now feel from the time where there was no pain will subside and you will be left with only the peacefulness you may remember from the "feeling" of nothingness.

And most probably, if you're looking for God, He's there! And I think you can tell Him you're angry and everything you feel. It seems healthy to feel that way and who knows, it might strike up a conversation!?
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#10 of 16 Old 08-28-2006, 12:41 AM
 
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I'm so sorry! It sounds like you had a VERY scary and traumatic birth experience. I totally understand, I had a very traumatic experience too. I read about other women's labors and births and I just CAN'T relate. I feel like I have a very high tolerance for pain, but what I experienced during birth was so far beyond what I could describe as pain. I went out of my head and body as a safety mechanism. I couldn't remember at all why I was suffering so much, I had totally forgotten that a baby was trying to come out of me and just felt like I was trapped in a long, drawn-out death. I actually wanted to die so that the pain (and I hate to call it pain, because it was so much more than that) would stop. This lasted for almost 24 hours before I was transferred to a hospital. The triage doctor wanted to give me a c-section and was arguing about it with my homebirth midwife. Meanwhile, I was wishing someone would hand me something sharp so I could perform the c-section myself (I'm not exaggerating.) I ended up with an epidural and some pitocin and delivered my dd with a midwife about 8 hours later.

I remember that for the first three or so months of my dd's life, any time she slept or was calm I would relive the whole experience, over and over... I just couldn't stop thinking about what I had been through and how traumatic it had been. I'm crying right now as I'm typing this and it's been over two years... I can't imagine going through something like that again, but I'd love to have another dc... I totally believe in unmedicated homebirth, but I just can't reconcile that belief with my personal experience. Then I feel like I'm just weak....

I'm so sorry you went through that as well, maybe your experience was even worse than mine? I don't feel like I died, but I was absolutely dying....
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#11 of 16 Old 08-28-2006, 03:32 AM
 
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I am so sorry you all had such traumatic births.

I have a really LOW pain threshold (I mean I get down on the floor in a heap and CRY if I stub my toe) but I gave birth at home with no medication and it was amazing. I felt pain towards the end but apart from the few seconds of each contraction as her head emerged a bit further it was all totally manageable with the support of my wonderful midwife and darling DH.

I really feel that women in hospital experience a totally different level of pain to when you stay at home, and hence I really don't understand people choosing to go to hospital because they are afraid of the pain.
I don't believe that the pain you feel in labour has got anything to do with your pain threshold though, more to do with how afraid and tense you are.
For me I wasn't in the least afraid of labour and I was in a really safe place, with nobody interfering with anything I wanted to do and I was able to find my way through my contractions in different ways with people standing by if I needed them but not interrupting me or demanding anything of me.

The only incredibly painful time during my labour was my second internal examination (I only had 2) when I was lying on my back as a contraction hit and the pain was out of this world. Standing up, walking around or leaning forwards resting on my birth ball they weren't even painful, intense yes, but not pain. Lying down on my back I wanted to scream and scream.

Never never never never let anyone make you lie down when you're in labour.. thats my best advice.
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#12 of 16 Old 08-28-2006, 06:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I figured some of you other mommas might have had similar experiences.

Mom2zoe - You are not weak! There are a million reasons why your labor could have been so overwhelmingly painful. Perhaps you also have PTSD? Have you checked out http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/ or http://www.tabs.org.nz/?

If you ever have another baby, do what feels comfortable for YOU, not DH, Midwife, people on these forums... Find your limits and respect them. HB, birth center, hospital, even planned cesarean, this is not a judgement contest. It isn't just the physical birth process, but how you survive emotionally afterwards is also so important.

Persephone, I know what you mean about not being afraid of death. It isn't that you want to die, it's just having been halfway there, you aren't frightenied of the unknown anymore. I used to jump out of an airplane, go on intense rides... because of the powerful thrill of tempting death. But today, a rollercoaster or such adventure has absolutely no interest to me at all. I don't dislike it, I just don't see the point anymore.

WendyC - what is an astral plane? I goggled it and got lost in a nest of terminology.
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#13 of 16 Old 08-28-2006, 12:34 PM
 
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The astral is the spirtual plane that is connected with the earth and all that entales - its where we go when we dream, its where we go, usually when we have an OBE, its where ghosts are trapped. Its hosts all things that are connected to the earth, and therefore can be a nasty awful place, or a lovely one depending on your frame of mind. As far as I know - there is the law there that Like Attracts Like, so if you are in a bad place mentally you could attract bad things - but if you focus on good beautiful things - you will attract that.

There are higher planes that are more enlightening and pleasant than the astral plane. Monroe in all his research named them 'Focus 12, Focus 24 and so on - I have no idea if those numbers are right, but they are suppose to represent different levels past the astral that are interesting to travel to.

Check out this: http://www.monroeinstitute.com/conte...%20Experiences

His books are really facinating, because he approaches OBE's as an agnostic, and doesn't really think there is a God directing all of this - Ultimate Journey is where he goes on his god-quest and that is interesting.
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#14 of 16 Old 08-28-2006, 12:39 PM
 
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My mom said she had this with me. It was a diffucult labor and I was a forceps baby. She said that at one point she looked down and saw a woman lying on a bed and then realized that was her. She looked up and saw a bright light, and then a voice said, "Go back down, this baby needs you to live." And she did.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#15 of 16 Old 08-29-2006, 12:31 AM
 
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[QUOTE=AllisonR] Mom2zoe - You are not weak! There are a million reasons why your labor could have been so overwhelmingly painful. Perhaps you also have PTSD? Have you checked out http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/ or http://www.tabs.org.nz/?

If you ever have another baby, do what feels comfortable for YOU, not DH, Midwife, people on these forums... Find your limits and respect them. HB, birth center, hospital, even planned cesarean, this is not a judgement contest. It isn't just the physical birth process, but how you survive emotionally afterwards is also so important.

QUOTE]

I'm really glad you started this thread. I've come over to the Birth and Beyond board several times hoping (well, maybe that's not the right word, since I really wouldn't want anyone to have a traumatic birth) to see a post about this. But, I also knew there HAD to be mamas out there who have had similar experiences.

Thank you so much for the links. I will definitely check them out. I have wondered before if I had/have PTSD from the experience. Do you? I'd like to be able to have another dc someday, but I obviously have a lot of stuff to work through first (and am getting up there, so don't have a lot of time .) You are so right about birth choices having to feel right for your personal situation. The tough part is that I really believe in avoiding managed birth and am very wary of the cascade of interventions that can happen in a hospital.

It sounds like your life has been profoundly affected by this experience. Do you think you'll ever have another dc? Have you thought about what you'd do to prepare for birth, or where you'd give birth?
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#16 of 16 Old 08-29-2006, 09:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Moma2zoe,
I hope you can find the support here you need. Check out the Birth Trauma sites - there is info on what PTSD is, how DH feels about it, how you are treated (or ignored by others who think you should just be over it....) and yes, what feelings will re-emerge if you get pregnant again.

I suffered PTSD for about a year (hypersensitivity, trigger-happy, sleep deprivation, flashbacks... Every single thing in my life was blown up and rerlated to the 42 hour birth period. I have never felt so alone in my life. The worst was how little DH could relate.)

I was getting much better, but it took a year. What helped: reading alot on the above sites. Reading others birth stories. Joining midwiferytoday, to find out what happened, and why. Later I joined MDC. I wrote, rewrote and rewrote Kristoffers birth story and then shared it with others. Very theraputic and a great learning process. (You can read it at abrosenlund.com For access, username is 4cmopen, password is 3567.) I fought with DH, tried to make him understand and went with him to therapy. We had to shop around and try several before finding a therapist that dealt with birth trauma and was helpful to us. Expensive, but worth the money, or I'd still be a nutcase. I educated myself, and contnue to do so, which helps me prepare for DD's birth in Nov.

Honestly, when I got pregnant again it got much worse again. The fear, anxiety, the desire to fight for all my rights, even when I didn't need to, in the first several months. Luckily my support system is working well, and as the pregnancy porgresses I get a little more confident every day. The biggest thing was finding my bordeers and limits (all were crossed last time) and saying "This is what I accept, no more. Theese are MY limits. i.e. I will not be in a hospital or be induced, I will not XYZ... I will have a homebirth or I will have a cesarean. Nothing in between. And I don't care how others judge. This is for ME to decide, because it isn't just the birth, but if I am able to cope afterwards and for the rest of my life."

DH will do whatever I ask. I have private midwives for a homebirth. The hospital is bending over backwards - yes, they will pay for my private midwives, yes they will respect my homebirth decision, yes they will honor my birthplan and actually put specific requests in my medical records, yes if I transfer to the hospital it will be for a cesarean based on MY opinion, not their "rules"... All of this has helped me cope. If I was still fighting against the medical system, I fear I would be in a lot worse place.

Lastly, all the people here who have suffered, should respect one another. This means you have not walked in their shoes, so do not know their experience, or where their limits are. Yes, I am having a homebirth, because that is where I feel safest and most connfident in my ability to birth. And because the idea of being in a violent, unsupportive hospital makes me ill.

A friend came to me today, asking how to get a planned cesarean, for no medical reason, but because of a previous traumatic birth. She knows she has to survivie in her head, not just her uterus, so she can heal herself and cope with her new babe. A cesarean is what is safe for her. I may get flammed here, but I gave her articles on how 93% of mothers in Denmark who chose cesarean do so because of the trauma of a past birth. I told her how to fight the system tio get what she wants, a cesarean. Who am I to judge? This is not the right decision for me, but this is the RIGHT decision for HER. And that is what is most important.

OK, this mail was way too long. If youu have specifics, so I don't hog the whole forum, you can email me at [email protected]
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