How can you not hate bedtime? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 11-02-2014, 08:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How can you not hate bedtime?

I hate bedtime. I am so crabby and DD is such a pain. Neither would probably be true if the other wasn't. She never verbally complains about bedtime. She doesn't really fight it. She is just slow and she talks and talks and wants to play and fool around and be silly. I still hate it. I am desperate each night to have her in bed. DESPERATE. I hate myself for feeling this because I know I am missing out on so much sweetness. I don't even read to her anymore. There are SO many nights where I walk out of the bedroom both angry and utterly sad and guilty.

In case you guessed I am the sole caretaker 99.9% of the time. Today I did have two hours off at home. I was still crabby impatient.

How can I get the joy back?
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#2 of 20 Old 11-03-2014, 10:47 AM
 
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How old is your DD?

If she's old enough, I would set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for her to get ready for bed. If she's done before the timer beeps, she can have a story. If she wants to spend 45 minutes getting her jammies on, then sorry, she used up her story time. I'd get the bathroom stuff done first, so she can be put in her room and told to stay there. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I don't feel like chatting right now." and don't respond to much of what she says. Or set a timer for yourself, too... if you know you can leave after 30 minutes maybe you'll be able to be more present while you're with her.

I canrry my 2 year old to bed kicking and screaming every night. I turn out the lights and lay with her while she has a tantrum for anything from 1 minute to what seems like 10, we sing for 15 minutes but then I 'fall asleep'. Once I'm super-boring she drifts off pretty quickly.
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#3 of 20 Old 11-03-2014, 11:38 AM
 
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I agree with the previous post. Set a timer for getting ready (bathroom, teeth, pjs etc...whatever you need her to get done). Make sure its a realistic time frame (i.e. 5 mins to do all that might be pushing it). Then if she is ready before it goes off she gets a book/cuddle/song...whatever makes her happy. I also set limits on this, i.e. 1 long book or two short and then a 2 minute cuddle timed by a singing stuffy we have. This all sounds super strick I know but it was taking me over an hour otherwise.I am also often the only caregiver on weekdays, or else DH gets home just in time for stories.
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#4 of 20 Old 11-03-2014, 01:25 PM
 
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You're gonna hate me, but i co sleep with all 3 of my children, and we go to bed at the same time. As a result, we have zero bedtime issues. My kids dont really understand why other kids dont like bedtime. They like bedtime. I have 3 books ready, one for my 2yo, one for my 6yo that he reads for his reading log, and a more complicated novel that i read to both my 6 and 9yo.

We have our supper(yoghurt with cereal/without cereal usually, sometimes eggs/cheese or plain pumpkin puree), we make the bed, dim the lights, and go to bed. Sometimes we watch a movie together if there is time.

At any age, from newborn, to toddlerhood, to now, there have never been issues with bedtime.

I also like the added advantage that my going to bed early means i also get up early. I have always wanted to get up at dawn, my favorite part of the day. Now i always do.
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#5 of 20 Old 11-04-2014, 04:26 AM
 
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We cosleep but we dont to to bed at the same time.
I do about 85% of childcare. My husband puts them to bed two nights a week but he just riles them up unintentionally and he isn't home three or four nights a week...so yea...I get it.

You didn't say how old...mine are 4 & 6.

Pjs are put on after dinner, before evening activity. Teeth are brushed in the middle of evening activity. In bed for about 5 minutes while I "find" the book. Evening activities are soft and calm. On nights when that activity takes place in the bedroom pjs and teeth are brushed at the same time.

The timer works until it doesn't so use it while you can...we also used a blank chore chart that we filled in with the activities that were the hardest (ie getting ready for bed) this helps shape behaviour. Essentially anything that removes you from the event will help because it helps them see their behaviour outside of you and control it.

My daughter talks...I think it would be easier to say she is seldom quiet. This is exhausting. When she is talky I have her list off her entire day...what she did, where she went, what she played with, all of it. I zone in and out...I confess to you...but it gets it all out. I then list one or two things we will do tomorrow and then I say, "find sleep quickly so tomorrow will come faster." (Which is perceptually true.)

My son is s l o w. Honest to pete, it can take him over 45 minutes just to get his pajamas and this harshes my calm. And telling him to do it more just resets whatever is happening in his mind. When he gets like this, I help him out of his clothes and hold the pjs for him to step into. I do so with the fewest words (pointing and grunting mostly) and little to no eye contact...valet if you will. (Timer never worked for him...made him cry. Chart helped him see his behaviour, manipulate it, and address it on his terms.)

Now...what comes to mind immediately when I read your post was: how is your 3pm slump? Not dd but yours. I feel like the desperation is driven by fatigue. Maybe a green smoothie?

I think mummoth has the right idea, just wanted to put something else out there.
Hope it helps

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#6 of 20 Old 11-24-2014, 11:11 AM
 
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My children are probably younger than yours, but I can understand your crabbiness at bedtime. I feel the same way when that time comes around. Mine are 1 and 4, I co-sleep at least half the night with them, and the process of putting them to bed is exhausting for me. Mamaprovides, you mentioned a 3pm slump. Well, I have a 12 noon slump. I'm over it by about 3 or 4pm, but by the time supper and bathtime is over, I'm way ready for a lie-down, while the two little ones are in a party mood. I let them play whatever game they are into at the moment (practising walking for 1 yo DD, assorted role-playing pretend games for 4 yo DS) and try not to over-exert myself in the process. I try to find creative ways to incorporate bedtime preparations (jammies and tooth-brushing) into the play, but my creative juices are pretty depleted by this time. So mostly it's just a matter of finding patience, gently reminding DS, over and over again, until he is ready to brush his teeth and get into his jammies. Then, it's a matter of keeping DD calm while I read DS a story, then sing them to sleep. Lately, I found that three verses of Silent Night and three verses of Away in a Manger (thank goodness they're into Christmas carols) does the trick. Then it's a 20 minute nap for me, before getting up to do the dishes. Not my most favourite time of the day, except for that beautiful moment when they are finally quiet and drifting off.
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#7 of 20 Old 03-22-2015, 01:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kfillmore View Post
I hate bedtime. I am so crabby and DD is such a pain. Neither would probably be true if the other wasn't. She never verbally complains about bedtime. She doesn't really fight it. She is just slow and she talks and talks and wants to play and fool around and be silly. I still hate it. I am desperate each night to have her in bed. DESPERATE. I hate myself for feeling this because I know I am missing out on so much sweetness. I don't even read to her anymore. There are SO many nights where I walk out of the bedroom both angry and utterly sad and guilty.

In case you guessed I am the sole caretaker 99.9% of the time. Today I did have two hours off at home. I was still crabby impatient.

How can I get the joy back?
I suggest you to start meditation and yoga so that you will be calm at the bed time which is really mandatory for this time.
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#8 of 20 Old 03-25-2015, 01:21 PM
 
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I'm wondering if she is reporting the signature, which links to a site that has ads.
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#9 of 20 Old 03-31-2015, 07:56 PM
 
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Don't feel guilty for being tired at the end of a whole day caring for others! I am so done by dinner- I find it painful to go through the motions of bedtime.
One trick I use is to get them ready for bed before dinner or if that's not possible, directly after. So then it is just story and a song or two and I'm done.
Also, I have my husband put the kids down the nights he is home and try my hardest to excuse myself from the whole circus of it. Literally go in another room with the door closed. I don't feel guilty for having him get special bonding time even when it sounds tough out there!
Also a beer or glass of wine helps an awful lot to mellow me out for the evening
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#10 of 20 Old 09-28-2015, 08:40 AM
 
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I realize this is an old thread but I just had to drop in to give it a giant

AMEN!!!

My soon to be 5 yods has been a pita to put to bed his whole life. Stopped napping at 3.5 months, is somewhat hyperactive, TAAAAAAAALKKKKKSSSS until he falls asleep, wants a story, to rock....I want to cry at 7 pm every night until he's asleep, which can take 2+ hours on a bad night. Now I have a 16 mods, long story, but it's a pain. Neither of them will even consider going to sleep for dad. I hate it.

So, yes, you are correct. Bed time sucks. But some day they won't need us, I guess. So we're supposed to "enjoy it," right

"If at all God's gaze upon us falls it's with a mischievous grin..." ~dmb

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#11 of 20 Old 09-30-2015, 08:18 AM
 
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I realize this is an old thread but I just had to drop in to give it a giant

So, yes, you are correct. Bed time sucks. But some day they won't need us, I guess. So we're supposed to "enjoy it," right
RIGGGGGHHHHT. *rolls eyes* I'm told all the time that I'm supposed to be enjoying this time while it lasts. I get that, but I think it's all too easy to forget how hard it was once this "season in life" changes to the next. It also makes me worry about how much harder it's going to be in the future, like when they're teenagers or college-bound.

I hope that, whatever new difficulties arise as the children get older, I'll be more well-rested as I deal with them. Sleep deprivation just sucks all around and makes it so hard to enjoy life with our little cuties.
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#12 of 20 Old 09-30-2015, 11:09 AM
 
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You know what the best part about bedtime is? The little monsters lose consciousness for several hours and you can have an adult beverage afterwards. In all seriousness: I hear you. Bedtime sucks hindquarters. Yes, it's hard. THEY WILL GROW OUT OF IT. If all you can do to get you through this time is remind yourself that it doesn't last forever and have a stiff drink, well that's ok.

I'll say honestly I did go through a period where I loaded up on my alone time in the late evenings before bedtime. I'd have a couple adult beverages and banish the kids to someplace where I couldn't hear them. It's a little bit like charging a capacitor for a big job. The idea is to have enough patience by the time bedtime comes around to handle it with grace. Now that my kids are a bit older the rule is that as long as they're in bed and I can't hear them, whatever happens under the covers is their business. They each have a "secret" flashlight which they can use to play with dolls or, more usually, read, until whenever they decide to sleep. It works out so much better for all of us this way.


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#13 of 20 Old 10-02-2015, 01:37 PM
 
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Actually, I don't hate bedtime that much. Even if the two kiddos are fighting over which book to read, I don't mind so much because, hey, I get to be horizontal for the first time all day. What I do hate is having to get up again after they've fallen asleep, and I've inevitably dozed off too, to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen. UGH.
I hope it will be better when they're a little older and more able to take care of themselves for an hour after supper so I can do the washing up BEFORE bedtime. Or, better yet, get them (and maybe Hubby too?) to help out with the evening clean-up. But maybe I'm dreaming!
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#14 of 20 Old 10-03-2015, 08:33 AM
 
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You're gonna hate me even more, but i have incorporated reading a Shakespeare sonnet, a French poem, a Hebrew poem, and a weekly bible passage into our nightly reading. It take me 10-15minutes to go through it all, and by the end of a week or two, they know it almost by heart....it also relaxes them somehow.....I found bedtime is the only time we can really do this, and i now have a 10 yo and 7yo who know several sonnets off by heart.

We also do the other reading. baby books, older kid books, and then they also do some of their school required reading.
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#15 of 20 Old 10-03-2015, 09:13 AM
 
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You're gonna hate me even more, but i have incorporated reading a Shakespeare sonnet, a French poem, a Hebrew poem, and a weekly bible passage into our nightly reading. It take me 10-15minutes to go through it all, and by the end of a week or two, they know it almost by heart....it also relaxes them somehow.....I found bedtime is the only time we can really do this, and i now have a 10 yo and 7yo who know several sonnets off by heart.

We also do the other reading. baby books, older kid books, and then they also do some of their school required reading.

You must have angels instead of kids. My children experience amnesia at bedtime every. single. night. We do the same thing every time and every time they act like they have no clue what is going on.
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#16 of 20 Old 10-03-2015, 01:01 PM
 
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You must have angels instead of kids. My children experience amnesia at bedtime every. single. night. We do the same thing every time and every time they act like they have no clue what is going on.
Ha ha! Its about the only time they are angels. I think it works because we all go to bed at the same time. I know alot of families cant do that.
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#17 of 20 Old 10-09-2015, 05:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by contactmaya View Post
You're gonna hate me even more, but i have incorporated reading a Shakespeare sonnet, a French poem, a Hebrew poem, and a weekly bible passage into our nightly reading. It take me 10-15minutes to go through it all, and by the end of a week or two, they know it almost by heart....it also relaxes them somehow.....I found bedtime is the only time we can really do this, and i now have a 10 yo and 7yo who know several sonnets off by heart.

We also do the other reading. baby books, older kid books, and then they also do some of their school required reading.
Hehehe, I totally could have written your first post on this thread we read tons of kids books. Then I start reading my king James Bible and that usually gets the kiddos to sleep. Now I will see if I can teach them to memorise passages to dream about by sticking with one passage for the whole week.
I have been a single mom since this spring and my oldest has started cosleeping again, now I feel less worried about an older kid cosleeping.

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
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#18 of 20 Old 10-16-2015, 07:18 PM
 
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we co-sleep too. Never had an issue with bed time. I tske care of getting my 2 years old to bed. Her dad works a lot and he is really tired by that time so here is how we do:
dinner together...cooking all together,eating then playing reading going for a walk etc. When she gets tired we take a shower and go to bed. It takes her little time to sleep.She loves this moment made of cuddles hugs etc.once she sleeps i spend some time with my husband.

I do yoga.meditation and sports. I think that when body and mind are balanced, our soul can connect with other people's needs.

Namast?.
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#19 of 20 Old 12-20-2015, 02:16 PM
 
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I loved loved loved co sleeping with babies.Not so keen with older kids. Also with having 5 at home(eldest is at uni) I feel like I just need some "me" time once the little ones are in bed.Plus I'm usually so worn out after work I don't have the energy to get them to bed. I need to restart bedtime routines I think. My 7 year old still isn't asleep and it's 10:15pm now.
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#20 of 20 Old 07-28-2017, 02:38 AM
 
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I usually get so tired for the day that I'm happy to go to bed early)
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