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sbgquilt 03-13-2008 03:18 PM

My dd is almost 3 and has been barely nursing for months already. Barely means she only nurses before bedtime and when she nurses it is usually about 5 seconds per side. She sometimes nurses for about 5 seconds per side if she wakes up in the night. She rarely asks to nurse in the am when she wakes up. It has been many many months since she asked to nurse for comfort during the day. She sometimes chooses not to nurse at nighttime and I always reassure her that either way is fine -- it's her choice. On Monday night before she nursed she said "Nursing tonight and then all done with nursing". She said it so confidently and clearly it took me off guard. I asked her a couple of questions to make sure I was hearing right but I sure was. She was so matter of fact about it. She did mention nursing again until Wed night when she sort of half heartedly asked. I didn't know what to do b/c I believe in CLN, but I think she is trying to lead in her child way and needs my help. I said, "You told me you were all done with nursing. Is it hard to say good bye to nursing". She was lying in my arms in a nursing position when we were talking and she was clearly sad, but she didn't really indicate that she was ready to nurse. That said, I didn't pull up my shirt and offer her a breast either. We talked some more and she said things like "When I was an infant I nursed" with a smile on her face. And, then a few more times asking for nursing. What was striking to me was that when I didn't raise my shirt, she did not protest as she might have in the past if I tried to staff for whatever reason. After a bit more conversation, we went on to the usual nightime things we do like telling stories and singing songs and eventually snuggling in bed until she falls asleep.

Help, mamas. I don't know if I did the right thing. I have never refused her nursing and I really couldn't tell if I was refusing her or helping her process her feelings around stopping to do something she has done every day of her life to this point. Also, I'd love to have some ideas for language on how to talk to her about her feelings about being done with nursing.


alegna 03-13-2008 03:55 PM

If she's anything like my dd she might need to say and play with an idea many many times before she's ready to commit. I would make it clearly still an option if she seems to need it or be sad about it.


Ks Mama 03-13-2008 06:47 PM

If you don't feel comfortable with your response, it isn't like it is the end of your nursing relationship. What I mean is that if you feel like you should have offered, or asked her if she wanted to nurse, then do that next time the opportunity presents itself; but try not to feel guilty about something you can't change at this point. Its really okay if you weren't feeling like nursing at the time, and it really doesn't sound like you disuaded her from nursing, you just didn't offer, and she didn't push.

FWIW, at 3 1/2, I rarely offer anymore to nurse my DD - unless she seems particularly needy. She almost always asks before bed, but rarely during the day anymore.

sbgquilt 03-18-2008 12:57 AM

Originally Posted by Ks Mama View Post
What I mean is that if you feel like you should have offered, or asked her if she wanted to nurse, then do that next time the opportunity presents itself;.
Wise mama you are! That's exactly what happened. I waited and three days later she asked to nurse at the time she usually nurses in our bedtime ritual series and she asked the next night as well. I think the conversation we had when I wrote my original email was good in the context of her weaning, however long that may take and since it's been going on for over six months, I can tell already that weaning is a VERY long process. Learn something new every day in this magical world of parenting!


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