Dating As a Single Mom....am I wasting my time with him? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 07-23-2018, 03:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dating As a Single Mom....am I wasting my time with him?

Hi There, I am an almost 36 year old single mom to an 11 year old boy and I have been dating a gentleman who is 31 for quite some time now. A part of me wonders some days if I am just dragging my feet. I love him dearly, but it's been a few years and things haven't progressed how I imagined. My son does care for him and they get along for the most part but I find myself alone weekly while he has nights out with his friends, camping trips with his friends, birthday parties with his friends. My single mom friends who are my age feel as though he should be more committed to my son and I and building the life he says he wants with us. Honestly though a part of me just thinks he is biding his time and doesn't really see my son as a "responsibility" to him. So therefore he feels he shouldn't have to sacrifice anything in order to be with me and my son. I could really use some heartfelt insight on this. I'm starting to feel a little alone and sad about it.
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#2 of 8 Old 07-26-2018, 05:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sschramm7 View Post
Hi There, I am an almost 36 year old single mom to an 11 year old boy and I have been dating a gentleman who is 31 for quite some time now. A part of me wonders some days if I am just dragging my feet. I love him dearly, but it's been a few years and things haven't progressed how I imagined. My son does care for him and they get along for the most part but I find myself alone weekly while he has nights out with his friends, camping trips with his friends, birthday parties with his friends. My single mom friends who are my age feel as though he should be more committed to my son and I and building the life he says he wants with us. Honestly though a part of me just thinks he is biding his time and doesn't really see my son as a "responsibility" to him. So therefore he feels he shouldn't have to sacrifice anything in order to be with me and my son. I could really use some heartfelt insight on this. I'm starting to feel a little alone and sad about it.
A man who really wants to be with you would accept the additional responsibilities that come with you such as your kid. If he's showing you that he doesn't feel he should build a relationship with your kid and spends his time out with friends instead of building a happy home with you, I think you got your answer on what his priorities are. It's best to dump him and find someone else who's more worthy of you and your son's time, someone who will prioritize you both.

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#3 of 8 Old 07-29-2019, 01:47 AM
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Hi There, I am an almost 36 year old single mom to an 11 year old boy and I have been dating a gentleman who is 31 for quite some time now. A part of me wonders some days if I am just dragging my feet. I love him dearly, but it's been a few years and things haven't progressed how I imagined. My son does care for him and they get along for the most part but I find myself alone weekly while he has nights out with his friends, camping trips with his friends, birthday parties with his friends. My single mom friends who are my age feel as though he should be more committed to my son and I and building the life he says he wants with us. Honestly though a part of me just thinks he is biding his time and doesn't really see my son as a "responsibility" to him. So therefore he feels he shouldn't have to sacrifice anything in order to be with me and my son. I could really use some heartfelt insight on this. I'm starting to feel a little alone and sad about it.
You know, anyway it will be kind of your own experience, and, if I were you, I would talk to him seriously, because in your case you have certain problems in relationship with that man. However, you have relationship at all and it pleases, because in my case I had such experience, when I found a cute woman at the dating site about which you can read Asiacharm review, and you know, after 5 dates I found out she is a carer as me... I really was lucky to find her, because she is a good and interesting person, has a lot of interesting ideas, but she, as me, doesn't have any time to date, because she has to carer about a child with a grave disease... We simply can't be together... That's the real problem, but in your case everything can be resolved...
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#4 of 8 Old 09-27-2019, 08:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sschramm7 View Post
Hi There, I am an almost 36 year old single mom to an 11 year old boy and I have been dating a gentleman who is 31 for quite some time now. A part of me wonders some days if I am just dragging my feet. I love him dearly, but it's been a few years and things haven't progressed how I imagined. My son does care for him and they get along for the most part but I find myself alone weekly while he has nights out with his friends, camping trips with his friends, birthday parties with his friends. My single mom friends who are my age feel as though he should be more committed to my son and I and building the life he says he wants with us. Honestly though a part of me just thinks he is biding his time and doesn't really see my son as a "responsibility" to him. So therefore he feels he shouldn't have to sacrifice anything in order to be with me and my son. I could really use some heartfelt insight on this. I'm starting to feel a little alone and sad about it.

I think you already know the answer. But I also think there is something you are getting out of the relationship that is making you stay. You say it's been a few years, that's a lot of wasted time. But if you are getting something out of it, it would be pointless to tell you to break it off entirely. I've been in a similar situation with a man for two years. I know as long as I care about him, he'll keep exploiting this weakness and will remain a part of my life, even if it is a fraction of the time. The good thing I see here is that you have friends, a life outside of this relationship. I really think you should continue to focus more on that and less on whether or not he's going to commit and start moving more away from that idea.

It's so easy for anyone outside of the situation to tell you to just break it off and move on, I know. But, like with my situation, he's gotta be filling a void. You may just continue on until you find something or someone else to fill it. I'm constantly looking for other ways to fill my time. And try to make sure to keep him at a distance from my child as I know he's not going to be a mainstay in our lives.

It's up to you to stop subscribing to the thought that he's going to change and come to the light one day. He's old enough to know what he's doing and still too young to care.
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#5 of 8 Old 09-27-2019, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Update: I said "see ya later!"

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Originally Posted by insanesugarpain View Post
I think you already know the answer. But I also think there is something you are getting out of the relationship that is making you stay. You say it's been a few years, that's a lot of wasted time. But if you are getting something out of it, it would be pointless to tell you to break it off entirely. I've been in a similar situation with a man for two years. I know as long as I care about him, he'll keep exploiting this weakness and will remain a part of my life, even if it is a fraction of the time. The good thing I see here is that you have friends, a life outside of this relationship. I really think you should continue to focus more on that and less on whether or not he's going to commit and start moving more away from that idea.

It's so easy for anyone outside of the situation to tell you to just break it off and move on, I know. But, like with my situation, he's gotta be filling a void. You may just continue on until you find something or someone else to fill it. I'm constantly looking for other ways to fill my time. And try to make sure to keep him at a distance from my child as I know he's not going to be a mainstay in our lives.

It's up to you to stop subscribing to the thought that he's going to change and come to the light one day. He's old enough to know what he's doing and still too young to care.

Thank you for your response, you are very right. There was something that I was getting out of it, but unfortunately none of it was healthy. I was being manipulated by someone for years (4 to be exact) right in front of my eyes and I was just letting it happen. I didn't allow myself to realize that I was worthy of so much better and more than what I was being given. One day I sat down to brunch with a girlfriend of mine and said "I need to end things with him." Her response struck me at my core when she said "finally, it's almost as if you felt like you needed to be with him as a punishment to yourself for something." It was true, the entire relationship had been a constant state of turmoil, sadness, anger, frustration...yet I stayed in it. I think that I felt like because it was my first relationship after my divorce and he had met members of my family and my son, I felt this need to make it work. Like I couldn't let everyone around me watch me fail at yet another relationship. He preyed on all of that and used it to his advantage. Even though I felt ashamed of myself for wasting so much time with someone who was not worthy of a single minute of it I regained a strength that I didn't have before. I found happiness on MY OWN!!!! I am single, I am making plans for my future and enjoying life with friends and with my son without this cloud hanging over my head. I had finally decided that if I lived the rest of my life without getting married again and just enjoying friends, life, dating I would be perfectly and wonderfully happy. The irony in all of it is that it's been about 7 months and he is still constantly sending messages and texting about how he has changed and wants everything that I want and so on and so forth. But unfortunately that time has passed and lessons learned. We are amazing Mom's who work hard and deserve to be appreciated!!
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#6 of 8 Old 10-04-2019, 11:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sschramm7 View Post
Hi There, I am an almost 36 year old single mom to an 11 year old boy and I have been dating a gentleman who is 31 for quite some time now. A part of me wonders some days if I am just dragging my feet. I love him dearly, but it's been a few years and things haven't progressed how I imagined. My son does care for him and they get along for the most part but I find myself alone weekly while he has nights out with his friends, camping trips with his friends, birthday parties with his friends. My single mom friends who are my age feel as though he should be more committed to my son and I and building the life he says he wants with us. Honestly though a part of me just thinks he is biding his time and doesn't really see my son as a "responsibility" to him. So therefore he feels he shouldn't have to sacrifice anything in order to be with me and my son. I could really use some heartfelt insight on this. I'm starting to feel a little alone and sad about it.
You should talk to him seriously about what you feel inside. For a better relationship communication plays a major role. So you should talk about your worries.
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#7 of 8 Old 03-22-2020, 02:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sschramm7 View Post
Hi There, I am an almost 36 year old single mom to an 11 year old boy and I have been dating a gentleman who is 31 for quite some time now. A part of me wonders some days if I am just dragging my feet. I love him dearly, but it's been a few years and things haven't progressed how I imagined. My son does care for him and they get along for the most part but I find myself alone weekly while he has nights out with his friends, camping trips with his friends, birthday parties with his friends. My single mom friends who are my age feel as though he should be more committed to my son and I and building the life he says he wants with us. Honestly though a part of me just thinks he is biding his time and doesn't really see my son as a "responsibility" to him. So therefore he feels he shouldn't have to sacrifice anything in order to be with me and my son. I could really use some heartfelt insight on this. I'm starting to feel a little alone and sad about it.
I think, first of all, you need to decide for yourself what kind of relationship you want to have.
If you feel good together, maybe this is happiness. Or if you want to change everything and transfer to a more serious level of relationship, you need to talk to him and say everything that you think and want without any omissions.
Anyway, I understand you very well, understand your feelings and want to say thank you for sharing your story.
I'm also a single mother, I'm 29 years old, and my son is almost three years old, my last relationship was four years ago, and honestly, I don’t know when I will have a new one.
For all this time I used to be alone, without a relationship, that even communicating with men causes discomfort and fear. I very rarely go out without a child and, accordingly, a chance to get acquainted with someone is minimal.
I already wanted to try online dating and even downloaded Tinder, and this platform https://hookupmasters.com/adult-dati...ecrush-review/ but I'm not sure it's a right way to find someone for a serious relationship. It seems to me that this is more for fun and it is unlikely that I can meet a serious man there, and how can I say that I have a little son? How do you think I should try?

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#8 of 8 Old 07-09-2020, 02:22 AM
 
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No, I don't think so... Maybe you should just find a good dating service for you where you can find someone for you. I would recommend that you have a look at those from Datehookup, for example. I think they are pertty good, and you will like them a lot, good luck!
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