"Weaning is harder on you than the baby" - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 22 Old 03-23-2005, 12:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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First off let me say I plan to CLW. I keep hearing though, that I "need" to wean, because "its the right time", or the infamous "its only for you at this point" argument. but the newest is that weaning is harder on me than the baby and that DD will lose nothing, but has everything to gain by just shutting her off cold turkey. That Im not weaning her because I WANT TO nurse and therefore its all about ME when it "should be" about DD.

Do you get these comments? What do you say? I try to tell ppl the benefits of BFing and how DD definetly NEEDS to nurse but It seems like im talking to brick walls. Why would weaning be "harder on me"? if we weaned wouldnt we BOTH miss the closeness, the health benefits, etc etc?

any thoughts?

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#2 of 22 Old 03-23-2005, 04:09 PM
 
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After a certain point, I'd probably just tell them to shut up and mind their own business.

Really, you know it's the best thing for your daughter, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. Sharing information and educating people is a good thing, but you shouldn't feel like you have to defend your position to anyone. It's something between you and her, and no one has a right to criticize the way you're raising your daughter. Asking questions out of curiosity and open-mindedness may be welcome, but people saying the kind of comments you're describing is just rude.

Good for you for meeting her needs!
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#3 of 22 Old 03-23-2005, 04:17 PM
 
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just explain that you are a very selfish person and that although you are working on improving yourself your child will unfortunately suffer because of all the selfish nursing you are forcing on her.

ok...of course i'm kidding...but it's hard to know what to say to that because it's soooo ridiculous and none of their business...i personally would only be able to respond with tremendous sarcasm!
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#4 of 22 Old 03-23-2005, 07:12 PM
 
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First of all to you. It's not easy to be in that situation and a woman should never have to defend her and her child's right to breastfeed/be breastfed.

To those people I would say (always with a smile on my face, looking incredibly interested in what they have to say), "Oh, that's interesting. All the research I've read says how beneficial sustained nursing is to both my daughter and myself. I'd be interesting in reading the studies you've read that suggest otherwise." or something similar. This shows that 1. You've done your research and have evidence-based information on the benefits of breastfeeding for your child and yourself and 2. That they have no idea what they're talking about (or that they haven't actually *read* anything *scientific* about breastfeeding, they're just making assumptions and/or voicing an opinion).

If you don't feel like getting into a conversation (and if your child is eating some solid foods), you could simply respond, "We're in the process of weaning." This statement is techically true, as the weaning process begins when the child starts getting nutrition from foods other than breastmilk. You don't have to mention that the weaning process may take several more years!

One of my favorite responses to "Why" and "How long" type questions is "Why do you want to know?" (again, said with a smile and feigned interest ). This turns things around on the person who is prying...what are they going to say, "Because I'm sticking my nose into your business." :LOL

Good luck to you! I hope you stop getting these comments soon.

Oh...and you could also use the shock factor to get them to shut their mouths and take their minds off your "extreme breastfeeding": "You think I'm nursing for a long time? I met a woman who is tandem nursing her 2.5 year old and her 4.5 year old and is pregnant!!! She even nursed her first three children, all different ages, for over 18 months until the oldest self-weaned at age 5 and is planning to triandem nurse again!" (That woman would be me! )

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#5 of 22 Old 03-24-2005, 12:36 AM
 
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Not much advice to add but I was shocked to see you were getting that much negativity from a baby just turned ONE. Definately site the new AAP & the current WHO recs.

Kay

 

 

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#6 of 22 Old 03-24-2005, 10:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sg784
"Weaning is harder on you than the baby"
This is often used to try and convince a mother to do something, or to make her feel better about doing something that she is against.

You know the old cliche, "This will hurt me more than it will hurt you" before a spanking is given?

Or when kids cry at daycare or school and people say that the separation is harder on the mother than on the kid and he'll be just fine once you leave?

It's like some bizarre method of acknowledging that the mother feels really bad, that what she's doing goes against her instincts, that it's breaking her heart, but at the same time, enforcing that *it* needs to be done.

I just wouldn't discuss weaning anymore with people like this. If they ask, just say, "We'll wean when we're ready" and change the subject--or flat out say that it's your decision and you refuse to disuss it further. Some people are open to hearing about bfing--others, who just want to hassle you, shouldn't be given the opportunity.

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#7 of 22 Old 03-24-2005, 10:53 AM
 
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One of my favorite bumper stickers: "If only closed minds came with closed mouths!"

YOU know what your baby needs. They DON'T.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a 
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, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years 
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, who both 
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-ed, and both 
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#8 of 22 Old 03-24-2005, 11:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2threenurslings
.

To those people I would say (always with a smile on my face, looking incredibly interested in what they have to say), "Oh, that's interesting. All the research I've read says how beneficial sustained nursing is to both my daughter and myself. I'd be interesting in reading the studies you've read that suggest otherwise." or something similar. This shows that 1. You've done your research and have evidence-based information on the benefits of breastfeeding for your child and yourself and 2. That they have no idea what they're talking about (or that they haven't actually *read* anything *scientific* about breastfeeding, they're just making assumptions and/or voicing an opinion).
Yes, I like this. You are acknowledging what they are saying, but asking them to back it up. I agree with Joan, that saying something like what you described, is highly manipulative. It is really so ignorant, as well.

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
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#9 of 22 Old 03-24-2005, 12:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleLime
just explain that you are a very selfish person and that although you are working on improving yourself your child will unfortunately suffer because of all the selfish nursing you are forcing on her.
:LOL :LOL :LOL I LOVE this answer!!!!

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#10 of 22 Old 03-24-2005, 12:31 PM
 
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I always tell busybodies that we are never going to stop. She's going to live at home through college so that she can come home for lunchtime nursies.

Said with a totally straight face, of course.

Works well for co sleeping also.
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#11 of 22 Old 03-24-2005, 12:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyV
I always tell busybodies that we are never going to stop. She's going to live at home through college so that she can come home for lunchtime nursies.

Said with a totally straight face, of course.

Works well for co sleeping also.
I say something similar - when someone asks how long we are going to continue to nurse or co-sleep I say "Depends on whether his college has co-ed dorms." Works like a charm.

Great for nature studies!
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#12 of 22 Old 03-30-2005, 06:32 PM
 
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...when people say things like that!
I had a doctor say to me that to continue nursing my then-15 month old was "more for me than for the baby"

My boss is more "traditional" and when the topic of nursing came up the other day, he said to me, "I thought YOU were going to nurse your son until he is 18!" (he doesn't know that I STILL nurse him at 3.5 years).
I said, "You know, I still might..." and left him standing there with his mouth open :LOL
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#13 of 22 Old 04-01-2005, 02:43 PM
 
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Whhat a silly comment
Quote:
weaning is harder on me than the baby and that DD will lose nothing, but has everything to gain by just shutting her off cold turkey
It doesn't surprise me when people make that comment about bigger kids (not that I agree with it) but your baby is just one, I can't imagine what my dd (a couple weeks older than yours) would go through if I tried to cut her off cold turkey, but I know it would be traumatic. And its still such an important part of her nutrition at this stage.

nothing more to say I guess :
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#14 of 22 Old 04-02-2005, 01:23 AM
 
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Calidris, my daughter is almost 2 1/2 years old, and she nurses only once every 2 or 3 days. And it would be VERY traumatic for her if I cut her off cold-turkey! So I don't understand why people think it's ok to cut-off an older child. The older child has more of a "memory" of nursing, it is more in his/her consciousness. Do they think it's ok to cut-off a toddler from hugs, kisses, and snuggling with parents?

I don't think it is necessarily easier to wean "cold-turkey" as they get older. But I think they generally taper-off on their own, so you don't have to force them to stop.

And to the OP: You don't have to justify your parenting decisions to anyone. Good luck with getting ppl off your back. I don't take much crap, b/c I think our family just assume that DD doesn't nurse anymore. Most of our friends know, as I'm open about it with them, and they've been very supportive.
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#15 of 22 Old 04-02-2005, 01:38 AM
 
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Here is something so natural, pure and normal - why anyone questions it still amazes me.

And these same people who have no business telling you what you should/shouldn't be feeding your baby and at what age probably drink cow's milk meant for baby cows and don't think a bit about it. I drink cow's milk sometimes myself, but I would never tell someone when to stop nursing...it was just a good analogy.
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#16 of 22 Old 04-02-2005, 01:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyV
I always tell busybodies that we are never going to stop. She's going to live at home through college so that she can come home for lunchtime nursies.

Said with a totally straight face, of course.

Works well for co sleeping also.

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#17 of 22 Old 04-02-2005, 09:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corvus
Calidris, my daughter is almost 2 1/2 years old, and she nurses only once every 2 or 3 days. And it would be VERY traumatic for her if I cut her off cold-turkey! So I don't understand why people think it's ok to cut-off an older child. The older child has more of a "memory" of nursing, it is more in his/her consciousness. Do they think it's ok to cut-off a toddler from hugs, kisses, and snuggling with parents?
Hey, hey I said I didn't agree with it, just that it doesn't surprise me when people say that about bigger kids!!
I can imagine it would be traumatic even for a 5 year old who was still nursing to be cut off cold turkey but generally people expect older babies to be weaned (because sadly, most of them are) so I might expect silly statements like that to be aimed at mothers of 2 or 3 year olds (definitely NOT agree with it) but a 1 year old is just barely past the age where you are SUPPOSED (according to AAP etc) to still be nursing.
Sorry about causing offense Corvus I really didn't mean to
(by the way I like your user name)

nothing more to say I guess :
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#18 of 22 Old 04-02-2005, 10:56 PM
 
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Oh, Calidris, I wasn't offended by your post at all!! I was directing my post at the people you were referring to, not at YOU!!! I can tell that you don't agree with cold-turkey weaning!

I just figured if you could tell those people that you know someone whose 2.5yo would be traumatized by cold-turkey weaning. :LOL
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#19 of 22 Old 04-03-2005, 12:25 AM
 
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OK, I'm relieved
I'm a little bit afraid of this forum and would hate to offend anyone in here cause I am very in awe of you. CLW is something I would very much like to do (except for right now as she's just getting her top teeth and they feel like little razors aginst my nipple :LOL but I'm thinking I'll get used to that (she says hopefully)).

nothing more to say I guess :
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#20 of 22 Old 04-04-2005, 10:31 AM
 
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I am finally considering leaving my mainstream message board home of two years because frankly, I'm sick of hearing these same things! In our case, our babies are only 12/13 months. Already the mindless repetition of these same phrases, as well as "eeewww" and "gross" have me in such a tizzy. I just don't get it...they're babies.

And in terms of "cold turkey", JMO, but I think that would be outright unkind!

reason for edit: messed up contraction
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#21 of 22 Old 04-04-2005, 12:22 PM
 
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BELIEVE ME, weaning would NOT be hard on ME at ALL!!!!!!!!!! :LOL My 2.5 yr old son OTOH....would definitely have another opinion!

People who say that are (IMO) inconsiderate & obviously ignorant of what your child needs. I tried getting DS to quit "cold turkey" once or twice. It was the WORST 3 hours of our lives.

Go ahead and leave the mainstream message boards...you'll be glad you did!
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#22 of 22 Old 04-04-2005, 12:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by B52Bombshell
I tried getting DS to quit "cold turkey" once or twice. It was the WORST 3 hours of our lives.
:LOL

Great for nature studies!
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