My BF is terrific, we get a long great, our kids get along great. We have been seeing each other for a bit over two years and the relationship has developed very slowly but surely. BF is now becoming a big part of my life, we spend most weeknights that my son is with his dad together and almost every weekend. He has his kids most of the time, my son is with me about 60% of the time.
The big problem I am having is really with BFs ex-wife and how he is dealing with her.
I have a regular visitation schedule with my ex, we stick to it 95% of the time but make accommodation for special vacations, extended family visits, business trips, severe illness, surgery, etc. This regular schedule allow me to have a predictable schedule so that I can pursue not so kid friendly hobbies like my competitive tennis habit, my job and also so that I can schedule extra-curricular activities for my son. My BF ex decides when she would like to see her kids according to her whim. Her timing can be very last minute. My BF lets her get away with it, stop things we are doing so that she can go for a walk with the kids ( a 1 hour activity).
In addition she keeps changing her mind regarding say taking the her kids for the weekend so that BF and I can go somewhere together. Several times now she has changed her mind. BF just lets her have her way. Some of these cancellations have cost me a bit of money as well.
Well she just did it again. I had plans to play a tournament in sonoma and to make a weekend of it win or lose. I would have loved to have his company (he plays tennis too). Now I will go by myself (did that before I meet him).
So I guess it is not so much that BF changes plans, it is not that his ex want to see her kids (of course she should). It is that he has not established any boundaries with his ex, always letting her get her way.
I used to let me ex do that, I ended up with no friends, no hobbies and no life. I don't want to go there again.
I am concerned that his lack of boundaries will prevent us from have a good long term relationship.
Am I over reacting.