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-   -   awful awful tantrums out of the blue.... anyone else? (https://www.mothering.com/forum/31-life-toddler/915710-awful-awful-tantrums-out-blue-anyone-else.html)

mamafirst 06-16-2008 01:52 AM

so my amazing ds has always been for lack of a better term "intense" and a bit high needs, by that i mean, on the go all the time, into everything, very clingy, sensitive, mamas boy, bored easily, basically a two year old boy..... well he has always responded with dh and i speaking firmly and he would usually straighten up when he was misbehaving.... until about two weeks ago... out of the blue, started throwing his entire body on the floor, kicking, screaming ridiculously loud, inconsolable, and i have no idea why or what to do.....it happens when he doesnt get his way on occasion, he didnt get a long enough nap, or when he is around other ppl....he threw himself on the floor today in nursery at church and hit his head something good... i was in tears this week bc i dont know what to do... ignoring hasnt worked...timeouts havent worked, i dont want to beat the kid, and i dont know what to do bc it is not acceptable behavior but i m at a lost.... any ideas???

mamafirst 06-16-2008 01:53 AM

ps there have been no schedule changes or anything to disrupt his routine so that is not an issue at all....

SundayCrepes 06-16-2008 02:33 AM

This too shall pass...

These little guys are trying so hard to learn so much. It must be frustrating. Plus, they're starting to realize they have very little control in their lives. That must also be frustrating.

We found the best thing for us was to ignore them. (Unless they're caused by illness, hunger, etc.) We read books while he tantrums. When they first started, out of the blue, it took about a month for them to pretty much stop. Now, although he can get emotional, he doesn't reach that high level of frustration unless he is sick.

We always stay close by when he's this emotional. When he's done, I talk to him in soothing voices about how hard it is for such a little guy to feel such big emotions. He normally nurses then. I really feel for him. It must be awful to have these huge emotions and no skills to deal with them yet. I wish there was something I could do besides ignore him, but when he gets like that, my trying to talk to him only makes it worse.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamafirst View Post
well he has always responded with dh and i speaking firmly and he would usually straighten up when he was misbehaving.
I don't think kids this young are capable of misbehaving. The world is one big science experiment for them. Too many things to learn and too innocent to intentionally do something wrong. So, when you speak firmly to him, you may be crushing his spirit rather than teaching him anything. I find gentleness is a much better way to get across rules and boundaries. My father was always verbally harsh on us and I know how horrible that felt and how much damage that caused. I'm not saying you treat your son that way, but I do know that often parents' best intentions can actually cause more problems than they solve. I'm just saying this in case you feel there is a better way to teach your son the rules than by being harsh.

ssh 06-16-2008 02:39 AM

It could just be the age. My DD is a little older, 2.5. She has been having really horrible tantrums occasionally. It started about 2 months ago, and is always over not getting something she wants. Once she wanted to bring a peeled half eaten banana to bed with her ....... usually silly things she's never gotten upset about before. Twice I couldn't guess what she wanted. She doesn't throw herself down, just stomps her feet and screams hysterically. The crying/screaming is much higher pitched and louder than it's ever been. The first time she did it she cried so hard she was still gulping air after she calmed down. Holding her and sometimes nursing her had worked when she got upset, not for these new tantrums ........ made her more upset. I have been talking quietly to her and rubbing her back until she calms down. It takes a lot of patience but seems to be helping.

Barbee 06-16-2008 12:49 PM

yeah.. here too.. it's so hard to watch our babies be so miserable. i am very sensitive to food and i think ds inherited that. if he has junky food, like at grandma's house, his tantrums are much worse. the other day he had a terrible junky cake with bright blue frosting. i knew as he was eating it that it was a bad idea but we were at a birthday party and i reasoned that just once wouldn't hurt him. he threw the biggest fit of his life as we left the party and had two more the next day. tantrums seem to be less intense the better he eats. yesterday when he threw fit #2 i remained very calm and waited until he could respond a bit and then asked him to take a deep breath and talked to him calmly until he was back to normal. it didn't take very long. so, if i have any advice, it would be to make sure he eats well and then stay calm while he has a tantrum.

elizawill 06-17-2008 01:42 PM

tantrums are totally normal in toddlerhood. here's a good article:

https://www.mothering.com/articles/gr.../tantrums.html

flg mama 06-17-2008 04:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
tantrums are totally normal in toddlerhood. here's a good article:

https://www.mothering.com/articles/gr.../tantrums.html
Great article! I have a feeling I will be referring back to that one, thanks.

mamafirst 06-25-2008 02:28 AM

thanks so much... ds and i realized this week after asking the same silly question in two voice tones how incredibly sensitive he is to our tone... it has helped defer a few... and i mean very few of the tantrums but we are workign through this... it is sooo hard.. so much more than i ever realized. i hate seeing him this way and so upset.

Norasmomma 06-25-2008 02:38 AM

Oh I hear you on this one my DD is a tantrum throwing girlie, ugh sometimes she drives me crazy. Many times it is because she's just tired or hungry, but she can be extremely violent sometimes. Yesterday she was mad because we were leaving my friend's house, thing was we all were going to go in my car to have a fun lunch, but she wanted to stay there. she then proceeded to try and rip my nose off my face, sometimes I feel extremely abused by my DD, I tell her that it hurts my feelings when she bites/hits/scratches me, but she just doesn't care. She is VERY high energy, and has made me not want anymore kiddos, I really don't know if I could mentally take having another child that is so spirited sometimes and then so sweet others.

jenleephotography 06-25-2008 02:47 AM

i didn't see where you posted your dc's age..but i am assuming he is two or very close to it at least. my dd is very simliar with the tantrums these days. it is so hard and i haven't figured out the best way to deal with it yet..it is a work in progress, i just try to deal with it all with a verrry patient heart

boy, I have to say that the previous poster and I must have the SAME daughter..she sounds an awful lot just like mine! lol

Meg_s 06-25-2008 09:16 AM

have you guys started to eat lots of the summer berries?

LeahC 06-25-2008 09:49 AM

Definitely the age. Our son is 27 months and we are experiencing this too. We have good days and bad days. If he does have a fit, we let him. He has the right to experience his emotions. However, we don't let him hurt others or things during his tantrum. He isn't allowed to throw toys or hit/ push someone just because he is frustrated and/ or angry. So, if he does those things, then we immediately intervene.

His tantrums are pretty quick and will usually stop even sooner if I get down on his level and tell him that he can feel this way and I always offer a hug.

_betsy_ 06-25-2008 02:01 PM

Totally, totally normal.

Is he getting his 2-year molars by any chance?


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