Urban Legend? Older nurslings NIP (m) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 03:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have heard various versions of this story over the years and it has me wondering. We were talking at the lunch table the other day and someone brought up breastfeeding. A lady at the table says "I was at a friends house and her five year old walks up, pulls up her mom's shirt, pulls out a boob and starts nursing..." and then the tail follows with everyone gasping and yucking. It always leads me to wonder if this really happens or if it is some urban legand.

I don't know very many 4-5-6 yo nurslings in real life much less one that would yank up mom's shirt and nurse in front of a friend/aquantaince/cousin's-uncle's-neighbor that obviously has no tollerance for such things. In these stories the mom is always exposed etc. I don't know about you guys but Marah Jade learned at a very young age (12 mos or so) to ask for such things and not go shirt diving. So what do you think? Have you ever had your older-ish nursling do this in front of people? I am not talking about basic NIP these stories always seem so flamboyant.
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#2 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 03:42 AM
 
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I used to share house with a woman whose dd did this, but she was no more than 3 (the dd that is!)

my kids have never done it, they ask to bf, esp over age 2, and are unlikely to even ask if there are people around who they don't know, unless we are at home

my boys also don't like to bf standing up, they like to snuggle up and get cosy!
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#3 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 03:51 AM
 
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My 2.5 year old will do that if we are at home, doesn't matter if we have company. He'll tug at my shirt or ask if we are out and about.
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#4 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 10:33 AM
 
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My 2.5 yo is also pretty intent on nursing when he wants to, especially if he's feeling stressed or anxious - having company over can do it. But my daughter, who weaned at 3.5, was *very* private about nursing after she was about three. I was hugely pregnant, so it was really awkward to nurse unless we were lying down. The last time I remember her NIP was on an airplane when she was three (give or take a week) to try to clear her ears. She was obviously uncomfortable and we gave up after a minute or two.

I tend to think that the age of the children gets exaggerated in those stories, or that the story starts as someone speculating about what the behavior of an older nursling would be like, and it becomes a story that "really happened."

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#5 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 12:27 PM
 
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My 3 year old always asks first, too. He learned his nursing manners a long time ago and would never just lift up my shirt in public. I think some of these stories could be true, but more often than not it seems like the age tends to get exaggerated.

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#6 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 01:05 PM
 
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My son is 4, and he did not nurse in public after 1.5-2 years.
He was just too busy. If you dont want your kiddo to nurse in publc you just set limits....
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#7 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 01:26 PM
 
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Cadan is very private about it and won't even ask he will justgive me the look. He has been tat way since infancy...Daniel couldn't even look at us or talk to us while Cadna nursed. Kai is totally different...THe whole circus could watch and she would just smile and drink on.

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#8 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 01:28 PM
 
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I can't remember either of mine nursing in public after they were three. By five they asked and could also accept the answer of "No." or "Not right now." They'd also pretty much discarded our family's "cute" term for nursing in favour of a more private term which just sounded like a kid singing or babbling nonsense syllables.

I also wanted to emphasize that my older nurslings did not nurse every day, nor did they nurse for particularly long periods of time. Towards the tail end, my dd's pattern was for five minutes every few MONTHS.
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#9 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 01:47 PM
 
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Ds1 weaned at 3 1/2, and was pretty much down to nights and owies before that. He was never a shirt yanker.

As for if it's an urban legend, I'd guess people exaggerate the age of the child. I have known some people with 2-3 year olds who did that. THere was a woman who came to LLL and her 2 1/2 or 3 yo would run around causing havoc, then run up and pull down her shirt, pull the whole boob out, nurse a few seconds, and run off again.
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#10 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 02:20 PM
 
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This happened at a La Leche meeting I was at once. One of the moms had a 4-year-old and she just walked up and latched on while we were all talking. At the time, I was totally surprised being a young and inexperienced mom. It didn't bother me, but I just had never seen anything like it! Now, I wouldn't be surprised at all!
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#11 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 02:35 PM
 
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My 2.5 year old might tug at my shirt if he's sleepy but otherwise does not. I do nurse him in front of guests at home and will nurse him in the homes of very close friends but neither of those situations feel "public" to me. We do not nurse in public... I can't remember the last time he even asked.

He really doesn't nurse that much during the day anymore anyway so it's not really an issue for us.

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#12 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 02:45 PM
 
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My dd (who will be 2 1/2 the beginning of Nov) asks for "meemees" all the time when we are out, but usually I can convince her to wait until we get home. Just yesterday she asked in the car like 10 times because she was tired. We have been at people's homes before and she has come up to me and tried to reach down the top of my shirt to unfasten my nursing bra She does not understand that she is "supposed" to be only nursing at home at her age, especially since her baby brother nurses all the time.

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#13 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shershine
This happened at a La Leche meeting I was at once. One of the moms had a 4-year-old and she just walked up and latched on while we were all talking. At the time, I was totally surprised being a young and inexperienced mom. It didn't bother me, but I just had never seen anything like it! Now, I wouldn't be surprised at all!
But taking your kid to a LLL mtg is like an open invitation to nurse, regardless of their age. Talk about putting a kid in a candystore....
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#14 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doriansmummy
If you dont want your kiddo to nurse in publc you just set limits....
No offense, but I hate it when people say that. It really is not always that easy with every child.

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#15 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by celestialdreamer
No offense, but I hate it when people say that. It really is not always that easy with every child.
like mine, for instance!
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#16 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 05:55 PM
 
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But taking your kid to a LLL mtg is like an open invitation to nurse, regardless of their age. Talk about putting a kid in a candystore....
I agree! That's why we call it "going to the Milkie Party". In fact, when we go to playgroup events, DS #1 always asks "is this a milkie party?" because he knows it's okay for him to NIP if it is. Otherwise he knows that he can have milkies in private because he is a big boy that can wait a little bit. When we visit family or friends, he usually nurses in private unless he is willing to "nurse nicely": read nurse discretely, no pulling up the shirt.

DS #2 is just 2 yrs old, but looks younger because of his size and development, so he still NIPs everywhere. He doesn't pull at my shirt, just does the "dive bomb for boobies".

I'm Deborah, mama to Aidan, 11/02, Sean, 9/04 (my T21 SuperBoy), and Eleanor, 8/08.
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#17 of 65 Old 09-13-2006, 08:42 PM
 
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My oldest son has a friend who nursed until he was 5. I don't ever remember him walking up to his mum and pulling at her shirt. In fact, I never would have known he was still nursing had she and I not been relatively close. I currently have a friend with a 3 year old, however, and he does get a little aggressive about the "oobies". I'm sure in time he'll learn to be more discreet.


I also heard tell about those older kids pulling boobs out at LLL meetings. Never seen one, myself.
I do think, however, that we "extended Breastfeeders" tend to quiet it down a llittle in public as our babes get bigger. I know I did with my first (now 8). My little guy's only 14 months, so we still nip all over the place. I'm enjoying it while I've got it!!

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#18 of 65 Old 09-14-2006, 12:23 AM
 
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I went to a LLL meeting today with my 3-1/2 year old dd and she did not even ask to nurse, though she still nurses frequently at home. She was the oldest kid there and enjoyed being the 'gatekeeper' (keeping the littler ones from getting out of the room to the hallway) very much...I think she was just too busy! LOL
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#19 of 65 Old 09-14-2006, 01:56 AM
 
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I actually remember very clearly a woman setting an older child (4 or 5) in a cart in Kmart, and him unbuttoning her shirt, opening her bra, & nursing through the store. At the time, I was 16 years old, and it seemed the weirdest thing I had ever seen :, but after nursing my own, when I look back on it, it seems so cool that she had the confidence to do that.
Odd how being a parent changes your perceptions.

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#20 of 65 Old 09-14-2006, 02:16 AM
 
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I could see my ds (4) doing this. Only if he was really tired and needed milkies though. At my BIL's wedding last month I had to take him outside because he began yelling for milkies during the ceremony. But the whole weekend was so stressful and he didn't get enough sleep so he was really worn out.

Most of the time in public though he's just too busy. At my home though, he would do it no matter who was there unless it was a kid there to play with him. Sometimes I let him nurse, sometimes I don't but if I let him he would think nothing of just pulling up my shirt and nursing. He's not embarassed by it at all and frankly I'm proud of that.
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#21 of 65 Old 09-14-2006, 02:20 AM
 
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my grandmother loves to tell about an extended breastfeeder at her church whos child was a shirt tugger. i think the child was about 3.
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#22 of 65 Old 09-14-2006, 02:41 AM
 
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one thing that has me a bit dismayed is that I WISH that it would be socially acceptable for my ds to nurse in public like this. He's 4 1/2 years old.

and this thread is a bit depressing, bc I am getting the feeling that even here at MDC, an older child nursing in public is a great novelty.
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#23 of 65 Old 09-15-2006, 02:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by UrbanPlanter
one thing that has me a bit dismayed is that I WISH that it would be socially acceptable for my ds to nurse in public like this. He's 4 1/2 years old.

and this thread is a bit depressing, bc I am getting the feeling that even here at MDC, an older child nursing in public is a great novelty.
I feel ya.
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#24 of 65 Old 09-15-2006, 03:12 AM
 
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My 2.25 year old will pull at my shirt & say milk at home or in public if tired or sad... It would be nice to see more children, 3 yrs, 4 yrs, 5 yr olds asking for milk at our local playplaces... but I think in reality children live in our harsh world & by age 5 they can see people staring & whispering... & are affected by that... I dream of my son being able to ask for milk (even in public) in the next few years... I hope the world doesn't have too much affect on him (or me!)...

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#26 of 65 Old 09-15-2006, 05:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doriansmummy
My son is 4, and he did not nurse in public after 1.5-2 years.
He was just too busy. If you dont want your kiddo to nurse in publc you just set limits....
I think it depends on the kid. My 2.5 year old ds would break down into heart broken sobs and feel deeply hurt if I tried to keep him from nursing in public. The couple of times we have been out and I wore clothes that made my breasts inaccessible, he understood, but was very, very sad, and eventually broke down into tears. He wasn't trying to manipulate me. It just hurt him. So, I have decided that he needs to be allowed to nurse in public still, just as he needed it as an infant.

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#27 of 65 Old 09-15-2006, 08:55 AM
 
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my DD has no problem with shirt diving anywhere it comes across her mind at ... so i would say no its not an urban legend but also my dd is only 3 (well in a month) ...
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#28 of 65 Old 09-15-2006, 09:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by doriansmummy
If you dont want your kiddo to nurse in publc you just set limits....
I have to agree .... this would never fly with dd. She would freak right out start screaming MOMMY MILKS and that would be that ...
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#29 of 65 Old 09-15-2006, 10:44 AM
 
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My 3 yo still nurses in public, and pretty much walks over and starts to pull my shirt up. 99% of the time I'll pull her into my lap and nurse her regardless of where we are or who is around. Strangers, company, loud noises or places will all trigger a lot of anxiety for her, so she often wants to nurse more when we're out than when we're at home. I do what makes her feel comfortable and loved. Urban legend? Seems a bit odd to read this at MDC. .. especially in the CLW forum..:

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#30 of 65 Old 09-15-2006, 12:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by WitchyMama2
Urban legend? Seems a bit odd to read this at MDC. .. especially in the CLW forum..:
LOL I didn't mean that NIP was an urban legend just that SO many people had run into them since I personally NEVER see toddlers nursing in public. I didn't mean to offend anyone I just was curious if most women with 5 yo nurslings nursed in public.
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