Poly Families - Page 12 - Mothering Forums

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#331 of 1038 Old 08-03-2008, 02:03 AM
 
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Belodie,

Well I like you a lot already! That is exactly how I felt when I married my husband. I do not believe we are meant to not love other people for 50-60 years of marriage. Especially as I am not convinced we get any other cracks at life.

I also like good sex with some emotional connection -the good friends with benefits. I'm having trouble getting courage up also and the one man I really like currently is conventionally married so no dice.

My husband also has had "affairs" (are they affairs if they are sanctioned?) but he was able to go through local bi/poly groups that he found on the internet. That might be your best bet.

Best luck to you.
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#332 of 1038 Old 08-03-2008, 10:39 AM
 
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FancyPants, thank you a lot for reading that gigantic post of mine ( ) and responding with such nice and insightful words!

Indeed we have a lot of things in common!

What a pity the man you like isn't available. Have you talked to him about that or do you just "know" it's no use?

I decided to not pursue anything with that man, it's really too uncomfortable that he and DH are collegues...

I'm a bit more relaxed about that now anyway. Because... the other day a friend of mine presented me to a very nice single guy, and... :

My, how good it feels! I feel so empowered. It's a bit like making anew some forgotten room in your house, and discovering your house is much bigger and nicer than you thought. And far from estranging me from my husband I feel even closer to him than before. I honestly don't know how a closed marriage is still the common rule: what good they loose to themselves and their couple...!
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#333 of 1038 Old 08-03-2008, 09:49 PM
 
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Belodie,
Yes. I asked the man I was interested in if his was at all an open relationship. He was very flattered (and tempted to lie ) but he is an honest man. He loves me. He loves his wife very much and is completely devoted to her. Which is wonderful but a dead end for me.

I wanted to point you to this website in case someone else has not mentioned it here.

http://www.polyamoryonline.org/smf/

best wishes to you in your new adventure! :

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#334 of 1038 Old 08-04-2008, 02:55 AM
 
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Just checking in...we have all been having a lot of fun around here. Dp has started seeing someone romantically, another friend that we've known for several years. So far the only snags have been minor and easily talked through.

My new boy, he is having somewhat of a hard time with "what will people think??" He's definitely tripping on the whole deviant behavior aspect, especially as regards my kids and what they might think. So, I can see a talk about that in our near future.
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#335 of 1038 Old 08-04-2008, 03:16 AM
 
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Anyone on this thread have sister-wives??? I am interested in Polyamory, but more in a husband (and farming/household) sharing sort of way . . .
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#336 of 1038 Old 08-04-2008, 11:57 AM
 
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I think ideally I'd like to do the family thing, too. Sister-wives, brother-husbands (more likely the latter); I'd like a polyfidelitous arrangement. We may actually get there at some point. I spent some time with a sweet guy over the weekend who was kind of concerned that I was married. "You have very conventional ideas about marriage, don't you?" "I suppose I do." "That's nice. I don't share them." Don't know that I'll be "keeping" him (doubtful!) but weekend flings are fun, too.

But yes... I like the idea of something more permanent. Not necessarily forever, just long-term stability, you know? I've actually got a problem with "forever," I think it puts too much pressure on people to conform. People change, and arrangements ought to change to reflect that.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#337 of 1038 Old 08-04-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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Anyone on this thread have sister-wives??? I am interested in Polyamory, but more in a husband (and farming/household) sharing sort of way . . .
I have become friends with a couple of my DPs former partners, but we've never had a live-in situation in our 10 years together, our marriage as been open from day one.

My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.

 
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#338 of 1038 Old 08-04-2008, 06:56 PM
 
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Anyone on this thread have sister-wives??? I am interested in Polyamory, but more in a husband (and farming/household) sharing sort of way . . .
this is what we have, but we dont call it this...we are just a family, living together, raising our kids together...

peace...

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#339 of 1038 Old 08-05-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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this is what we have, but we dont call it this...we are just a family, living together, raising our kids together...

peace...
Yeah that. We are a family of 5 now. I hadn't thought of doing it any other way.

Hubby has said I can find myself a bf though. I'm not sure that I will or won't.
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#340 of 1038 Old 08-06-2008, 07:53 AM
 
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Hi Everyone. I have tried poly something or other a few years ago. I dont talk about it much. My dh and I had a girlfriend move in and join our family for awhile. We didnt know what we were doing, did not communicate well and it ended badly. But there were some good moments there, and love.

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#341 of 1038 Old 08-06-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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i am reading all of this with great fascination...

my dh and my "other dh" are best friends and we've all been together for a very long time. there have been some rough spots and a few long breaks, but we seem to have worked out the hardest bits now and are trying to figure a way where we can all live together. "other dh" is looking for a 2nd "wife" (not nessesarily legally, kwim?) since he lives quite a distance away right now. i'm looking forward to having a sister-wife!

i will post more and go into more details later, i'm kind of in a rush!

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#342 of 1038 Old 08-07-2008, 08:35 PM
 
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I'm leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks in Europe with DH and my sweetie.

::::: <-- this is my heart overflowing with love

Keep your fingers crossed for me that all goes well. They've been there for a week already and I just got a 'we miss you' email. I am excited and terrified. Poor me, how on earth will I handle traveling with two wonderful (and hot) men for two whole weeks?

I'm hoping that we come back with more concrete ideas about how our relationships will proceed.


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#343 of 1038 Old 08-08-2008, 07:08 AM
 
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Have fun Laggie & good luck!

My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.

 
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#344 of 1038 Old 08-08-2008, 07:31 AM
 
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hi all
I guess I can join here too.
I'm (legally) married to a man - DD's father, and in a relationship with my love, a woman. we all live together, in a mostly harmonious way.
DH is pretty understanding of me identifying as lesbian (he knew that when he met me), and though it's been a long journey, accepts that I have a girlfriend. they are pretty good friends as well

though sadly my gf got herself a job 1000mi away, so she's up north atm. we're all planning a big road trip to visit her,and look at moving up there.

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#345 of 1038 Old 08-08-2008, 10:43 AM
 
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Majikfaerie; Thank you so much for that article on sharing! I want to send it to *everyone*.

Sorry, that's only vaguely related to this thread.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#346 of 1038 Old 08-08-2008, 09:52 PM
 
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Majikfaerie; Thank you so much for that article on sharing! I want to send it to *everyone*.

Sorry, that's only vaguely related to this thread.
shucks
well, the thread is quite a lot about sharing I don't mind if you share it, as long as you give the link and credit.

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#347 of 1038 Old 08-09-2008, 12:36 PM
 
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Bon Voyage, Laggie! (who is on an airplane and can't read this message, LOL)
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#348 of 1038 Old 08-16-2008, 03:44 PM
 
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Enjoy your trip!!!


My dh is suggesting that I look for something else outside the 3 of us. I'm thinking one of the most awesome things that could happen would be to find another "dh" and the 4 of us live together. I'm not sure that could ever happen. I'm sure dh would be ok with that idea but not sure about our wife Sadly it looks like we are also turning into a Me and Dh together, She and Dh together, Us three together, but NOT she and me together when it comes to all things sexual

I'm really bummed about it but I lvoe her too much and want her in the family too much to "end it". She thinks she will get there with time. I'm not sure. I feel her getting more distant from me and dh says it is because of my attitude toward the whole thing. I'm sorry but it does make me feel rejected and lonely. Yet, neither of them can understand why.

So, I'm thinking finding something outside of the 3 of us is a good idea. Someone to date that knows our situation and may want to be a part of it.

We shall see!
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#349 of 1038 Old 08-16-2008, 09:09 PM
 
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good luck with that! sounds like a tricky situation. Perhaps just give it some time and don't stress on it all.

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#350 of 1038 Old 08-18-2008, 10:00 AM
 
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Anyone on this thread have sister-wives??? I am interested in Polyamory, but more in a husband (and farming/household) sharing sort of way . . .
I have thought this would be great for a few years now. It just seems like there should be more than one mama sometimes. Sister-wives would be great! I wish I knew otehrs that did this. Does anyone on here have this sort of life? And does it work really well? I would have the BIGGEST problem with extended family I think. DH and I would be great in the situation, I htink. But we both have very judgmental families. My mother heard from somewhere, not sure where, that I had been in a relationship with both a male and felmale and thows it up in my face from time to time. I REALLY can not stand closed minded people.

nurse, mama, doula-in-training to J-14, J-13, S-7, S-4, and P-2(born at home
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#351 of 1038 Old 08-19-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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I have thought this would be great for a few years now. It just seems like there should be more than one mama sometimes. Sister-wives would be great! I wish I knew otehrs that did this. Does anyone on here have this sort of life? And does it work really well? I would have the BIGGEST problem with extended family I think. DH and I would be great in the situation, I htink. But we both have very judgmental families. My mother heard from somewhere, not sure where, that I had been in a relationship with both a male and felmale and thows it up in my face from time to time. I REALLY can not stand closed minded people.
While I can't yet say whether co-motherhood works well, as the little bean won't be born until January, I am in a wonderful poly "V" relationship where I get a lot of support from my "sister-wife", who is equally excited about the baby. She is going to be an invaluable person in Maya's life and none of the three of us can imagine trying to raise a child with just two parents. How do they manage? How does anyone ever get any sleep? The nice thing is that either couple can go out for a quiet evening alone (or we two women can have a great girls' night out on occasion) and know the baby is with a loving parent. She and I are not intimately involved, but she is my best friend and I love her like a sister. I feel amazingly lucky. :
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#352 of 1038 Old 08-21-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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good luck to you, amorifera! it sounds like you have a very nice situation going there!

in my life, i seem to be the "pivot point" for almost all the relationships. there is me and dh, who have a girlfriend together (whom we don't see seperately), me and other dh, who also have a different girlfriend together (and she has a dh who is not involved with any of us as anything other than a friend), and other dh has a "friends with occasional benefits"-type of relationship with my best friend! so far so good, we all spend a lot of time together, the assorted dh's hang out all together at times, and all of us girls go and do "girl's night" when we can. we have... wait... i have 4 kids, my best friend has 2 and other dh's n my girlfriend has 3 so that's 9 kids between us and they are all the best of buddies.

next summer we are hoping to all of us rent a cabin together, or borrow one and take the whole circus on vacation for a week or 2! i can't wait!

i wish there was a fairy tale for us... y'know? cinderella and her 3 princes or snow white and the 7 sister-wives.

"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again" - tori amos
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#353 of 1038 Old 08-22-2008, 05:56 AM
 
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one of my past girlfriends has come to stay with us... it's making for a very interesting time

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#354 of 1038 Old 08-23-2008, 11:24 AM
 
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Sister-wife to Amorifera here. Delighted to see this thread! Damona, you make our life (which amazes many of our friends and relatives) seem positively tame, with just the three of us (oh and a summer romance that just went home to Canada).

I manage a Spanish polyamory group (www.poliamor.net) and have started to build www.loving-openly.com in English for poly people and families.

Any of you have family legal arrangements worked out to your satisfaction? Since Amorifera and DH are not married, and I am not the biological mother, we'd like to work out some guardianship/power of attorney arrangements if possible so that we all have rights. Any out there manage this sort of thing?

I'm trying to find a lawyer here in Spain to help us but no luck so far. I'm sure we'll find someone eventually though.

Cheers to all,

Juliette aka Ktylove
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#355 of 1038 Old 08-25-2008, 12:12 AM
 
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My new boy is leaving for Burning Man late tonight or early tomorrow morning (he's such a slacker ) I'm all whiney and mopy, though, because I wanted to go too. Maybe next year when my little one is 5 instead of 4 and can stay with family for that long, and dp and I can both go.

Where I live, it's like the entire town empties out this week. Soooooo boring and sad to be missing all the fun :
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#356 of 1038 Old 08-25-2008, 06:13 AM
 
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My new boy is leaving for Burning Man late tonight or early tomorrow morning (he's such a slacker ) I'm all whiney and mopy, though, because I wanted to go too. Maybe next year when my little one is 5 instead of 4 and can stay with family for that long, and dp and I can both go.
Our friends took their kids to Burning Man and they all loved it! I think there's a lot of kid-friendly people and activities there.

Wish I could go too!
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#357 of 1038 Old 08-25-2008, 10:34 AM
 
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We should have an MDC camp at BM!! LOL!! I want to go, but am TOTALLY intimidated.. I'm SO not a good camper!

I can't wait to hear my friend's stories!!!
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#358 of 1038 Old 08-25-2008, 01:26 PM
 
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Hm, the extreme environment and loud party scene seems like it would be challenging with children. I also have some fun ideas I'd like to try that would be difficult if I also had to keep an eye on the kids, not to mention that they'd need to sleep so somebody (me) would have to be hanging out with them and missing stuff.

Yeah....I think I'd rather leave them home. MDC camp sounds fun, though...
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#359 of 1038 Old 08-25-2008, 01:41 PM
 
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i wish there was a fairy tale for us... y'know? cinderella and her 3 princes or snow white and the 7 sister-wives.
I remember when I was around 6 years old and couldn't sleep, my dad read me some sci-fi short stories including one titled "Nice Girl with Five Husbands". I don't remember what ultimately happened in the story, just how it began with explorers arriving on a planet and meeting this young lady who seemed so sweet and normal until she casually mentioned her five husbands. I didn't understand why they were so upset. My dad said, well, on our planet a lady can have just one husband, so they're surprised. But it was clear that they were beyond surprised--shocked, upset, thinking less of her--and I asked more questions about why Earth people can't have five husbands; what's the problem? My dad made some effort at explaining but was clearly struggling with his feelings and finally resorted to, "Look, do you want to hear this story, or not?!" I thought about that nice girl and her five husbands for a long time afterward.

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#360 of 1038 Old 08-25-2008, 04:04 PM
 
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I'm baa-aack...! I am SO spoiled! Two weeks in Europe with the world's two most awesome men! I even got to hold hands with both of them while we walked all over Paris at night. :

Not that it was all smooth sailing... DH had some jealousy issues, DBF was feeling a bit left out sometimes... and I was feeling pulled in two different directions, trying to please everyone! And I really need to work on communicating better. I tend to just clam up and think about saying things instead of actually talking. Then when we actually do talk it's such a huge relief!

One thing that came out of the blue... DH brought up the possibility of me getting pregnant... which has been something I've been thinking of as a possibility for the future. He's dead set against it So, more discussion is obviously going to be necessary. I want a baby but I don't think I want one bad enough to destroy my marriage.


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