Struggling with CLW, newborn here now - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 11 Old 11-12-2006, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am struggling with my 31 month old now that my newborn is here (2 weeks today!) I am committed to CLW my children but I am feeling fed up sometimes.
She has gone from nursing mostly at sleep times to wanting to nurse everytime the baby does, She has also regressed inother areas like pottying also.She still nurses at bedtime and sleeps in a sidecar crib with us so bedtime has become a struggle as well. I know that she needs the comfort right now with all the adjustments and changes going on in her life but I am feeling annoyed sometimes by her behavior. She whines and pulls at me when I don't give her 'nummies' right away. She even saw her brother be born in water in our bedroom and immediately bonded to him, holding him right away.

I guess what I really need is someone to say "it'll be ok and get better and be worth it' which I am sure there is in other threads, I jus don't have the energy to search right now.

Michelle, vegan mama
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#2 of 11 Old 11-12-2006, 02:08 PM
 
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We went through a very hard time with our toddler when the twins were born. It's still not easy but it's much better than it was in the beginning. He was the same way-started wetting his pants again, being very whiney, clingy, etc. It DOES get better but it will probably be hard for awhile. If you can, try to let them tandem nurse. I have found that the more I tell my 3 year old no, the more he asks. He will bug me all day long but if I just let him nurse when he wants to then he is usually content. The more they feel us resist, the more clingy they become. So even though it is probably frustrating to always be tandem nursing, I would do it for awhile so your daughter has some time to adjust. Good luck!

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#3 of 11 Old 11-12-2006, 02:19 PM
 
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It will be ok, and it will be worth it. My oldest son did this exact same thing. While I was pregnant, he weaned down to only nursing to sleep (2X/day), but when the baby was born, he started wanting to nurse all the time too. And he regressed in his potty-training, too. I seriously thought I was going to go nuts. :
It is such a huge adjustment for them- to go from being the sole focus of your attention, to sharing it, and even maybe coming second to the baby's needs. No matter how much your dd may love her baby, she is still likely feeling a little displaced. Kids regress when they are feeling insecure. It is a normal reaction, and will pass as she gets use to the change.
We gave up the potty training for a while to lighten the stress on all of us, and did our best to make ds1 feel like he was a part of everything, even letting dh take the baby for as long as he could (not long, about 45 minutes, but still better than nothing) while I spent time just cuddling my oldest.
It was crazy for a while- especially in the beginning, but I think that you will find that as time progresses, and as you all settle, it will get better. Think about what a big change it was when you had your first baby- huge adjustment, right? Now your dd is going through that too, with you. But it gets better.
And there is nothing like clw. My oldest, as he began to feel more secure, gradually weaned back down to only nursing to sleep, and eventually asked me if he could not nurse. That was it. No tears, no struggle, just a very calm decision by him that he was ready to stop. That made it all worth it.

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3

 

 

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#4 of 11 Old 11-12-2006, 03:33 PM
 
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that increase in demand for the older nursling is very common! it will get better (or less demanding).

keep in mind you are adjusting to two, your newborn totally needs only you, and your other child is adjusting too whether you are nursing or not!

hang in there and take this time of nursing to put up your feet! things will settle soon

And it's soooo worth it!
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#5 of 11 Old 11-13-2006, 02:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gemelos View Post
The more they feel us resist, the more clingy they become.
I absolutely agree. That's what I experienced with my two as well. I put extra effort into making sure the toddler had attention in lots of non-nursing areas, both from me and from other family members, then did what I could to meet her needs with the nursing- I couldn't nurse them both at once, it was worse than fingernails on a blackboard for me since she had a bad latch. This was also when she had to learn patience and how to share. It wasn't easy, but we did get through it. Who was it that said that the first lessons on manners are learned at mother's breast? I think the same comes of patience and sharing.

So any time I could, I'd get someone else to hold the baby and spend a concentrated 15 minutes with her doing something she wanted to do. I only got to do it once or twice a day, but it really helped all around.

For the sleeping, I had to make the decision to end the nursing down to sleep, as everyone was getting rest but me, and that was making life miserable for everyone to have a tired, strung-out mother. I'd get the baby down, then the toddler, and by that time the baby would wake up again. So I'd go to bed 2-3 hours after everyone else, then still wake up ever 1-2 hours to nurse the baby. So I very gradually cut back on how much I'd let her nurse before going to sleep, as she was already lseeping through the night. It took about three weeks of gently working at it. At that point, we transferred her to sleeping with her daddy at night (for a while we slept separately so he'd get enough rest due to his job requiring long driving distances- I didn't want him to kill someone on the road because he fell asleep at the wheel!). But anything you do to change the night situation is going to require patience on your part and might cause tears on the toddler's part. But dealing with change is part of life.

Edited to add: Things did calm down once the baby was about 3 months old, and we kinda got into a routine and she went back to predictable nursing times and a lot of the behaviour issues ended. I'm still tandeming, and I think it was the best decision I could have made.

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#6 of 11 Old 11-13-2006, 05:05 PM
 
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Just wanted to send you a as I have so been there! My dd actually "weaned" when I was pregnant when she was 18 months and I was devastated. Then when her little brother was about a month old she suddenly decided to start nursing again....ALL.THE.TIME. Its really hard to adjust to life with 2 children, and the nursing relationship is really just a symptom of it IMO, not the cause. When my ds was about 2 months old I think my dd may have nursed more than he did! She wanted to do whatever the baby did, and sometimes still does. Now he's 7 months old and she's calmed down about it mostly. She understands that I'm still her mama too and that sometimes she needs to wait until the baby is done. Eventually setting some limits on her nursing in a kind and gentle way was absolutely necessary for me. I made sure she got plenty of love and attention in non-nursing related ways until I felt like we had established a tandem nursing relationship that worked for all of us.

What you are feeling is very, very normal. Every tandem nursing mom I know IRL has said very similar things. You will find a happy medium of what works, just give it time. There *will* be times when you feel like all you are doing is nursing one or the other, but once the adjustment period has passed you will most likely feel much better about it. Oh and congrats on the new baby!

~Rebecca~
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#7 of 11 Old 11-13-2006, 06:09 PM
 
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My then toddler (she was 18 months old at the time and is now 4) completely gave up solids and went back to exclusively nursing when ds was born...it was difficult, but in the grand scheme of things it didn't last that long (almost 2 months I think, it could of been 3), and it got better.

I honestly think tandem nursing gave them an amazing bond and cut down on jelousy issues immensely with DD!

Jillian wife to Ryan and mommy to Janelle Ashlynn (9/09/2002), Kincaid Chance (3/29/2004), Travis Neil (8/13/2007) and River Anderson (5/02/2009).
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#8 of 11 Old 11-14-2006, 04:08 AM
 
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I wanted to point you to the tandem nursing thread (see link in my sig). Lots of mamas in your spot. My new one is 4 months and iit does get easier! Looks like our kids are spaced the same too...
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#9 of 11 Old 11-14-2006, 04:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gemelos View Post
We went through a very hard time with our toddler when the twins were born. It's still not easy but it's much better than it was in the beginning. He was the same way-started wetting his pants again, being very whiney, clingy, etc. It DOES get better but it will probably be hard for awhile. If you can, try to let them tandem nurse. I have found that the more I tell my 3 year old no, the more he asks. He will bug me all day long but if I just let him nurse when he wants to then he is usually content. The more they feel us resist, the more clingy they become. So even though it is probably frustrating to always be tandem nursing, I would do it for awhile so your daughter has some time to adjust. Good luck!
Ditto! I just wanted to give you a hug. I have done it three times now, and I swear it get's easier...there will still be times, but it really does get better. ANd it is soooo worth it! WHen it has been a couple of months your older dd will realize that the baby isn't taking her place, you still have time for them both, and then you can gently set limits if you want to. I also suggest nursing them together. It sometimes is too hard stimulation wise for me...but it is a sanity saver so you don't feel like that is all you are doing, and you might be able to relax while nirsing instead of having toddler throw a tantrum because she needs to wait. it will get better!

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#10 of 11 Old 11-14-2006, 08:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Mamamoo.
I have been trying to just be patient and let things figure themselves out. I am fully committed to CLW so I am willing to try anything to make DD feel more comfortable. She is actually sleeping in her own bed in her own room tonight!

I am also subbed to the tandem nursing tribe Snarky! I am taking any advice and/or experience at this point. I think that my feeling 'touched out' at times causes me to be annoyed with DD also. I think that she has a lazy latch after all this time too and that is probably not helping. It feels a little uncomfortable (sometimes a lot) whenever she latches on.

Thanks for all of the comments. I really do know that this is temporary and will be much worth it in the end.

Michelle, vegan mama
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#11 of 11 Old 11-14-2006, 04:18 PM
 
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Quick email here...it does get easier. It was really hard for us at first, for similar reasons. I did sometimes limit my toddler and tried to be honest about why--e.g., I was too hungry and needed to eat, or the baby needed to sleep. Now, 11 months later, she still nurses a lot, but there's more flexibility for me, and she will agree to wait to nurse. Mine are also incredibly bonded and I think the tandeming has been worth it.

Hang in there and congrats on the new baby!
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