Sad about friend's MLW - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 8 Old 10-28-2006, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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*sigh*

I know, I know... I am happy that my 2 friends with babies nursed their babies for over a year, but today I just talked to one who just found out she's pregnant again and she told me she stopped nursing her son cold turkey last week... my heart actually hurt when she told me, is that bizarre?

The usual explanation that he was nursing all the time etc. I went through that with Dante 1 and a half years ago, so yes, I know it can be hard. But what is it that made me keep going and her stop? I wish I knew so I didn't feel so judgemental. :

I should be happy they nursed at all, right? But I actually just expect now that all babies should be nursed if mom is physically able to... and I find that I expect everyone who does nurse to all nurse for a minimum of 2 years, because, hey, why wouldn't you?

Man, this is such a vent...sorry!

I'm not really expecting any answers here, but I think I just needed to let all this out because I think I'm hanging out with her tonight and I need to be happy and not let her know that I'm disappointed that she stopped nursing, especially cold turkey without even bothering to night-wean or anything like that which might have made nursing less stressful for her.


Blahhhhhhhhhh :


Okay, I'm stopping now - sufficently out of my system, I think!



- Kira
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#2 of 8 Old 10-28-2006, 07:36 PM
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Mabe with this new pregnancy the feeling of her DS latched on felt like knives going through her nipples... *to put it bluntly* with some women the first sign of pregnancy is very sensitive nipples, coupled with the dip in supply as a pregnancy comes along and babe compinsating nursing longer and harder, on super sensitive nipples..I can acctually see how a woman would go "Ok enough is enough...."

I understand you're dissapointed, just pointing out a possible culprit to driving her to that point KWIM??

Some women can nuse thru pregnancy, some cant. She's probably one of those that couldn't.
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#3 of 8 Old 10-29-2006, 08:08 PM
 
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Yeah, I have to agree with the previous poster- I had every intention of child-lead weaning- DD#1 was 25 months when I got pregnant. I toughed it out for 3 more months or so, but had really horrible nausea all the time and highly sensitive nipples. I felt like I was going to HATE my daughter if I kept gritting my teeth to survive nursing, plus I worried that since my food and liquids weren't staying down I was more likely to get dangerously dehydrated if I continued nursing. I cried when I told her my decision. My daughter didn't seem to mind at all, since I replaced it with cuddly bottles so we still had the snuggle time.
Now DD#2 is 38 months, shows no sign of weaning, and I'm great with that. It was just a bad situation the first time around. (made me far less likely to have a #3, tho.)
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#4 of 8 Old 10-29-2006, 11:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas

My friend wasn't bothered by a different sensation nursing while being pregnant, she just didn't want to nurse him anymore, though I think night-weaning might have helped things a lot as he was nursing up to 5 times a night.

We had a good visit last night and it was much easier than I had thought it would be. Of course I'm still sad that he didn't get to decide for himself to stop nursing, especially since he obviously was not ready at all, but I know that my friend did what she was capable of doing and I'm proud of her for that.




- Kira
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#5 of 8 Old 10-29-2006, 11:35 PM
 
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This thread reminded me of something I just read on Scott Noelle's site called www.enjoyparenting.com. He sends out a "daily groove" email about parenting that I really enjoy. Here is an excerpt from a recent one that I think pertains:

Today, practice witnessing how you react when you see parents parenting in ways you dislike. Just be present with whatever feelings come up in you. Tell yourself, "It's not about them, it's about something in me."

Something in you wants to be met without judgment and accepted unconditionally.

Stay present with those feelings until you feel them shift, then give your full attention back to the other parent and see what you see. You may find that they look a lot less wicked, more human, and easier to appreciate.


If you are interested in reading the rest, click here.
Kira, it sounds like you were able to come to a peaceful place about this issue and that is wonderful. I totally know how you feel. I get crazy upset when a hear a parent talk about a practice that is less than nurturing. But I am learning to let those things go as much as possible, while still maintaining my integrity and whilst educating gently and lovingly. It can be hard sometimes so kudos to you for maintaining your calm and your friendship. Blessings to you!
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#6 of 8 Old 10-30-2006, 03:40 AM
 
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Kira,

I have to say that I have felt the same!

I go out of my way to do my absolute best for my child and I want others to their best for their children as well and when I see them making choices that I don't see as best it IS difficult to reconcile why they would make the choice they did.

Breastfeeding is so great for children! It really bothers me when friends who breastfed at one point stop due to outside pressure, can't be bothered or worse, resort to formula as an alternative!!

It is discouraging for me but I am trying to focus on the positive that Mom did nurse period and how long she did nurse for.

It is hard.

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#7 of 8 Old 10-30-2006, 04:21 AM
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Kira I feel your pain. I would feel the same way. It would break my heart to think a mom would just cold turkey stop breastfeeding at ONE YEAR because she's pregnant. It's her life, her choice, but I would encourage her to continue.
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#8 of 8 Old 10-31-2006, 06:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for sharing that article Jaymi - I have bookmarked it as I'm sure there will be many more times when it will help to calm and focus my energies like it did when I just read it.

Jen & CrunchyKat... your support is comforting like curling up under my favorite quilt. Thank-you!

I was thinking about this today and realizing that even if my friends don't all do CLW as I am doing, just the very fact that they are being exposed to it on a regular basis by knowing me, seeing Dante nurse and hearing me chat about it... that all normalizes it that much more for them. So even if they don't all nurse til 2 or 3 or 4 etc. they certainly have become used to the idea of it, which for so many people out there, is far from the case, right? Maybe they will nurse their next even a bit longer, who knows...

I do feel much better about the whole thing - and we really did have such a good chat the other night, I've even gotten her to do some Intactivism which is wonderful




- Kira
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