Loving wife of my gamer boy Michael. Blog link in my profile!
We haven't had the "don't talk to strangers" talk, either. I did tell DS1 that he couldn't play outside alone because I was afraid bad people might get him. And actually, I think that was a mistake.
I want my children to feel empowered, confident, and own their bodies. I think the "talks" about this kind of stuff may sometimes, at least for some kids, send a different message than I want to - a message of fear.
FTR, my kids are NOT in daycare or cared for by anyone other than myself, DH, and other very close family members. Because my mother is a childhood sexual abuse survivor, this is a topic I discuss with other adults, and I feel confident that there is no history of abusive behavior in the adults I trust with my children. If I were placing them in care with people I didn't have that kind of trust with, I might feel differently.
But OTOH, I think I'd really like to nurture self-confidence and self-protection in my children rather than caution and isolation. I feel confident that my kids know what feels right and what doesn't - AND THAT I WOULD BE ABLE TO TELL if something wasn't right with them. DS1 would be able to tell me by now (3.5 yo) and I believe he would. I do not think he would believe anyone who told him that he was bad or needed to keep a secret from me or his dad.
I don't know if I've been much help to anyone else, but it's an interesting thing to talk about.
Here as mama to W (2/04), R (5/06), D (7/09), and J (12/9/12!), co-parenting with my DH
I WOH part-time, am a doula & childbirth educator, home/unschool, and hope we are nearing the center of chaos
Now, if I had to leave her with a babysitter or in daycare, I would think a bit differently. I would probably have if soon, if not now.
I'd be more apt to teach what timneh mom's friend is teaching her kids about what's under the bathing suit is private.
FWIW, I must say that the focus on strangers and care providers may be way off the mark. I am a survivor myself, but I was molested by relatives and friends of mine, on 3 separate occasions, while my parents were home/around. Please do not assume that you will be able to tell what is wrong from their behavior and not at least begin the conversation. I was well aware that it was wrong and that the situation was far beyond what I could deal with at that age. The idea of telling my parents never occurred to me, frankly, because of the context in which the abuse occurred. We were 'playing' and these people were my relatives and 'friends'. I was 7 to 9 yo. and my parents never knew until well into my teen years, when I was unable to deal with the guilt and shaming any longer. I am able to talk about it now, more or less, and have been very open with my children about private parts and talking with me and their father, but I will caution anyone about putting the weight of reporting the abuse on the child, because it is way too much for them to be able to deal with, due to the part they perceive that they played in the abuse, the guilt they feel and the fear they have.
I can only second that!!!
Any type of abuse, either bullying, sexual or mental just hits a child in the face, heck it does most adults, and they are most of the time not sure how to handle the momentary situation and feel even worse afterwards of their inability to act!
Never rely on a child to defend itself or tell, or keep himself/herself safe in any way, that is what the parent is for.
I've had to say, "Hey guys, we touch our OWN privates only!" a few times in the bathtub when they take baths together, but that's been it so far. Oh yeah, and when DD (2, and massively interested in body parts) askes my dad the other day if he had a penis, and then grabbed the leg of his shorts to try and check it out, I told her that everyone's private parts are their own. My poor dad!
I think we're taking the whole subject as it comes up, on a case-by-case basis and introducing the idea of genitals & privacy as their development dictates.
Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.
|10 members and 1,752 guests|
|bisseranast , bridge2020 , crystalcoast , emmy526 , K703 , kathymuggle , lauritagoddess , megaluv2give , omarinbox1888 , skyrocket|
|Most users ever online was 21,860, 06-22-2018 at 08:45 PM.|