Hello fellow single mamas.
Not sure if there is anyone in this forum from when I used to post here... I was a frequent commenter and poster many years ago. I am a solo parent and have been for over 8 years now. This community was so helpful and wonderful when I was going through my divorce and coming out the other side!
All of that being said, I am in such a different place than I was before. I was married to an abuser for 6 years, recovered somewhat, came out as lesbian later, had some dating experience, and have recently found real, deep love... and recently lost it.
I am devastated and having a hard time coping. And it's tricky/complicated because although the woman I was with is no longer my girlfriend, and although she is moving across the country for a job tomorrow morning, the "door is open." We still love each other very much, but she was the one to call it off a few months ago... and she was the one who also proposed keeping the door open in the hopes that *maybe* we might return to each other in the future. I don't doubt her love for me, but I have no idea if she can regain the trust she needs to re-enter a relationship with me. I never thought I'd be able to agree to such a thing as keeping the door open. It's not even a long distance relationship, because we aren't in a relationship. And yet, I have agreed, because this is real and good (despite the circumstantial problems that contributed to our break up) and deep like nothing I have ever experienced before. I know that if I say goodbye it won't change how I feel. I don't want to date and could never date when I am as in love with her as I am. I also know that I am fine and will be fine on my own... so it's not about that. It's about the fact that life has less meaning without her in it. And so I am grieving at this move of hers, feeling that the chances are slim that we will get back together, and feeling the loss of her so acutely. I am in town where I don't know many people, and none very closely, (moved here for graduate school) and so I am somewhat isolated in my grief.
So, I am reaching out here because I am wondering what you all might recommend. What has helped you in the past when you have been heartbroken? I do have a counselor I see once a week and she's amazing, but I can't talk to her every day. Would love any ideas and/or commiseration anyone is willing to offer.