I feel lost
I am a stay at home mom and gave birth in May. I had a traumatic labor and birth, which led to an emergency cesarean. My post partum recovery was very long and painful and I'm still not 100%. I have a healthy and beautiful boy. My husband and I moved 4 hours away from our friends and family. Back home I worked, had an active social life with friends and family. I did a lot of community service and volunteered my time in a professional organization. We are now alone and we deal with the post partum hardships alone. We have had family and friends visit, but I feel so alone. I love my little family, but I feel so sad very often. My insurance only pays for a handful of therapy sessions and after that I must pay out of pocket. And that is financially not feasible for us. I am trying to write a cohesive posts so I apologize if it becomes hard to read.
My husband and I have had some rough patches since the birth, but we have been working on it. My husband is a very straight forward person and says what is on his mind. He is a great man, and he has made attempts to help me through my tough moments. However, there have been instances where it feels as if he is judging me. He makes I told you so remarks when it comes to caring for our son. I am sleep deprived, and probably suffering from PPD. We are alone in another state and I don't know anyone over here. I don't have social media so it's hard to connect to people because I'm finding out that is the way to go but I am not a fan of social media. I rely on my husband, but I feel it is getting to him. I feel that our disagreements are wearing him out and is loosing his patience. We had a fall out because we had an I told you so moment where we were going out locally. He asked if I wanted to walk or we drive. Since the place was a 10-15 minute walk I said let's walk. We were a block away from the house and I couldn't push the stroller because the wind was so strong and I asked my husband for help. And the said if we would have driven this wouldn't have been a problem, but I wanted to walk. He used his I told you so tone. And I asked him why would he say that. And he reiterated the point again and I told him I didn't appreciate that because it made me feel he was criticizing me. I turned around and fumed for a bit but eventually got over it a couple of hours later. Not my husband. When we went out, he was cold and didn't really talk to me. And it has been about a week and he's still acting the same. He does say a few more things but seems disinterested in me. He is loving and playful to our son. This makes me feel even more isolated because something so small got us like this. He helps me when I need help but we don't interact like we used to. We have had these moments often and it chips at me more and more. I want to be a bigger person and not let it get to me but I feel alone and I don't know how to build myself up. I know the rational thing is to talk to my husband, but we've had moments like these in the past and he's over it. This is why he is acting this way. I know its hard to be with an emotional wife, but it's been hard for me physically and emotionally. I don't have the support like I used to and again I feel alone. I don't know how to not be sensitive to his remarks. And his distance hurts me so much and makes this loneliness even more difficult.
I am not sure what to expect from this but I hope airing out how i feel would help.