I guess I *did* miss my DDs last nursing. - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Gosh, all along I've been happy because I knew *exactly* when DD weaned. To the day. The hour. Exactly.

But now it occurs to me that I'm not defining weaned in a way anyone else would recognize. Oh, well.

 

 

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#2 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 04:53 PM
 
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How would you define weaning?
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#3 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, I have just "always" said DD weaned at 4 years, 2 months because she couldnt "get any" so she decided she was weaned. We went to Build-A-Bear and she was very proud of herself.

But, she did nurse on occasion for the next 16 or so months. Sometimes once a month, sometimes a few times a week--- always just for a moment though, and always to see she could.

It is really odd for me to even consider her to have weaned at close to 5.5 instead of the just over 4 we celebrated, though. Once we had that "last nursing" I just considered her done (she could still nurse when she wanted, I just considered her weaned at that point). Honestly, I don't know why

It doesn't really matter, but now as I read more about people's children child-led wean I realize that for many people DD would have "weaned" at close to 5.5 instea of 4, which IMO is a *big* difference.

 

 

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#4 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 06:36 PM
 
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TiredX2, I'm a little confused. Why do you consider it a *big* difference? Is it because 5.5 sounds so much older than 4.2?

I mean, If she continued to nurse, whether it was different than before, short, on and off, milk or no milk, she did "nurse" right? Is it the issue of a set finality or the rite of passage? Or is it because society places such harsh unjustified judgement on "5" more than they do on "4"?
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#5 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 09:42 PM
 
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I can see what you're saying. When I had baby #2 my ds hadn't nursed in 1 1/2 years. I let him "try" nursing so he would feel included. Of course he had no idea how to nurse but he did attempt it. I would still say he weaned when he did. Because he attempted it or tried it again didn't mean he was really nursing. Now, do *I* make sense? :LOL

I do see where you're coming from though. She didn't seem to "really" nurse after that final nursing from what you are saying? She would just see if she could get anything out for the fun of it?

If you feel she was weaned at 4.2 and she feels she was weaned at 4.2 then who could possibly know better? She must have weaned at 4.2.
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#6 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mother_sunshine
TiredX2, I'm a little confused. Why do you consider it a *big* difference? Is it because 5.5 sounds so much older than 4.2?

I mean, If she continued to nurse, whether it was different than before, short, on and off, milk or no milk, she did "nurse" right? Is it the issue of a set finality or the rite of passage? Or is it because society places such harsh unjustified judgement on "5" more than they do on "4"?
How about "all of the above"? :LOL I'm just used to thinking her have weaned at 4, seems odd to adjust it upward at this point, kwim?


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I would still say he weaned when he did. Because he attempted it or tried it again didn't mean he was really nursing. Now, do *I* make sense?
Though she tried a lot, it never was really the "same" again. I just never thought about what it would do to people's perceptions. I mean, DD was a really high-need infant but she weaned at only four. But, it would seem a lot different to people to know she was still trying at 5. It doesn't actually matter, but it is interesting to realize what a fluid notion weaning is. It starts w/the first *anything* else (other than bmilk) and goes from there. But when it ends... with child-led weaning that can be a lot trickier.

Just musing, really!

 

 

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#7 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 10:03 PM
 
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It is very interesting to discuss and ponder.











Oh, and I hope I didn't scare you away for being a total freak on that other thread.
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#8 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 10:19 PM
 
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Child-led weaning is such a subjective term, in many ways, and open to many interpretations. The breastfeeding relationship is so personal, it really doesn't matter what everyone else thinks anyway. (Though it is nice to have common understanding.)
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#9 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 10:34 PM
 
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tired, i've read your weaning story a few times and kins thought, "that child didnt wean until age 5 and a half!) but who an i to say anything? :LOL since you have brought it up, yes, i would consider her official weaning to be the later date.

i have a friend who mlw'ed her dd at about 18 mos. last month her dd, now 4, was sick, and when she saw my ds nursing, lifted her mama's shirt and got down to business. her dm let her, but sure doesnt plan on doing it again. i would say that since it was one time, and wont happen again, that child was weaned at 18 mos.

but if your dd kept at it for 16 months...no, i would call that weaning. jmho.

Bring back the old MDC
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#10 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 10:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TiredX2
Oh, I have just "always" said DD weaned at 4 years, 2 months because she couldnt "get any" so she decided she was weaned. We went to Build-A-Bear and she was very proud of herself.

I always say that my daughter weaned at 3.5. That is when she first told me that she couldn't get any more and stopped asking as frequently going as long as a week between asking. Everytime she nursed, I'd remember it, and the last time she nursed was February 17, 2003. Well, almost the last time she asked, because she asked several times after turning 4, nursed twice in one week the week that Jessie was born and then tried to nurse once when she was past her fifth birthday. But it stopped becoming a nightly thing in December 2002 right after she turned 3.5, so I still tell people that she weaned at 3.5.
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#11 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 10:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedwithboys
tired, i've read your weaning story a few times and kins thought, "that child didnt wean until age 5 and a half!) but who an i to say anything? :LOL since you have brought it up, yes, i would consider her official weaning to be the later date.
:LOL Can I be honest and say that it never really occured to me. :

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It is very interesting to discuss and ponder.
And I'm definately not scared

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I always say that my daughter weaned at 3.5. That is when she first told me that she couldn't get any more and stopped asking as frequently going as long as a week between asking. Everytime she nursed, I'd remember it, and the last time she nursed was February 17, 2003. Well, almost the last time she asked, because she asked several times after turning 4, nursed twice in one week the week that Jessie was born and then tried to nurse once when she was past her fifth birthday. But it stopped becoming a nightly thing in December 2002 right after she turned 3.5, so I still tell people that she weaned at 3.5.
I feel in good company

 

 

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#12 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 11:13 PM
 
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s

this is very interesting, isn't it?
also shows how a definition can be fluid sometimes, as well!
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#13 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 11:21 PM
 
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To be honest, I wish more mamas would go by the very last time their dc nursed. It would make people like me seem a little less "weird" to other people.

But to each their own.
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#14 of 30 Old 04-17-2005, 11:31 PM
 
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yeah, but then mothersunshine, would I have to count her teasing me last week when she found me naked in bed and tried to sneak in a latch on, until I said, "hey. What's up?" and she smiled, said, "just remembering." and left my weaned breasts alone!!LOL

I think I'll stick with 7.5 yrs. myself!! Tho, tired, I do have an age when it really dropped off, and sometimes cite that when people seem frightened that their clw child will go as long as Del. It's about 4.5 or 5 yrs.

Can't tell you how nice it is to read this discussion since I had to watch a perfectly nice conversation about nursing memories swing to bashing clw'ers on Friday night. I'm sorry to say that I kinda stalked out rather than fighting the good fight...
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#15 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darlindeliasmom
Can't tell you how nice it is to read this discussion since I had to watch a perfectly nice conversation about nursing memories swing to bashing clw'ers on Friday night. I'm sorry to say that I kinda stalked out rather than fighting the good fight...


One reason this is so interesting to me is that I was told so many times they slowly go off and start missing days and then weeks and then months... And I was like Well, DD went *down* but she only missed days a couple times and went like a week once. BUT, if you add in the next 16 months... well, that's a whole different picture of slowly coming for just a minute every few weeks and then going off.

I've been thinking about DDs weaning since well before she weaned, so I'm sure it will continue for some time. :LOL

Thanks to all who have supported my wonderings, etc...

 

 

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#16 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 12:18 AM
 
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My dd was not "getting " any milk for a few months but would still try to nurse for a minute at bedtime.
I considered her weaned at 5.6 years but she has tried to nurse 2 or 3 times the last few weeks (she is 6 now ).
I tried to remember the day she nursed last but did not write it down

Weaning is bittersweet for me .She will probably be my last child .

::
momma to 4
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#17 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 02:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by darlindeliasmom
yeah, but then mothersunshine, would I have to count her teasing me last week when she found me naked in bed and tried to sneak in a latch on, until I said, "hey. What's up?" and she smiled, said, "just remembering." and left my weaned breasts alone!!LOL
I think that's totally normal and healthy. It was a source of comfort and love for years, that feeling surely never goes away. Dd has done that to me a few times in the past 9 months or so. I told her that she could try if she wanted but she always says no. If she continued to ask and actually did nurse, I wouldn't consider her weaned.

This is an iffy topic though, I guess I can see it either way too, depending on the situation I guess. I just don't see age as such a big deal. If a child needs to nurse, the child needs to nurse, regardless of age.
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#18 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 12:38 PM
 
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It never occurred to me that someone might consider the age of weaning to be before the final nursing! But then, I'm one of those "attention-to-detail" type people - maybe that's why! :LOL Ds nursed Saturday at 5 years 5 months!
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#19 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 12:46 PM
 
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Tired


I'm still here!

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
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#20 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by callmemama
It never occurred to me that someone might consider the age of weaning to be before the final nursing!

Hmmm.... maybe it's because I don't consider DD to have *actually* nursed after her "weaning"--- she would try on occasion, but it was more of a putting her lips around my nipple--- no "real" action going on there--- for just a moment and then saying, "I can't" or "It doesn't work" or laughing, or ...

 

 

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#21 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 07:20 PM
 
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yeah, it's way fluid for me too...I just figure that she truly IS done, especially when she went through the ordeal of getting stitiches without asking...

Last night, she overheard dh and I discussing the anti-clw conversation, and she wanted to know what it was about. So i said, "some moms who after all nursed their own kids into toddlerhood (I'd say they all weaned before 2), and so know how nice nursing is, said that they thought moms and kids who nurse after that, the mom is like, I don't know, making the kid or something."
She was incensed. She said, "well, what I would have said to them was, 'How do you think your kid felt when YOU decided it was time she stopped nursing?' It probably hurt the kid's feelings, like why doens't my momlove me anymore." Then she said, "it's better to be done when you're done, I think."

I love my dd...
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#22 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 07:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darlindeliasmom
She was incensed. She said, "well, what I would have said to them was, 'How do you think your kid felt when YOU decided it was time she stopped nursing?' It probably hurt the kid's feelings, like why doens't my momlove me anymore." Then she said, "it's better to be done when you're done, I think."

I love my dd...
Awwww!!! :
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#23 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 07:51 PM
 
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Your dd's comeback was great! You gotta love our verbal nurslings!
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#24 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 10:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darlindeliasmom
She was incensed. She said, "well, what I would have said to them was, 'How do you think your kid felt when YOU decided it was time she stopped nursing?' It probably hurt the kid's feelings, like why doens't my momlove me anymore." Then she said, "it's better to be done when you're done, I think."

I love my dd...



: (I finally figured that smiley out :LOL)



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#25 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 10:12 PM
 
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BTW, What thread are you all talking about? Where? Is it the one about that awful book? :
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#26 of 30 Old 04-18-2005, 11:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Another for darlindeliasmom's DD


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Originally Posted by mother_sunshine
: (I finally figured that smiley out :LOL)
: I hear you there. Unless you know the title its a bit hard to figure out, huh?

 

 

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#27 of 30 Old 04-19-2005, 04:14 PM
 
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mothersunshine: It wsn't a thread, but an IRL conversation I heard on Friday...I went all OT on us again...

and thanks for using that smiley so I too can figure it out. And now I wish I used it on the beautiful thread about the birthmom's letter, when it jumped out at me...talk about smiling through your tears!!

oh, and Del certainly feels the love!!
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#28 of 30 Old 04-19-2005, 05:35 PM
 
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:LOL I searched and searched the bf forums and now I know why I couldn't find anything. :LOL

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#29 of 30 Old 05-11-2005, 12:20 PM
 
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I found this link: www.alwaysbest.info. The LC is great and we have done email swaps and even phone calls. But it only seems for Phily any suggestions for new york?
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#30 of 30 Old 05-11-2005, 09:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by wendythomas
I found this link: www.alwaysbest.info. The LC is great and we have done email swaps and even phone calls. But it only seems for Phily any suggestions for new york?
Can you be more specific what you are looking for? I'm sure people would have some great ideas. You might also want to start a different thread either in Support & Advocacy OR in the New York tribal area.


 

 

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