I feel lost - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 11-15-2018, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel lost

I am a stay at home mom and gave birth in May. I had a traumatic labor and birth, which led to an emergency cesarean. My post partum recovery was very long and painful and I'm still not 100%. I have a healthy and beautiful boy. My husband and I moved 4 hours away from our friends and family. Back home I worked, had an active social life with friends and family. I did a lot of community service and volunteered my time in a professional organization. We are now alone and we deal with the post partum hardships alone. We have had family and friends visit, but I feel so alone. I love my little family, but I feel so sad very often. My insurance only pays for a handful of therapy sessions and after that I must pay out of pocket. And that is financially not feasible for us. I am trying to write a cohesive posts so I apologize if it becomes hard to read.

My husband and I have had some rough patches since the birth, but we have been working on it. My husband is a very straight forward person and says what is on his mind. He is a great man, and he has made attempts to help me through my tough moments. However, there have been instances where it feels as if he is judging me. He makes I told you so remarks when it comes to caring for our son. I am sleep deprived, and probably suffering from PPD. We are alone in another state and I don't know anyone over here. I don't have social media so it's hard to connect to people because I'm finding out that is the way to go but I am not a fan of social media. I rely on my husband, but I feel it is getting to him. I feel that our disagreements are wearing him out and is loosing his patience. We had a fall out because we had an I told you so moment where we were going out locally. He asked if I wanted to walk or we drive. Since the place was a 10-15 minute walk I said let's walk. We were a block away from the house and I couldn't push the stroller because the wind was so strong and I asked my husband for help. And the said if we would have driven this wouldn't have been a problem, but I wanted to walk. He used his I told you so tone. And I asked him why would he say that. And he reiterated the point again and I told him I didn't appreciate that because it made me feel he was criticizing me. I turned around and fumed for a bit but eventually got over it a couple of hours later. Not my husband. When we went out, he was cold and didn't really talk to me. And it has been about a week and he's still acting the same. He does say a few more things but seems disinterested in me. He is loving and playful to our son. This makes me feel even more isolated because something so small got us like this. He helps me when I need help but we don't interact like we used to. We have had these moments often and it chips at me more and more. I want to be a bigger person and not let it get to me but I feel alone and I don't know how to build myself up. I know the rational thing is to talk to my husband, but we've had moments like these in the past and he's over it. This is why he is acting this way. I know its hard to be with an emotional wife, but it's been hard for me physically and emotionally. I don't have the support like I used to and again I feel alone. I don't know how to not be sensitive to his remarks. And his distance hurts me so much and makes this loneliness even more difficult.

I am not sure what to expect from this but I hope airing out how i feel would help.

Lost.
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#2 of 5 Old 11-16-2018, 09:42 AM
 
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First off I would like to say congrags on your beautiful healthy baby, now with that being said I would like to start by saying I have 4 kids, all have been c sections and my first csection was the hardest ( emergency csection 2 months early with twin boys) the other two was easier Im a bystander and only seeing what you have told so far so forgive me if I sound wrong, both of you are coping with this new life so to speak 4 hours away fr family and friends, you both have the new baby which can be overwhelming all together and I know you are the one that went through the csection and the pain and being scared but please note he did as well feel emotions and the fear of what was happening or going to happen guys tend to deal with things differently then we do that being said ( I have been with my husband for over 18yrs) and by far mine never knew how much struggle and what challenges and physical endurance it takes on a woman to carry a baby, have the baby and the emotions one feels through out as well as the depression/tiredness/cranky/very senstive/ lack of feeling even loved or respected we go through. I would highly suggest taking time out during the day or night whatever his and your schedule allows to have a couple minutes to talk He needs to know how you are feeling 100%, he needs to understand what your going through as well as he still needs to feel loved by you as well tell him how much he means to you and how much you respect him (helping you) but he needs to also respect your emotions and feelings in a time like this, he needs to hear what all you are going through, as well as you need him to open up on how he is feeling, maybe where you said he is kinda cold like not talking perhaps he may feel like he may upset you or you may take him wrong and he doesnt want that maybe he sees your going through alot and tryin to give you your space to heal and get 100% back to feeling good, maybe with the new baby and the challenges you all have faced moving and emergency c section maybe he is scared and kinda feeling like he has no one as well I hope this helps some in some possible answers and ways of looking and going about talking for you and your man.. I will keep a check on this topic and if you want to vent more go for it Im here and will try to help any way I can
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#3 of 5 Old 07-22-2020, 12:57 PM
 
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I've struggled with postnatal depression for more than a month. This is indeed so hard for both of the parents but especially for me
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#4 of 5 Old 08-18-2020, 03:29 AM
 
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I think you can still socialize with you family and friends online. I have experience in living away from family and friends. Approximately 4 hours on a plane. Well...you need to understand that being with your child and husband is far more important
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#5 of 5 Old 09-14-2020, 12:27 AM
 
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Feeling lost is okay, at some point every mother goes through it. But figuring out a way to make this easy for you is important, try to make some time for yourself where you do a pamper session , back massage or even binge watch Netflix for few hours. Taking some me time to transition through this phase will help for sure. For me pampering myself with natural beauty products is my way of escaping and getting some me time. I have been trying out so many many mom beauty brands , one of which that i really loved was the moms co., great products and safe ingredients.
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