"Mama, Some Mulk. Puhleeeez!" - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 07:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just found this forum and realized there is a name for what I decided to do with my daughter so long ago... (she's now 23 months)

I have a question - here's the situation: I don't entertain at home very often, but this weekend I had overnight guests and then more people over for a day. So I was running around cooking, conversing, finding towels, etc. etc... and my girl would not stop asking me for milk! The phrase "mama, some milk" would just come out of her mouth every other time she said something. It was weird! Someone would ask her a question and she'd look at them and say that! So these friends and relatives who don't often see us saw her like this and were pretty freaked out. Even my best friend, who totally supports breast feeding as long as you want to (but doesn't have any kids), took me aside and said, "you know, this nursing thing is really out of hand!"

I didn't know what to say... I think I said something like "well, she is probably over stimulated with all these people around and knows it will be a refuge." But my friend just shook her head and said "good luck".

I did nurse her more frequently during that time, and it seemed like it was more for comfort and less for food. She would only nurse about 4 minutes or so at a time.

Does anyone else have experience with this, and how did you deal with it? I've never been embarrassed by breastfeeding, but felt embarrassed by this situation.

This is my only child and I wasn't raised in a large family or around others who breasfed past 1 1/2. I only recently found Mothering and was happy to see that my instincts were being backed up by so many people, like nursing until she weans herself and not vaccinating. She does sleep in a crib next to our bed because she kicks me in the face otherwise and doesn't sleep well.

It does seem like she gets more wild and demanding when I refuse, but when she asks so often I have to! Normally I can tell when she really wants to nurse or is only asking because she is hungry. In those instances, I can usually offer her some food and she is happy and says "Oooooh-kay". This weekend, nothing worked. Not food, toys, artistic endeavors, snuggling, favorite movie, etc. I feel like I couldn't have people over again like that for fear of a repeat of the situation.
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#2 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 12:43 PM
 
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Sounds normal to me! There were all these people in her house and mommy was unavailable (i.e. busier than normal). It probably turned her world upside down and she needed to reconnect the best way she knew how! It can be embarrassing when people don't understand our parenting styles, even when our style is "biologically correct"! While its nice to make guests feel comfortable, I wouldn't recommend changing your parenting style to do so! Sounds to me like you handled it well!
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#3 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 12:44 PM
 
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your dd had her world turned upside down for a few days. a house full of people, she doesn't comprehend that. she needs you. and nursing is her rock.
you houseguests should have been helping you so that you could spend more time with your dd. i wish your bestfriend could have been more understanding. but, like you said she doesn't have kids.

you are doing a great job as a mama and don't let these people who are "freaked out" get to you because they have no clue as to what being a parent is all about. so glad you aren't like them!!!!


as your dd gets older she will understand more of the world around her. the next time you have guests over, make the change easier for her by including her in the hosting. have her help you. she could go get towels, etc. but, answer her needs too. and make sure at least one of your guests helps you so that you can give your dd the time she needs with you.
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#4 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your support! It's funny how people's true perceptions come out when you least expect it. This morning I heard two things from people who witnessed my daughter's pleads for milk -
1) I think she's addicted to nursing. She may have an addictive personality, and you should watch out.
2) It's definately a control thing. She's learning how to control you with nursing. You should wean her soon.
I was shocked!! I have no intention of weaning her, although I do work with her to drink from a sippy cup as I think she is old enough to be able to do that. That has been hard because she prefers to spit it out (as a game) rather than drink from it. It's getting better though.
Right now she's having her toy cat "nurse" from me and it is getting hard to type!

Well, I guess I'm not sure how to handle other people at this point. I'm not the type who is good at or enjoys arguing. And I'm not very educated about the benefits of nursing over 2. The WHO recommends at least up 'til 2, right? I just remember reading that many cultures breastfeed until 5, and sometimes later. And she loves it so much. I just can't see how something so natural could be wrong? But how do I express that to others?
Thank you for your help...
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#5 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 06:02 PM
 
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The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) just released an updated statement on breastfeeding. They still recommend a MINIMUM of one year, and in a bullet point under item 10 they state "There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.197". I would have preferred them to encourage people to breastfeed three years or longer, but perhaps their statement will help some of the naysayers. Here's the link:
http://pediatrics.aappublications.or...full/115/2/496
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#6 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 06:04 PM
 
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Just one more thing, some people refuse to listen, no matter how good your sources or instincts. Just continue to do what you know in your heart is right for your little one!
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#7 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 06:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you - that article is awesome! Especially coming from the establishment. My Finna had jaundice after she was born - wish someone had suggested or I had thought to nurse her while getting those heel sticks. What trauma!!!
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#8 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 08:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Staraklaw
Right now she's having her toy cat "nurse" from me and it is getting hard to type!
Have you ever "nursed" a firetruck or a school bus? I have

Quote:
Originally Posted by Staraklaw
Well, I guess I'm not sure how to handle other people at this point. I'm not the type who is good at or enjoys arguing. And I'm not very educated about the benefits of nursing over 2. The WHO recommends at least up 'til 2, right? I just remember reading that many cultures breastfeed until 5, and sometimes later. And she loves it so much. I just can't see how something so natural could be wrong? But how do I express that to others?
Thank you for your help...
I'd suggest NOT trying to win any debates with your houseguests. I'd stick with a simple "This is how I'm raising my child and it's not open to debate." All the info about bf is great if somebody is honestly interested, but in this case it sounds to me like a simple question of enforcing limits. You need them to respect your decisions, they don't have to agree with you.

If all else fails, maybe stop having so many houseguests?

Ruth, single mommy to 3 quasi-adults
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#9 of 9 Old 02-21-2005, 08:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, house guests are definately a rarity around our place. We're up in the mountains... but occasionally we are going to have them! I think next time I will just make my DH cook instead of me. And then people will be able to tell stories of his cooking instead of my child!
And no, I have not (yet) nursed a fire truck! LOL! Occasionally she asks my DH for milk, "Gaga milk?" and he'll pull up his shirt then they both start laughing. (She calls her dad "gaga" for some reason, although she has always been able to say dada and daddy etc. Other dads are dads, but her dad is Gaga.
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