Feeling guily for establishing boundaries - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 04-13-2015, 08:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Feeling guily for establishing boundaries

My (almost) 2 years old is still breastfeeding about 4 times a day and what feels like all night. She still nurses for comfort but like most toddlers this means popping on and off all day. Sometimes it gets to be too much for me and I just need a little space.

I've always been pretty bad at setting boundaries with adults but have found that with my kids is where I have the most trouble. I feel guilty telling her that she has to wait for "boo," like I am being unfair by not sharing myself with her completely. This is the part of the transition from baby to toddler that I have the hardest time with. I just can't seem to move away from being there the very second she asks for something. And it is wearing me down.

Have any of you felt this way? If so how did you get over the guilty feelings? Does it just take time and practice or is there actually something I can tell myself or do?
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#2 of 2 Old 04-13-2015, 08:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Navarre Overton View Post
My (almost) 2 years old is still breastfeeding about 4 times a day and what feels like all night. She still nurses for comfort but like most toddlers this means popping on and off all day. Sometimes it gets to be too much for me and I just need a little space.

I've always been pretty bad at setting boundaries with adults but have found that with my kids is where I have the most trouble. I feel guilty telling her that she has to wait for "boo," like I am being unfair by not sharing myself with her completely. This is the part of the transition from baby to toddler that I have the hardest time with. I just can't seem to move away from being there the very second she asks for something. And it is wearing me down.

Have any of you felt this way? If so how did you get over the guilty feelings? Does it just take time and practice or is there actually something I can tell myself or do?
I am right with you.

My youngest will be two this weekend, and she is still nursing through the night (some nights once or twice until that morning nursing marathon, sometimes 8 or 10 times in three hours). She also wants to hop on and off during the day.

Because I have been through this so many times and this is my ABSOLUTE last baby, I am able to deal with the daytime nursings in a more laid-back manner than I did when my other kids were this age. It can still be so completely upsetting to try to balance stir-frying lunch vs. a toddler who doesn't "need" to nurse but thinks she NEEDS TO NURSE!

My advice would be: Give her a statement that clearly defines *when* you will be able to nurse. Make it a positive notification. If you have a learning clock, show her the minute hand, move it to where it will be when you *can* nurse, and tell her, "When it's this time, Mama can nurse." Then, throughout the afternoon/morning/whatever, show her the clock over and over and let her know how many minutes are left (or that you can nurse when x, y, and z are done, or whatever).

I just think a concrete visualization is easier on toddlers (ok, on everyone!). It gives them something solid to hold onto or to see, and lets them think about something besides what they are NOT getting.

Good luck, Mama!

Love, P
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