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#601 of 1038 Old 01-21-2009, 06:25 PM
 
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#602 of 1038 Old 01-21-2009, 06:45 PM
 
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i just wanted to update that i am officially poly and not just working towards it.
That's an interesting statement. What makes one "officially poly"?
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#603 of 1038 Old 01-21-2009, 07:36 PM
 
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::::::: <------- thats definatly me!!!
things are going SO well here! we ventured into sex with the others. first time we've gone this far and difficult for dh to even THINK that he would get there so quickly! it was the MOST difficult situation too! our own house with each other in the very next room! dh had not wanted any sex in the house but it happened (consesually) and it was ok. he had a hard time RIGHT after due to some confusion on my part but we worked through it, changed the sheets (he was very upset and couldn't lay on them) and got some sleep. he also had sex with his "gf" but none of that stuff bothers me. our quad is going really well. although i'm not bi i can see myself playing with her as well! the guys are very anxious to see that! hehe. we are planning a big date this weekend. getting a sitter for all 5 kids at my house and getting a hotel for the night and going out seperatly and tag teaming the hotel room. going to be a blast!

my other guy whom i'm interested in is getting back (or has already gotten back) so i'm anxious to meet him. dh is still VERY worried about him. dh does not like him so far but i really really really do. but i don't expect them to like each other. i do need someone completely opposite of dh to fullfill myself more. bf (J) is a family guy whom will be close to us as well whereas the guy coming back (M) is one of those flurrys of emotion and not close family but the "lovers" type genre. doesn't quite make sense to me so sorry if thats confusing! i just wanted to update that i am officially poly and not just working towards it.
congratulations. glad you're working it out and so happy

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#604 of 1038 Old 01-21-2009, 09:05 PM
 
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#605 of 1038 Old 01-25-2009, 12:24 AM
 
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That's an interesting statement. What makes one "officially poly"?
(I'm just speaking from my perceptions which could be totally different from the OP.)

Many people believe that unless you are actively practicing poly with sticky bits involved you are not "official". By this metric single people are nothing at all. It's kind of weird and complicated and sticky.

Oh, uhm... hi poly mamas! I have been poly for many years but at this point my husband and I think that it is best for us to be monogamous while we are having babies. So I sorta fit in this thread (and uhm... I've been stalking it for months...) and I sorta don't.

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#606 of 1038 Old 01-25-2009, 02:57 AM
 
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you belong in this thread if you feel to be here no matter what your current situation.

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#607 of 1038 Old 01-25-2009, 02:58 AM
 
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as for me, I'm counting down the days (14) till we fly to Tasmania, and I'll see this woman who seems to be just as keen on me as I am her :

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#608 of 1038 Old 02-03-2009, 07:59 PM
 
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I finally came out to my mom as poly and pregnant. The poly part broke her brain. One of the things she can't understand is how my girlfriend can not feel resentful or jealous of the pregnancy... or, well, anything else. She is displeased with the boyfriend for wanting a "polygamist household," and for the two of us not being more careful. She doesn't like the circumstances at all.

But on the upside, it seems that she's tentatively excited about being a grandma, though she's only turning 54 this Friday. She took me out shopping Sunday night and yesterday -- I finally have clothes that are comfortable -- and just generally spoiled me (I even got my hair trimmed). We had fun roaming around the baby departments at Macy's and Wal*Mart.

So... that's one grand-parent-to-be down -- only five more to go. (As far as I can tell, m'loves haven't made any effort towards telling their parents.)

I've also been talking to one of Mom's exes, who I get along with. He thinks I need to reevaluate the relationship, and that I was taken advantage of because the boyfriend didn't insist on using birth control. I don't know. Don't I have enough thinking to do already?

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#609 of 1038 Old 02-04-2009, 01:31 AM
 
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#610 of 1038 Old 02-04-2009, 06:46 AM
 
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#611 of 1038 Old 02-04-2009, 11:46 AM
 
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serene~ doing better than i! i haven't told my mom. shes the one we really worry about. the only other person to tell is FIL. we have one full set of GP so its a bit easier...i can't imagine telling 3 sets!
Yeah, it's not going to be easy. Dad is a retired Christian minister with very strong ideas about... everything. Girlfriend's parents are conservative Christians and were already suspicious of me from the start. Boyfriend's parents like me well enough, but he's not the favorite son. So I worry.

On the other hand, if all went well, we'd have lots of grandparents to spoil their first grandchild. :

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Thanks.

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#612 of 1038 Old 02-05-2009, 09:57 PM
 
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I introduced myself to the group awhile back but haven't posted here in a long time.

Anyway, I am pregnant, poly and feeling a little confused...so I have a question for you all.

When you were pregnant did you feel like you didn't really want to be with anyone else other than the biological father of the baby? I have one partner who I have been with for almost 7 years now but I get creeped out when he touches me...I know it has to be hard for him. On the other hand I can't get enough of the baby's pappa and for most of my pregnancy only want to be with him. Is this hormonal? Will it change after giving birth?

Another thing I find interesting is that the biological pappa has a new GF and it doesn't bother me one bit, I actually find myself happy that he has a "normal" bodied woman to be with, and someone to play with post partum. I just worry about my other partner not getting his needs met.

Thanks in Advance!
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#613 of 1038 Old 02-06-2009, 12:28 AM
 
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sounds like normal hormonal stuff. I'd venture to say that the best course would be to talk with your DPs about it, and accept if that's where your body is at, then go with it. No sense in being intimate with someone when you don't feel like it, just for the sake of keeping them happy. find other ways you can spend time, and no doubt once the hormonal bits are over you'll feel differently. Either this guy will hang around and be supportive of that, or he's not worth your time anyway. (And I'm betting on the former)

just my 2c

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#614 of 1038 Old 02-07-2009, 05:42 PM
 
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#615 of 1038 Old 02-11-2009, 08:30 PM
 
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As the song from my college years goes... "I kissed a girl..." (but it wasn't for the first time, and she's not really a girl, she's a woman, and kiss doesn't um, really cover it...)... and I will do it again... :::::

It's been a long time, but she was worth waiting for. I had a rotten morning. I had a great afternoon!

Happy with my DH, 2 kids, dog, fish, and frogs
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#616 of 1038 Old 02-18-2009, 11:51 AM
 
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The other shoe dropped.

Not very hard or loudly, but enough to be discomforting.

From what we've gathered boyfriend's mom told her husband about our situation over the weekend, while we were out of town. My fear is that we would come back to find their stuff all over the front lawn, but thankfully, no. Instead, they finally sat boyfriend down yesterday to talk about stuff. His dad is upset that he wasn't "man" enough to come out with it -- despite the fact the man had been working all last week and it wouldn't have gone well, anyway.

Boyfriend and girlfriend have to be out of his parents' place by July. Period. "He does not want to deal with it," boyfriend says.

On the upside, the parents are willing to help them find a house, even to the point of buying it for them and then having us rent until my couple's credit is in better shape to take over and buy the house from them. But if they can't find a house by July, we're on our own.

It sucks. Previous weekends at the parents' place had been pretty good -- the start of the weekend was awkward enough, knowing his mom knew. Boyfriend and girlfriend always "assured" me before this that if the parents had a problem with me, they wouldn't even talk to me. That was how this weekend was.

There isn't a sad enough emote to include in this post.

Other Stuff That Sucks: Mom and her ex-guy-friend (one of the few I got along with and still talk to) are planting lots of doubts in my mind about living my couple. One of the things he said today that broke my heart -- my girlfriend shouldn't be in the delivery room with me, partly because she wants a baby of her own so badly. He thinks that she'll say, "Oh, look at my beautiful baby," and this and that. My first thought was, "Is that so wrong?" Because I want it to be sort-of-hers. But on the other hand, yes, it's wrong, because it's my baby.

The other thing he brought up was that there might be conflicts in discipline and parenting later -- such as her trying to play the "good mom."

I don't think she would do either one of those, and keep in mind that he hasn't even met my loves yet. It just... really hurt to hear. I have enough doubts to deal with.

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#617 of 1038 Old 02-22-2009, 09:52 AM
 
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#618 of 1038 Old 02-25-2009, 02:13 AM
 
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Other Stuff That Sucks: Mom and her ex-guy-friend (one of the few I got along with and still talk to) are planting lots of doubts in my mind about living my couple. One of the things he said today that broke my heart -- my girlfriend shouldn't be in the delivery room with me, partly because she wants a baby of her own so badly. He thinks that she'll say, "Oh, look at my beautiful baby," and this and that. My first thought was, "Is that so wrong?" Because I want it to be sort-of-hers. But on the other hand, yes, it's wrong, because it's my baby.

The other thing he brought up was that there might be conflicts in discipline and parenting later -- such as her trying to play the "good mom."

I don't think she would do either one of those, and keep in mind that he hasn't even met my loves yet. It just... really hurt to hear. I have enough doubts to deal with.
How about if you drop the "my" and talk about "our" wonderful baby? If you want a permanent poly family you can't do competition about who the baby belongs to. (In my opinion.)

Of course there will be conflicts in discipline. There are in dyads too. I don't see that keeping people from ever getting into a dyad relationship.

You can make this work if you are willing to communicate communicate communicate everything. I hope you like talking.

Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy. :

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#619 of 1038 Old 02-25-2009, 02:43 AM
 
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i can understand both sides. helping to feel like a REAL parent (most mom/dad relationship its equally biologically their child!) will be her feeling that it is her child. i know its going to be hard though and being able to voice it may help each other alot.

quick update on us: dh and i are divorcing. mostly amicable. i have only just started dating M but i quickly realized that i stay with dh for the ease of it. theres no reason to be better, want more, or work for more. M and i have something that is truly special and we're going to work on it. his wife however...is mono. i'm kinda trading one mono partner for another. M is currently working with her and i am supposed to be meeting her friday/saterday. incredibly nervous. i also haven't seen M in almost 2 weeks..which i know really isn't a long time but considering we had really just gotten to a place of deep growth and then we suddenly had to halt in our tracks. i miss the man!
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#620 of 1038 Old 02-25-2009, 11:21 AM
 
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SK
How was your trip?

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How about if you drop the "my" and talk about "our" wonderful baby? If you want a permanent poly family you can't do competition about who the baby belongs to. (In my opinion.)

Of course there will be conflicts in discipline. There are in dyads too. I don't see that keeping people from ever getting into a dyad relationship.

You can make this work if you are willing to communicate communicate communicate everything. I hope you like talking.

Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy. :
Good points! Thanks for sharing them and for your kind words.

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i can understand both sides. helping to feel like a REAL parent (most mom/dad relationship its equally biologically their child!) will be her feeling that it is her child. i know its going to be hard though and being able to voice it may help each other alot.
I like to think that it's 1/3 her child, that she has an equal share as much as I and her husband do. We all knew how difficult it would be, but we agreed from the beginning that we were in this for the long haul.

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quick update on us: dh and i are divorcing. mostly amicable. i have only just started dating M but i quickly realized that i stay with dh for the ease of it. theres no reason to be better, want more, or work for more. M and i have something that is truly special and we're going to work on it. his wife however...is mono. i'm kinda trading one mono partner for another. M is currently working with her and i am supposed to be meeting her friday/saterday. incredibly nervous. i also haven't seen M in almost 2 weeks..which i know really isn't a long time but considering we had really just gotten to a place of deep growth and then we suddenly had to halt in our tracks. i miss the man!
Keeping my : that the divorce and the meeting with the wife go well!

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#621 of 1038 Old 02-26-2009, 07:31 AM
 
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my trip was great. though slightly tainted by schoolyard bitchiness and gossip.
the short version:
ex-gf and I broke up a few months back, because she essentially lied to me and then dumped me via email, and then I found out she could have exposed herself to HIV, and then exposed us : anyway, it ended badly. she was a very immature person, all in all.

then I had a weekend fling with a woman I've known for a while, but lives on the other side of the country (she came over to the east coast for a holiday). since then, we've been in email contact, and definitely building up to some pretty suggestive emails, getting way past light flirting anyway.
this woman was going to the same festival we were going to on our vacation, and we'd talked about meeting there and taking our email activities into real life
no expectations of course, but that we'd at least see how we feel and talk about it when we met was clear. We had vague plans about her moving over here and living with us if things work out at the festival.
(today I heard from someone who is friends with her back on the west coast that up until the day she left for the festival she was really excited to see me and talking about seeing me all the time).

so, both my ex and this woman were at the festival, and arrived 2 weeks before me, and became friends (they didn't know each other before, nor that they both had a mutual connection through me).

and then I arrived, and this woman avoided me in a way that was so obvious it was almost comical. she basically had a sudden change of heart and didn't even want to talk to me about it

coincidence?

it then came out that my ex had been going around and gossiping a LOT, not just about me, but about lots of people, and really twisting the truth around. basically just bitching about people and spreading rumours.

*sigh*

but apart from the kindergarten dramas, I had a great time

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#622 of 1038 Old 02-26-2009, 10:19 AM
 
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but apart from the kindergarten dramas, I had a great time
Ugh. : I... really have no words for the drama, but I'm glad you enjoyed the rest of it.

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#623 of 1038 Old 03-01-2009, 05:28 PM
 
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Hi, everyone. Can I join? DH and I are in the process of sorting out our "poly" status, but it's pretty much a given that despite being totally, 100%, completely dedicated to each other, we will be some form of poly.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#624 of 1038 Old 03-01-2009, 09:00 PM
 
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welcome blizzard babe

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#625 of 1038 Old 03-01-2009, 09:32 PM
 
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Hi, everyone. Can I join? DH and I are in the process of sorting out our "poly" status, but it's pretty much a given that despite being totally, 100%, completely dedicated to each other, we will be some form of poly.
I don't see why not. Welcome!

This week, dear girlfriend went on a "date" with a guy she's been talking with off and on. She got to see a thriller, which is good -- her husband and I aren't thriller fans. We're keeping our fingers crossed that he'll be able to make it to a get-together this weekend. It's cute to watch her be all giddy and excited from the new relationship energy.

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#626 of 1038 Old 03-02-2009, 04:53 PM
 
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The last couple of weeks have been full of drama. Ugh. I eavesdropped on DH and BF talking about how BF needs to prepare for breaking up with me. :

I know I shouldn't have listened. But that precipitated a fairly large freakout and a series of 'discussions'. We more or less resolved it but... DH feels like we need to focus more on our relationship. And I know he's right, our relationship right now is pretty damaged. I'm still having my regular dates with BF.

I feel like I'm going to have to choose and I don't want to. But at the crux of it all is the matter of whether I want to (try to) have a baby or not. BF wants the 2 kids, picket fence and station wagon. DH has said that he will divorce me over this.

I'm feeling more and more like I just need to take a break from BOTH OF THEM. To sort out my head. What is NRE and what is real and what is baby hormones. I have been trying for the past two months to accept the 'no baby' reality. But it's hard with BF there telling me that I could have it all, with him. Mind you, he is 5 years younger than me and this is his first serious relationship.

And the thought of hurting DH like that... is just too upsetting. He doesn't deserve it, he's done nothing wrong. I think the 'right thing' to do is going to be to encourage BF to find a primary partner to populate his station wagon. Much as it hurts to admit it.

I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. I feel like a complete idiot.

PS. I have a raging case of PMS today too. So maybe things aren't as bad as they seem.


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#627 of 1038 Old 03-02-2009, 07:59 PM
 
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#628 of 1038 Old 03-02-2009, 09:57 PM
 
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sorry, i got lost... what does NRE stand for again?

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#629 of 1038 Old 03-02-2009, 10:14 PM
 
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sorry, i got lost... what does NRE stand for again?
New Relationship Energy. : and and and and : and and and and : and : and and and :

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#630 of 1038 Old 03-02-2009, 10:29 PM
 
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ah. I don't think i ever knew that. thanks.

I personally don't think I ever had a problem transitioning from NRE to er... what's the acronym for what comes after that? real life?
the relationship eiter fizzled out, or it wasn't an issue. sorry i'm no help

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