"The" silence - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 8 Old 10-12-2007, 09:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was telling a friend today how I really wanted to not be a mother for a day or two, just to have a REAL break.

She asked about having Maya go stay with my parents or someone for a night or two. I explained that, no, we're not ready for that. She nurses to sleep, etc. (More to it, but that's the biggest deal.)

Then.

There.

Was.

THE.


SILENCE.

She didn't say anything. She didn't say, wow, you still nurse? Or, when are you going to stop? Or, she shouldn't nurse. Or, she should fall asleep herself and you're making a big mistake coddling her like that.

She didn't say any of those things.

But.

There was THE silence.

Ugh.

I swear, I could give her the benefit of the doubt because I KNOW she really, really wants to be open minded about stuff and not judgmental about my parenting choices. But, the feeling was palpable, know what I mean?

--Heather
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#2 of 8 Old 10-13-2007, 02:19 AM
 
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I also experienced THE SILENCE this week. I got together with a friend of mine whose daughter is 3 1/2. My son turns 4 in Dec. Anyway, I was nursing my new baby boy (4mo) while our kids were playing which is how we started talking about nursing.

She asked me,"Is he (ds1) done with nursing?"
I said, "No, not yet."
And I got---

THE SILENCE!

I guess she just expected me to say yes because she didn't say another word about it.
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#3 of 8 Old 10-13-2007, 02:42 AM
 
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Well, Ive never gotten the silence. My family is very vocal about what they think (that Im damaging my children psychologically) but in public, its a convo stopper for sure. Ive had people get up and move away from us.

~Me, mama to  hollering boy (1991), photo girl (1997), Fan boy (2003), jungle boy (2005), gamer boy (2007) and twirly girl (2011). Twenty five years of tree hugging, breastfeeding, cosleeping, unschooling, craziness!
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#4 of 8 Old 10-13-2007, 02:50 AM
 
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got the silence today at a wic appt when I said my 6 month old and 2.5 yr old were still nursing. She was even more silent (if that's possible) after asking me how many times a day he nurses (I lied and halfed the number..imagine the silence if I'd told her the truth )

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
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#5 of 8 Old 10-13-2007, 02:50 AM
 
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I got the silence in the middle of a party. Last week actually.
But considering the convo went like this:
"So are you going to breastfeed this baby?" (I'm pregnant btw)
"Of course!" big smile
"More than a few months, I would hope?" wistful smile on her part
"Well, considering I'm still nursing Kiki, I should think so: another big grin
"oh."
silence...

But I don't know if it was, OMG, she's still nursing? The freak! Or,OMG, she's still nursing? You can nurse that long? I didn't know that you could nurse that long...is that weird or cool? etc,etc

waiting on the power of the three wolf moon. 
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#6 of 8 Old 10-13-2007, 12:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah -- knowing that THE SILENCE could possibly be simply a thoughtful thing, a consideration, or a sense that there's some sort of private territory they think they shouldn't go into... It doesn't HAVE to mean they think it's a bad thing. My interpretation generally matches my own state of mind at the time.

I rarely ever, though, take the silence as an invitation to find out what they are thinking. I think that could be an opportunity to get closer to a friend, but, it mostly feels like it would be a burdensome conversation, kwim?

--Heather
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#7 of 8 Old 10-14-2007, 11:00 PM
 
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Heather , for sure opening up a dialogue might prove uncomfortable or even provoke more silence...BTDT...it may be an oppurtunity worth taking esp. w/ a friend you describe as trying to be more openminded.
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#8 of 8 Old 10-14-2007, 11:17 PM
 
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I got the "silence" when I took almost 4 DS to an urgent care because I thought he may have strep along with an intestinal infection. The doc told me to cut back on milk b/c of his belly ache. I said he doesn't drink cow's milk. What's he drink, she asks. He nurses, I reply. And there it was .... the "silence." Which after an unbearable amount of time gave way to -- there's no nutrition in that anymore. WTH? And this is a doctor!
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