Story about DH's dad.
My (now late) FIL was born in the Depression, a very old-school man. My MIL was born in Korea, and was very traditional, except that she married a caucasian American. When her first was born he was still in the Navy and she was still in Korea, with her mom. She worked out of absolute necessity, and her mother watched her son (she was pg when she met my FIL, he wasn't attached to the baby at all except that he loved baby's mother). I don't know anything about if she nursed (or if her mom nursed!).
But when they moved to the states and had the baby that is now my husband, she was going to be traditional about it (Korean traditional) and have a family bed. FIL was disgusted. Not in HIS bed! He left before 2 weeks was up (he was supposed to be home for months), took the next Merchant Marine ship out, saying that when he got back, he expected the baby to be out of their bed.
Fast forward 30+ years, and FIL was looking at our home with near longing in his eyes. Seeing how rested we were, seeing how we didn't spent 100s of dollars on a crib like his daughter had (or rather, HE bought a crib for her girls, and then she sold the cribs he bought them). Seeing how happy our son was, and how happy my husband was.
He told us he wished he had done things differently.
I wonder, if "H" were to look 30 years down the road, could he see himself watching his children's spouses nursing THEIR children, his grandchildren, and could he possibly see himself being sad he was so dictatorial with you about all of this?
I myself was nursed until I was 4, and while I loved my mother madly, I wasn't overly dependent on her. My brother self-weaned at two (which caused me to be forcibly weaned) and loved her dearly as well, but has had a very independent, fulfilling, happy life so far! My half-sibs from my dad, the boys went until 2 each, and their girl went beyond 4 (lucky girl!) and apart from the fact that they are totally dysfunctional just b/c that's who they are, they are also very close BUT also independent!
Nursing doesn't make a child too dependent. Nursing gives them what they need for as long as they need it, so they dont' have to seek out other ways to fulfill those needs.
I, personally, would leave my husband if he said something like that to me and meant it. For my hubby to put his emotional needs over my child's physical, emotional, and any other need you can think of needs would be beyond unacceptable. He and I discussed all of this on our 1st and 2nd dates (they were very long dates sitting at coffee shops talking about everything), and while some things haven't worked out the way I thought they would, nothing like that has ever been said, and if something bad happened, there have been multiple apologies. DS's needs, that we can't even come close to explaining or quantifying, we simply believe that he has needs for milk, has always come before our too-thought-out adult wants.
I am very sorry you are dealing with this, and beyond my own personal views of what I would do, obviously we can't really help you. I know that my MIL did get her baby out of bed, and her daughter was never in their bed. Their daughter has all sorts of issues, some of which are "daddy issues" to the extreme, but I don't know if that's b/c she was always in a crib and got no nursing time like the boys did, but it's the truth, she's got problems. My hubby has some issues too, mainly father abandonment stuff, but that mainly comes from his dad only being there 3 months on, 3 months off, etc, all of FIL's life (he died one year after he truly and fully retired from shipping life), not necessarily the anti-baby attitude his father had towards him (it didn't help that FIL wasn't supposed to be able to father kids at all, since he didn't seem to see all the old Navy videos about nasty diseases and he had many of them, ew, so to have one and then a second kid was a HUGE surprise for him).
When MIL found out that we were having a family bed, it took quite a bit of talking, and having to use the phrase "we know this is how it is done in your country, and we wanted to honor that" until she could get out of the mindset her husband set onto her. So if you do decide to go along with H rather than your child, try to not set your heart so that you yourself might have issues with any future grandchildren who nurse until they go away to college (ha ha ha).
I wish your husband could meet my husband. My guy would work hard on getting your guy to see the absolute beauty in letting a child nurse until THEY are done with it.
Good luck and best wishes to you.