Why am I feeling this way now
2 and a half years ago, I walked out on my now ex husband. There was no heated argument, things just piled up over time and I figured it’s best if I left. We have 2 kids, one is now 6 and the other is 3. I was upset but, I was relieved. I know I didn’t make a mistake because things were just not working out for us. In those 2 years our children were living with me on weekdays and at their fathers on weekends. Every month or so he would try to fix things between us but, I never let it happen. I was happy..single but happy. Here’s when it all went down hill.. He decided he wanted to move back home 7 months ago. Now the kids are with me 24/7 with 0 breaks. I was still doing fine, until he stopped calling his kids. He would answer when they called but, he never called to talk to them or even asked about how they were doing. After a while I find out he got engaged. It was such a shock to me because he always said he would never get married again. I knew it was eventually going to happen but, the fact that I found out about it by surprise really got to me for some reason. About 2 weeks ago, he came for a visit and he’s had the kids for about 10 days. I can’t seem to get him off my mind even though I know we aren’t good for each other. He talks to me about the kids but, he makes conversations about things that aren’t very necessary and it just seems like it’s to have a conversation. So one night I asked if he missed me, he said no and that he was in a relationship and it wasn’t appropriate. Ok, I get that but then why is he msging me randomly about things that aren’t necessary? I said I was just wondering and it’s not like I miss you but I just got that feeling from you…
Why the hell do I miss him now after all those years??? I was over him and now I’m back to square one..or even worse than when I first broke it off.
It could be me just feeling lonely but every time something good comes into my life, I end it. Wth is wrong with me?