Do big families bother you? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 69 Old 04-16-2013, 11:54 AM
 
limabean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 9,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

Actually, sometimes husbands bother me.  Especially when they stand in the way at Victoria's secret.

OT, but you know which husbands bothered me? The ones who sat their lazy asses in the waiting room chairs in the OB office while very pregnant women (myself included) had to STAND ALONG THE WALL. Unbelievable. And there were TWO of them doing that one day!!!

DH+Me 1994 heartbeat.gif DS 2004 heartbeat.gif DD 2008 heartbeat.gif DDog 2014
limabean is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#32 of 69 Old 04-16-2013, 11:56 AM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post


OT, but you know which husbands bothered me? The ones who sat their lazy asses in the waiting room chairs in the OB office while very pregnant women (myself included) had to STAND ALONG THE WALL. Unbelievable. And there were TWO of them doing that one day!!!

Once, I saw a very elderly man get up from his seat to give it to a pregnant woman.  I wanted to kiss him on his little head.  

nextcommercial is offline  
#33 of 69 Old 04-16-2013, 12:19 PM
 
limabean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 9,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

Once, I saw a very elderly man get up from his seat to give it to a pregnant woman.  I wanted to kiss him on his little head.  

Aw, that is sweet. And out in public that issue never bugged me, but in the OB waiting room I had a big problem with it.

DH+Me 1994 heartbeat.gif DS 2004 heartbeat.gif DD 2008 heartbeat.gif DDog 2014
limabean is offline  
 
#34 of 69 Old 04-17-2013, 12:05 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,599
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post


OT, but you know which husbands bothered me? The ones who sat their lazy asses in the waiting room chairs in the OB office while very pregnant women (myself included) had to STAND ALONG THE WALL. Unbelievable. And there were TWO of them doing that one day!!!

 

I saw that at a doctor's office once, and an eldery woman - the type described as "feisty" - walked up to the man, and said "I'm so sorry that you're injured - what's wrong?". The man said "nothing - I'm not injured", and she said, "oh...then the fact that you're letting this pregnant woman stand while you sit is just laziness and rudeness. I'd hoped for better".  It doesn't seem like much when I write it down, but you'd have to have seen her face and heard her tone of voice. He almost sprang out of his seat like a Jack-in-the-Box.

KarenEMT, rachelsmama and limabean like this.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#35 of 69 Old 04-17-2013, 02:59 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,633
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
 
you don't need to cling to each other like a small island lumbering through the store together

i love language. i love great written pieces. i love the humor of bill bryson. 

 

this image and the language chosen is just brilliant. i think the word 'lumbering' did it for me.

 

i almost cried at the beauty of this image. THANKS.

 

ok back to ur original discussion.

 

however i will add one thing. i live in my head a lot. the thing i hate about it is that sometimes the VERY in your face obvious thing - i dont see it at all. i could be a man and sitting on a seat in an OB office and not even see that pregnant lady standing and waiting for her appt. 

 

i have done so many daft things like that - its unbelievable. you know that person who is blocking the narrow aisle just standing there staring into space thinking - yup. that's been me. its the gentle "excuse me please" that brought me out of my reverie. 


 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
#36 of 69 Old 04-17-2013, 05:50 PM
 
Tahpenes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

 

The environmental side of it doesn't really bother me that much. We need to make across the board cultural changes to really make an environmental impact. The fact that a dozen or more of my friends have no children, and I have four, isn't really the issue. If everyone in North America just stopped having babies, we'd have to increase immigration to keep our economy functioning (including growing food, medical/health care, etc. - not just consumer frenzy stuff). Most of those immigrants would then develop a North American lifestyle and become environmental menaces themselves.  The lifestyle is the problem, not the birthrate. (In any case, the last time I looked, the overall birth rate was down - the large families aren't the norm.)

 

This.  With the exception of China and India, there isn't a single developed/developing country which has a problem with too many children. The only reason the United States' population isn't falling is because of immigration (inclusive of both legal and illegal methods). The US actually has a pretty sparse population given the amount of land area we have, and if you're going to wag fingers at people for making environmentally poor choices you'd do better to point to things like our meat-heavy diet, our conspicuous consumption, our dependency on coal, and our fuel-guzzling travel, than to people who have "extra" children.

 

 

I have no problem with large families. I do have a problem with bad parents in general, but I've met individuals who were, for reasons of personality or lifestyle, less capable of appropriately caring for their ONE child than other parents I know did for their 5 or 6. Two kids is my limit for now, but I admire parents who can do well with more.

 

For what it's worth, I also don't mind paying for them through social services if the family needs the assistance. I don't think that raising children is something that only rich people are capable of doing well; frankly, I think a lot of the lifestyle choices needed to maintain an upper or upper-middle class lifestyle often make it difficult to parent a large number of children well. Nobody is served by cutting off children from resources for food, clothing, shelter, or a good quality education. Nor do I blame parents for having children that I think they "can't afford."

 

I get very uncomfortable with this "people shouldn't have so many children" line of argument some people have, because to be quite blunt a lot of the time there's serious (often unexamined) racism in play. Some people may point to the Duggars, but spin the vitriol just a little bit and all of a sudden it's Reagan's "welfare queens" and Limbaugh's "anchor babies."

k x s and missbrea like this.
Tahpenes is offline  
#37 of 69 Old 04-17-2013, 07:50 PM
 
kathymuggle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8,808
Mentioned: 251 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2601 Post(s)

Even if a large family is environmentally conscious, their carbon footprint cannot be as small as a small family that is environmentally conscious.  Moreover, if everyone has an average of 2 kids each, in a couple of generation the family that had 10 kids is going to have a huge family  tree - and all of them may not be as environmentally conscious as you.  

 

Despite this, the environmental aspect to large families does not bother me. The average birth rate in Canada is something like 2; what do I care if someone has 10 kids?  There are so few people having 10 kids that statistically it is not going to matter.  

 

I do have some worries about kids getting enough attention in large families.  I worry about this because I don't think I would be able to give each child the attention I would want to give them if I was spread so thin.  Maybe some people can, however.

 

I very much believe that another persons family size is none of my business.


There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.
 
Book and herb loving mama to 2 teens and one young adult.
kathymuggle is online now  
#38 of 69 Old 04-17-2013, 08:06 PM
 
dalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,970
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tahpenes View Post

I get very uncomfortable with this "people shouldn't have so many children" line of argument some people have, because to be quite blunt a lot of the time there's serious (often unexamined) racism in play. Some people may point to the Duggars, but spin the vitriol just a little bit and all of a sudden it's Reagan's "welfare queens" and Limbaugh's "anchor babies."

I agree with this!!

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
joy.gif

dalia is offline  
#39 of 69 Old 04-18-2013, 12:57 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,599
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

Even if a large family is environmentally conscious, their carbon footprint cannot be as small as a small family that is environmentally conscious.  Moreover, if everyone has an average of 2 kids each, in a couple of generation the family that had 10 kids is going to have a huge family  tree - and all of them may not be as environmentally conscious as you.  

 

Despite this, the environmental aspect to large families does not bother me. The average birth rate in Canada is something like 2; what do I care if someone has 10 kids?  There are so few people having 10 kids that statistically it is not going to matter.  

 

I do have some worries about kids getting enough attention in large families.  I worry about this because I don't think I would be able to give each child the attention I would want to give them if I was spread so thin.  Maybe some people can, however.

 

I very much believe thay another persons family size is none of my business.

 

This is really my take. My siblings and I each had four children, giving my mom a total of 12 grandchildren from 3 children. (I'll also add that none of us were okay with having an abortion, and there were two unplanned pregnancies and two sets of fraternal twins involved in all this - having a big/biggish family isn't always about planning to have a big family.)

 

My aunt on my dad's side also had three children. She has two grandchildren. My bff always wanted kids. She has none. My sister's oldest friend is child free. I live in a family friendly townhouse complex (in this case, it means the management will only rent to people with kids), and we have one family with six kids (and the last was also an accident), one with four kids (us), three with three kids...and the others are all either one or two child families. This is out of about 40 units.

 

When my son was in Scouts, almost every boy there was either an only child or one of two kids. In his 13 years of public school (including kindergarten, of course), he only had about four classmates with more than one sibling. I think the onlies outnumbered those with any sibling at all. When ds2 was in preschool, he had one classmate with two siblings, and the others were all either onlies or one of two.

 

My own graduating class was about 180 people. I know of one other guy who had four kids (including twins again). There are a handful with three. There are a lot with one (and many only had that one in the last few years - we're the class of '86, and it's very unlikely they're having anymore). There are a few dozen with no kids at all. The fact that Mark and I have four each (he may more now - haven't seen him since the 10 year reunion) doesn't really have much impact. I don't have exact numbers, but I don't think my grad class, averaged out, is even at replacement birth rate. (Most of my old friends - many of whom weren't in my grad class - have no kids at all.)

 

My city is becoming incredibly crowded, but the population isn't coming from big families. It's coming from immigration. If everybody who was born here stopped having children today, Vancouver would still be growing by leaps and bounds. The city is actively courting the population increase, and if I didn't have four kids, the 'hole" would be filled by someone else.


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#40 of 69 Old 04-18-2013, 01:33 PM
 
contactmaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,521
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 130 Post(s)

I think they are great. Im always interested in the logistics of how they manage. I always identified with the  the little old woman who lived in the shoe, but chose to do other things with my life  than to have many children. I have 3.  People seem to think that is alot, so i guess it all relative.

contactmaya is offline  
#41 of 69 Old 04-18-2013, 02:58 PM
 
stormborn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,976
Mentioned: 4 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 68 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

I saw that at a doctor's office once, and an eldery woman - the type described as "feisty" - walked up to the man, and said "I'm so sorry that you're injured - what's wrong?". The man said "nothing - I'm not injured", and she said, "oh...then the fact that you're letting this pregnant woman stand while you sit is just laziness and rudeness. I'd hoped for better".  It doesn't seem like much when I write it down, but you'd have to have seen her face and heard her tone of voice. He almost sprang out of his seat like a Jack-in-the-Box.
That's awesome; I hope to be that old lady one day!
stormborn is offline  
#42 of 69 Old 04-19-2013, 10:29 PM
Banned
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,701
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 43 Post(s)
They only bother me when their kids are unruly in public places in ways that invade my space or my dad's or in noisy ways. I do sometimes wonder why anyone would feel they need more than one child because I have always felt like I would never want another child taking my time or resources from my DD. I am also happy that my outings are nothing like the outings I see moms with more than one child having and my home life isn't filled with the bickering my brother and I filled my childhood home with. Other than that I truly don't care. I am happy and other families must be also or they would have made a change, kids grow up happy under most conditions, and it is not an issue that causes me concern.
One_Girl is offline  
#43 of 69 Old 04-20-2013, 02:28 PM
 
ancoda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: South west Idaho
Posts: 1,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

They really do not bother me as long as the children are taken care of.   I think for the most part the amount of people mostly evens out in the end. 

I also think it is a lot better to see one large happy family then to have a guy or lady who have lots of kids scattered all around with lots of people.  I have an uncle that has 5 kids with his first wife, while married to her had another kid with a one night stand type situation.  He has another daughter with a different wife and admits that he may have up to 4 or 5 kids with varies other woman, but they have not caught up to him yet.  His situation is the type that bothers me.


oAlisha- eternal companion to mike:, mother to three energetic boys (02):, (05), and (07) and one sweet little girl 3/13. Four in heaven.7/21/2010, 11/05/2011, 9/16, 4/16/2017
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.
ancoda is offline  
#44 of 69 Old 04-23-2013, 02:12 AM
 
inconditus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Geneva, OH
Posts: 414
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It's not my place to judge anyone but from my own perspective I think financial strain of having a big family has a lot to do with the location. 

 

I grew up in a medium sized family, 5 kids, which I absolutely loved. I'm the opposite to where I think it's mean to the kids to not have any siblings. Then again, I lived in the country with not that many kids on my street. My siblings were my friends growing up and we are still really close today. 

 

With that being said I probably wouldn't have 6 kids (what husband and I want eventually) if we lived in a city and didn't have a lot of space. I feel like I wouldn't be as good of a mother to them unless we lived in the country where they have room to run around, where we could be pretty self sustainable, and, honestly, where I feel the culture isn't as materialistic.

 

Where I grew up it also wasn't that weird to "put kids to work" by having them help out with small businesses or on the farm. Obviously not long hours but I think kids spend too much time watching tv or playing video games and not enough learning life skills. My husband is 26 years old and never packed himself a lunch or done his own laundry. He went from living with his parents to college where there was a cafeteria and mom doing laundry on the weekends, to living with me. I think that's crazy. I was doing my own laundry and making my own lunch for school by at least 5th grade. 

 

My sister and her kids live in a rich neighborhood where it is normal for kids to have $400 birthday parties, designer clothes, and smartphones <---- even at a young age. Unless we were to make some serious career changes that couldn't happen with 3 kids let alone 6. Instead of doing any chores around the house they get carted around to ballet, theater, sports, horseback riding. etc. then go to bed. Though I feel all that is completely unnecesary kids see what's around them and think that's normal and if they don't have that there is something wrong with them. 

 

Edit: I don't mean to say that extra curricular activities are bad and that all kids should do is work. The point I'm trying to say is that my sister is exhausted trying to "keep up with the Jones" and the culture of her area. 

inconditus is offline  
#45 of 69 Old 04-23-2013, 05:52 AM
 
Cherry_Blossom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,087
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 77 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmarroq View Post

Like everyone said...you don't know the situation. It could be a blended family or there could be some adoptions. The family could live a lot more simply and not have as much of an impact on the environment as a family of four. Unfortunately, those are not always the types of families having lots of kids. I live in an area with a lot of poverty. There are so many children in foster care, and so many sad stories of abuse in the paper every day. There is an entire high school for teen parents in my community. In some areas of the country, there are large numbers of irresponsible people who have a lot of children. For whatever reason, they are too poor, sick, desperate to care. It is sad, but I can see why this upsets people.

 

People have their reasons for having large families, but I think "because that's how our ancestors did it" isn't the best argument any longer. Yes, our grandparents all came from large families (on my Irish side, I think 10 siblings was pretty typical). That was a different time. We didn't buy things that were advertised on TV because we didn't have TV. We ate what we grew on the farm. We made things from scratch instead of buying things made in mass quantities in a factory overseas. Children often didn't survive illness or epidemics, and boys were expected to go to war where they would often die. People didn't live as long. We weren't going to war over oil and natural resources. Although they had lots of kids, women weren't having 10 kids with 5 dads, while the dads were off having more kids with other women. In other words, they took care of all their children. They had more kids because they were worried about the future of the family farm, etc. We don't have the same issues today.


I love the historical stories, I've gotten into genealogy and have looked at how huge most families were in the past.  My mom's side was Appalachian.  My grandparents had eight kids, my great-grandparents had eleven.  Before them, going back four hundred years, every family had eight to fourteen kids.  Some of them died in infancy.  They lived off the land mostly and lived in tiny cabins.  I have some beautiful photographs of their homes, just made of boards and studs, no interior walls, a woodburning stove, a small table with mismatched chairs.  That's it.  But none of my relatives of my own generation have more than two or three kids.  It's just too hard to do that and have a decent quality of life for most people.  My own choice is that I can care for my own two children the best I can without having to spread thin our resources to another child. 

Cherry_Blossom is offline  
#46 of 69 Old 04-23-2013, 02:36 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,599
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by inconditus View Post


Where I grew up it also wasn't that weird to "put kids to work" by having them help out with small businesses or on the farm. Obviously not long hours but I think kids spend too much time watching tv or playing video games and not enough learning life skills. My husband is 26 years old and never packed himself a lunch or done his own laundry. He went from living with his parents to college where there was a cafeteria and mom doing laundry on the weekends, to living with me. I think that's crazy. I was doing my own laundry and making my own lunch for school by at least 5th grade. 

 

I think that's crazy, too, but I think it has as much to do with family culture as with where one lives. I grew up in the city, and so did ds1. DS1 was making his own lunch for school by grade three (with a little help here and there until about halfway through grade four) and has been doing his own laundry since he was 11 or 12. DD1 cooks dinner for us sometimes, and she's only nine.

 

My sister and her kids live in a rich neighborhood where it is normal for kids to have $400 birthday parties, designer clothes, and smartphones <---- even at a young age. Unless we were to make some serious career changes that couldn't happen with 3 kids let alone 6. Instead of doing any chores around the house they get carted around to ballet, theater, sports, horseback riding. etc. then go to bed. Though I feel all that is completely unnecesary kids see what's around them and think that's normal and if they don't have that there is something wrong with them. 

 

This is one of the reasons I don't want to live in a rich area. DS1 went to high school with a lot of kids from a rich area (the catchment here is a bit weird, and there's one "poor" - blue collar, subsidized housing, etc. - school that feeds into the high school, and the other feeder schools are all in well off neighbourhoods). It definitely affected his expectations a little, but we didn't change our attitudes about what was reasonable. He got a cellphone, with a three year contract (pretty standard in Canada - not sure about the US) for his 15th birthday, so it expired at grad. (He never got a smartphone from us, but the near total disappearance of public pay phones made a cell a really good idea.)

 

Edit: I don't mean to say that extra curricular activities are bad and that all kids should do is work. The point I'm trying to say is that my sister is exhausted trying to "keep up with the Jones" and the culture of her area. 

 

I think the "keep up with the Jones" culture is really toxic. It's more obvious in richer neighbourhoods, but it exists in other places, and I find it important not to get sucked into it...but I know that can be hard. My kids do a ton of "extracurriculars", but they're not really extracurriculars - they're part of their homeschooling curriculum. One of the many reasons we choose to homeschool is that my kids can do all that, and still do their part around the house, yk?


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#47 of 69 Old 04-27-2013, 02:19 PM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 4,753
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

No problems, more to love.


Holly
Adaline
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(3/20/10), and Charlie
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(1/26/12- 4/10/12) and identical  
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)
SIDS happens. 
Adaline'sMama is offline  
#48 of 69 Old 04-27-2013, 05:32 PM
 
philothea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 254
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I'm the third oldest in a family of 10 kids and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! I always said and continue to say that the greatest gift my parents ever gave me was/is all my siblings!! orngbiggrin.gif I never even heard that remark about how it's unfair on older children until recently and I had to laugh. My older siblings and I would 'fight' over taking care of our little siblings: "no I want to change his diaper! No let me bathe her, you got to last night:" ect. Im serious we loved taking care of each other and were so proud when we were the ones to first do something with them. We always had someone to play with, holidays and birthdays and game nights were loaded with fun, and I truly believe I became the person I am by being immersed and surrounded in such a care-taking, social environment. Do you know what is was like to have my baby brother fall asleep to my voice as I rocked him when I was just 9 years old? I tossed my baby dolls and all my friends were jealous I had a real one to take care of! smile.gif now of course I'm not saying our family didn't have our share of problems but I can genuinely say that not a single issue was because of our family size; that has only been goodness and blessings. And the great thing is that we are all still super close today and we all want to have big families as a result of how positive it was for us. And in regards to another common objection to big families... Not enough time with my parents... Well I never felt like that and I think there are two main reasons: 1. We had each other to do things with. I could list a million examples but honestly why would someone expect that the parents have to to be the ones to do everything? A lot f time we preferred each other! My brother taught me how to surf when I was 11. I taught my little sister mostly how to cook and read. I mean the dynamics are just so different that responsibilities and pleasures are multiplied but I don't think that's a bad thing. Of course not everyone is meant to have a big family but to act like it is inherently evil or something I just find ridiculous. My whole life we received more negative comments or rude remarks than positive ones from strangers at the grocery store and such.
Oh and the 2nd main reason we didn't ever feel deprived of our parents attention is...we were homeschooled. We were in conventional schools and then my older brother in 8th grade asked to be homeschooled because he was bored out of his mind. My mom gave it a try for a year with him, while the rest of us begged to come home too, so the following year she brought us home. We definitely spent more time with our mom than our school-attending friends. Ok wow I didn't expect to write this novel. My baby is sleeping in my arms and I typed this on my iPhone so please forgive me for any spelling/grammar typos. Just giving my two cents on the subject. smile.gif
Cherry_Blossom likes this.

Wife to dh_malesling.GIF ; Mama to A (M/C at 16wks 2011) angel1.gif and love-of-my-life DD M (BORN May 2012) luxlove.gif and S (M/C at 7wks June 2013) angel1.gif and rainbow1284.gif Rainbow Baby due in April 2014 3rdtri.gifjoy.gif
h20homebirth.gifnovaxnocirc.giffly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.gif
philothea is offline  
#49 of 69 Old 04-29-2013, 09:33 AM
 
tooraloora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 309
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

There's no reason for big families to bother me. If a large family showed up on my doorstep and let 20 kids loose to wreck my garden, I might be bothered, but otherwise, it isn't my concern. I feel people should be able to do as they desire as long as they aren't infringing on anyone else's rights and freedom. If having a large number of children works for a certain family, kudos to them. Honestly, I really envy them. I'd secretely love a gigantic family, but it just isn't doable for us.

tooraloora is offline  
#50 of 69 Old 04-30-2013, 09:03 PM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,770
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 15 Post(s)

They do not bother me unless the kids are completely wild and off the wall and the parents stand around and do nothing... but then again, it bothers me to see ONE child completely wild and off the wall and his/her parents just standing around doing nothing... or worse, smiling like their little princess throwing a shoe across the room is just so precious!  eyesroll.gif

 

I have two children and my fiance has three.  We plan on having more children someday, but it's getting ridiculous the amount of people who look at us and all our kids and ask if we plan on having more (complete strangers) or express their concern because we already have enough (my Mom).


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
#51 of 69 Old 05-01-2013, 04:51 AM
 
mumm's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,630
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

O.K...Today they bothered me.

 

Seriously...if you have a huge family, you do not ALL need to shop at Walmart in one huge mass.  Honestly...give the kids some coupons and send them searching, you don't need to cling to each other like a small island lumbering through the store together.  Spread out.  

OMG!  This is me.  And I hate it.  I only have 4 kids but sometimes when we are in a store I feel like "Who are all these kids and why do they keep callimg me mom?"   My children have been told "Walk in front of the grocery cart or behind the grocery cart but not next to it" a bazillion times but we still end up like this huge mass walking down the aisle. 

 

But I'm not willing to send my 5 year old out wandering the store for beans (or socks, or whatever) alone for your comfort, sorry.


Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

mumm is offline  
#52 of 69 Old 05-01-2013, 08:23 AM
 
dalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,970
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumm View Post

OMG!  This is me.  And I hate it.  I only have 4 kids but sometimes when we are in a store I feel like "Who are all these kids and why do they keep callimg me mom?"   My children have been told "Walk in front of the grocery cart or behind the grocery cart but not next to it" a bazillion times but we still end up like this huge mass walking down the aisle. 

But I'm not willing to send my 5 year old out wandering the store for beans (or socks, or whatever) alone for your comfort, sorry.

HAHAHAHA! You tell 'em.

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
joy.gif

dalia is offline  
#53 of 69 Old 05-01-2013, 08:43 AM
 
mamabear0314's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,201
Mentioned: 20 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 389 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumm View Post

OMG!  This is me.  And I hate it.  I only have 4 kids but sometimes when we are in a store I feel like "Who are all these kids and why do they keep callimg me mom?"   My children have been told "Walk in front of the grocery cart or behind the grocery cart but not next to it" a bazillion times but we still end up like this huge mass walking down the aisle. 

But I'm not willing to send my 5 year old out wandering the store for beans (or socks, or whatever) alone for your comfort, sorry.

Right?

Single, student mama 
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
 to 3 boys 
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
 and loving every minute of it.

Any time scientists disagree, it's because we have insufficient data. Then we can agree on what kind of data to get; we get the data; and the data solves the problem. Either I'm right, or you're right, or we're both wrong. And we move on. That kind of conflict resolution does not exist in politics or religion.

-Neil deGrasse Tyson
mamabear0314 is offline  
#54 of 69 Old 05-01-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Escaping's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 659
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumm View Post

OMG!  This is me.  And I hate it.  I only have 4 kids but sometimes when we are in a store I feel like "Who are all these kids and why do they keep callimg me mom?"   My children have been told "Walk in front of the grocery cart or behind the grocery cart but not next to it" a bazillion times but we still end up like this huge mass walking down the aisle. 

 

But I'm not willing to send my 5 year old out wandering the store for beans (or socks, or whatever) alone for your comfort, sorry.

 

LOL I saw one guy solve this problem by using one cart for his kids and the other for their stuff! The kids cart has 2 littles in the seats and 2 bigs in the basket... He was pulling the cart full of kids behind him by the handles and the big kids were pulling the next cart behind them. When He picked something up, he handed it to the first kid who handed off to the next kid and the last one would drop it in the trailer cart ROTFLMAO.gif

The kids seemed to have a blast with their arrangement and it probably made everyone else's day to see it. I don't know if that's just something they were just doing for fun that day or that's how they normally shopped but it was cute either way.

inconditus likes this.
Escaping is offline  
#55 of 69 Old 05-07-2013, 05:07 PM
 
cynthia mosher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: The Motherland
Posts: 38,824
Mentioned: 46 Post(s)
Tagged: 1 Thread(s)
Quoted: 147 Post(s)

Just popping in to make sure you all saw our Mothers Day Contest. In addition to three Boba baby carriers we're giving a $300 dinner/spa package for one lucky mom. Contest ends in three days! Get the entry info here: https://www.mothering.com/community/t/1382508/let-mothering-and-boba-pamper-you-this-mothers-day/0_100 thumb.gif


cynthia mosher is offline  
#56 of 69 Old 05-08-2013, 11:04 AM
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 7,454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)

Thanks for bumping this thread, Cynthia! 

 

Do big families bother me?  Yes, that's my sincere reaction.  Understand that this isn't something that disgusts me and makes me furious. I don't dwell on it. But that's my honest answer to the original question.  I just don't think people should have lots of kids. I think it's well-intentioned selfishness. It's a drain on the whole world's resources.  You might think Family X with 6 kids minding their own business and living responsibly doesn't really make any difference. Don't kid yourself.  Every last human being uses the world's finite resources, and it's all relevant. Even if it's small, there's still that 'butterfly effect'.

 

But what about large families of adopted and foster kids?  Well, that's not what I'm referring to, obviously.  I praise those parents for the love, care and resources they're sharing. 

 

That said, I love getting together with my 3 siblings and their kids.  My dad is one of 6, my mom is one of 9, born decades before the Pill was invented, and I LOVED getting together with the wild horde that was my cousins. Holidays and summer camping trips were so much fun. 

 

When my mom was sick and dying I really appreciated that there were 4 of us to lean on.  Honestly, I feel a little sad that my 2 kids will have 'only' each other for support when dh and I get old and feeble. 

 

IMO I'm not being hypocritical. I can be a little sad that my kids don't have scads of cousins to make memories with. Or I can be worried, angry and frustrated that humans are sucking up resources faster than they can be replaced and that millions of humans suffer terribly because they don't have access to the same resources a minority of us do. 

 

Edited to add, about any particular economy suffering because of a shrinking population, that's simply something we need to address some other way, other than having more babies. We're smart, we can figure it out.

 

My concern is more for resources than the environment, but they're intertwined together, no doubt.


___________________________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
journeymom is offline  
#57 of 69 Old 05-08-2013, 11:26 AM
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 7,454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)

Specific to this:

 

 

Quote:
I feel like reproductive choices can only be made by those personally affected by those choices, so I don't really give big families any thought.

 

I believe that, too.  It's a personal decision. But I do give big families with a crowd of stick figures on the minivan some thought.  It comes down to, I wish people would choose not to have lots of kids.  That's all.  Similar to, I wish people would choose not to buy SUVs.   


___________________________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
journeymom is offline  
#58 of 69 Old 05-08-2013, 11:54 AM
 
Escaping's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 659
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post

Specific to this:

 

 

 

I believe that, too.  It's a personal decision. But I do give big families with a crowd of stick figures on the minivan some thought.  It comes down to, I wish people would choose not to have lots of kids.  That's all.  Similar to, I wish people would choose not to buy SUVs.   

 

I just wish people were smarter with the vehicles they chose... some people need SUVs... I'm one of them... and I have a gas-guzzling one at that. However, I only purchase at most about 500l (132gal) of fuel a year. I'm constantly getting attacked at the gas station by people who drive "Smart" cars but commute 100kms a day to work... that's about 10l of fuel a day, 50l a week and 500l in 10 weeks... I could also argue that I wish people wouldn't work so far away from their home, as they consume 5 times more fuel as I do with my SUV. I always plan my route and my days as efficiently as I can, live close to work and work from home as much as possible. I find that people with super efficient compact cars tend to drive way more because it costs them way less. If they need something from a store they just hop in the car and get it. If I need something, I put it on a list and wait to go out until I need a huge load of things. I only drive to stores when I know I need several things from them, and I have enough cargo space to carry everything home in one trip.... that's not WHY I need an SUV, but just an example of how it can be used more efficiently than a smaller vehicle.

Escaping is offline  
#59 of 69 Old 05-11-2013, 08:57 PM
 
KaliShanti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Lindale,TX
Posts: 2,284
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't think the size of the family matters one iota; it's the character of the family that counts. In fact, it seems to me, many of the bigger families I know have better relationships and harder work ethic.


Jesus-loving Doula/Birth Photographer Mama to Tor 4/2007, Zion 11/2009, Enoch 11/2011, and Zephyr due 12/13/2013

KaliShanti is offline  
#60 of 69 Old 05-11-2013, 11:59 PM
 
tracyamber's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4,267
Mentioned: 547 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 97 Post(s)

Love big families!

tracyamber is offline  
Reply

Tags
Family Planning , Family


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 1,171

12 members and 1,159 guests
Abigail1985 , airzatix3 , bimaster , emmy526 , idler , iryna.prokh , kathymuggle , KerriB , lauritagoddess , lmaraial57
Most users ever online was 21,860, 06-22-2018 at 09:45 PM.