The. Awful. Tantrums. - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 13 Old 08-23-2010, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm a bad mother. I must be.

DD (2 yrs)'s tantrums have gotten *exponentially* worse in the past month. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I have to admit I've lost my cool a few times. Somedays, it's like every second minute, there's something not to her liking...the little foam circle won't fit into its place, she can't sit on something precarious, she trips on something, the crayon won't work the way she wants, she can't get her pants up herself...it never ends!

I try to help. I offer to help. Everything is "NO mama". Then she freaks out, throws things, hits things, hits me, bites me, bites HERSELF, and yells bloody murder. I tried to redirect her but she ends up hurting me and herself. A few times last week, I had to hold her tight in my arms while she screamed, wailed, a hurt me repeatedly, until she cried it all out and calmed down. It took forever.

What do I do?? I've never done this before! DD is my first and only! I don't have a partner to help so I'm totally lost here...
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#2 of 13 Old 08-23-2010, 04:57 PM
 
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You are not a bad mother! You have a "spirited" do it your selfer. I have one of those too! When dd gets frustrated with something I say in a very low voice "Calm down, breath". It actually works believe it or not! If she does have a full blown tantrum I turn around and ignore her until she's calm. If I try to intervene it makes it worse. Redirecting simply does not work for my dd. I just let her freak and go about my business.

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#3 of 13 Old 08-24-2010, 08:39 AM
 
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I'm not going to say "she'll outgrow it" because every kid is different, but those are WELL within the range of normal 2-yo behavior! I think my daughter, who will be 4 in a week, has turned the corner finally on the tantrums. She still has them occasionally but not all the time. But I vividly remember the age of the perpetual tantrum. It's hard.
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#4 of 13 Old 08-24-2010, 11:01 AM
 
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My kid is exactly the same. It's incredibly frustrating. Have you read "raising your spirited child"? That book helped us out a lot bc normal ways of dealing with tantrums (like ignoring them) didn't work for us (he would freak out for longer and take longer to calm down)

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#5 of 13 Old 08-24-2010, 11:23 AM
 
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Sounds familiar. I got two of em. Aint it fun? My favorite is when you are trying to talk to them to make them feel better, and they are screaming so loud you think your ears might literally explode from the weight of the sound. It really does pierce your eardums. And then you find that your screaming back, JUST so you can be HEARD over all the screaming. An then in my case, you have TWO toddlers screaming at me and eachother. Throw poop-on-the-potty training in the mix, and you have the night from HELL. Oh yea, and a husband no where to be found.

mama. If your a bad mama, then im satan's wife. Everything youve mentioned sounds totally normal (Albeit embarrassing when your in public)
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#6 of 13 Old 08-24-2010, 02:17 PM
 
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Sounds totally normal for the age. DD has recently started with tantrums like you described too, all because she can't get a zipper open or shut, or because the puzzle peice doesn't fit right on the first try, or because she can't pick up her chair and move it where she wants, or because she decides she doesn't want to wear a bib.

I try to explain to her, in a VERY calm and soothing voice, that she CAN do whatever she's tring but she just needs some patience and to keep trying. I explain to her that she's doing it right and she just need to keep trying and getting upset doesn't help any. Usually she will calm down enough to be able to do it, sometimes I have to help her and then I say, 'look we did it!'.

Sometimes I just have to totally ignore her tantrums when she throws them over something like getting in hr chair for dinner or me putting a bib on her or changing her diaper. I jsut read recently that in some situations you just have to ignore them so that they understand that behavior like that doesn't get them what they want. She usually gets over it pretty quickly.

Of course DD isn't quite 2 yet so I'm waiting for the day when the tantrums get even worse!

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#7 of 13 Old 08-24-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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I feel so much better after reading this thread. DD is 13 and does the same thing. She's so young and can't figure out how to do so many things she wants to do. She's constantly getting frustrated and banging her head on the hard floors, crying tears, and kicking her legs so hard she does "the worm" on her back. It's exhausting.

I'm going to try to find "raising your spirited child" at a nearby library.
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#8 of 13 Old 08-24-2010, 07:01 PM
 
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Totally normal. I'm waiting for it to come to our house. Last year I was at the local grocery store with DS sitting happily in the cart, and all of a sudden we heard this WAIL throughout the store. DS was so startled, he HAD to find out where the noise was coming from. As we walked up and down each aisle, we could hear the screaming, crying, etc. and finally saw a ~2 year old with her mother, having a meltdown as the mom alternately shopped for their food and talked to her calmly in little bits and pieces. Nothing stopped the yelling. The mom acted as if nothing was wrong/out of the ordinary.

We ended up in line at the same time, and I asked her how old her DD was. She said, "She's 2 1/2. She's upset b/c she thought we were going to a different store location, and this one is laid out differently than the one where we normally shop." Ah. I said something about waiting til DS was there, and she shrugged and said, "It comes with the territory." I realized afterwards that what I said probably offended her (or at least would have offended me) even though I only meant to sympathize. But she was right. It just comes with the territory, it's something most of us will have to deal with at one point or another, and we move on. Just like dealing with potty-learning, or putting on shoes, or whatever. It really is hard to see your child so upset, though. Go easy on yourself.
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#9 of 13 Old 08-25-2010, 09:42 PM
 
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hey mama, my daughter is the same way. i think the best thing to do is empathize. try to put yourself in her shoes. it must be sooo frustrating to want to do everything yourself but not be able to. just imagine how bad you and i would freak out if we couldn't do something so simple, like put on our shoes and we had to ask for help for everything. so, i tell my daughter that i understand why she's frustrated. it doesn't always make her feel better but at least she knows i understand what she's going through. after that, i just let her be upset - it's perfectly fine to show emotions. i do try to encourage her to hit a pillow or the floor and not me. then i try to do something to make her laugh and it's all over.

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#10 of 13 Old 08-26-2010, 03:16 AM
 
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This happened with DS - his tantrums exploded exponentially a couple of months ago and I was clueless as to why. Finally I figured out that if I give him a hearty snack every 2-3 hours, something solid that'll stick, he's a different child. His tantrums would always happen a few hours after lunch or a little before dinner...and when I started giving him a good full healthy snack inbetween lunch and dinner at around 3-4 pm, his tantrums disappeared. Poor guy is growing and hungry a lot more than I realized. When he's hungry and doesn't know it, the slightest thing can send him into a screaming tizzy.

Other than that, I find this advice to be great for handling a tantruming toddler:
http://www.authenticparent.com/articles4.html
and
http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/tantrum.html
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#11 of 13 Old 08-26-2010, 03:32 AM
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We've just started that here too. We've had to wait for her to calm down a bit and then we kind of get in a cocoon. (She sits in my lap in the rocking chair with a towel wrapped around her until she settles down.) It sometimes takes what seems like AGES, though, until she's ready to be comforted. I have noticed, though, that if I intervene, that's when she or I get hurt. It's VERY frustrating.

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#12 of 13 Old 08-26-2010, 12:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halfasianmomma View Post
I'm a bad mother. I must be.

DD (2 yrs)'s tantrums have gotten *exponentially* worse in the past month. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I have to admit I've lost my cool a few times. Somedays, it's like every second minute, there's something not to her liking...the little foam circle won't fit into its place, she can't sit on something precarious, she trips on something, the crayon won't work the way she wants, she can't get her pants up herself...it never ends!

I try to help. I offer to help. Everything is "NO mama". Then she freaks out, throws things, hits things, hits me, bites me, bites HERSELF, and yells bloody murder. I tried to redirect her but she ends up hurting me and herself. A few times last week, I had to hold her tight in my arms while she screamed, wailed, a hurt me repeatedly, until she cried it all out and calmed down. It took forever.

What do I do?? I've never done this before! DD is my first and only! I don't have a partner to help so I'm totally lost here...
You and I were in the same due date club. LOL

My littel guy has been going through the EXACT same thing. I try ignoring him as well. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. Will you believe actually follows me around the house screaming if I don't pay his tantrum any attention? LOL I find it kinda funny.

The thing about this is a majority of the people I know with two years are going through the same thing. We aren't alone and we aren't bad parents. I'm just going to hang in there and pray that by 2.6, he's over all of this. Now if I can just get the pacifier away from him...

Book loverread.gif - Sewer sewmachine.gif - Movie lover lurk.gif - Mommy to a wonderful little boy (8/4/08) biggrinbounce.gif - Aspiring writer notes.gif - On a mission to lose 15 pounds - all-around cool chick hippie.gif

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#13 of 13 Old 08-26-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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same here. though he doesn't bite himself. The biting and hitting has actually gotten better - he now does it rarely and feels bad for it afterwards. however, the whole screaming in my arms and not listening to soothing words is hard, especially now that I'm pregnant. What helps with DS is to pick him up, he'll hug me tightly while sobbing and we walk. walking helps like crazy.
I too believe it has to do with wanting to do his own stuff and hunger. But my DS won't eat if he can play. He forgets eating. I have snacks available at all times! But he is picky, and rather avoids eating. It's tough, cause I know that is the cause. But things sometimes lighten up, like today, he actually wanted his nordic naturals vitamin gummy! I knew he loved those, but everything new has to be boycotted...
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