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#661 of 1038 Old 03-21-2009, 06:11 AM
 
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Hey, eilonwy! I've seen you around the gifted sub-forum.

My husbands actually had a really hard time finding a woman who would go along with what they wanted. They only dated one girl before me. I guess a lot of women find it too weird. But, like my best friend says, "There's nothing too weird for Tanya." Although, I'm sure there must be something out there that's too weird for me. I just haven't encountered it yet.

Tanya ~~ mother to: Beth, 12 -- Cali & Trent, 9 -- Melanie, 8 -- Jesse & Davin, 5 -- Baby Shae 9/1/2009
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#662 of 1038 Old 03-21-2009, 10:34 AM
 
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Hi, serenekitten! I tend to find that I don't have much in common with online poly communities because my life revolves around my husbands and kids, not dating. It's neat to find some poly people who might have similar priorities.
I know for me, I'm in complete adoration of my couple, so I'm not actively looking to date anyone else. And with the Nudger on the way, well, my life is going to revolve around him for a long time. :P

When I realized I was pregnant, I tried to get help from one poly community, but came to the realization that most of the participants were childless. So I came here, instead.

- Born 7/21/09
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#663 of 1038 Old 03-21-2009, 12:48 PM
 
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Hey, eilonwy! I've seen you around the gifted sub-forum.

My husbands actually had a really hard time finding a woman who would go along with what they wanted. They only dated one girl before me. I guess a lot of women find it too weird. But, like my best friend says, "There's nothing too weird for Tanya." Although, I'm sure there must be something out there that's too weird for me. I just haven't encountered it yet.
Wow, I'm really surprised. Perhaps women are wired differently in general?

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#664 of 1038 Old 03-24-2009, 06:32 PM
 
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#665 of 1038 Old 03-31-2009, 09:31 PM
 
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I'm here to introduce myself. I am a long-time MDC member (well, since '05), but made a new account to talk about my poly-ness. We are new to this and are not ready to "come out". DH and I have been married for almost 4 years. We have two children. Ideally I think we would like a male partner. Both he and DH would be intimate with me, but not with eachother. We have no idea how we would ever find that... for one thing we live in a small conservative town where everyone knows everyone.
As of now I am becoming involved with a man from my past... who I was never involved with intimately in the past. We both liked eachother (like since I was 13!), but never officially dated or anything. So recently we have gotten back in touch with eachother after several years (he lives an 8 hour drive away ) DH and I are both excited about this! I am super excited and soooo wish he lived closer. Anyway. I want people I can share this with. I am so excited, but no one knows besides DH. I love talking with this guy and our connection is still very much there even after all these years (about 7). He is planning on coming up for a visit and wants to spend a weekend with me : I can't wait!! The connection between DH and I has been absolutely amazing since we were finally honest with eachother about our sexual fantasies and desires (which were surprisingly the same! lol) I have never felt so close to DH, and I'm excited for the future and the possibilities with new BF. Really I just want to talk with him all the time and call/message him everyday! I feel like I'm 16 again or something! lol
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#666 of 1038 Old 04-04-2009, 04:11 PM
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*

Monday we learned that the Nudger has boy parts. We're currently in a heated discussion as to what should happen with those boy parts -- to circ or not to circ. The DPs think we should circ (boyfriend's mother is rather adamant that it WILL be done ). But after doing research and watching videos, I've already cried at the thought of putting my baby through that. I'm hoping I won't have to put my foot down and play the "Mommy card."
Please come visit the "Case Against Circ" forum!! Thanks!!!!!!!

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#667 of 1038 Old 04-04-2009, 05:17 PM
 
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Please come visit the "Case Against Circ" forum!! Thanks!!!!!!!
Thank you. Been there, done that (my last update there was post #46). We're letting the matter drop for now, but I've already made up my mind and that's all that matters.

I'm coming to the sad realization that with my couple, their families, and my family, none of my decisions are going to make every single person happy 100% of the time. It hurts me to my very people-pleasing core, but there's nothing I can do but take care of me and the little one.

dhinderliter -- Hang in there. I hope you find your path.

chetree -- Welcome!

- Born 7/21/09
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#668 of 1038 Old 04-05-2009, 10:24 AM
 
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and really happy about it! I have known I fall under the def of polyamory for several years now, but am single. I am eager to meet others that understand monogamy is not the design, although I agree it can be practiced happily by some. I want to read what is here before I jump in, and it may take me a while. Just saying hey there I am here too....

To begin to save the world, we must first nurture the children. Read "The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost"
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#669 of 1038 Old 04-05-2009, 12:59 PM
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there's nothing I can do but take care of me and the little one.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#670 of 1038 Old 04-07-2009, 07:29 PM
 
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Hey, I didn't know this thread was here. Cool! I'm not the only poly person here. What a strange feeling. I'm used to being all lonely and unique.

I've been married to two men for almost 12 years. My husbands are twin brothers who decided really young (um, when they were about 12) that they would marry one woman and share her. I'm that extremely lucky woman. I'm also sometimes friends with benefits to my best friend--with my husbands' knowledge and consent, of course. My best friend dates other women (though not lately) but my husbands don't. From what I've heard, I guess this is an unusual set-up.

Since my kids have grown up this way, there's nothing to explain to them, except that most other families only have two parents. Jesse and Davin still think that it's weird to only have one daddy (this isn't helped by the fact their best friend also has two daddies).
Random lurker here - sorry! Just interested and would like to know... Are you actually married to both brothers? Or do you call it that b/c it's how you see it? Being married to more than one spouse was illegal the last time I heard--not that I actually check the status quo too often... Sorry, just wondering what you mean here, and going back under my lurking monogamous rock now.
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#671 of 1038 Old 04-08-2009, 09:27 AM
 
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I don't want to speak for her, but lots of folks in the queer community, poly included, will refer to ourselves as married when we have partnered with that intent, even if the law would not choose to recognize it, or would even prosecute us for attempting to make it legal. Married in our hearts, if you will.
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#672 of 1038 Old 04-12-2009, 04:04 AM
 
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Hi... um... Can I butt in here and ask some dumb questions? I feel like I'm sort of poly, but I don't know if this "counts," or why I even care about the label...

I love my husband, and although we go through rough spots every now and then, overall it's good and I don't want to mess it up. We have one child, not planning on more. I've also pretty much fallen for my best friend (male) and it's mutual. DH knows how I feel about my friend and is ok with it... is even ok with mild physical displays of affection (cuddling on the couch while watching TV etc.) There is some angst because we cannot go farther than that, even though we'd like to. DH won't share me physically, and that's ok - he's not comfortable with sharing that way and I'm not going to coerce him.

Basically I get my emotional needs met by my friend, and physical needs met by DH. (Of course it's hard on my friend, because he doesn't have the outlet for his physical needs! Oh well, another discussion for another time.) So... I guess... is this poly? I suppose it doesn't matter what you call it, so long as it works for us... but also, I'm kind of confused by it... it's kind of outside the "normal" family model of mom, dad, 2.4 kids, dog, picket fence.

I don't know what my question is... it's past midnight and I'm rambling. Just wanted some people who won't think this is totally weird to bounce my thoughts off, I guess. Thanks for reading.
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#673 of 1038 Old 04-12-2009, 10:19 AM
 
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I think we need a new norm. Mom, kid, 2.4 dads...

I've spent the weekend with a redhead. : I'm feeling pretty sweet about everything now, and all things poly in particular. :

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#674 of 1038 Old 04-12-2009, 11:13 AM
 
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So... I guess... is this poly?
Sure.

In my experience, poly people make their own rules and "normal," when it comes to relationships.

One of my best friends is taken, but we're still quite cuddly and squishy together. We're not in an "official relationship," per se. But I don't think anyone would bat an eye if it went in that direction.

- Born 7/21/09
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#675 of 1038 Old 04-13-2009, 02:13 PM
 
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: Still bouncing around, and thinking in small bits because I've been Tweeting. I want to take him home and keep him. : I know, I know, I need to calm down and be rational and such... but it's probably a good thing that he's several hours away from me, else I'd be doing crazy things about now.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#676 of 1038 Old 04-23-2009, 06:41 PM
 
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Hi there


That's how I roll...
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#677 of 1038 Old 05-04-2009, 09:33 PM
 
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So I know we've been over a lot of this before... but how did you go about introducing a new long-term partner to your children, if that's been the case? I'm exceptionally nervous to be approaching this stage of a relationship, but it's really the next logical step. Any thoughts or questions about my specific situation that might be relevant?

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#678 of 1038 Old 05-04-2009, 10:42 PM
 
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Random lurker here - sorry! Just interested and would like to know... Are you actually married to both brothers? Or do you call it that b/c it's how you see it? Being married to more than one spouse was illegal the last time I heard--not that I actually check the status quo too often... Sorry, just wondering what you mean here, and going back under my lurking monogamous rock now.
Sorry so long on answering this--not much activity on the thread and I lost track of it. No, I'm not legally married to both. I used to be legally married to Dallas, but am in the process of dissolving the legal aspects of that marriage as a political protest against Oklahoma's marriage laws. A group of us are all dissolving our marriages. We'll remarry when Oklahoma grants the right of marriage to all consenting adults (meaning the day after never ). Legal marriage for all or legal marriage for none.

Hi, happyma! Welcome to the thread.

eilonwy, it sounds like things are going really well for you! I don't have much advice about introducing your kids to a new partner since mine have been raised poly. I did tell them when I resumed my relationship with my best friend, but they didn't have much of a reaction. DD1 "didn't want to hear about my sex life" and DD2 hoped that it would mean she got to go to BF's apartment and watch cable TV more often. My youngest still don't comprehend monogamy.

I wish I knew for sure whether I'm pregnant by one of my husbands or by my BF, though. They're all white and of Irish descent, so I guess I'll be doing a DNA test after the baby is born.

BTW, I had my US today. I'm having one healthy boy, EDD 9/29.

How am I supposed to fill out the birth paperwork not knowing who the father is, though? *sigh*

Tanya ~~ mother to: Beth, 12 -- Cali & Trent, 9 -- Melanie, 8 -- Jesse & Davin, 5 -- Baby Shae 9/1/2009
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#679 of 1038 Old 05-04-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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I wish I knew for sure whether I'm pregnant by one of my husbands or by my BF, though. They're all white and of Irish descent, so I guess I'll be doing a DNA test after the baby is born.

BTW, I had my US today. I'm having one healthy boy, EDD 9/29.

How am I supposed to fill out the birth paperwork not knowing who the father is, though? *sigh*
Congratulations! :

Goodness, I don't even know how to fill out the paperwork and I DO know who the father is...

- Born 7/21/09
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#680 of 1038 Old 05-05-2009, 03:16 AM
 
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Sorry so long on answering this--not much activity on the thread and I lost track of it. No, I'm not legally married to both. I used to be legally married to Dallas, but am in the process of dissolving the legal aspects of that marriage as a political protest against Oklahoma's marriage laws. A group of us are all dissolving our marriages. We'll remarry when Oklahoma grants the right of marriage to all consenting adults (meaning the day after never ). Legal marriage for all or legal marriage for none.
Here, here.

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eilonwy, it sounds like things are going really well for you! I don't have much advice about introducing your kids to a new partner since mine have been raised poly. I did tell them when I resumed my relationship with my best friend, but they didn't have much of a reaction. DD1 "didn't want to hear about my sex life" and DD2 hoped that it would mean she got to go to BF's apartment and watch cable TV more often. My youngest still don't comprehend monogamy.
This is the first time I've wanted to introduce the kids to someone with whom I'm having a relationship. It hasn't come up before, because in my opinion they're too young to know about my sex life... but this relationship goes far beyond sex. When you're talking about changing living arrangements then yeah, it's time to meet the kids.

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I wish I knew for sure whether I'm pregnant by one of my husbands or by my BF, though. They're all white and of Irish descent, so I guess I'll be doing a DNA test after the baby is born.

BTW, I had my US today. I'm having one healthy boy, EDD 9/29.

How am I supposed to fill out the birth paperwork not knowing who the father is, though? *sigh*
Women do it all the time, actually. Assuming that you know who the father/s of your older children are, though, it might be easier for you to tell than you think. Kids bear a striking resemblance to their fathers even on ultrasound in a lot of cases. I'd sit down with the three of them and discuss the matter-- what do they want to do, how will the child be raised, etc. It might be easiest just to put your [currently legal] husband's name on the birth certificate; Women do that when it's not 100%, too, and it's rarely called into question.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#681 of 1038 Old 05-10-2009, 08:53 PM
 
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Oh thank heavens for this thread.

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#682 of 1038 Old 05-11-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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It went unbelievably well, it did. : The kids love him, and he loves them. Bean couldn't get enough of him-- he kept telling me it was his turn to play with HRH. He's absolutely enamored. I couldn't have asked for much more... except for HRH to stay. I miss him terribly when he's not here. :

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#683 of 1038 Old 05-21-2009, 02:11 AM
 
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gotta get rid of this

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#684 of 1038 Old 05-21-2009, 02:27 AM
 
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great news eilonwy
letabug, i have no idea about us military stuff, so no help sorry.

i haven't been on this tribe much lately, mostly due to restricted internet time and more study time... anyway, my "ex" DW came up to visit us this month - I say "ex" because though we haven't really been together for 8 years, we never actually broke up, and we still have feelings for each other. I just moved to another country and geography came between us.
so, meanwhile, i met dp, got pg and married him, she met jesus and became a christian, and now has a serious bf, with plans to marry (tho no official engagement yet, and they're waiting till they get married).

anyway, DW came up for a visit, ostensibly to have some time away from the city and with intentions of remaining "just friends".
of course, once together, all the old love feelings came up again, and we ended up back together. well at least in bed. (no complaints here )
so it's led to an interesting dynamic. DP and DW ended up connecting as well (they met when dw and i got married 8 years ago), and dw and dd like each other as well.
now she's considering coming to live with us permanently, and we're planning all going camping at a rainbow gathering next month...
should be interesting

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#685 of 1038 Old 05-23-2009, 11:36 PM
 
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Hi! I'm sorry I haven't read this whole thread (its really long) but I just wanted to pop in. My dh and I are theoretically poly.

I am so happy I found this place, it felt so weird to be on the mainstream pregnancy boards. Anyway, not much of substance, just introducing myself and saying hi!

Novel writing student Mama to ds (8y) and new DD 1-13-10.

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#686 of 1038 Old 05-24-2009, 12:26 AM
 
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welcome remijo
sounds like you've found the right place

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#687 of 1038 Old 05-29-2009, 03:04 PM
 
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------

Novel writing student Mama to ds (8y) and new DD 1-13-10.

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#688 of 1038 Old 05-29-2009, 07:06 PM
 
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My redhead lives in Philly; I can't see him more often than once a week but we email one another constantly. I'd luuuuuurve to have him for longer.

I'm waiting for his train now, actually. We're going to have a nice, quiet weekend because we've been insanely busy the past couple and we both need the break. I'm stoked. For some reason, he always seems farthest away on Fridays when he's going to be here later. Well, it seemed strange to me but it made sense to *him*, so I suppose that's all good.

He's wonderful. I'm gonna keep him. :

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#689 of 1038 Old 06-03-2009, 01:32 PM
 
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Sounds like things are going well for most everyone. It's good to hear.

*glances back through the posts* I never posted here about Mom's blow up the week or two before Mother's Day. Let's just say she had lots of nasty feelings to vent about my loved ones. It left me devastated, and I'm still hurting a month later.

So she called up yesterday and asks, "What do you hear from [the couple]? You haven't talked about them much lately." "I didn't know how much you wanted to hear about them," was my reply. What I was thinking was, "Gee, Mom. I don't suppose it would have anything to do with my being completely intimidated by you after all you said?"

I'm not even comfortable talking to Dad about them, anymore. He just shook his head at her outburst, and doesn't understand the point of starting WWIII over the situation. I know he's just as angry, unhappy, and hateful of them as she is -- he just has enough sense not to come out and say anything.

So they don't know that boyfriend's workplace held a surprise baby shower last week (they were extremely generous!). Or that his parents have offered to let me move in. There really isn't a point in factoring my family into that decision -- conflict is inevitable. The only thing I can do is try to steel myself for the next fall out.

I've already expressed to Mom and Dad that I don't feel like their families care about my pregnancy. I never hear from anybody. Just, "Oh, [family member] was asking how you were doing the other day." I don't even know who to send birth announcements to. I feel like the rainbow sheep, seeing as being anything but hetero-normative in my family is equivalent to being the black sheep.

Blah. Anyway. Enough ranting and venting from me.

- Born 7/21/09
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#690 of 1038 Old 06-03-2009, 03:40 PM
 
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My mom thinks I'm strange too, but that's really nothing new. The most recent question she's asked about tHRH? "So when are you going to marry him?" She'll probably groan at me if I get pregnant before we're ready... but that's very unlikely to happen, so on her. (Besides; I still have four kids in carseats. It's not like I could fit another into the minivan!)

Serenekitten, I think you're probably right to exclude your parents from your decision-making these days. You're a grownup, and you can show them that you are actually capable of making reasonable decisions for yourself even if they're not the ones that your parents would have made... right?

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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