Originally Posted by KindRedSpirit
We are not suffering from tandem nursing.We are suffering from lack of support in our communities!We are milk Goddesses!We should have doula-like maidens attending us with food,drink,massage,music,laughter,and more!And someone else doing the housework.For a minimun of 3 months-honestly,at least a year!
Thanks for posting this. I have responses to a few of you, and am also a virgin-poster, so pardon my mistakes.
1. The quote above. Thanks so much for saying this. My mother-in-law is an Asian mother of nine children. She told me, after my second child, that I should stop at 2 because, in this country, we simply do not have the support we need to raise more than that. She raised nine children with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and maids around to help her. It truly was a group effort, and my husband had wonderful, bonded relationships with all these extended family helpers because of it. We absolutely should be attended to by supportive people. If we were, we might not mind tandem nursing. However, we aren't. That's just not the way it is in this country, generally speaking.
2. My feelings on CLW. I also, could have written BabyHopes post. DS 3 1/2 was down to nursing once every 3 days, even when my colostrum came in. I was so happy because CLW seemed to be working exactly as I had hoped. When DD came along, he wanted to nurse more than she did. He went back to asking for it 4 times during the night and constantly during the day. I, too have amended my feelings about CLW, as much as I hate to. If I had the whole village to help me raise my family, it might be different, but it's a matter of what I am capable of, and tandem nursing has turned me into someone I DO NOT LIKE. I don't like what it's done to my relationship with my DS because I feel like I'm constantly either saying no to him or resenting him. I love the idea of "mutually-led" weaning--Thanks for posting that.
3. What I've tried. At first, saying "no" all the time did increase his desire to nurse and a power struggle ensued. I started saying "yes" always and like others who have posted, I even offered. Once I felt he had come to grips with the idea of a baby sister (about 3 months) I started saying no occasionally, usually suggesting a special time later when we could nurse, just the two of us. Often, he'll forget about it and not even bring it up.
I do not tandem nurse except on rare occasions anymore. I nurse them separately because they're both happier that way. I wish we had the blissful experience I've read about, but ours was mostly kicking and shoving and whining about not enough room.
At night, he comes into our bed as asks for "me-me" right away. Once when he did, I was nursing DD and asked him to wait and assured him I would turn right over to him. He was happy with that answer and fell asleep next to me. So, I've been using that strategy ever since. He comes into our bed, I turn to DD and either nurse or just face her, and then tell him it will be his turn just as soon as she is done, and he almost ALWAYS just falls asleep next to me.
We also do counting. DS often asks me to tell DD that she only has "20 minutes" left (he gets confused and thinks he's talking about seconds). I gladly do and he seems happy with the equitable treatment. He either gets bored waiting or doesn't bug me about it until she's done.
4. What I'm thinking about trying. DS is going to be four this March. We're thinking about "treating" him to a special big boy trip with DADA to visit grandma. Mom and baby sister will not come. They're going to go for at least four days and I'm hoping the time away will help him to get some distance from nursing (literally!). The only two nights he's ever spent away from me were the two I spent in the hospital to have DD. He did just fine and slept through both nights.
I hope this adds to the "idea" pot of things to try. I haven't posted much, but really appreciate the ideas I've gotten on this site. Thanks!