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Need Some Advice and Reassurance

588 views 6 replies 6 participants last post by  shay 
#1 ·
I am pregnant with my first child.
I am planning a UC.
I live on a military base in Japan.
I have checked with all the right people, and there is no one that has a right to stop me, there are no rules, or policies that prevent me, and I even had a lawyer tell me that the base CPS has no standing whatsoever.
I don't have to fear anyone stopping me from doing this.
I wanted to feel empowered, not like I was doing something wrong, and had to hide it. If people asked me anything about the hospital, I told them I wasn't going, that I was having my baby at home. If they asked about a midwife, I said I wasn't having one. It was incredibly empowering.
Unfortunately a lady from church went to one of my church leaders, and expressed her concern. He called me and my husband into his office, and lectured us. It turns out that he is a NICU Nurse. Oh joy.

I still am planning a UC, but he scared me, How common is it for a baby to really need help? The way he talked you'd think that most babies would die without a hospital.
I have strong faith in my body, and in God, and I beleive that if I need to go to the hospital, I will know.
I'm just scared, I don't want my baby to die.
Actually, I'm scared either way. I am afraid of what harm the doctors might do to my child, and afraid of her dying in the hospital but I am also scared that something will happen and my baby will die at home.
I have read UC stories where the baby did die, and that terrifies me. I'm just feeling so worried, I don't want the hospital for me, or my child, but a UC still scares me.

What books or resources would you recomend that I could read to have knowledge for an emergency situation where something did go horribly wrong?
I am due in about 6-7 weeks.
I want to be calm, and sure of myself, I still feel that UC is best, but I just don't feel prepared properly for this.
 
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#3 ·
I think we all have fears to work through with birth. There is a thread on that today. I had to work through my own fears (which were much the same as yours) and trust that if God brought me to this decision that he would be faithful to work out all the details. And he has! I have had two successful uc's and everything has worked out beautifully for the birth papers, births, everything!! I am on uc/up number three. I would never never never choose to birth in a hospital unless it was an absolute emergency (ie prolapsed cord) I know that things work out! I believe in God so that affects how I think (of course!) so I have faith that he created my body to birth and he will bring this little one when and how he is supposed to be brought and that all will work together for the good!

Leslie
PS. Do you know my sister? She is on base in Japan, doing weight training nutrition plans, and body building. I am not sure the name of her base though........She's totally into taking care of your own health/body, not letting some else take over for you.
 
#4 ·
If he's an NICU nurse, then he will have seen a lot of iatrogenic complications, but not knowing what normal birth looks like he may have not recognized them as such. His understanding of the birth process is limited, just remember that.

This church leader is thinking he's doing what's best, but what he hasn't considered is that he has caused you to stumble in your faith, which is a very, very bad thing. Helping you get information you feel you should have is one thing, insinuating that God can only work through hospital management of birth is another. Maybe there's a lesson here, although maybe it is for him as much as for you.

It's hard to know where to start learning; my knowledge of birth comes from so many different sources, and I couldn't recommend just one or a few because they don't all cover everything and they're not all right about everything. But the problem also is that you can't prepare for everything. Like you say, you're weighing one group of risk ractors against another. You just have to decide which you're more willing to take in exchange for the benefits.

You know that God has made your body to give birth. I'm assuming that you also believe that for a baby to die naturally is not in itself bad or evil. So what exactly is driving you here? That you will be judged by others if the outcome isn't what they think is right? (You know what God said about that.) That you will judge yourself or feel unbearable grief? It's important to come to some self-understanding about this, to look at the root of the fear. It's okay to feel what you feel, but you may be able to work through it, too.

Finally, you can do your best to make the decision you and your husband feel best about, but because there are no guarantees I think that in order to feel any peace about it you really just need to give it up to God. Maybe there are other church members who will be more apt to listen and take your feelings seriously, and be less apt to feel the only "right" choices are the ones our relatively Godless society places most value in.

I wish the search feature was working right now. There have been so many great threads in the past dealing with the fear of death and concerns about being held responsible when something goes wrong. All I can suggest is that you start scrolling back through threads to find them -- I really think they might be helpful.

I'm not trying to tell you that UC is safer or that death doesn't matter. I think it really depends on the individual situation, and only you can know if UC is still right in yours. I'm sorry it isn't just easy! Going against the mainstream, especially when it involves the possibility of an unwanted outcome (as is always possible in birth,) is never easy.
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by kungfumoose
It turns out that he is a NICU Nurse. Oh joy.
One thing to keep in mind... NICU nurses see all the BAD cases. They don't see the good ones. The good ones don't go to the NICU! (ok, there are occasionally times when babies go to the NICU for "observation" when they don't need it, but that's not nearly as often as babies who really need the NICU, like preemies, etc.)

So keep in mind where this guy is coming from. Yes, he's probably seen every problem that can happen to a baby. But most babies (even those born in a hospital) don't have those problems. Most babies never go to the NICU, and never get seen by NICU nurses. So his point of view is VERY VERY VERY skewed!

My own son was in the NICU for 4 weeks (29 weeker due to PPROM), and I got to see alot of babies with various problems. MOST of the babies were preterm. I think I saw one or two full term babies (under O2 hoods) the entire 4 weeks I was there. This is a hospital that probably has 5-10 births per day, so let's say out of about 300 births, there were only 1 or 2 full term babies in the NICU there. And I wouldn't be surprised if those full term babies had been induced before they were ready, hence the need for breathing help.
 
#6 ·
Thanks for all your replies.
(Leslie, I live in Okinawa Japan, I don't think I know your sister, unless her name is Samia.)

I am scared of taking the responsibility. I am such an independent person. I want to take the responsibility, but I am afraid of that little tiny "what-if" consequence.
I like to be in control of my body, my life, my choices, maybe I am a little afraid of what others will think. I believe that if something went wrong, I could trust that it was God's will, but I don't think that I could handle other people telling me that I killed my baby. I think it would be the outside sources that would make me doubt my descision, and ultimately, the grief could tear me apart.

This feels so right to me. I want it with all my heart. I have been feeling better as of late, I have been doing things that help me feel closer to God, and I am confident that this is the right choice. At least for now. I am open to the possibility that if something does go wrong, I can transfer, if I feel my body or God is telling me that I need to.

Has anybody read, or used the "Emergenct Childbirth" Book? would you recomend it?

thanks
~Moose
 
#7 ·
No matter though, the 'what if' would probably be there.

However, 90% + some % of the time, birth goes just how nature plans ......

Trust yourself............ you have educated yourself, no matter what others may accuse you of, huh? Try to relax, stressing over it doesn't help you or baby.
 
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