Why does my toddler have to cause me pain when she nurses? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 14 Old 08-08-2007, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've posted previously about my breastfeeding challenges with A.
She began breastfeeding again 3 months ago, so now I'm tandem nursing.

She pumps my breast as she nurses, bouncing her head forward and backward, she grabs my breastskin in both hands, often grabbing my areola tightly, and will move her head and look around with only my nipple in her mouth!
Why does she do this!
I get so frustrated when she nurses like this.
I tell her, "okay, that's enough, you're giving mommy owies, All Done"
Usually she's okay with that, but sometimes she'll whine and want to nurse.
I'll have to endure the pain a little longer.
It is really painful and I feel like there's got to be something I can do or say to teach her how to nurse properly

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#2 of 14 Old 08-08-2007, 11:12 PM
 
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My dd is just a month older than yours. She's got some of those habits, too. Since birth she has tended to lay away from my breast, causing my nipples to stretch. I am used to it, but it is still a bit annoying at times.
The only thing I have had success with has been wearing a necklace my son made me. She keeps her focus on that, not my other nipple, the room around her, kids on the playground, etc.
It is hard to feel love and cuddly when your toddler is doing these annoying little habits...sorry. I can definitely sympathize.

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#3 of 14 Old 08-08-2007, 11:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just to clarify, she's not bothering my other nipple, she's pulling and stretching the one in her mouth.

We had a lot of difficulties getting a proper latch when she was a newborn, it took a full week for my milk to come in and she was always very hungry and mad about it, then I had a plugged duct.
Finally things started working out for us.
Then I got pregnant with S and when A was 8 months old I had no milk left.
She was then fed formula and showed no interest in nursing when S was born.
A didn't start nursing again until S was 8 months old (A was 23 months old).

She starts out in a good position.
Sometimes she even curls up in my lap and latches on right, but then while nursing, she pulls back, stretching my breast out and sucking hard. It hurts so bad I'll detach her mouth and say no, you're giving mommy owies.
I think she's doing it on purpose sometimes, just as she smacks S on purpose sometimes to hear her cry.

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#4 of 14 Old 08-10-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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My daughter is the same age as yours and has been mauling me in various ways on occasion since she was a baby. She seems more likely to do it when she needs to poop, or is nursing out of boredom and would rather be doing something else but doesn't seem to know when to quit.

One thing I have taught her is the concept of "nursing nicely." When she is in fact nursing nicely (curled up, fairly still), I say "now you're nursing nicely". Then when she's thrashing around, I say "can you nurse nicely?" and usually she does it. At least for a little bit.
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#5 of 14 Old 08-12-2007, 02:11 AM
 
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Is she trying to force a let-down? If you have seen any videos of other mammals nursing, or been to a farm, you might know that a calf head butts the udder to speed the let down. Both of my daughters were violent occaisionally before or to promote the surge. Often, when tandem nursing my older dd, I would resent her nursing and then the milk would not let down for her. Also, the shape of the palate changes as kids grow, and nursing can become uncomfortable then. I don't believe that your dc is old enough for that change, though.
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#6 of 14 Old 08-12-2007, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by summerleaf View Post
One thing I have taught her is the concept of "nursing nicely." When she is in fact nursing nicely (curled up, fairly still), I say "now you're nursing nicely". Then when she's thrashing around, I say "can you nurse nicely?" and usually she does it. At least for a little bit.
Yes, I tell her when she is being gentle.
I say, thank you for being so calm and gentle. That's nice, when she is.
Then when she gets rough with me, I ask her to be gentle.
Asking doesn't seem to make any difference, so I'll tell her, you can only nurse for a little while longer because you're giving mommy owies.
I'll let her nurse just a bit longer, until I can't take it, and then I'll say, okay, that's enough, all done, and sign all done.

Kind of OT, but it's funny when she doesn't like me signing all done, so she swats at my hands when I'm signing, as though doing that will make "all done" not true.

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#7 of 14 Old 08-12-2007, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by provocativa View Post
Is she trying to force a let-down? Both of my daughters were violent occassionally before or to promote the surge.
That is what I was just wondering yesterday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by provocativa View Post
If you have seen any videos of other mammals nursing, or been to a farm, you might know that a calf head butts the udder to speed the let down.
Yes, I know, I've seen it. I've been on farms, etc.
And kittens and puppies massage the belly.

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Originally Posted by provocativa View Post
Also, the shape of the palate changes as kids grow, and nursing can become uncomfortable then.
I don't believe that your dc is old enough for that change, though.
I didn't know that.

Also, I've noticed while tandem nursing, when I letdown due to A's roughness, S is drowning on the other side.

A also goes back and forth after nursing for only a minute or less, back and forth, over and over. It's quite annoying.
I often tell her, pick one and nurse 'til it's empty, then go to the other side.
Of course, she either doesn't understand or chooses to not follow my suggestion.

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#8 of 14 Old 08-12-2007, 03:52 PM
 
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i was just going to post about this. i haven't had a letdown in almost 2 months, but DD is sooooo rough. especially at night when she is falling asleep. sometimes i have to give myself a timeout so i don't go insane from the twiddling.
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#9 of 14 Old 08-12-2007, 04:00 PM
 
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Yea see my DD kicks my opposite breast when she is bored, squeezes like she is holding a stress ball to the one in her mouth and pinches the opposite one with her nails(or the very tips of her fingers) while she is nursing....She can get very very violent and leaves brusied teeth, hand, and kick marks as well as red scratches on both my breasts. Drives me bonkers :

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#10 of 14 Old 08-13-2007, 11:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dillonandmarasmom View Post
My dd is just a month older than yours. She's got some of those habits, too. Since birth she has tended to lay away from my breast, causing my nipples to stretch. I am used to it, but it is still a bit annoying at times.
The only thing I have had success with has been wearing a necklace my son made me. She keeps her focus on that, not my other nipple, the room around her, kids on the playground, etc.
It is hard to feel love and cuddly when your toddler is doing these annoying little habits...sorry. I can definitely sympathize.
My child is like this too...laying away from the breast and causing the nipples to stretch, in different directions as they bob their head back and forth to look at different things.

When I see this, I associate it with distracted nursing, rather than nourishment nursing.
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#11 of 14 Old 08-13-2007, 11:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jess12808 View Post
Yea see my DD kicks my opposite breast when she is bored, squeezes like she is holding a stress ball to the one in her mouth and pinches the opposite one with her nails(or the very tips of her fingers) while she is nursing....She can get very very violent and leaves brusied teeth, hand, and kick marks as well as red scratches on both my breasts. Drives me bonkers :
My child doesn't kick the opposite breast while nursing, but does kick my abdomen, usually hitting the c-section line. Ouch!
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#12 of 14 Old 08-14-2007, 02:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jess12808 View Post
Yea see my DD kicks my opposite breast when she is bored, squeezes like she is holding a stress ball to the one in her mouth and pinches the opposite one with her nails(or the very tips of her fingers) while she is nursing....She can get very very violent and leaves brusied teeth, hand, and kick marks as well as red scratches on both my breasts. Drives me bonkers :
You see, some may disagree with me, but I've found that one of the quickest ways to stop this kind of behavior is to stop nursing immediately. I ask dd once to be more gentle. If she doesn't knock it off, I unlatch her and very matter of factly say something like, "you're hurting me. I'm not going to nurse you if you can't be gentle." If she's kicking, I'll put her on the floor.

Yes, she whines about it sometimes. But that doesn't mean she gets to keep nursing if she can't be nice about it.

Mom of two girls.
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#13 of 14 Old 08-20-2007, 05:22 PM
 
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my 4.5 yo ds does this kind of stuff off and on. When he was younger he would pinch me with his fingernails. Thank-goodness he doesn't do that any more.
He:
kneads my breast, bounces his head, pulls away, sucks with a funny clicking sound, plays with the other breast, squirms, switches back and fourth from breast to breast, and thinks it's very funny when I ask him to stop, and when I tell him to quick or we're done - he tries to sneak in a bit more. Sometimes I just say, NO MORE OR YOU'RE FINISHED!

I feel bad, but can't take it all the time. My breasts are much more sensitive than they have been in years, due to the pregnancy.

I guess it's all normal. I keep telling myself - someday, someday I'll wish for these moments back.

-Sara, working Mom to Fletcher (2003) and Magnolia (2008):, wife to Jim the best SAHD in the world (1999) NVC has changed my life
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#14 of 14 Old 08-21-2007, 07:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by claras_mom View Post
You see, some may disagree with me, but I've found that one of the quickest ways to stop this kind of behavior is to stop nursing immediately. I ask dd once to be more gentle. If she doesn't knock it off, I unlatch her and very matter of factly say something like, "you're hurting me. I'm not going to nurse you if you can't be gentle." If she's kicking, I'll put her on the floor.

Yes, she whines about it sometimes. But that doesn't mean she gets to keep nursing if she can't be nice about it.
That is what works for me, as well.

I let her know specifically what is not working for me and try to offer another suggestion ("Please take your finger out of my belly button. Here. You can put it in your own -see?") And then if she continues, say "Mama's going to have to stop nursing you if you can't keep your fingers out of my belly button". Then if it happens again, I stop. She screams and cries, but when I nurse her next time I remind her of the rules and she actually gets it. I've found nothing else works. If I just keep redirecting her hands or feet away from me (she also pinches, punches, kicks), she just keeps going. It's maddening and I'm afraid I'm going to have to wean her if it continues because I don't like how angry and frustrated I get.
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