Who throws the Baby shower?? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 06:04 AM - Thread Starter
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So according to the new Emily Post Etiquette book its is not proper for a direct family memeber ie; mother, sister, or DH; to host a baby shower for mommy to be. It should be a sister in law or a best friend, but those people are no where near my state and I really havent made friends with any women up here who I feel would think of throwing me a shower and my DH wants to have one before baby gets here. I am kinda on the fence about this. On one hand I think that before baby would be good because we would could modify our needed supply list and work from what we get at the shower. On the other hand, since we are not peeking at the "present" before the birth, a shower for after baby arrives would be good then everyone would know what color to buy (not that it matters to this girl who rocked hand-me-down boy's levis as a babe). An after shower would be pretty stressful on me and the baby with all the people wanting to touch and hold and all the noise, so maybe a before shower would be better in the long run....but how do I throw one or hint at getting one throwen for me?

Argueee! the pressure of etiquette...any Mrs. Post out there that can help me...I have about 3 months to go.
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#2 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 06:40 AM
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I threw my own shower the first time. I've never been a big etiquette fan I mean, it was either throw it myself, or don't have one. I knew no one was going to do it for me, even though my sister was like 40 miuntes away.
This time a friend from church offered to do it, and my sister offered as well (don't know where she was with #1!). They both insist I just CAN'T do it myself. Actually, I don't even want one this time, but they insist I NEED one.
Also, I DO NOT do hen parties! My last shower included men, and this one will too. I'm inviting men, women, and children. And I will not allow any silly shower games either... oooh no! We're having a BBQ!
I, personally, would not do it after the baby is born. You're right, its just too stressful. I really don't think its healthy for babies to be passed around from one person to the next, or to have so much commotion going on. I didn't even let my own mother come over till 5 days after dd was born, and I was reluctant to have visitors even that early.
I say, do what you want to do. I know that according to the new wedding etiquette it is now perfectly acceptable to thow out all tradition and mold the wedding to your own personal liking, I don't see why showers of any sort should be any different. As for me, I'm not out to impress anyone. Its MY baby, MY shower, MY day... I'm doing it MY way!

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#3 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 12:41 PM
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I am not a big baby shower person, but my mom threw mine. Around here close family always throws them, for someone else to it is considered usurping family rights, this area is kind of odd.

Lisa, mom to M : 6/02, R : 6/04, m/c 6/8/05, L 6/06, and E 8/07
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#4 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 01:05 PM
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We had two.

My MIL threw the family "women only" scary shower (which actually turned out pretty cool). I was in on the surprise -- she did all the inviting and organizing, and I hooked her up with my grandmother for some free space in my gram's church, because she didn't know where to have it that would have enough room for all the women in our combined families and ended up asking me for help.

We threw our own friends shower in our apartment a couple weeks later. It was a more relaxed "open house" all day party, men and women invited.

We chose to do it this way because the guys in our families would have been extremely uncomfortable at a baby shower, and inviting them plus our friends would have put the invite list over 70 -- WAY larger than anything we wanted. The women in our family wanted to do their thing, so we let them, but for family only, and that gave us the freedom to do our own thing with our friends, many of whom would have been really disappointed to be left out just because they happen to be guys.

The big lesson I learned in the whole adventure? If you have any kind of event at your house and people offer to help clean up afterward -- LET THEM! I had been cleaning like a mad woman all weekend, which I figured was just because people were coming over. So when they offered to help tidy up afterward, I said no because I figured I'd just do it myself since I had all this energy. The very next morning I woke up, stood up, and my water broke. And that was that. I don't think we actually cleaned up after that party until dd was 4 months old, when we moved out of the apartment.
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#5 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 01:20 PM
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Are you kidding me? Anybody can throw your shower for you? You are more than likely going to invite a bunch of women who are mothers. Mothers more than anyone else in the world knows all what it takes to prepare and take care of a baby. NO ONE CARES IF YOUR MOM OR SISTER throws the shower for you, the purpose of the baby shower is "shower the baby with gifts" like a pre-birthday party. Who more than a loving relative or good friend would want to do that for you. I personally had to throw my own, but that's a whole other topic. Hope I could help!
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#6 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 01:39 PM
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One thing I have learned with showers. If you know the sex of the baby you get all clothes for that. If you do not, you get useful things. At least that is what I have seen.

One thing my group of playgroup friends does for a mom having another baby- a dinner shower. We bring a made meal with directions on heating it up already frozen to the mom. We surprise her at a playgroup with it. We aim to have at least 5 ready meals for the week. Also we will pitch in for a large gift certificate to babies r us etc. I have seen also gift certificates for a pregncy massage as well or a beauty day at the mamas local place she goes to.

For the new mamas I pick something off their registry or if I see like a pump on the list, I will give her the Womany Art and pads for her bra.

My favorite gift was for the mama- a new parent basket. I put in breast pads, hand santizer (to leave at the door for those visitors who do not listen to the leave us alone guidleines), organic diaper ointments and organic shampoos etc, a list of LLL, poison control, Drs numbers etc lamentated, safety plugs, nursing tea, and they are wrapped in prefolds that I sewed pink or blue fabric ribbon on the seams. These can be diapers or funky burp cloths whatever suits her.
I have changed it to suit the parents before too.

MY dh received a shower at his work with dd1 and this time they gave him for Maggie- 5 $20 gift certificates to a local place for dinner. Whenever there is an expectant baby, they have some sort of shower and have a lunch for the honoree.

I do know that one of my sils did not want a shower with her baby. They registered for 5 things to ward off it but my mil wanted her to have one.
Besides, you will get sooo many gifts after the baby comes anyhow.

Also, my jewish friends tell me that in their tradition you have the shower AFTER the baby is born. I asked when her shower was after her little guy was born.

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#7 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 04:33 PM
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I have had a couple of friends offer to throw a shower... but I dont 'really want one. so we are going to have a 'meet the baby' party a few weeks after the birth. This way people dont feel obligated to bring a gift, and we don't feel uncomfortable having to sit there with 50 peeps staring at us as we open presents.
My plan is to have an open house type thing... BBQ, beverages and have people come and go. It also keeps from having a million people call and want to come over.... We can see them all at the same time.

Besides, we really have everything we need for a newborn, and by the time we have the party we'll know exactly what we need, if someone asks.

As for before the baby comes, I am definitley having a birth blessing.

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#8 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 04:37 PM
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Im not into the whole shower thing, but my boss and co-workers threw me one when ds was 1 month old.
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#9 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 07:25 PM
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ettiquette-schmettiquette...that's what i say.

i've had 4 babies. with dd1 there were 4 showers planned, one by my MIL, one by my mom, one by my friend and one by a co-worker - delivering 5 weeks early, i only ended up having 2 of them. that said, they were all 'volunteered' showers - i didn't have to hint.

i agree with Amy - it's better NOT to know - otherwise you end up with all clothing...especially if it's a all-woman party and you're having a girl...who can resist those outfits?

with dd2 and dd3 i don't think i had anything, but with dd2 i refused to tell anyone we knew we were having a girl b/c i didn't want anymore girl things. with dd3, we spilled the beans on the girl thing, by that point i had so much stuff, i didn't need anything else, so it was all gravy...

since i had dd3, i've gotten a whole new set of friends and have thrown 3 blessingways for them so this time around one of them is throwing a blessingway for me. i'm excited for that since it's such a different thing than a shower.

as for hinting...i don't know what to say...if my mom or sister were near by, i wouldn't hint, i'd just outright ask them to host something for me. if i had a really good friend, same thing...if not, well, i'd probably just hope for the best...i'd hate to put anyone else 'on the spot'

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#10 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 07:52 PM
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With my first my two best friends planned the shower, which was only about 3 weeks before DS was born. There were men and women... and we had a BBQ. It was pretty laid back, no games or anything. I don't think I'll have one for this baby... not sure though.

Personally I love the "sign up to bring the new family a premade dinner" list. I'd take that over a shower any day!!

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#11 of 15 Old 03-18-2006, 11:24 PM
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With DS1 I had several showers. One my aunt threw, one was a friend/church, one was thrown by my grandmother-in-law (because they live out in the middle of nowhere and no one wanted to travel to one here), and one by my MILs church.

Personally, I don't think it's an issue at all for your immediate family to have a shower for you. I would never throw one for myself, but I live in the south and that's a huuuuge no-no. But, I would have no problem with my mom or sister having one for me

This time, I seriously hope I get one. Mostly because there's some things I need, especially things that family would buy for me like a double stroller, extra carseat, cloth diapers, dresser, and things that got overused like baby health kits, socks, etc... I've made it VERY clear that I do *not* want clothes!! I've got tons and tons of clothes because I'll have two boys both born in nearly the same birth month. And, I prefer co-ed showers too. I like for my DH to be there and it helps if he's got his friends coming too.
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#12 of 15 Old 03-19-2006, 01:26 AM
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I had 3 with dd. My aunt threw one, my friend threw one and then they had one for us at dh's office. This time the same friend asked and wanted to throw a shower, but I said let's just do a tea and everyone can bring a freezer item.
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#13 of 15 Old 03-19-2006, 01:33 AM
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For dd my sister threw my baby shower and also my dh's boss (a woman) at that time threw us a little surprise shower. Both were really nice and I got more than I expected! This time I think my sis, sil, mil, or mom (or they'll all do it together) will be throwing me one but after we have the baby. Our familes are in Michigan and we aren't moving back until after we have the baby so that's the only way they can throw us one.
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#14 of 15 Old 10-06-2014, 12:57 AM
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What a very interesting topic! My friends threw my baby shower. It was held at the restaurant. It was such a funny shower because they did not let me do anything and I was very surprised because what they did is what I've been dreaming of.

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#15 of 15 Old 10-06-2014, 02:08 AM
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So according to the new Emily Post Etiquette book its is not proper for a direct family memeber ie; mother, sister, or DH; to host a baby shower for mommy to be. It should be a sister in law or a best friend,
So that is where that lousy advice comes from!

I come from a large family. Because of this crappy advice, my family, six sisters, a mother, etc. never threw me a baby shower. My friends held back thinking that my family would throw me a shower. Great!

Oh, well, I am not the shower kind of mother any way. I did have a shower, postpartum, for my third baby. Thank you!

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