Are you often mocked for your family's eating choices? - Mothering Forums

Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 05:05 AM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,984
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I mean by other friends and family?

We are, and we aren't even "militant" about how we eat. We have just been tweaking it here and there trying our best to do what we think is right for our family but I feel like every time we get together with friends or family there are a few snide comments snuck into conversation without fail.

 

For example, "Ohhh guess what Lauren this chicken is Organic Free range from TJs, so I guess you guys can eat it!" In response to us buying our chicken meat from a local farmer that is significantly more expensive but worth it to us.

 

Or, "Ohh can DD have some of this ice-cream? Oh wait NM I know you guys don't let her have anything fun, I mean processed." FTR DD is allowed to eat treats like ice-cream we just limit it a lot and try to avoid things that are neon green or bright red etc.

 

This happens all the time and it is never meant meanly but there is generally a tone of mockery at all times with it. I don't judge other people for what they eat but I am beginning to wonder if just talking about how we have changed out diet and why is offensive to our friends and family...

Anyone get to hear this type of stuff?

Ldavis24 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 06:05 AM
 
20605's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Skokie IL
Posts: 862
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes..we were the crunchy weirdos that spend WAY too much on food and you know..all food is organic, duh....it was alive right?...Its a self defense mechanism on their part because they feel embarrassed that they don't. They are probably unaware that they are doing it really..they think they are just teasing.

 

So, I ignored it when dd was little and I ignore it now. And yes sometimes we do eat processed food or junk when out and about but the way I look at it is, often, the other kids ask to trade dd for bits of her lunch a lot..so we are doing something right lol

20605 is offline  
#3 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 06:19 AM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,984
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post

Yes..we were the crunchy weirdos that spend WAY too much on food and you know..all food is organic, duh....it was alive right?...Its a self defense mechanism on their part because they feel embarrassed that they don't. They are probably unaware that they are doing it really..they think they are just teasing.

 

So, I ignored it when dd was little and I ignore it now. And yes sometimes we do eat processed food or junk when out and about but the way I look at it is, often, the other kids ask to trade dd for bits of her lunch a lot..so we are doing something right lol

this made me giggle. The height of cool was lunchables when I was in elementary school and my mom would NEVER buy them for me. I thought she was so cruel. I look at those little things now and want to barf...

 

 

 

Ldavis24 is offline  
 
#4 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 06:46 AM
 
cristeen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have never been mocked or teased about my food choices. I have confused people, and ive had them judge me (for making "unhealthy" choices), but never mocking.

If these are good friends, id call them on the passive agressiveness. If theyre not, then id probably stop hanging out. If this is family, id tell them to cut the crap and if they didnt, id limit exposure there too. I dont know how old your kid(s) are, but i wouldnt want them to learn that behavior, either towards other people's choices or towards yours.

Cristeen ~ Always remembering our stillheart.gif  warrior ~ Our rainbow1284.gif  is 3, how'd that happen?!?! 

We welcomed another rainbow1284.gifstillheart.gif  warrior in May 2012!! 

2012 Decluttering challenge - 575/2012

cristeen is offline  
#5 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 06:52 AM
 
goldenwillow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In the trees in the heart of Cascadia
Posts: 1,181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)

Count us in on folks thinking our choices are different, but I do not feel we are mocked.  I think they are just unsure, new things. 

 

Our fridge and cupboards look so very foreign to our family.  Our friends are more on board though. 

 

We have gallon jars of fermented everything, kombucha, grass fed beef, sustainable salmon, raw milk, you get the picture. 

 

When the flack comes, I just try to convey that this is our medical insurance for later in life.  Makes them think a bit as our parents are not healthy and on many meds for this and that. 

 

My hope is they will come around but they have really lightened up on the matter.   I remember getting a ton of flack drinking raw milk and eggs while pregnant.  They see how our choices have panned out when they are with DS, he is so darn smart, strong.... amazing. 

 

When someone whether family or friends comes over and ask what they can bring.....  I just say something to drink for yourselves.  I usually have corn tortillas and salsa that we make on hand just for those types of visits. 

 

I find it really hard too about the types of foods they push for DS to eat.  Easter should be fun... we always take our own grub. 

 

Someone always tries to slip DS something that is just horrible.  It is one of those things.  I have been able to convey to our families that I am the one who sees DS act crazy on sugary, processed stuff and they have seemed to stop pushing. 

 

 



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
'09   
goldenwillow is offline  
#6 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 07:09 AM
 
frugalmum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 496
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

I get this a lot about my eating habits.  I am pretty much vegan (occasionally eat animal products but 99% of the time don't) and i get accused of starving myself (I eat 2000-2500 calories a day), being malnourished, dooming myself to osteoporosis and so on.  And god forbid I have any health problem, they immediately blame it on my food intake.  It really annoys me because so many people eat terribly and have no business trying to tell other how to eat.

frugalmum is offline  
#7 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 08:21 AM
 
sosurreal09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 3,399
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am mocked all the time. Everyone says am a crazy hippy or an "extremist" and truth be told when we are not at home (like visiting someone) I practically let her eat anything b/c I can't control it, but I do have limits...

 

Be back later to elaborate b/c DD is messing with the comp


 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

sosurreal09 is offline  
#8 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 11:22 AM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,984
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by cristeen View Post

I have never been mocked or teased about my food choices. I have confused people, and ive had them judge me (for making "unhealthy" choices), but never mocking.

If these are good friends, id call them on the passive agressiveness. If theyre not, then id probably stop hanging out. If this is family, id tell them to cut the crap and if they didnt, id limit exposure there too. I dont know how old your kid(s) are, but i wouldnt want them to learn that behavior, either towards other people's choices or towards yours.


Hmm at first I was giong to say I didn't find it a huge deal that my family and DH's teases/mocks us/is just plain passive aggressive. It doesn't infuriate me but it happens enough that it is somewhat annoying and I guessed other people have similar experiences. We don't even eat that strangely! We like whole foods, un-processed and at the very least Organic although it doesn't mean much if you aren't doing whole foods. I try to cook mostly from scratch...Crazy I know...

 

Anyway, the more I think about the more I realize, that no the passive aggressive BS is not something I want DD to learn from anywhere, which is tough because DH's mom is the QUEEN of passive aggressive BS. DD is almost 2 so it isn't a huge issue yet but thank you cristeen for giving me something to think about that I hadn't really considered before!

 

Ldavis24 is offline  
#9 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 01:18 PM
 
Gator-mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: SLC, UT
Posts: 653
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm glad to have found this thread because I just had a bit of a dramatic event related to this last week...

 

My MIL wanted to get the kids together to dye eggs, as the rest of the family besides us is out of town for the whole week leading up to Easter, heading down for a big family get-together in Southern Utah. Anyway, DH was not there, as was at a night class, but me, DS and the rest of the in-law family was there.  My FIL was drunk when we got there, already slurring his words.  So when it came time to order dinner, I said, "Why don't I just go down there with the pick up and make our order there because it might be a bit complicated".  I say this because DS has recently been diagnosed with lactose intolerance and we are whole food vegetarians already, so ordering in restaurants that the rest of the family wants to eat at CAN be complicated!  So my FIL blurts out very snidely, "Everything you do is complicated! It's ALWAYS so complicated!" I said, "Excuse me, but your GRANDSON is LACTOSE INTOLERANT".  The rest of the family was all sitting around staring at their hands.  No one said anything to his blatant remark, and I was the only one there to defend myself.

 

I walked out of the room and pretended to do some laundry.  FIL comes in and says, "You didn't leave because of me didn't you?" and I said, "I just feel like you think I'm so stupid and burden you all the time when you say something like that".  He denies this, and tells me to 'stop being so sensitive' as he walks out of the room, obviously telling me that the conversation is over.  Maybe I was over-reacting, but it really felt like he was purposely trying to single me out as the weirdo.  I know that if DH had been there, there is no way he would have said that.  And if he HAD been there, DH would have had my back, and there would have been a bit of a show-down.

 

It's not the first time I've heard comments from him and other members of the family for living the way we do..which is basically whole foods, vegetarian and we try to avoid GMO and pesticides..so organic as often as we can afford it.  I definitely feel like they think we as a family, but myself mostly (as I'm the one who helps figure out what and when to get together) are a huge PITA.  Lately, I feel like I don't even want to have DS go over there anymore.  I feel torn because he loves his grandparents and I don't want to tell him he can't have a relationship with them, but we are constantly having to intervene with them from trying to feed him junk food/candy, let him be off his usual schedule all the time (like staying up till 11pm when he sleeps over occasionally) and when he comes home he is hyper, exhausted and completely defiant.

 

Sorry for the lengthy story..just thought this might be a place were others would understand my frustration..


Student nurse Mamma to Kaylum (3/01/2007) and wife to computer nerd DH .

Gator-mom is offline  
#10 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 01:41 PM
 
jldumm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: nm
Posts: 674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

oh yeah. our family gives us a really hard time. especially oh whenever we see them. about meat mostly. but also things like raw milk and the large number of vegetables my family is  consuming.  sometimes times it bugs me, but then i spend less and less time with those people.  they also think homebirth, breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering/ec, no plastic is weird.  so we are weird all the way around.  hang in there just know that you are not alone and surround yourselves with friends who think like you. 


 

 


In love with their dad . mom to (dd 5/20/07)notes.gif, and (ds 3/27/09)moon.gif ,and (dd 5/9/11) love.gif, and (ds 5/14/13) nak.gif

jldumm is offline  
#11 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 01:42 PM
 
tjlucca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: We are a Nomadic little tribe
Posts: 297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gator-mom View Post

I'm glad to have found this thread because I just had a bit of a dramatic event related to this last week...

 

My MIL wanted to get the kids together to dye eggs, as the rest of the family besides us is out of town for the whole week leading up to Easter, heading down for a big family get-together in Southern Utah. Anyway, DH was not there, as was at a night class, but me, DS and the rest of the in-law family was there.  My FIL was drunk when we got there, already slurring his words.  So when it came time to order dinner, I said, "Why don't I just go down there with the pick up and make our order there because it might be a bit complicated".  I say this because DS has recently been diagnosed with lactose intolerance and we are whole food vegetarians already, so ordering in restaurants that the rest of the family wants to eat at CAN be complicated!  So my FIL blurts out very snidely, "Everything you do is complicated! It's ALWAYS so complicated!" I said, "Excuse me, but your GRANDSON is LACTOSE INTOLERANT".  The rest of the family was all sitting around staring at their hands.  No one said anything to his blatant remark, and I was the only one there to defend myself.

 

I walked out of the room and pretended to do some laundry.  FIL comes in and says, "You didn't leave because of me didn't you?" and I said, "I just feel like you think I'm so stupid and burden you all the time when you say something like that".  He denies this, and tells me to 'stop being so sensitive' as he walks out of the room, obviously telling me that the conversation is over.  Maybe I was over-reacting, but it really felt like he was purposely trying to single me out as the weirdo.  I know that if DH had been there, there is no way he would have said that.  And if he HAD been there, DH would have had my back, and there would have been a bit of a show-down.

 

It's not the first time I've heard comments from him and other members of the family for living the way we do..which is basically whole foods, vegetarian and we try to avoid GMO and pesticides..so organic as often as we can afford it.  I definitely feel like they think we as a family, but myself mostly (as I'm the one who helps figure out what and when to get together) are a huge PITA.  Lately, I feel like I don't even want to have DS go over there anymore.  I feel torn because he loves his grandparents and I don't want to tell him he can't have a relationship with them, but we are constantly having to intervene with them from trying to feed him junk food/candy, let him be off his usual schedule all the time (like staying up till 11pm when he sleeps over occasionally) and when he comes home he is hyper, exhausted and completely defiant.

 

Sorry for the lengthy story..just thought this might be a place were others would understand my frustration..

 

 

I totally get this. We are organic, whole food vegetarians, but not only that. I miscarried in December and we found then that I am Gluten and dairy intolerant. After several months of using herbs, changing my already healthy diet and resting, we are TTC again.  My MIL told DP last week that I can't get pregnant because we are always "dieting". He tried to explain to her that we NEVER diet. We simply try to make the healthiest food choices possible. He got no where with her. She is convinced that if we ate "normal" I would be pregnant right now. Argh, we don't get invited to family gathering much anymore, due to our "strange" eating habits. My side of the family now pretty much refuses to have a meal with us.  I feel you..
 

 


namaste.gif WAHSM to Ani (7) and Juddah (18mo.)

homebirth.jpggoorganic.jpgintactivist.gifwave.giflactivist.gif
 
 

tjlucca is offline  
#12 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 01:45 PM
 
tjlucca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: We are a Nomadic little tribe
Posts: 297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by frugalmum View Post

I get this a lot about my eating habits.  I am pretty much vegan (occasionally eat animal products but 99% of the time don't) and i get accused of starving myself (I eat 2000-2500 calories a day), being malnourished, dooming myself to osteoporosis and so on.  And god forbid I have any health problem, they immediately blame it on my food intake.  It really annoys me because so many people eat terribly and have no business trying to tell other how to eat.



yeahthat.gif


namaste.gif WAHSM to Ani (7) and Juddah (18mo.)

homebirth.jpggoorganic.jpgintactivist.gifwave.giflactivist.gif
 
 

tjlucca is offline  
#13 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 01:45 PM
 
tjlucca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: We are a Nomadic little tribe
Posts: 297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by frugalmum View Post

I get this a lot about my eating habits.  I am pretty much vegan (occasionally eat animal products but 99% of the time don't) and i get accused of starving myself (I eat 2000-2500 calories a day), being malnourished, dooming myself to osteoporosis and so on.  And god forbid I have any health problem, they immediately blame it on my food intake.  It really annoys me because so many people eat terribly and have no business trying to tell other how to eat.



yeahthat.gif


namaste.gif WAHSM to Ani (7) and Juddah (18mo.)

homebirth.jpggoorganic.jpgintactivist.gifwave.giflactivist.gif
 
 

tjlucca is offline  
#14 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 02:30 PM
 
sosurreal09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 3,399
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We eat meat but it is free range local from a CSA. We only eat organic produce and only eat whole foods really. I make everything homemade. We try to eat more raw foods and we have a limited dairy consumption. We will eat grass-fed butter and cheese and occasionally ice cream. We do NOT eat GMO foods at home and I am really against GM. Like I previously said though when we are visiting other people I know their food is not ideal in the least bit but I try and just eat the most whole food type of stuff they have. Which I also get ridiculed for.

 

We always get the "you are depriving your DD" speech. Because limiting sugar and processed junk and not gibing her cookies and candies is total deprivation!

 

What is the deal with the goldfish crackers?! I swear it is like a non-stop argument about how my child NEEDS to eat goldfish! WTF?

 

I just try and ignore people like how I do about everything else (co-sleeping, BFing, non-vax, CDing, GDing, ect)


 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

sosurreal09 is offline  
#15 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 03:44 PM
 
goldenwillow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In the trees in the heart of Cascadia
Posts: 1,181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Gator-mom View Post

I'm glad to have found this thread because I just had a bit of a dramatic event related to this last week...

 

 

Same type of situation for me as well.  I am celiac and am VERY careful what and where I eat.  We also avoid GMO's. 

 

 



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
'09   
goldenwillow is offline  
#16 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,984
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

We eat meat but it is free range local from a CSA. We only eat organic produce and only eat whole foods really. I make everything homemade. We try to eat more raw foods and we have a limited dairy consumption. We will eat grass-fed butter and cheese and occasionally ice cream. We do NOT eat GMO foods at home and I am really against GM. Like I previously said though when we are visiting other people I know their food is not ideal in the least bit but I try and just eat the most whole food type of stuff they have. Which I also get ridiculed for.

 

We always get the "you are depriving your DD" speech. Because limiting sugar and processed junk and not gibing her cookies and candies is total deprivation!

 

What is the deal with the goldfish crackers?! I swear it is like a non-stop argument about how my child NEEDS to eat goldfish! WTF?

 

I just try and ignore people like how I do about everything else (co-sleeping, BFing, non-vax, CDing, GDing, ect)


OMG! The Goldfish..every time I visit my mom she sends me home with a huge tub of them! You know cause DD LOVES them...Except DD is indifferent to them, will eat 1 or 2 then smoosh the rest all over the place. DH and I end up snacking them late night when we are watching a movie or something.

 

Mostly its just passive aggressive sarcastic comments because I am disgusted by grocery store meat, I think that GMOs are seriously evil and I aspire to grow/raise most of my own food (hence the siggy)...So yeah we're super weird in our family..

 

It is the same thing though as a PP mentioned, we were really weird anyway because we co-sleep DD is still nursing (22 months old) we don't do h"punishment" in the conventional sense and we respect DD as her own person with her own desires and wants and I try to respect those within reason instead of just tell her what to do because 'I am the parent"...We are the hippy dippy (their term not mine) weirdos in the family.. 

 

Ldavis24 is offline  
#17 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 06:46 PM
 
CatsCradle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 1,945
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

No, our weirdness is an expected and almost celebrated thing amongst our family and friends.  But for our weirdness, people wouldn't have anything to talk about.  kid.gif


"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
CatsCradle is offline  
#18 of 37 Old 04-18-2011, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,984
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

ROTFLMAO.gif I never thought about it that way! What else would the whole damn family gossip about if we weren't being our weird hippie selves?!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post

No, our weirdness is an expected and almost celebrated thing amongst our family and friends.  But for our weirdness, people wouldn't have anything to talk about.  kid.gif



 

Ldavis24 is offline  
#19 of 37 Old 04-19-2011, 06:16 AM
 
sosurreal09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 3,399
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well I am sick of it personally but maybe my fam is more extreme with the ridicule...

 

The other day my grandmother told me to stop BFing DD b/c she is too old ect ect and then ends the "discussion" with "We don't live in a 3rd world country you know!" O_M_G

 

My sister complains about whatever we eat all the time when she comes over, We have 0 "snacks" b/c we eat fruits and veggies for snacks. All we cook is "health food" and she mostly eats take out so every time she comes she buys take out for herself.

 

I get the complaining of "You mean we can't even take her to Friendly's once a week?" NO absolutely not!

 

Every time I turn around someone is giving her a cookie or some ice cream behind my back, they d see her she brings up o not respect my parental decisions at all, but like I said that is in everything I do.

 

SIL is the absolute worst she tries to pin DH against me, she ridicules me to no end, I really feel like she is just evil lol. We got in a huge fight about circ b/c I had posted some anti-circ stuff on my FB for March. She still won't let it go. Every time I see her she brings up vax. She even asked DH to go with her to the store and she tried to talk him into going to court to get medical custody of our DD so I couldn't make these "dangerous" decisions for my DD. (she is a total dumb bum considering her father could just go get her vaxed without me if he wanted to) I am insane for not having my baby in a hospital ect ect. She is a medical ass. and she thinks she knows so much more than me (even though I was a nurse aide, EKG tech and phlebotomist for 5 years) Yet she thinks eating healthy is pointless and ridiculous. WOW. She is the type of person to ask her LO to eat dinner and then if he doesn't actually says to him "Will you at least eat some cookies and ice cream for me?" She says it doesn't matter what he puts into his body just that he is growing well and a good weight...duh.gif Oh of course that is all that matters how could I be so niave?

 

These people drive me crazy! It doesn't help too that DD is only 21lbs at 18 m/o and 3ft tall, but she is tall and thin like her dad, she eats more than any other kid I have seen too and all of my friends say the same thing. She isn't the biggest snacker but she will really sit down and eat her whole meal. It is funny too b/c at home she will not eat any type of crackers or sweets or anything but very healthy food but when we are out she will pretty much eat what is offered. I thought it was so funny when we had a friend stay over and she was eating and giving her DD reeses peices and she gave one to my DD and she spit it out. orngbiggrin.gif


 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

sosurreal09 is offline  
#20 of 37 Old 04-19-2011, 06:47 AM
 
Gator-mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: SLC, UT
Posts: 653
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

him "Will you at least eat some cookies and ice cream for me?" She says it doesn't matter what he puts into his body just that he is growing well and a good weight...duh.gif Oh of course that is all that matters how could I be so niave?

 


 


My MIL does stuff like this all the time.  She'll say, 'OK, just eat two bites and I'll give you a cookie'.  Um..in my book, it's not OK to eat 50/50 real food and junk! 

 

Sounds like you are around a similar family from us.  My in-laws don't make as many comments about our other ways of raising DS, but the food is a big problem and getting them to actually comply with our wishes is a constant battle. When Ds was young, we had more battles over circumcision, cloth diapering and vaxing.  Now that I am in nursing school, they seem to accept that I do seem to know what is the healthiest for him in those regards.  And I think they get a glimpse of why we are so persistent about food, but at the same time, want to be able to 'spoil' Ds in a way.  The stupid thing is, he's actually totally happy with fruit leather and applesauce as his treats and I even bring them over, but she will not offer that and give him candy instead!  My FIL is the one who opens his big mouth and acts like he knows everything.  But the funny thing is DH can't even stand him to this day because of his stellar parenting skills'.  We used to live with them, and back then, we got into big fights because he explodes over little things, like Ds knocking over a drink when he was one and a half.   Thank goodness we don't have to live with them anymore!

 

My parents (esp my mom) are total hippies and it would be so much easier if we lived closer to either of them..but since we are pretty much committed to finishing our degree's for now, we are stuck here in Utah for at least the next two years!

 


Student nurse Mamma to Kaylum (3/01/2007) and wife to computer nerd DH .

Gator-mom is offline  
#21 of 37 Old 04-19-2011, 07:02 AM
 
goldenwillow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In the trees in the heart of Cascadia
Posts: 1,181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

Well I am sick of it personally but maybe my fam is more extreme with the ridicule...

 

The other day my grandmother told me to stop BFing DD b/c she is too old ect ect and then ends the "discussion" with "We don't live in a 3rd world country you know!" O_M_G

 

My sister complains about whatever we eat all the time when she comes over, We have 0 "snacks" b/c we eat fruits and veggies for snacks. All we cook is "health food" and she mostly eats take out so every time she comes she buys take out for herself.

 

I get the complaining of "You mean we can't even take her to Friendly's once a week?" NO absolutely not!

 

Every time I turn around someone is giving her a cookie or some ice cream behind my back, they d see her she brings up o not respect my parental decisions at all, but like I said that is in everything I do.

 

SIL is the absolute worst she tries to pin DH against me, she ridicules me to no end, I really feel like she is just evil lol. We got in a huge fight about circ b/c I had posted some anti-circ stuff on my FB for March. She still won't let it go. Every time I see her she brings up vax. She even asked DH to go with her to the store and she tried to talk him into going to court to get medical custody of our DD so I couldn't make these "dangerous" decisions for my DD. (she is a total dumb bum considering her father could just go get her vaxed without me if he wanted to) I am insane for not having my baby in a hospital ect ect. She is a medical ass. and she thinks she knows so much more than me (even though I was a nurse aide, EKG tech and phlebotomist for 5 years) Yet she thinks eating healthy is pointless and ridiculous. WOW. She is the type of person to ask her LO to eat dinner and then if he doesn't actually says to him "Will you at least eat some cookies and ice cream for me?" She says it doesn't matter what he puts into his body just that he is growing well and a good weight...duh.gif Oh of course that is all that matters how could I be so niave?

 

These people drive me crazy! It doesn't help too that DD is only 21lbs at 18 m/o and 3ft tall, but she is tall and thin like her dad, she eats more than any other kid I have seen too and all of my friends say the same thing. She isn't the biggest snacker but she will really sit down and eat her whole meal. It is funny too b/c at home she will not eat any type of crackers or sweets or anything but very healthy food but when we are out she will pretty much eat what is offered. I thought it was so funny when we had a friend stay over and she was eating and giving her DD reeses peices and she gave one to my DD and she spit it out. orngbiggrin.gif


O M G I feel like this was my post. 

 

You are not alone.  Geez....  it is really disheartening to me to have to defend something like nursing and our choices on food. 

 

Love that your little one spit out the reeses.  Awesome. 

 

 

 



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
'09   
goldenwillow is offline  
#22 of 37 Old 04-19-2011, 07:07 AM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 4,753
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Yup. All the time. We are semi vegetarian (for the most part, but we do eat local meat, and occasionally even non local). I have to be in the mood to eat it though, so I always assume that wherever Im going I need a vegetarian meal. But we have had times when MIL says things like "Welll, we could stop at White Castle, but Holly wouldnt like that.", making it my fault that no one else gets to eat gross, nasty, fast food.


Holly
Adaline
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(3/20/10), and Charlie
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(1/26/12- 4/10/12) and identical  
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)
SIDS happens. 
Adaline'sMama is offline  
#23 of 37 Old 04-19-2011, 08:16 PM
 
Sol_y_Paz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: La Biblioteca
Posts: 1,916
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  It helps to not care about their comments anymore.  Thought it is hard when people close to you try to push their food values onto you and your family though, as if you are not capable of making those decisions.  


happy family!joy.gif we winner.jpgfemalesling.GIFnocirc.gif

Sol_y_Paz is offline  
#24 of 37 Old 04-19-2011, 09:44 PM
 
mommy212's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I get this a lot, but a lot less from my mom than when lo was born. When I cried to her because my milk dried up at two weeks, she said it was okay, I can stop BFing now because he got everything he needs... I didn't stop, just tried harder, but she has a really skewed understanding of BFing and how healthy BM actually is. When he starts to show signs of a cold she wants me to pump him full of OJ, like that's better for sickness than BM... lol. She also thought I was really weird to feed him all organic stuff, and how I emphasized that I did not want his first food to be cereal, and she just thought I was being dumb about it. She has gotten much better though, I know that she really does understand I am trying to do my best for him. She is also crazy about him and has seen how smart and strong he is. He also is so healthy; he just got over his first ever cold at 18 months.

My grandparents tried to feed him chips when he was 7 months old. Plain old lay's potato chips. To be fair I probably overreacted a bit, running over saying "no, no, don't feed him that!" but really... chips?

mommy212 is offline  
#25 of 37 Old 04-20-2011, 06:28 PM
 
tjlucca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: We are a Nomadic little tribe
Posts: 297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

Well I am sick of it personally but maybe my fam is more extreme with the ridicule...

 

The other day my grandmother told me to stop BFing DD b/c she is too old ect ect and then ends the "discussion" with "We don't live in a 3rd world country you know!" O_M_G

 

My sister complains about whatever we eat all the time when she comes over, We have 0 "snacks" b/c we eat fruits and veggies for snacks. All we cook is "health food" and she mostly eats take out so every time she comes she buys take out for herself.

 

I get the complaining of "You mean we can't even take her to Friendly's once a week?" NO absolutely not!

 

Every time I turn around someone is giving her a cookie or some ice cream behind my back, they d see her she brings up o not respect my parental decisions at all, but like I said that is in everything I do.

 

SIL is the absolute worst she tries to pin DH against me, she ridicules me to no end, I really feel like she is just evil lol. We got in a huge fight about circ b/c I had posted some anti-circ stuff on my FB for March. She still won't let it go. Every time I see her she brings up vax. She even asked DH to go with her to the store and she tried to talk him into going to court to get medical custody of our DD so I couldn't make these "dangerous" decisions for my DD. (she is a total dumb bum considering her father could just go get her vaxed without me if he wanted to) I am insane for not having my baby in a hospital ect ect. She is a medical ass. and she thinks she knows so much more than me (even though I was a nurse aide, EKG tech and phlebotomist for 5 years) Yet she thinks eating healthy is pointless and ridiculous. WOW. She is the type of person to ask her LO to eat dinner and then if he doesn't actually says to him "Will you at least eat some cookies and ice cream for me?" She says it doesn't matter what he puts into his body just that he is growing well and a good weight...duh.gif Oh of course that is all that matters how could I be so niave?

 

These people drive me crazy! It doesn't help too that DD is only 21lbs at 18 m/o and 3ft tall, but she is tall and thin like her dad, she eats more than any other kid I have seen too and all of my friends say the same thing. She isn't the biggest snacker but she will really sit down and eat her whole meal. It is funny too b/c at home she will not eat any type of crackers or sweets or anything but very healthy food but when we are out she will pretty much eat what is offered. I thought it was so funny when we had a friend stay over and she was eating and giving her DD reeses peices and she gave one to my DD and she spit it out. orngbiggrin.gif


 

 

 

This is why DP and I rarely see extended family anymore. It just doesn't work. We are too different and it makes them (on both sides, his fam and mine) very uncomfortable. We see them maybe once or twice a year and that is enough for everybody. We gave up trying to explain or involve them. It seems to be very threatening as if our choices being so different makes their choices wrong somehow. We have given up mostly. It can make one crazy!! We stay away from it fir sanity's sake. I think family are those who are willing to be supportive, caring and loving. That doesn't have to mean "family of origin" if it doesn't work (it doesn't work for them either). We have friends who totally get the way we choice to live and are supportive and fun to be with and that is enough for us. 

 


namaste.gif WAHSM to Ani (7) and Juddah (18mo.)

homebirth.jpggoorganic.jpgintactivist.gifwave.giflactivist.gif
 
 

tjlucca is offline  
#26 of 37 Old 04-21-2011, 12:29 AM
 
Arianwen1174's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: I'm a (Willamette) Valley girl!
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by tjlucca View Post

 

This is why DP and I rarely see extended family anymore. It just doesn't work. We are too different and it makes them (on both sides, his fam and mine) very uncomfortable. We see them maybe once or twice a year and that is enough for everybody. We gave up trying to explain or involve them. It seems to be very threatening as if our choices being so different makes their choices wrong somehow. We have given up mostly. It can make one crazy!! We stay away from it fir sanity's sake. I think family are those who are willing to be supportive, caring and loving. That doesn't have to mean "family of origin" if it doesn't work (it doesn't work for them either). We have friends who totally get the way we choice to live and are supportive and fun to be with and that is enough for us. 

 

yeahthat.gif (Emphasis mine)

 

Most of the grief and yes, some mockery, happened while I was still associating with my family of origin. The biggest incident that sticks in my mind was when the family gathered at a steak house for Mother's Day 6 or 7 years ago. My vegan brother was with us and even though I was not going completely meatless at the time, I opted to find a veg option to show solidarity with the other black sheep in the family winky.gif. My brother and I pored over the menu assessing options--pasta but leave out the chicken, Garden Burger, salad, etc. As we were going over the menu discussing the best options, my aunt noticed and said in a very snide tone of voice, "I eat whatever I want!" Well hmmmmm, so do/did we! I was so irritated with her. She's teh one who has given me the most trouble over the years about my food choices. She seems to think that eating differently means not eating what I want (plus that thing about my different food choices somehow making hers wrong). My FOO also gave me (and my now ex-husband) grief about being vegetarian years ago. Especially when I was pregnant and our boys were really young.

 

None of my in-loves eat the way I/we do (and especially the way I aspire to) but they're pretty tolerant. Sometimes I wonder if my MIL gets a little exasperated hearing about whole grains/whole foods/whatnot but I think that might be more because she wishes she could eat that way (pain and energy issues get in the way of decent cooking for her even though it would help so much). I'm about to go gluten free though, and I won't be surprised to get a little flack now and then. Especially if we all eat out and I have a hard time finding to things I can eat. But my in-loves are SO much better than my family of origin. And at least a cousin is feeding her severely autistic son GF so I'll have a little solidarity there.

 


Kali (pka Michelle) ~ crunchy wife to Cory (09/06) ~ Mama to H (03/90) & I (06/92)--bothnocirc.gifbf.jpg BF for 35 consecutive months ~ angel1.gif x 4

Arianwen1174 is offline  
#27 of 37 Old 04-21-2011, 07:11 AM
 
Gator-mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: SLC, UT
Posts: 653
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yea, I agree that trying to eat out is usually where the sparks fly the most. That is pretty bad, Arianwen, that your family had to go to a STEAK house of all places when your brother is vegan! Talk about a hard place to order!  I have had many of these issues..some with my own family and a lot with my in-laws.  I've been vegetarian or vegan for 10 years now.  You'd think they'd get used to it by now!  What always frustrates me is, when you are the one eating healthy, in a family who wants to continue to be asleep about today's nutritional health; YOU are the one who is expected to conform and make an exception 'just this one time'.  It often feels like, 'well if you don't like it, then don't eat', which isn't fair either.

 

My In-laws want our whole family to go to Mexico this year for Christmas. They are paying, but they want to do an all-inclusive package, which makes me feel like we will have just about zero food choices.  Even if they have vegetarian or vegan options, I'm pretty certain they won't be GMO free or organic!  While I would love to go to Mexico, I feel like I don't even want to go with them, because it's just going to be drama over food, drinking, etc. Plus, I'll be TTC this fall, and I don't think hanging out with a bunch of drunks while I'm either trying or pregnant and NOT drinking myself sounds very fun! I told my MIL this and she said, "well, that will be YOUR problem". I'd rather have them not pay for us (which means we wouldn't go, as we can't afford it) than have them shell out all this money so we can feel resentful the whole time! However, TELLING them this, might be drama in itself.


Student nurse Mamma to Kaylum (3/01/2007) and wife to computer nerd DH .

Gator-mom is offline  
#28 of 37 Old 04-21-2011, 02:26 PM
 
Calliope84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 283
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think other people find it threatening and it makes them feel bad about their own food choices. Your choices make them feel judged so they have to mock to make themselves feel better. Because... processed food and factory farmed meat ARE gross and everyone knows they are not the healthiest choices. 

 

Btw, my MIL refers to me as "organic woman". She and my own mom say that if we are not 100% organic we are hypocritical and ridiculous and they give us crap about it. We think every little bit counts.

Calliope84 is offline  
#29 of 37 Old 04-21-2011, 05:01 PM
 
CatsCradle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 1,945
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I posted earlier and I have found this thread informative on how people feel about familial criticism.  I don't know, maybe I'm old and craggly and I just don't care anymore about what people think, but I feel like when family members jab DH and I for our choices, I chalk it up to our differences and I don't really think much about it.  DH and I come both come from very traditional backgrounds (both religious and culturally) and I think the reason that the perceived "mockery" and whatever doesn't bother us is that we have always been pretty confident in our choices.  I don't mind when people from our families think that we are weird (I know that they love us and the digging is part and parcel of being of family).  I would mind if they tried to somehow covert DD.  My family is smart enough to not try to do that, and they also have a certain amount of respect for our parenting choices.  The big difference for me in this conversation is between:  I'm being mocked for my choices vs. my family/friends are trying to convert and/or force certain eating choices on my child and me.  Mocking and dissing doesn't matter to me (heck I deal with that daily from people on the subway).  People undermining my choices by trying to force different values/choices on me and child (well, that's a different ballgame).  Mock me, people, mock me!  I don't give a D.


"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
CatsCradle is offline  
#30 of 37 Old 04-21-2011, 05:40 PM
 
tjlucca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: We are a Nomadic little tribe
Posts: 297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I've found that one of the toughest parts of all of this is it is very confusing to DD. When she hears the snide remarks or has people trying to sneak her meat at the table when I am not looking (yes, this has happened several times). She is confused by it all. We are not judge mental vegetarians. We raise her knowing that everyone gets to make decisions for their own body. And what others eat is up to them. So, what we experience with them is very conflicting for her, it's not the way she is being raised.  It is the same with home birth, co-sleeping, no-VAX, homeschooling, etc...


namaste.gif WAHSM to Ani (7) and Juddah (18mo.)

homebirth.jpggoorganic.jpgintactivist.gifwave.giflactivist.gif
 
 

tjlucca is offline  
Reply


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 1,741

12 members and 1,729 guests
Arishaa , barnetta , fljen , Hyacinthe , IceFlake , Katie_Brown , KerriB , lauritagoddess , omarinbox1888 , pooeils , Realdeal , skyrocket
Most users ever online was 21,860, 06-22-2018 at 08:45 PM.