parental fears - Mothering Forums
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 34 Old 03-28-2011, 08:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
neonalee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,540
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 25 Post(s)

I'm just wondering, when you had your first baby, did you experience an increase in strong fears?  I'm going to preface this by saying it's not out of control by any means, and I hope it stays that way.  Sometimes my thoughts go to really scary places.  I get this frozen panicky feeling about DS dying.  I can almost see it in my head, these scenarios, almost like I'm watching myself go through the grief, like I'm preparing myself.  It's really horrible and I get SOOOO SCARED.  Scared in a way I've never experienced.  And I feel very much more strongly about bad things happening to babies on the news, in movies, in books.  Before baby I would see/hear these things and think it was so horrible and sad, but now I can actually FEEL it, as if I can almost (because of course you can't actually) imagine what it would be like if it happened to me.  I have NEVER felt fear like this before.  And it's not like a constant thing, less than once a day.  So far I've always been able to tamp it down, redirect my thoughts.  Is this normal?  Should I see someone?  It's not affecting how I parent - I mean, I'm not treating him like he needs to be wrapped in bubble wrap or anything, in fact, I'm pretty laid back.  Ha, now I'm even questioning that - am I too laid back!?

 


Loving mama to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
A (8/5/2010)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
R (1/3/2015) and DSD (16).
neonalee is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 34 Old 03-28-2011, 08:45 AM
 
whozeyermamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

First off, I think that this is pretty normal - for first, or all babies!

 

I do think that sometimes it can be part of PPD - it is for me - it's part of the "intrusive thoughts." What will happen to me is that I'll have a thought flash into my head of something bad happening to one of my kids - usually it's really specific and really awful and then it's hard to get the very detailed images out of my mind. 

 

I think if you're having a really hard time getting that stuff out of your head, then I'd go see someone. (I'm on zoloft.) But I just try to recognize that obsessing like that is not healthy and redirect myself.  It also doesn't effect my parenting - it's just something I have to deal with.

 

I think the most disturbing thing for me is the detail of what pops into my head, like stuff I can't even type here or mention to DH or anything. It's not me hurting my kids, but someone else, or just random bad things happening. I used to think it was because I spent about 10 years as a crime reporter and wrote about horrible, horrible things happening to kids, but I've heard lots of other moms saying they had the same fears/thoughts.

 

So, I guess I'd say it is normal. If it starts to interfere with your parenting, or becomes too hard to tamp down - then I'd go see someone but otherwise, maybe just chalk it up to all the love we have for our babies!

 

 


Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

whozeyermamma is offline  
#3 of 34 Old 03-28-2011, 08:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
neonalee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,540
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 25 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by whozeyermamma View Post
I think the most disturbing thing for me is the detail of what pops into my head, like stuff I can't even type here or mention to DH or anything. It's not me hurting my kids, but someone else, or just random bad things happening. 


Thank you, but most specifically, for writing the part I quoted.  That's it exactly.


Loving mama to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
A (8/5/2010)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
R (1/3/2015) and DSD (16).
neonalee is offline  
 
#4 of 34 Old 03-28-2011, 09:51 AM
 
NicolleLynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 545
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Oh wow, I can't tell you how relieved I am to know I'm not the only one dealing with this issue. I've been suffering from these unwanted thoughts and fears as well. Like you and the PP I don't think it has affected my parenting but goodness, what I wouldn't do to get these thoughts out of my head! It's like everywhere I turn I see, hear or read about something awful happening to a child and it just gets to me on such a deep level. I feel so badly for the child the bad thing happened to and their families and then I think what if that happened to us? These terrible scenarios come into my head and I have to try really hard to get a grip and force them away. Lately, it seems to be getting a bit better. I'm making a concerted effort not to expose myself to things I know will upset me and when the fears start to creep in, I'm able to talk myself down and think of other things. Still, it's something I deal with fairly regularly and I feel a certain amount shame about it. I wonder what's wrong with me that I'm even capable of coming up with such dark thoughts? I'm glad to know I'm not the only one but sad that other mamas are dealing with this...


Working mama to a wonderful baby girl. Married to a really sweet guy. Just trying to do my best.
     
NicolleLynne is offline  
#5 of 34 Old 03-28-2011, 10:17 AM
 
ChelseaWantsOut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 177
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, me too. I do think it's my brain preparing for the worst, just in case. I feel like I've never had so much potential for profound loss before.

Me, DH, and DS (9/18/10), living in a multi-generational household (non-pathetic way of saying we live in my parents' basement).
ChelseaWantsOut is offline  
#6 of 34 Old 03-28-2011, 05:57 PM
 
colorbywords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 199
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do sometimes. Usually it goes with whatever I'm doing (ie, crossing water on a bridge in an open train and I think about her falling forward into the water). I tend to come up with the scenario and then figure out how to avoid it and what I'd do if it happened (ie, how long would it take me to jump in after her, would I land on her, can I get to her in time..).

It totally freaks me out how helpless she is (and I obviously have water issues. Need to get her in swim classes!)
colorbywords is offline  
#7 of 34 Old 03-28-2011, 06:20 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, oh yes, I go through this too. As someone already prone to anxiety and worrying, it's probably exacerbated in me compared to someone without those issues.


bedsharing, knitting, toddler-nursing, nerdy, babywearing mama!

familybed1.gif  knit.gif toddler.gif  geek.gif  momsling.GIF

Knitting Mama is offline  
#8 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 06:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
neonalee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,540
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 25 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by colorbywords View Post

It totally freaks me out how helpless she is


Yes, I think this is probably a good part of why I (we?) go through this.  And I agree, I've never had such potential for profound loss before.  For example, as much as I love my parents, you expect to lose them when you are older, yes?  So maybe (hopefully) that would make it not as hard as losing a child.  So many things about parenting that I never expected!  Thanks so much Mamas for sharing your fears.  I feel better for not being alone with them :)


Loving mama to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
A (8/5/2010)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
R (1/3/2015) and DSD (16).
neonalee is offline  
#9 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 06:37 AM
 
P.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,551
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

I have those awful, awful thoughts too, and the detailed visions. I used to be really afraid of him drowning, but now that he can sit unassisted that has lessened. But back when he was a newborn I avoided bathing him because of it! I still am super-duper careful with him around water though.

 

I think what a PP said is true, that because the potential loss is so unfathomably huge, the fears are sort of in proportion to that. I think every parent worries to some degree or other about losing their child.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
P.J. is offline  
#10 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 07:02 AM
 
mom2happy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Me too. Glad to know I'm not alone.

 

mom2happy is offline  
#11 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 08:51 AM
mra
 
mra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Arizona
Posts: 205
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Me, too.

Quote:
And I feel very much more strongly about bad things happening to babies on the news, in movies, in books.  Before baby I would see/hear these things and think it was so horrible and sad, but now I can actually FEEL it, as if I can almost (because of course you can't actually) imagine what it would be like if it happened to me.  I have NEVER felt fear like this before

This especially.


 
 
winner.jpg  cd.gif  femalesling.GIF  familybed1.gif

mra is offline  
#12 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 09:05 AM
 
greenmulberry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Iowa
Posts: 661
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I get this too. I also get soooo sad for all the babies who have screw up parents, or parents who just don't care, now that I see how much Ruby needs me all the time, and how easily she can get upset if I am not there for her and how scared she is when she think I am doing something scary (like putting her in the water for a bath).

 

I have a hard time with things popping into my head. There was a news story a couple years ago about some kids luring a toddler away and doing terrible things to him, for some reason I thin about it occasionally and get so very sad. Not enough that I need to be medicated, I force myself to forget it, but it just hits me how terrible that event was.

 

Also. I think about all the ways i could accidentally hurt her. We have a marble coffee table and sometimes I nurse on the couch it sits in front of. When I stand up with her it occurs to me that it would smash her head badly if I dropped her. I have never just dropped her but I am always careful to hold her close when walking near the coffee table.

greenmulberry is offline  
#13 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 09:12 AM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,115
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I experienced this too. Prior to being a mom - I'd hear about something (say, a kid drowning) and I'd think "oh, awful" but that was kind of the extent of it.

 

Although to be totally honest, it's not the accidents that really get me, but the violence and abuse. Prior to being a mom, it was the same thing "how could anybody..?" but now it can absolutely traumatize me. Sometimes when I'm falling asleep, something awful will get in my brain and I'm doing everything I can to remove it from my mind. In some periods of my life as a mother, it was really bad, like I couldn't cope. Oddly, my issues seem less centered on DD and more on the plight of children everywhere. I mean, I would just die if anything happened to DD, but I am not so much thinking about all the stuff that could happen to her (thankfully, I seem to be confident that she's growing up safe from that stuff), but more of the things that DO happen to other kids.

 

DD is 5.5 years now, and while I seem to be past the worst of the sensitivity, it hasn't really gone away. Only last night my brain was stuck on something horrific. I sometimes even have to leave MDC for a while if I read of a hint of something that might haunt me. (But I keep coming back, sigh).


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#14 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 09:30 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by neonalee View Post

And I feel very much more strongly about bad things happening to babies on the news, in movies, in books.  Before baby I would see/hear these things and think it was so horrible and sad, but now I can actually FEEL it, as if I can almost (because of course you can't actually) imagine what it would be like if it happened to me. 

 


I missed this part when I first read your post, but this is so me as well! Books I used to be able to read before my baby are off limits now (e.g. Jennifer Weiner's "Little Earthquakes"), and I can't stand watching anything that references hurt children or even has excessive baby crying! I just started watching "Big Love" on a friend's insistence, and I was commenting the other day on how I can't fathom being a parent sitting on the sidelines during the taping of an episode and having to be okay with your child crying for the sake of a scene. There's no way I could handle it!


bedsharing, knitting, toddler-nursing, nerdy, babywearing mama!

familybed1.gif  knit.gif toddler.gif  geek.gif  momsling.GIF

Knitting Mama is offline  
#15 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 11:29 AM
 
Honey693's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,086
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so glad I'm not alone in this. I'm incredibly freaked out about SIDs and wake multiple times to make sure both sure both kids are breathing.

obstruct livery vehicles

Honey693 is offline  
#16 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 02:06 PM
 
Granola Momma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 35
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am so glad to know I'm not alone in these fears. Honestly, this post came at just the right time for me as these fears have been increasing lately. I have had these fears and awful visions on a daily basis since my son was born and he is almost 21 months now. I do see a counselor for these anxieties.

 

I do have a question for all who have responded: do you think these fears may be linked to being a breastfeeding momma? Go with me on this...

 

Is there perhaps a link to breastfeeding your child and having a heightened awareness (a momma-bear instinct) that helps us guard our children in a way that maybe we wouldn't if we weren't breastfeeding and bonding with our child/children in such a close, intimate way? Does that make sense?

 

I don't want to be polarizing at all regarding breastfeeding/non-breastfeeding, and I'm certainly not saying that women who don't breastfeed don't protect their children. But I have just wondered this many, many times in the past year-and-a-half. I am still breastfeeding my son whenever he asks for it and just can't help wondering if the fears and visions are tied to that somehow. I have even had a mom who is done breastfeeding tell me that her own fearful visions subsided after she was done breastfeeding.

 

Your thoughts......

Granola Momma is offline  
#17 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 02:40 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,115
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It's an interesting thought.

 

My issues have subsided somewhat but not entirely. But while I breastfed a long time, I'm done now. And I'm still sensitive. Really sensitive. But, yeah, not quite as much as I was before.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#18 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 02:56 PM
 
theresa1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: NY state
Posts: 93
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

This is all helpful for me to read. I have also had a few awful dreams about something happening to my child. The thing that seems to have helped reduce anxiety about my first child getting hurt is having a second child to think about instead!

theresa1 is offline  
#19 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 08:15 PM
 
baileyb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,324
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I really have only two main fears so far at 8 weeks old. Giving my daughter abandonment issues and accidentally smashing her head into something/tripping and hitting her head/dropping something on her head, etc. Today I was having groceries delivered so I cleaned the fridge and all the shelves in it and it took a few hours. DD slept off and on and played a lot in her bouncy seat and told her that when I was finished cleaning that I would spend the rest of the evening playing with her since she was being such a good, content baby all day. Well by the time I finished cleaning and put the groceries away, DH came home and we ate dinner and DD fell asleep for the night a whole hour earlier than normal. I was crushed! I felt like I had totally lied to her all day and I had let her down by not spending all evening with her. I literally cried. My mom always had more important things to do than play with me and it totally brought up that hurt again. As for the head smooshing thing, I don't know where that came from, I think just maybe I'm super aware of her soft spot and I feel super aware how delicate she is because of being such a young baby.

belly.gif1***5****10****15****20****25****30****35heartbeat.gif***40babygirl.gif

 

baileyb is offline  
#20 of 34 Old 03-29-2011, 08:53 PM
 
MaerynPearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Oceanside, CA
Posts: 14,501
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

On my third baby and the fear just increases each time for me... I always just thought it was because I lost my first pregnancy at 13 weeks along. But I guess it's totally normal!


Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
MaerynPearl is offline  
#21 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 06:14 AM
 
expat-mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: no where/now here: Persian Gulf
Posts: 1,476
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Yes about the having the possibility for "profound loss" like never before. So true.

 

I was  (and am still, a bit) sooo paranoid about DS dying of SIDS or suffocating somehow. My dh was a little worried about my fears but as DS has gotten older they've gotten better. I STILL check if he's breathing sometimes when he is sleeping. He just looks so darn still sometimes...hardly moving...it's terrifying! I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to him...

 

I'm also way more sensitive to stuff about kids and babies and I hate to hear babies crying now too. Actually, now that I think about it, I've developed a total distastedfor horror movies and the like.

 

I think these fears must be normal to some extent. It's so horribly scary to be a mama sometimes though.


Me dreads.gif 32, loving him fuzmalesling.gif33, more each day. Rad boy, jog.gif 7/12/10 & Cool gal baby.gif  4/28/13

I'm a biracial, atheist, humanist, pacifist, anarchist, bibliophile, and educator. Rainbow.gifgd.gifwinner.jpgnocirc.gif

expat-mama is offline  
#22 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 08:59 AM
 
whozeyermamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think it's no surprise that we become very sensitive to babies in general, crying, in pain, whether they are OUR babies, or not. It makes sense for the survival of the species. The other day I heard a baby crying in the supermarket and the mom harshly scolding him/her and it just tore me up. I also can't stand horror/scary movies/TV/books, etc.

 

... it's funny, FWIW - with the checking to see if they are still breathing ... I have to admit I've done this with my seven YEAR old (she slept past 8 am - unheard of!) so I guess it never goes away!


Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

whozeyermamma is offline  
#23 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 11:38 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Lost in a good book (in San Diego)
Posts: 4,729
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can relate. I worry about my baby's breathing (yeah and almost four yo's too) and I worry about someone taking my dd bc she runs around so much now and she freaks if she thinks she's lost me and I worry about her strangling herself. I try to avoid things that create the fears but I also feel it's part of my instincts kicking in, that in the jungle I'd be more aware and thinking ahead so that's all there is to it. My mom said, as I worried over my dd when she was a newborn, that it never ever ends but I think it does lessen.

And seriously I think the same thing about screaming kids in tv now!
St. Margaret is offline  
#24 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 11:46 AM
 
les_oiseau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 250
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was almost taken out by these kinds of fears, about 3 years ago.  Literally, I think the anxiety could have killed me. I was 3 months along and 98 pounds (healthy weight for me is 135). Since then I have learned to let my fears go, giving them to God.

les_oiseau is offline  
#25 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 12:28 PM
 
amyluster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: 1460 7th St., Ste. 303, Santa Monica, CA 90401
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I had extreme fears as well after each of my babies were born, but certainly the most after our first (surviving) baby. We had suffered the extreme misfortune of our firstborn dying of a cord accident at 41 weeks gestation, so I was forever coming to terms with how little control we have in life and in protecting our precious babies. It sounds as if having such extreme fears is by no means the domain of bereaved parents alone.

 

One thing that's helped me understand these intrusive, irrational fears is to recognize they sometimes are the work of our own 'inner child'. We all have a very young (self-absorbed) part of us deep inside. Sometimes this part of us resents the disruption and demands that a newborn (solely in our care, so much of the time) places upon us. Sometimes these fears ("What if I dropped the baby?!") are an outgrowth of this baby part of ourselves coming up with all manner of fantasies in a moment of resentment. The more mature part of ourselves rejects such a notion, but the residue from it can remain as this fearful image.

 

Usually, just by my realizing that a little part of me is feeling overwhelmed, I can respond in a loving way. I treat myself to a phone call to a friend, a cup of tea or a warm bath when the opportunity presents itself. I've found just be accepting these fleeting thoughts from this 'infantile' part of myself and responding lovingly, they occurred less frequently. Fighting to surpress them takes such a lot of energy.

 

Best thoughts to all,

Amy

amyluster is offline  
#26 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 01:55 PM
 
1love4ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A state whose Medicaid does not cover circumcision! :)
Posts: 1,136
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I have felt the same way since my DD was born, she's now almost 14 months old.  I used to check on her and make sure she was breathing ALL the time.  With my next I am doing baby wearing after reading the benefits of attachment parenting and the book The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff.  I also coslept with(and still do) my DD so I could always hear her breathing.  If she took too long between breaths I would wake up, honestly lol.

1love4ever is offline  
#27 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 03:45 PM
 
NicolleLynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 545
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by amyluster View Post

I had extreme fears as well after each of my babies were born, but certainly the most after our first (surviving) baby. We had suffered the extreme misfortune of our firstborn dying of a cord accident at 41 weeks gestation, so I was forever coming to terms with how little control we have in life and in protecting our precious babies. It sounds as if having such extreme fears is by no means the domain of bereaved parents alone.

 

One thing that's helped me understand these intrusive, irrational fears is to recognize they sometimes are the work of our own 'inner child'. We all have a very young (self-absorbed) part of us deep inside. Sometimes this part of us resents the disruption and demands that a newborn (solely in our care, so much of the time) places upon us. Sometimes these fears ("What if I dropped the baby?!") are an outgrowth of this baby part of ourselves coming up with all manner of fantasies in a moment of resentment. The more mature part of ourselves rejects such a notion, but the residue from it can remain as this fearful image.

 

Usually, just by my realizing that a little part of me is feeling overwhelmed, I can respond in a loving way. I treat myself to a phone call to a friend, a cup of tea or a warm bath when the opportunity presents itself. I've found just be accepting these fleeting thoughts from this 'infantile' part of myself and responding lovingly, they occurred less frequently. Fighting to surpress them takes such a lot of energy.

 

Best thoughts to all,

Amy



What a fascinating perspective. I had two losses prior to my DD's birth, one in the first trimester and one in the second and I'm sure some of my fear stems from those experiences. While I know they cannot compare to a late, third trimester loss, I was nevertheless left feeling broken, out of control and like I had failed my babies on the deepest of levels. My pregnancy with DD was fraught with anxiety. I couldn't help thinking about bad things happening because bad things had already happened... It was so rough and now here I am still afraid and it kills me because I want these first years with DD to be filled with innocent lightness and joy.

 

Sometimes I just wish I could "un-know" things. I wish I didn't know about SIDS and childhood cancer rates and the five Amish children who were drowned when their buggy overturned, etc... These things and my fear of them just set up residence in my head and like you said, it's so very hard to pry them out. Like some PPs have mentioned I find it impossible to watch a movie or read a book where a child is hurt or in peril. I can't really take watching any violence at all anymore (not that I ever enjoyed violent books or movies but I used to be able to tolerate "PG-13" level stuff before DD's birth). Now I see someone being hurt and I think "That's some mother's son! Some father's daughter!" It wounds me mentally!

 

I just hope my resolve not to live in fear continues to strengthen until eventually I can just turn off the anxiety without even thinking about it. Right now it's a daily struggle but getting better all the time. I wish all of us dealing with these issues much love and the strength.


Working mama to a wonderful baby girl. Married to a really sweet guy. Just trying to do my best.
     
NicolleLynne is offline  
#28 of 34 Old 03-30-2011, 06:57 PM
 
sarahquinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 30
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I totally feel the same way and have those same thoughts. It seems like its normal from talking to other moms i know and it dosent sound like a problem. I think we just become more aware of the possible dangers and are more effected by the stories because we can now relate to them more. Its part of being a mother and even though it seems bothersome at times its definetly a good thing in the big picture.


hippie.gifbfinfant.gifcd.gifbabyf.giflactivist.gifsigncirc1.gifdelayedvax.gif

sarahquinn is offline  
#29 of 34 Old 03-31-2011, 04:02 PM
 
BlueSkyDay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 27
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NicolleLynne View Post
I can't really take watching any violence at all anymore (not that I ever enjoyed violent books or movies but I used to be able to tolerate "PG-13" level stuff before DD's birth). Now I see someone being hurt and I think "That's some mother's son! Some father's daughter!" It wounds me mentally!


This is exactly me.  I've had to walk away from movies depicting even teens in scary situations because that's somebody's "baby."   I do picture awful things happening to my child - usually related to the situation I'm in, like another poster said: I picture drowning when I'm near water, picture my son falling off the changing table and hitting his head when I'm changing his diaper.  He's 20 months old and it may have lessened a bit, but not too much.  As long as I'm with my son when one of these fears pop up, I don't mind.  I can just look at him, hug him tight, and know he's safe.

 

I honestly think it's a biological safety mechanism.  Our brains force us to think about the unthinkable in order to help prepare us to react in an emergency.  We fear bad things happening to others' children because we might one day be the parent to catch another mom's toddler falling off the slide.  It does take a village.

 

BlueSkyDay is offline  
#30 of 34 Old 04-01-2011, 09:39 AM
 
chelsey1987's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: manville,NJ
Posts: 18
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

yep I have the same problem.I am scared to be alone with my child because I keep thinking what if...what if something happens to her,what if she will cry and I will not know what to do,what if...


mom to DS 3 and DD 4 monthsnocirc.gifsaynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFfamilybed2.gif

chelsey1987 is offline  
Reply

Tags
Baby , Infants , Infant Potty Training A Gentle And Primeval Method Adapted To Modern Living , Baby Safety Tips New Parent Safety Guide


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 927

5 members and 922 guests
Jessica223 , lauritagoddess , lmaraial57 , stellanyc , variniasa48
Most users ever online was 21,860, 06-22-2018 at 09:45 PM.