For those who have kids who've weaned...?? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 20 Old 04-14-2005, 11:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is four and three months. It would appear that he's in the a progressive process of weaning. In the past six months we've gone from still nursing once or twice a day, and then quite abruptly to once or twice a week and then, maybe once a week for a second or two, and now I can't tell you the last time he asked to nurse. I'm thinking two weeks, maybe three? I wish I'd written it down.

At any rate, I'd love some shared feelings about what this time was like for both mom and kid. I am indeed having some sadness about this and I do feel that our relationship is changing. Aside from the obvious fact that we're aren't nursing however, I can't even put my finger on HOW it's changing. Does that make sense? One thing is for sure: I'm chemical. Like PMS times a hundred. Shared experiences there?

Lastly, this has been a quiet weaning so far. DS hasn't said anything about nursing or the fact that he hasn't been asking, and neither have I. If he's ready to wean, I don't want him to think that it's not okay and OTOH, this feels like such a significant accomplishment that I don't want it to pass by without having said anything. And then again, maybe that's the truly natural process of CLW.

Ah, I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I'm chemical and not thinking very clearly. A year ago when DS was nursing wildly and often, it was hard to see this coming. I thought for sure he'd be one of those 4, 5, 6 year old nursers. But so much has changed in the last year. *sigh* One thing I can say for certain is, I have absolutely no regrets. CLW is indeed a beautiful thing in it's entirety.

TIA for your thoughts, experiences.

The best,
Em

P.S. I know someone here once said that you shouldn't count them as weaned until they haven't asked in a year or so, so I'm keeping that in mind also.

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#2 of 20 Old 04-15-2005, 05:02 AM
 
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Embee

That's pretty much how it happened with us except not quite as abrupt (though it felt that way). It seems to pass like lightening no matter how fast or slow.

Do keep in mind that he may go back and forth for a while.....or maybe not.....it all depends on the individual.

I remember the feelings. I would cry over anything. I think it was a combination of hormones and emotions over letting go of something that was such a special and important part of dd's life. It takes a while to adjust to the thoughts of a new phase in life.

Just little incredibly-important pieces of the really big (but too short) journey of parenthood.
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#3 of 20 Old 04-15-2005, 09:48 AM
 
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That all makes sense to me. It was gradual with my oldest two. I sometimes felt bad that I didn't remember our last nursing session--but you're right, maybe the fact that we don't have it marked is just a part of clw.

It is a bittersweet time though, like many parenting moments. Except of course, this one comes with some hormonal adjustments!

Single Mom to 3 (12, 17 & 21)  luxlove.gif and dog2.gif.

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#4 of 20 Old 04-15-2005, 02:25 PM
 
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I didn't really get hit by the hormones because when DD weaned DS was still nursing.

She weaned when she "couldn't get any" anymore and so didn't want to nurse. We actually talked about it and decided to go to Build a Bear together and get matching animals to commemerate it. It was nice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Embee
I know someone here once said that you shouldn't count them as weaned until they haven't asked in a year or so, so I'm keeping that in mind also.
I say DD weaned at 4 years, 2 months BUT she went on to "nurse" sometimes once every month, sometimes a couple times a week (depending on what she needed) for another 15-16 months. She never *really* nursed again (prolonged instead of just putting her lips on my nipple) and it was nice to have that commemeration. So, while I say that DD weaned at 4, the last time she nursed she was actually close to 5.5. Whatever works for you, imo.

 

 

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#5 of 20 Old 04-15-2005, 03:01 PM
 
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sounds like a satisfied boy to me...I just kept telling myself that that's what weaning means, that's she's satisfied, that her needs have been met...

still, it is a gently bittersweet time...
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#6 of 20 Old 04-15-2005, 03:36 PM
 
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I just reread the title:

Quote:
For those who kids have kids who've weaned...??
So, are you asking for people who's grown children have had children who are now weaned? :LOL

 

 

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#7 of 20 Old 04-15-2005, 10:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TiredX2
I just reread the title
Yep, I'm really NOT with the clear thinking these days.

Ok, thread title has been duly edited!

And now...

Thank you all SO MUCH for your heartfelt, *been there* replies. It's now becoming clear to me that what has really changed with DS and I is that nursing is no longer the 'regressive phase comfort item of choice.' In the past, when he would go through a difficult time--emotional growth spurt or otherwise--he would always step up the nursing. Even when he was down to once or twice a day, he would go back to every couple of hours until the rough period had passed. In the last 6-8 months however, he's been through a couple of rough periods and he hasn't relied upon nursing to get him (and me!) through. Now, I've realized this and what an eye opener for how our nursing relationship has certainly made a huge turn.

I remember before DS was born, I would read and hear people talk about the strong bond that nursing can provide for mother and baby. I liked the sound of it, but until I lived it, I couldn't possibly wrap my mind around what that meant. (Indeed, before having DS I was going to nurse for a year and well obviously I had to rethink that one.) Now that he is weaning, I think of all the times I've seen people here on the boards talk of the "bittersweetness" that comes with the process and once again, I find that not until we've gotten there ourselves, I couldn't possibly 'get' what that means, or how it feels. Bittersweet, indeed. It sure does my heart good to have had so much support throughout this journey. Thank you for your reassurances and experiences.

The best,
Em

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#8 of 20 Old 04-15-2005, 11:50 PM
 
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Seeing a 2001 baby self-weaning makes me start to get teary over my own little one (Aug 2001).

 

 

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#9 of 20 Old 04-16-2005, 02:28 AM
 
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My Aug 2001 baby just weaned a few weeks ago. It was just like you said-- he'd already gone down to only 1-3 times a week, and had even gone 9 days without asking (in January). He got to where he was only asking 1x/week, or if he was hurt... and at one point he asked me for cupcakes, and I asked him if he wanted to have cupcakes for a weaning party-- to celebrate that he was moving on. He said "Yes, cupcakes ... and milkies!" I laughed... and didn't really mention it again. A week later (he'd been nursing every day that week) he asked me for an Obi Wan Kenobe light saber for a weaning present. I bought it, but he didn't get it out of the package for 3 more days. Then March 28, he came to my room first thing in the morning and told me, "Today is the weaning party. Can I have the light saber today?"

I wrote about it... but kept it open-ended.. I knew he wasn't necessarily weaned because he's had the 9 day strike before. But now it's been 3 full weeks, and.... this week he was sick and he didn't ask to nurse, although he did ask to 'nuggle. And then day before yesterday he fell and split his forehead open. In the past that would have been a case for nursing. But this time, even though he was snuggled up against my breast, he didn't even ask to nurse. He was completely happy just being held, and only cried about 2 minutes as I put ice on it...

It is bittersweet, because it's hard to believe he's so grown up. That he's so happy. Confident. Independent. That I can't baby him anymore. See his grubby little hand on my breast. But it's also thrilling. My first 4 were all weaned early, so it's thrilling to see him nurse until he truly was ready to be done. It's thrilling to see him happy. Confident. Independent. A big boy.

I guess I'm not quite as hormonal because I'm still nursing my 15 mo old a gazillion times a day. And I nursed him much longer than I ever dreamed I would. And he really was able to make it HIS decision when to wean. Some say I didn't CLW because I suggested a weaning party, and bought him a toy as a weaning party present. But I did those things because like you... I didn't want it to just fade away and be forgotten. I wanted it to be celebrated as the accomplishment it was! Even though he isn't nursing any more, he is still REMEMBERING nursing every day, as he plays with his light saber and even tells people "I got this for my weaning present." He is still telling people the story about his Mr. Incredibles cupcakes and how he first asked for milkies to go with his cupcakes... he giggles like crazy when he says it, like he totally gets the joke why it's funny. He's very proud that he chose his weaning party date, and the cupcakes and the gift. And we were able to celebrate it, and have "closure" ... and I promise you, if he asked me right now to nurse, I'd say yes. Because everyone falls off the wagon a few times before they're done for good.
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#10 of 20 Old 04-16-2005, 02:41 AM
 
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I'm going through this right now, also with a Jan 2001 baby boy. It has been almost a month since he has nursed (I remember it was 3/17 because of St Paddy's Day). Before that, he abruptly stopped asking for his night time nursing (maybe 6 months ago?), then decided that sunday was "nummy day" and faithfully nursed a few minutes every sunday for a couple of months. Then he would skip sundays, etc. The only times he has asked to nurse in the past month are times when it's impossible (like when I'm driving, and then not be interested later) or when he crawls in my lap pretending to be a baby, but then he just acts like he's nursing through my shirt. I think he just wants to make sure he still can. DD is still nursing, so I don't feel the hormones from it (although I'm pregnant, so that can be worse!). It's bittersweet, but I think I'm ready. I'm willing to nurse three at the same time, but it does seem easier for me for him not to be nursing when the new one come.
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#11 of 20 Old 04-17-2005, 02:40 PM
 
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Amy & Jeri---

Thanks for sharing your stories

 

 

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#12 of 20 Old 04-17-2005, 03:15 PM
 
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Embee, I could have written your post - in fact, I think I did a while back! :LOL A couple of months after turning 5, ds went from nursing nightly to skipping a day here and there to skipping 3 weeks straight! I announced on here at least twice that he had weaned. I too didn't want to let the moment pass without acknowledging it, so I mentioned to him that I noticed he hadn't nursed in three weeks. He beamed and said "Yes, I know!". So then I told him that all little children stopped nursing eventually. His response was "I might not!". At 5 years 5 months, he continues to nurse every week or two - not for very long. I do try to remember to record his "last nursing to date" on my calendar now, because I would like to remember it...but I know the exact date really isn't important. :
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#13 of 20 Old 04-18-2005, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Guess who asked to nurse this morning?

As has been the case for months now (to varrying degrees that is), he latched for perhaps 2 whole seconds and then said, "I don't need any "sitch sitch" (code "switch switch" -- his term for it's time for the other side ). You can cover them back up." I truly love when he talks about nursing, getting his thoughts on the matter is always enlightening and often times, very funny. I gut tells me he's pretty much done, but when he crawls into bed with DH and I every morning he occasionally remembers that this used to be "nunny" time. He latches and then unlatches and then looks at me as if to say, "Hm, not sure I'm really needing this anymore, but it's nice to know it's still available."

At least now, I can make a little on the calendar, just in case.

Thanks again for all those wonderful replies. I'm pressed for time, but will be back to reply more personally later.

Regards,
Em

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#14 of 20 Old 05-17-2005, 11:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I forgot to make that little mark on the calendar and came back to this thread to find out the exact date. Low and behold it's been one whole month since DS has nursed. *sigh*

Can I just say, I'm not exactly sad beyond sad, but I'm definitely feeling funky about things? AF came 5 days early and it's been 8 days and she still hasn't totally left the building which is a total regression to my pre-preg self. I've been sooo hormonal: *itchy and impatient with DS who has so much to be proud of and doesn't need mom being so off and all over the place. Our relationship has changed so much and we're both still adjusting. I admit, I miss the instant and all-consuming comfort that nursing brought to both of us. And then, the weepies. Oh, the weepies! The other night we were reading a story before bed about four animal friends and I started to get all choked up. I mean, it was a sweet story, but weeping was a bit over the top even for me, an emotional type.

So, I revive this thread. I think I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around the fact that our nursing journey is over. I just feel so... funky. Weird. Strange. I'm just not quite myself these days. And then again, MORE myself than I have been in over 4 years. Great, the brain fog is finally lifting, and all that seems to be underneath is weepy, grumpy, emotional girl. Grrr.

OTOH, DH is thrilled. My boobs have indeed perked back up. I'm wearing my pre and post preg c-cups again which I'd had to abandon about 2 years ago when my boobs all but disappeared.

I'm rambling. Is anyone else going through this; having a CLW child wean? Thoughts? Suggestions? Support? Empathy? Why am I sooooo out of it? I know, hormones. It will pass right? Right? Soon? bla bla bla bla bla bla

If you taken care to read this, thanks. I know it sounds more than a little insane.

The best,
Em

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#15 of 20 Old 05-24-2005, 08:43 PM
 
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I remember the emotions. The easy crying. Hang in there, everything will be alright.
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#16 of 20 Old 05-24-2005, 08:51 PM
 
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I haven't been through this yet- my dds' weanings were not CLW. I DO remember the hormonal upheaval that weaning brought, and the huge sense of loss and regret. I guess you don't have the regret with CLW, but the loss is still there.

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#17 of 20 Old 05-24-2005, 10:15 PM
 
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I am already so torn about DS weaning I can't imagine the mess I will be when it actually happens.

 

 

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#18 of 20 Old 05-24-2005, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks to all of you! Wow, last week was a real whirlwind of emotions. I feel that I'm starting to get over the hormonal part of it and to a certain extent, the loss. My cycle is back to its previous funky self but ah, I had 3 1/2 years of being regular and I'd never had that experience before so I'm grateful, but missing it.

I'm handling emotions better, but I've found the toughest times come when DS and I have a falling out. As in, when things are not going well and I'm attempting to reconnect (as is he), I'm tending to faulter some. I'm way into "Playful Parenting" so I have tools here that I feel very good about and that are most helpful, but somehow, it just doesn't quite match the instant (and healing!) connection that is nursing. I'm so very grateful for having experienced CLW, as is DS I'm sure.

Thanks again!

Em

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#19 of 20 Old 05-24-2005, 11:08 PM
 
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I am with you on the loss of that reconnecting power after weaning...dd sometimes climbs into my lap now as we are cooling down, but it seems to take way longer...And we have some real blowups, two temperamental Irishwomen!!

and the hormones are REAL. I put it down to my age, since I am nearly 48, but the past few years as she dropped her frequency have been less than lovely for dh and dd. I finally got susun weed's book on meonpause, and have been dealing with the hormonal storm of perimenopause following her suggestions. Panda Bites licorice gets us though some stormy weeks, as does attention to getting some endorphins and sunshine through exercise.

Be gentle, and think how much harder this time would be without the knowledge that you did clw
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#20 of 20 Old 05-28-2005, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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darlindeliasmoms to you and thanks for that. DS and I have had our blowups as well, and *sigh* I do miss that powerful reconnection indeed. We're getting through, finding better ways to cope, but it's a process just like everything else.

Indeed, be gentle. With our children, and with ourselves.

Thanks again,
Em

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