Scared and dont know what to do please help - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 04-12-2019, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
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Scared and dont know what to do please help

So I am a 24 year old girl that has no job, no education, and no money whatsoever, and has a 2 year old son and one on the way. For the last 3 and a half years, I've been with my boyfriend (which are the father of my children) and now ex, which I didnt want it that way, and I've been the stay at home parent and now I dont know what to do. He is allowing me stay here but I know time is running out where he finds someone new and tells me to leave. I havent been to the doctors yet for this second pregnancy, because I'm scared that if I do he'll lock the doors and wont let me in. I have no friends, and no family that can take me in, I know that here my son is safe, fed and clothed. This relationship is very toxic and I'm about to face homelessness and in a constant turmoil, I love this man and care for him and I know he cares for me as well because I left for a few days and went to a homeless shelter for 6 days. He told me I could come back because he didn't want to see me pregnant and on the streets, but now I'm under constant stress because of the emotional drain that he is putting on me. I have come to terms that the reason why he is like this towards me is my fault (long story dont want to get into it) but I'm scared and I dont know what to do, I want to provide a good life for my children and I dont know where to start I feel like I'm in a rut that I'll never get out of. Any advice? Thanks
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#2 of 3 Old 04-16-2019, 09:03 AM
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I'm so sorry you're in this desperate spot.

First, it isn't your fault. Even if you've done something wrong, you don't deserve to be treated like crap, especially by the person who is the father of your children. Even if he doesn't want to live with you anymore, he's legally obligated to help support those kids.

Next, this is just me brainstorming out loud. Take whatever is helpful, reject whatever is not, no worries.

Once you move out, his income doesn't count when you're assessing your access to social services. And, even with his income, you may qualify for some. Do a search for your state and see what they offer and if there's an office nearby you can visit. In some states, they have one center that has job services and and also can help you apply for additional services like SNAP, WIC, child care assistance, etc. They may have info about subsidized housing in your area. They may be able to give you a referral for someone to help you work out a custody arrangement with your ex, which would also include an agreement about him paying for child support. In any case, go there and talk to someone who works there. It should be a good start to finding yourself and job and a new place to live.

I'm rather disappointed that there wasn't more help for you at the homeless shelter in regards to helping you build a new life for yourself. Another option could be to look for local churches that have a soup kitchen and see if they offer additional services for poor or (almost) homeless people like you. Public libraries sometimes have special programs, too. At the very least, a librarian is likely trained to help you find resources and social services in your area.

Here's a program that could be interesting to you:

One job to look into: apartment management. I had a few friends who did this and loved the convenience of it. It generally doesn't require a degree (although you need basic office work skills). It provides housing. With some, you can bring your children to work. Or, you may be able to find someone who lives in the complex who would like a childcare job. In some complexes, they may have a separate job for people to clean apartments in between renters and that might be a good job for you, too.

I'm afraid that this forum doesn't get very much activity anymore. You may be able to get more help by finding a local group of some kind on a social media platform?

In any case, good luck!
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#3 of 3 Old 04-16-2019, 09:13 AM
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I am not sure if he can completely kick you out of your own home. If that happens, call or visit the police station. You have a right to enter your home, get your things, etc. I say this because I think you should reduce your fear of your partner and the hold he has over you.
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