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Viola P 07-14-2014 08:28 PM

Toddler came home from daycare with many bites
My little guy is 27 months old and he came home from daycare today with what looks to be four or five bites. I asked him about hit and he's very verbal and he told me that another boy bit him he kept saying the boys name and "bite bite bite". I asked him what happened next and he said that they put ice on it. And he said "all better, all better". I'm very worried and very sad for my baby. My other baby is starting to attend the same daycare in two weeks. She'll be five months old when she starts. I have to go back to work, there is no other option. I called so many daycares and none of them would take children under 12 months or if they did they didn't have space another under 12 months. This is the only daycare that I could find that could take them both. I'm also worried because it's a licensed home daycare and their licensed to take up to eight children. The rule is four children per adult. But it's the mother and daughter who run the daycare and many times and I've gone there it's only been the mother at the daycare and I don't know where the daughter is. I don't know if it's just nerves at the idea of leaving my little baby for the first time or if I'm over reacting with the bites or with the number of kids or what. What do I do? Does this sound like a problem to you?

Please don't ask if there's anyway to make it possible for me to stay home the answer is no. Please don't suggest family that also isn't an option. I would especially be interested in hearing from other moms who work outside the home. Thank you

crazyms 07-14-2014 08:34 PM

I'm sorry you're having trouble. I'd be concerned also. I'd start with talking to the daycare about this and finding out what happened. I find it strange that they also didn't say anything to you or send anything home telling you about the incident. My son had trouble in school with a boy bullying him so I know how much it hurts to send your baby somewhere they're getting hurt. I know you said family and staying home aren't options but have you looked for a different individual that might could keep them? I understand all the daycares being full or not accepting babies as that's common here as well. Sometimes an individual placement can be amazing though especially if it's another mom that is staying home.

Viola P 07-14-2014 08:54 PM

Thanks so much for answering. I was especially worried because there are 4 distinct bites which suggests there was considerable time that passed before intervention. Plus they didn't tell me about it. Why didn't they tell me?

I tried before to find someone to come here but they kept flaking out. Any tips on how to find such an individual?

missbrea 07-24-2014 07:36 AM

I don't know about your area, but in my local craigslist there are lots of ads where SAHMs offer care for a child or two (I do this personally, for my husband's coworker). You could also inquire with local moms groups - look up your area on Facebook - and see if someone wants to share a nanny or something like that.

TeeThatsMe 07-24-2014 08:15 AM

Oh, Viola, I'm so sorry this happened to your sweetie. This definitely needs to be discussed with the care provider--and please also talk to her about where the daughter is, when you stop by and don't see her. If they can't answer you satisfactorily and put all your worries completely to rest, then I would definitely highly recommend trying to find a SAHM or nanny share or another similar arrangement.

My son was 16 months old when he started at an in-home daycare that I initially felt totally fine about, but then grew to trust less and less. There were biting issues that I absolutely felt were not appropriately addressed, and other things that worried me a little but I decided not to push it for the sake of preserving our relationship with the caregiver. Then, he slipped and fell at home and gave himself a good goose egg on the back of his head... We took him to the ER and the doctors told us to monitor him *very closely* for the next 24 hours. I wanted to stay home with him the next day, but I was pregnant and trying hard to save up all the paid leave I could--so I brought him in to the daycare and begged them to call me if anything AT ALL happened that day. When I picked him up that evening, he had A NEW GOOSE EGG on his forehead!!! I was shocked and asked what on Earth had happened, and she shrugged and said, "We told him to stop running and he didn't listen to us." He was twenty months old, OF COURSE he didn't "listen"!!!! He needed CARE at that age, not a curt command and a SHRUG!!!!! I couldn't believe it and argued back... Within 20 minutes, she had informed us that he could no longer come back to her daycare.

Don't let it get to that point with your care provider. If you are uneasy, please find another situation that makes you feel safe. I am so, so sorry this is going on, and my heart goes out to you--it's ridiculous how difficult it is to find a good care provider for a young infant. I will be thinking about you and hoping that this is resolved to where you feel good about your children's care.

NiteNicole 07-24-2014 12:02 PM

You need to address this with your provider. It is ok to expect them to provide the level of care they are obligated by law to provide. Ask where the daughter is and if one or the other of them leaves. Ask what happened and why you were not notified. Tell them it's unacceptable. You don't have to be rude or put them on the defensive. You can even start the conversation with, "this is uncomfortable to ask you but I need to know and I KNOW you'll understand because you're a mother, too, your daughter often gone all day? Is the child to adult ratio not what I think it is? What happened with the biting, how did you manage it, and why didn't you tell me?" and go from there.

Where I live, there are TONS of SAHMs looking for a situation that will allow them to watch a child or two (or three) in your home or theirs so look into that. As others have suggested, Craigslist,, other moms - ask around.

Good luck! DO NOT just put up with it because you feel you have no recourse. In home day care situations can be wonderful and seem more appealing than day cares, but often day cares have more checks and balances. At the very least, they usually have a written standard operating procedure that YOU get to read and they have to adhere to. It protects them as much as you.

alpenglow 08-02-2014 12:48 PM

A good daycare provider would want to know about things like this (biting) and address it accordingly. If the daycare's reaction to your very reasonable and polite information-seeking questions about the bites are met with defensiveness, then I'd just quietly start looking for alternate care (often good places pop up through word of mouth, even though they may say they are full....they are often just looking for the right kids and right fit). Playgroups are another good way to meet other moms who may be SAHM and looking after children in her home....or can recommend good daycares.

Also, the daycare should have written policies about how they address discipline issues and expectations about communicating incidents to parents. If the daycare is licensed, then there are usually requirements that they have such a policy. I would tread very carefully at first until you have a backup childcare arranged (just probe for information and see what the reaction is), just so you aren't left high and dry for childcare when you have to work.

Viola P 08-04-2014 10:35 PM

Thanks! We ended up taking them both out of daycare. Although i promised myself i'd never rely entirely on the IL's for CC again i have decided that this is an okay alternative for the short term, especially as DD is so young. Finding reliable SAFE childcare is ridiculously dangerous. It shouldn't be this hard.

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