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#1 of 15 Old 09-20-2009, 09:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So although I never intended it, up until Friday DS used a soother at bedtime/naptime. I've always restricted it and always planned on getting rid of it around a year (in the hopes that the transition would be less traumatic for him). Having recently lost 2 of the 4 soothers we owned I figured the time was right this weekend to ditch it.

So we got rid of DS's soothers this weekend, cold-turkey. I even destroyed them to remove all temptation. But now he won't sleep AT ALL without me around to nurse him to sleep!

The only reason he ever ended up with a soother was because I couldn't handle the amount of non-nutritive sucking he seemed to need at around 6/8wks. It's less now (obviously) and I'm willing to do it if I'm around, but I WOH 5 days a week and I'm terrified he's not going to sleep at all at the sitter's! I'm not worried about the sitter, she assured me she was up for it & in fact encouraged me to get rid of it, but I feel sorry for DS because he's just so tired.

So now I'm totally second-guessing myself. Do I give him a soother back while we try to get him to sleep in other ways or do I stay the path? For mamas that have gone through this, how long does it take for them to find another way to soothe themselves?

HELP!

- C reading.gif + Tsuperhero.gif = DS 08/08 bouncy.gif  DD 02/12 angel.gif and D? praying.gif sometime around March 16/2014 

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#2 of 15 Old 09-20-2009, 10:17 PM
 
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Can he continue to have it - just at bedtimes - if you definitely don't want him to have it at any other time? Would that really hurt anything? If he obviously needs the sucking (for whatever reason) and you take that away, he may find other things to put in his mouth that are not as appropriate.

Of course, this is coming from a mom who allowed her boys to have their bottles until they were done with them. The first boy got his only at bedtimes starting at 2 and gave it up on his own at 3.5, the second one still has his at bedtimes. And I realize not all parents feel they can do this.

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#3 of 15 Old 09-20-2009, 10:23 PM
 
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At DS's old daycare, after a year they would restrict pacifiers to nap-only. (DS was never really into pacifiers, but it was something they told all the parents.) You could go with nap/ bed-only for a good while. Or, you could just go with nursing. I don't know anyone who's successfully cut down on both at once.
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#4 of 15 Old 09-20-2009, 10:53 PM
 
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Bahhh, I say give it back. What's the harm if it's only used for sleeping? Of course you don't want a kid with a paci permanently in the mouth, but I think if it helps, and doesn't hinder, sleep, then it's harmless and gives the little one a bit of comfort. I think most kids eventually drop it on their own, but if not, you could deal with it when DS is older and can vocalize a bit better.

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#5 of 15 Old 09-20-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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My ds has a high suck need and it is part of a larger sensory issue that I didn't fully realize until he was around 20 months. Taking his binky away would have been very difficult for him. He still uses it and he is over 3. My dd is 17 months and I've been working at lessening her use, she just doesn't have the need to suck like he did.

My point is that you really have to decide what is right for your ds. I'm not a fan of cold turkey on anything (maybe diapers for pl?) but since it is has already been 2 days it might be more confusing to re-introduce it.
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#6 of 15 Old 09-20-2009, 11:56 PM
 
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My Dd used one until just beofre turning 3 just for sleeping. she'd wake up pop it out and was ready for the day.
She also gave it up voluntarily. One day she said her teeth hurt (or something like that) maybe she was teething I don;t remember (She will be 7 next month) but I said that it might be caused by the nighttime Nuk and did she want to try and give it up.
She said she did.
The first night was easy. She said she wished she had it but fell asleep with me rubbing her back and telling her she could do it.
2nd night was harder but she stayed strong with my help and fell asleep.
3rdnight right out no talk of Nuks.

My advice would be give it back and let him decide when he's ready. If it's just at night it wont harm anyway. My DD used to drop hers out once she was asleep and once in a while grab it and put it back in while asleep.

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#7 of 15 Old 09-21-2009, 12:57 AM
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I'd say give it back.
Choosing an arbitrary day to remove them from him is hard for him.
Perhaps wait for him to ask, and eventually he's stop asking, or let him have it until he starts to nod off and take it from him.
Perhaps start to substitute another lovey? But honestly I wouldn't take it from him until he's ready. Clearly it's important to him.

Deadra, Wife to Adam , Mama to Beatrix (02/08), Hudson (01/10), and Mazarine (12/13)
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#8 of 15 Old 09-21-2009, 01:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the replies. I think I just needed some perspective on the whole issue... Even though I don't normally subscribe to them I think I had "one year for soother" in my brain as one of the mysterious parenting "rules". Something about it affecting their teeth? But does this still apply to only bed/nap use? At what age are they more likely to (semi-)willingly give it up?

DS is asleep for the night (for some reason he can put himself to sleep no matter what at bedtime, it's just naptimes that are impossible ) but I think if he goes all day tomorrow without napping I'll stop on the way home and pick up a new soother (eta: I won't have a chance to replace it before I drop him at the sitter's). It's not worth the battle and certainly not feeling like the right thing for us.

I thought it would be easier to ditch it earlier rather than later, but it sure hasn't turned out that way! Thanks everyone!

- C reading.gif + Tsuperhero.gif = DS 08/08 bouncy.gif  DD 02/12 angel.gif and D? praying.gif sometime around March 16/2014 

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#9 of 15 Old 09-21-2009, 11:29 AM
 
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I think you need to do will work for you. When DD1 was just over a year old she threw her soothers away. We bought a two-pack and they had both been thrown out within a week so we didn't buy any more and she was fine. DS was over 2 before he willingly gave up his soother. DD2 was about 10 months when she gave hers up. I have a suspicion that it was because I switched styles, I went from the nuk ones to one of the cuter brands with the more symmetrical nipples. I don't think she was impressed. Perhaps that's something you can try with your son.

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#10 of 15 Old 09-21-2009, 04:39 PM
 
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My dd is a hard-core binky addict, so I would totally give it back. It doesnt have to be all or nothing, you can restrict it to sleeping times only! DD is a great sleeper, so if she needs her bink to sleep forever, I really dont care!!

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#11 of 15 Old 09-22-2009, 02:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmm, I may have to think about switching styles, thanks for the tip...

It looks like we're back to soother for nap & bedtimes, although I did put the one in the diaper bag in a much less accessible place to reduce the temptation. It's bad, when it's there, it's just sooo tempting (to me, I mean!) lol

- C reading.gif + Tsuperhero.gif = DS 08/08 bouncy.gif  DD 02/12 angel.gif and D? praying.gif sometime around March 16/2014 

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#12 of 15 Old 09-22-2009, 02:53 AM
 
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In my mainstream parenting book, it says after two years is when sucking a binky can become detrimental, not after one year. It doesn't say they have to stop, just that around three years you really want to help them cut down on it. That would suggest that one is pretty early. That said, my second is using a Nuk for sleeping... and at other times and I was also planning on getting it out at a year, or even phasing it out around six months. But she's five months now and just now getting used to putting it in herself!

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#13 of 15 Old 09-22-2009, 10:34 AM
 
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Oh geez, now I feel like a binky junky! I did restrict it only to nap and sleep but then Dad would always "forget" to take the binky away after nap time. I still take it away but she's now figured out very creative ways to get it out of the crib (If it's laying on a blanket, she'll pull the blanket out of the crib until binky comes out with it. Otherwise she will find a long tool and poke it out. ) So I pretty much just gave up.

I sucked on my fingers until I was in 6th grade. I just figure ANYTHING is better than that! So I don't make a big deal out of the binky. She can't have it in public places. Mostly because I get sick of loosing them.

I guess I should start trying to cut down on binky usage before she's one of those 4 year olds sucking on a binky in the grocery store.

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#14 of 15 Old 09-22-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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I took the soother away at a year. I didn't want him to have it at daycare. I was against it early on but DH gave it to him.

It took a few days for DS to stop crying at night without it. After less than a week, he doesn't need it anymore. I also took away bottles at a year of age. He uses sippy cups because that is what they use at daycare. To each their own I suppose, but me personally, I hate soothers and bottles for kids after they are one. Just my own way of parenting I guess. DS is now addicted to his blanket.

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#15 of 15 Old 09-22-2009, 11:21 PM
 
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Another vote for giving it back.

My dd had her "Nuk" only at sleeptime until she was... oh I don't remember... 2 and a half, maybe? Then there were baby twins who moved in next door, and together we came up with the idea to give them to the babies. We put them in a gift bag and we brought them to the neighbors. She was done. I think it was successful b/c it was her decision.

Doing my best every day with DH , DD (11) , and DS (4)

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