Help for Depression - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 11 Old 04-21-2006, 06:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is really hard for me to post, but I need to get some input/help. For those of you who don't know me, I'm single and I don't have any children (I'm at MDC to prepare for when I am a mama!). For the past year or so I have been feeling like I may have depression. My best friend since childhood and I haven't spoken since oct. 05 b/c of lifestyle differences. I started nursing school in jan. and I'm now a week away from finals. I've been really stressed lately and had a lot to deal with. The main thing is that I've felt this way for almost 2 years. Lately, it's gotten much worse. I've started having trouble going to sleep and once I do I wake up several times each night. I always feel tired and my concentration level has dropped. It's been really hard for me to study for school. I would say that I cry at least every other day, although usually every day. I'll be driving to school or work and I'll just start crying. I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone to date and that I'm never going to get married or have kids or be happy. I'm so overwhelmed with school and my self-esteem is at an all time low. I'm very overweight and I've noticed lately that I've been avoiding going out with friends b/c I feel ugly and very self-conscious. The reason I havent gone to see anyone for this is b/c when I'm out in public I usually seem happy and I do have friends that I do things with. I guess I've felt like a psych. won't believe me or will think I don't really have a problem. I know that something is wrong. I don't want to feel so sad all of the time. I wish that I could just be happy. I'm not sure what I'm really asking - I just needed to vent. What do you think I should do? Does it sound like I have true depression?
Thanks, Melanie
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#2 of 11 Old 04-22-2006, 12:49 PM
 
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First, huge hugs.

Second, go see someone. ASAP. A mental health professional will beleive you and will be able to help you figure it out.

Just because you are okay and functioning on the outside does not mean you don't need/qualify for help. The first time I was diagnosed with severe depression I was taking 7 college classes and getting straight A's and working 3 jobs.

You are not alone.
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#3 of 11 Old 04-22-2006, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks
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#4 of 11 Old 04-23-2006, 12:16 AM
 
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hugs to you! I read your post yesterday and was thinking about it because it reminds me of myself not too long ago.... I was in almost the same situation - in nursing school, psych rotation, and thinking that I was at least as crazy as the people in the hospital if not crazier! I was just barely holding it together. I ended up going to the university counseling center and doing all sorts of crazy tests. Then to the shrink there who Rx'd me a whopping dose of Zoloft right before a patho final, which I bombed because I was so out of it from the meds. Anyway, long story short, I *was* suffering and was so relieved to find out that what was going on was for real!

Anyway, I'm rambling. I think that if you're noticing that if the way you're feeling is interfering with your life, then it's definitely worth checking out. No counselor or psychiatrist is going to think badly of you for being proactive in taking care of your mental health! Even though I ended up having a bad experience at my particular counseling center, I eventually got everything worked out with the meds, my patho final, and life in general! I went back to school for my NP in psych nursing, moved across the country, and now have a wonderful little family - I'm proud that I got help for myself and grateful that the resources were available to me. You can do it and you'll be so glad you did! Please check in and let us know how you're doing, and let me know if there's anything at all I can do to help you out!
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#5 of 11 Old 04-23-2006, 12:21 AM
 
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My heart goes out to you. Sometimes I think Im severely depressed myself. I think about going to see someone all the time, I guess Im just too embarrassed to go.
But maybe talking to someone will really help. I know it would help me, I just need to get off my butt and go.
I'm married, in college, pregnant, forced to move away from my family (3000 miles away) and found out my husband is cheating and has cheated numerous times. So whatever the situation may be, I think getting help would really change things or at least give you someone to cry with instead of crying by yourself... I know how that can be. Good Luck and be strong, god will bless you in so many ways.
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#6 of 11 Old 04-24-2006, 03:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you both so much! I have finals in one week, so I'm going to wait until after that to go to the doc (I already made an appointment). My family doc is really good and said he would refer me to a psych. if need. Thanks again!
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#7 of 11 Old 04-24-2006, 05:35 PM
 
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Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.

Good luck with finals!
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#8 of 11 Old 04-24-2006, 09:17 PM
 
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I know what you mean about seeming fine when with friends. I have been struggling with this too. Around my friends and dh I feel okay, and seem okay, because I have an adult to talk to and socialize with. It is when I am home alone with both kids that I feel like I'm going to lose it. It was a HUGE hurdle for me to ask for help. But it made me feel a lot better just looking into it. I just started seeing a therapist, and I just started antidepressants (which may or may not be an option for you) and I'm feeling a lot better this week than i think I have in months.

I think you will be much happier and more self-confident, and more able to attract the right kind of person if that is one of your goals, if you take care of yourself. And that includes getting help for depression. I know it is hard because of the social stigma, it really scared me too. But I'm so glad I did it, and I'm sure you will be too. Keep us posted!
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#9 of 11 Old 05-20-2006, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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An update...sort of.

I found out almost 2 weeks ago that I failed one of my classes, so I won't be able to go to school at all this summer. I will be able to start back in August and re-take that one class, but I'm thinking I don't want to go back. I don't want to be a nurse (I was doing this b/c it's all I could think of, and I thought I would be able to earn enough to save up for midwifery school) . I really want to be a midwife, but right now I seriously have NO money. I'm living with my mom, and I'm trying to find a job for the summer and fall. Hopefully I will find something good and not have to go back to school (I'll just work and save $ for midwifery school). My doctor called last week and cancelled my appt. b/c he was going to be off for a few weeks b/c of family issues(his daughter has had cancer for a year, and I think it's gotten worse). They wanted to re-schedule, but I didn't. I feel trapped right now. I have nothing to look forward to in my everyday life. Everyone's been telling what a good thing it is that I'll have the summer off, but I've felt really isolated since school got out. I had several friends in nursing school who I spoke to often, but I've only talked to one of them and only one time in two weeks. I feel like I won't talk to them anymore b/c they will be too busy with school and clinicals this summer. I just wake up and spend all day around the house(you wouldn't believe how much time I've spent on MDC!) I've applied at several places, but I haven't heard back from any of them. If I can't get a job I don't know what I'll do. I just wish I could find something to make me happy.
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#10 of 11 Old 05-21-2006, 12:14 PM
 
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First off, I am really sorry you're going through all of this. I have been a sufferer of anxiety/depression for some time and I can really relate, especially the crying while driving. I figured for me that the only time I could really let my emotions out was while I was alone in my car. I always felt (and still do) that I have to hide it from my family because I am the strong one.
I am also overweight and it is a vicious circle because you get upset and feel like eating, then you do and feel terrible when you look at yourself. I know how that feels. I also know that you have to be able to love yourself in order to feel that you are worthwhile enough to take care of the weight problem. (I'm not there yet, so I'm not preaching to you on that. )

Isolation is a big problem for me. I was recently laid off from a job I hated and I thought I'd be happy here at home while the kids were in school and that it would help me to be home and not have to face the world everyday. Well, it doesn't help, at least not for me. Try not to avoid going out. Being around others, especially "safe" people, helps. Just as an example of this "safe" person concept - my parents to me, are not safe because they nag me about things and worry about me and that, in turn, makes me feel worse about myself. My mother in law is a safe person because she is accepting and easier to talk to. Do you have some friends you can talk to about your depression? I have a few friends I can confide in and that really helps me. Is there anyone else in your life besides the friends from nursing school?

Do you have a spiritual life? I am a Christian, but it really doesn't matter what religion you are - just to take the focus off of yourself and put it on bigger things sometimes helps. Just a thought.

Perhaps this time off this summer is what you need to work on some things. Keep us posted. I don't post here as often as I used to because my kids are somewhat older than most here.
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#11 of 11 Old 05-22-2006, 01:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your reply! I am also a Christian and this has always been a big part of my life. I think that's one reason I've felt bad/guilty in the past, b/c I felt like it wasn't right for me to be depressed of feel alone when I know that I'm not really "alone". I haven't really kept in contact with former friends b/c for me they were toxic people. I don't judge anyone, but I personally don't want to go out and get drunk every weekend, and most of them do. I do have some good friends from church, and I am close to my mother. I don't really feel like I have to hide my emotions, but a lot of the people that I'm close to have a lot going on in their lives (stress from work, $ problems), so I guess sometimes I feel like my problems aren't as big of a deal as theirs are. I really want to spend time this summer working on my spiritual and mental health, as well as physical. I'm glad that I have MDC so I can let this all out!
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