"At that age, it's just for the mother." - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What exactly do people mean when they say this about nursing a child past X age?

A. Do they mean that they think it's fulfilling something sexually for the mother and that it has nothing to do with fulfilling the child's emotional and health needs?

B. Or is it more innocent, in that they think the mother can't "let go" and "let her child grow up"?

I have heard it so many times, and I struggle to understand what ppl mean. Perhaps I should ask the next time I hear someone say it! :LOL But I just wonder if any of you who have had the "pleasure" of being on the receiving end of this statement have asked the speaker what s/he means.

Whatever the answer, it's absolutely bogus and ignorant. But I'm just curious.
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#2 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 04:23 PM
 
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I'm sure either or both, depending on who says it.

I'm also sure that it is NOT about the mother gaining the benefits of breastfeeding, like reducing her risk for cancer, or weight maintenance, or continued bonding, or ease of curing tantrums, or..........
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#3 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 07:39 PM
 
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I think generally it seems to be more B than A though there are definitely some small minded individuals out there who can't get beyond thinking of breasts as sexual so they assume the mom must be getting something out of it. All I can say is I would have been ok with DD weaning some time ago so it's definitely not all about me. :LOL
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#4 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 08:18 PM
 
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Just knowing the psychology of dumb/offensive things mothers say about other mothers -- no one has said this one to my face, so I've never asked -- I wonder if it doesn't have something to do with the comparison with children weaned early. If I had weaned my baby at 6 months and s/he was just fine, it might be hard for me to imagine how nursing could be a need for or even provide significant benefits to a 2-year-old. So rather than, "At that age, it's just for the mother, so someone should call CPS," the idea would be "At that age, it's just for the mother anyway, so don't hesitate to wean because you think you might be slighting your child."

Though no one has said that to me, I've gotten positive versions of your interpretation B. I guess because among my family and friends, holding on is considered a good thing unless it gets pretty extreme. So even women who did/would not want to nurse a toddler and don't see it as a need will say something like, "It must be so nice to have her cuddle you so much!" Which of course it is (and it's a great perspective to hold onto during the times when a little more personal space is looking really good).

Oye Yemaya oloto
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#5 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 09:53 PM
 
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It means that they are so brainwashed into thinking that breasts are sexual that they cannot conceive (sorry, no pun intended) of them being used in any other way.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Corvus
What exactly do people mean when they say this about nursing a child past X age?

A. Do they mean that they think it's fulfilling something sexually for the mother and that it has nothing to do with fulfilling the child's emotional and health needs?

B. Or is it more innocent, in that they think the mother can't "let go" and "let her child grow up"?

I have heard it so many times, and I struggle to understand what ppl mean. Perhaps I should ask the next time I hear someone say it! :LOL But I just wonder if any of you who have had the "pleasure" of being on the receiving end of this statement have asked the speaker what s/he means.

Whatever the answer, it's absolutely bogus and ignorant. But I'm just curious.
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#6 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 10:26 PM
 
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I've made this statement before, about women who breastfeed 8 year olds. I meant it as they couldn't let go. Now I understand there is MUCH, MUCH more to the pic then that but at the time I didn't mean it offensively, just the only way I could understand it iykwim?
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#7 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 10:45 PM
 
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Darned if I know. Don't we become parents because we WANT to? On some level do we not start this whole process to fulfill a need?

"What will you do once you know?"
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#8 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 10:57 PM
 
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I would like to ay it's generally B but there are some ppl who think in terms of a sexual content.
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#9 of 10 Old 03-14-2005, 11:27 PM
 
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I don't know. When my mom asked about us nursing by saying, "is it for him at this point, or for you?" I was so offended I couldn't craft a complete sentence much less think to ask her what she meant. I decided either way it was hooey. Bah on her.
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#10 of 10 Old 03-18-2005, 01:33 PM
 
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I was just thinking about this today. Even though I am clw as much as I can, am I actually in some way causing my child to nurse longer? Like which came first the chicken or the egg?

I ask this question here because i think it relates to the issue of whether we are doing this for ourselves or not. Obviously as previously mentioned there are benefits that we like, but I dont think that most of us, who have gone through various struggles while on the nursing journey, would be just doing it to get our "jollies".

I know people who claim their child self weaned by 10 mths or earlier. And they really believe that the kid just didnt want to nurse anymore. But is that because they didnt want the kid to nurse anymore so eventually the kid stopped? Likewise, does our wanting our children to nurse "till they are ready to stop" actually push them to do it longer? (by the way Im tandem nursing 3.8 yr and 1.8 yr daughters)

What do you think?
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