A little backstory (the below post was copied from another board I have been on for a while...): I am a 27 year old lesbian in NY, and my wife is 28...When I was 23 I was treated for a bone tumor, and that has left me relatively infertile. With medical support, I can make 1-2 eggs a month (we don't know what happens without medical support), and I've done 2 IVFs with cryobank frozen sperm so far with no luck (one egg each time). My docs tell me that in a situation such as mine, they would often recommend switching the IVF to just "timed intercourse" with my husband, however...yeah, not gonna work! So, we've been thinking more and more about finding a KD, and have posted on some message boards looking for a fresh anonymous donor, but those have been sketching me out. OK, on to the post, and I apologize for its length:
OK, so last night I had this VERY vivid dream about my life about 8 years in the future. Basically, the dream itself was pretty short and basic, but it was one of those dreams where you wake up knowing a lot of backstory that happened "before" the dream...
Basically, in the dream, DW and I had 2 kids (one 5, one 7), and we were at our friend J's house for their piano lessons. We were all chatting and having a good time, and Jody's landlord (also the organist at our church and the director of the chorus I am in) came down from his apartment, and the kids ran from J's piano yelling "Uncle G!" and gave him a big hug. In general, everyone was super happy and it was spring/early summer, and it was just awesome.
The backstory that I "knew" in the dream: G was our sperm donor, and was incredibly happy because he never had a chance to have kids, and was glad to be "uncle G", and our intention was to tell the kids when they were old enough to ask, basically.
This is ridiculously weird. DW and I were talking about how we wish we had someone that we knew who we would be OK with asking, and who could possibly be ok with knowing his bio kids, but not parenting them. We sent out requests to websites dedicated to sperm and egg donors for infertile couples, and got a few "hits", but mostly from guys who seem to get their jollies from making as many kids as possible (lots of cut & paste form letters, most of which say "well, I prefer natural insemination, as that always has the best results"), and one guy who looks disturbingly like my dad, but who seems to be a conservative and has not responded to me since I sent him an email asking if he'd be willing to give sperm for Rachael too in a few years. And since that brief foray into the world of weeding out sketchy guys who want to give us sperm, we're not truly comfortable with that, I think. Either I don't want to know him at all (truly anonymous donor--either through a bank or a friend of a friend kind of situation), or I want him to be a friend.
So...I have no idea why I had this dream about G specifically. He's absolutely freakin' adorable, and yes, I totally have a crush on him, lol. He's not really what we were looking for in terms of appearance at all, except that he's tall-ish. He's about 5'11"-6' tall, dark hair, older (51), and, well, we don't know him all that well. From what I know about him, he's very clean (both ways: he cleans a lot, and seems to live very simply and healthily), likes cats, is shy, funny, an AMAZING pianist/organist, a great landlord, and one of the sweetest guys I've ever met (and yes, he's a big ol' queer). But I would have no idea how to ask him, without TOTALLY feeling wicked weird about it. DW agrees, though, that the more we think about it, out of all the guys we know, we could actually see him as an "Uncle G."
I don't really know how in the world I would even think about asking him! That, and he's only a few years younger than my parents (although he doesn't seem it), so I'm not really sure why this keeps bothering me. Any advice? I'm posting here since I can't ask my friends who know him--goodness knows it would spread through the church like wildfire, lol.
It does not help at all that all 3 of us (DW, G, and I) are somewhat socially awkward and incredibly shy. He seems to be quite the firecracker once you get to know him, and I am working on it, but it takes a while to get there, and he and I (not DW, she's not as involved in the chorus as I am) are just to the point where we do more than nod and look away when we see each other. We talk sometimes, mostly about chorus and church stuff, but usually that still involves lots of awkward silences and blushing. How does a quiet skinny shy gay man make this quasi-butch lesbian blush!? *sigh*
Regardless, any tips or ideas? If you had a KD, how did you ask him? Was he a super-good friend, or someone on the outskirts of your circle of friends? I feel like I'm in middle school wanting to pass him a note "Can I have some of your sperm? Circle Yes or No"
PS: pretty much every straight woman in the church would be super jealous if I had G's babies. He is a very desirable commodity--in fact, most of our friends who are or were single, have all said how disappointed they were when they found out he was gay, lol. He is very attractive, if a bit on the skinny side.