Calling parents by their first name - what do you think? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 02:13 PM
 
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My kids call me mama or mom or mommy, but I guess I'm not that concerned about what they call me. If they started calling me by my first name, I'd wonder why, but I don't think it would bother me. It would just make me wonder why they'd started calling me by something else.
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#32 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 04:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post
 

 

It would be seen as bizarre for any of us kids to knock before entering my mother's home...this is the home we grew up in. Does your husband also knock before entering his dad's home? I can totally see given different circumstances why you would do that, but it certainly isnt a lack of respect if other's do not knock before entering the grandparents home....one might say it shows the closeness/comfort level/sense of familiarity with one another esp if one is talking about the childhood home. I think mostly its just a matter of recognizing that different families have different ways of doing things and doesnt need to have deeper meaning. I could totally see your FIL wondering to himself why you continue to knock despite him telling you repeatedly you dont have to. If anything you're putting him out by making him have to get up and answer the door. ;)

 

I knock at my parents' house too.  I didn't grow up in that house as they moved just about 7 years ago but I always knock before I walk in.  It's not my home.  I don't live there.  If they are expecting me already anyway, I knock or call "hello" loudly and walk in.  But I always alert them before I walk in.  I do the same at friends' houses.



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#33 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 04:55 PM
 
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To my children I am Mom, my husband is Dad.  My in-laws are Poppa and Grandma Firstname, my parents are Grandma and Grandpa Lastname.  To my friends' children I am Krista.  My children call other adults what they want to be called, any title or name.

 

My son went through a phase where he called us by our first names, but we just don't care.  It's my name, he can use it.  I don't call him Son all the time.

 

When I'm in a large group trying to get my mom's attention I'll call her by her first name.  My siblings and I figured that out when we were teens, and it's made life easier.

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#34 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by FarmerMomma View Post

I'm mom. My mom is Ginko because LO couldn't say grandma and was calling her mom. So a group decision was Ginko. She loves having a special name. Great grandma is called "Ginko with a stick", she has a cane and LO is in awe that she gets to take a stick with her everywhere she goes.

That is so adorable.
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Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma View Post

Yes that is what I meant.  One of the reasons for this is because a friend told their children to just call me by my first name, and those children were disrespectful towards me.  They were the only ones.  So in my experience, the Ms. or Mrs. does matter as far as behavior.  I could be reading too much into it, but I still prefer that sign of respect by other children.  I actually prefer Mrs. lastname.  I refer to all other adults as Mrs. lastname when talking about them to my children.  If an adult told me "oh they can call me by my first name!", I still wouldn't have them do it.  I just don't think it's appropriate, but I guess I'm kind of old-fashioned...in my 20's, but old-fashioned, lol. 

Everyone at my DD's school goes by their first names, including the teachers and administrators. There's no lack of respect, I can assure you.
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#35 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 05:13 PM
 
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I was saddened to see that the Montessori I attended as a child had switched from kids calling teachers by first name to miss first name. What happened? Are kids different? Did philosophies change?
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#36 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 05:41 PM
 
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i find it odd, impersonal and disrespectful to call parents by their first names! every culture on earth has a endearment term to address their parents, there must be a solid reason for it to have evolved so.

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#37 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 05:49 PM
 
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I was brought up calling my parents by their first names and I have an incredible amount of respect for them.  Just call my mother and ask her...ask for "Diana" :)

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#38 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 05:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post

That is so adorable.
Everyone at my DD's school goes by their first names, including the teachers and administrators. There's no lack of respect, I can assure you.

I forgot to add that my kids call me Mom or Mommy, except when we have done respite for kids that called me by my first name (my kids would go back and forth.) And my first grader will sometimes call me by my first name when I volunteer in her class.
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#39 of 69 Old 09-20-2013, 06:54 PM
 
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Nope, I'm old school and believe strongly in titles/forms of address.
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#40 of 69 Old 09-21-2013, 09:37 AM
 
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Our kids call us by our names. They just picked it up from other people calling us by our names. They use mommy and daddy as nicknames. We never encouraged it or discouraged it but I do like it. It shows that we're equals as human beings, all inherently worthy of respect. Also, if our kids were to get lost they'd know what our names are instead of just mommy/daddy (they're 4 and 2).

Even as an adult I'm not comfortable using my parents' names and that kinda bugs me. When I was growing up I had a couple friends who used their parents' names and it seemed so weird, but they were also the friends who had the best relationships with their parents. When they use our names there's not this us vs them mentality. Yes, I'm their parent but I'm not superior. I earn my respect by respecting them, not by enforcing that I be referred to by some title. I don't need to hold a status above my kids.


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#41 of 69 Old 09-21-2013, 09:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by reneekangaroo View Post
 

Our kids call us by our names. They just picked it up from other people calling us by our names. They use mommy and daddy as nicknames. We never encouraged it or discouraged it but I do like it. It shows that we're equals as human beings, all inherently worthy of respect. Also, if our kids were to get lost they'd know what our names are instead of just mommy/daddy (they're 4 and 2).

Even as an adult I'm not comfortable using my parents' names and that kinda bugs me. When I was growing up I had a couple friends who used their parents' names and it seemed so weird, but they were also the friends who had the best relationships with their parents. When they use our names there's not this us vs them mentality. Yes, I'm their parent but I'm not superior. I earn my respect by respecting them, not by enforcing that I be referred to by some title. I don't need to hold a status above my kids.

 

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#42 of 69 Old 09-21-2013, 10:43 AM
 
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I feel like I work hard for my title.  I'd not let my kids call me by my first name.  But other than for parents/grandparents I think first names are appropriate and easier to remember than Mr and Mrs ...


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#43 of 69 Old 09-21-2013, 01:35 PM
 
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My children are all under 6 and call us mommy and daddy.  When they get older it will evolve into mom and dad.  Older kids who still say mommy and daddy drive me bonkers.  They only have one grandma and one grandpa (my parents are NOT involved with them).  Great grandparents are Grandma (firstnames) and grandpa (lastnames).  IDK why but that was how my husband is raised so I just went with it.  I think it's a respect thing.  My husband and I worked hard for those titles, and we are going to get them! 

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#44 of 69 Old 09-21-2013, 02:15 PM
 
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I'm mommy/mama and DH is daddy/papa. I won't allow them to call me Megan or him Josh under my roof..
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#45 of 69 Old 09-21-2013, 02:19 PM
 
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I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to be called 'mom' for anything.

 

Generally they don't call me by my name. Except when dd is being a pill and quotes Stewie from Family Guy: "Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!"


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#46 of 69 Old 09-21-2013, 09:22 PM
 
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DS's father calls him "son" often. It's really finger nails on the chalk board to me. It seems like dad has to keep reminding him. He doesn't see him often so maybe this is making up for it? It feels like a power trip to me the way he uses it.
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#47 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 12:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by chrysanthemom View Post
 

i find it odd, impersonal and disrespectful to call parents by their first names! every culture on earth has a endearment term to address their parents, there must be a solid reason for it to have evolved so.

 

Do you know the reason or are you blindly following b/c that's how it's always been done?

 
My kids usually call me mommy, but I get called by my first name sometimes, especially when they're trying to get my attention.  I think it's really important for them to know my full name in case they ever get lost.

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#48 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 01:42 AM
 
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My kids call me Mama and their father Baba. They are teens now - I don't imagine that this will change, unless we some day become grandparents and we hear them referring to us in the 3rd person as "Grandma X" or "Grandpa Y".

 

I have no problem w/ other people having their own kids call them by their given names. I called my beloved step-father by his given name and I loved and respected him as much as my father who I called Dad. 

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#49 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 07:00 AM
 
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My son calls me goes between calling me mama, mom and honey. He picked up calling me Honey somewhere and I just love it so much. He did briefly go through a stage where he called me by my first name but I told him that mama was my special name that he called me, so could he call me that. But then he just started calling me honey. And I love it so much.
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#50 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 10:54 AM
 
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I would always call my parents Mom and Dad. I was in my pre-teens and teens in the 70s and some people had their children call them by their first names.  I certainly wasn't allowed to and my husband just laughed when I asked him about it. No way his parents would have allowed it, his parents had problems with the pronoun "he" or "she" when referring to one's parents, which I have never understood.

 

I just asked one of my daughters if anyone she knew called their parents by their first names and she said, "No, that's a 70s thing." LOL! She said some of her friends refer to their parents by their first names while talking about them, ("Brad and Janet want me home to help move the furniture") but she said, "It takes too much work do do that.... you have to think about it. Wait, they have names?"

 

I think there is an intimacy to calling someone Mom or Dad. (Or Mama and Papa, like our children do.) I think some sort of respect is there, too. But, it depends on the family and how they feel about it.
 


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#51 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 11:27 AM
 
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I've always had a hard time being called "Mrs. Hislastname." That's my mother in law! (Whom I call by her first name. I just can't call her "Mom" even though I love her, as she isn't my mom.) I prefer most of my kids' friends call me by my first name, but some of their parents forbid it, so I'm "Mrs.Hislastname" for them.

 

For very close friends my children call the adults "Aunt Hername" or "Uncle Hisname" as neither my husband nor I have any living sisters or brothers. I have step siblings, but it gets confusing so we all call each other by our first names. I do like being called "Auntie" by my "adopted nephews." 

 

My best friend's husband (then live in boyfriend) and she were over the day our oldest DD turned a year old. They stayed after the party, and we had this silly toy that the baby kept calling a "dog" while my friend's bf kept insisting was a "Pig." This went on for some time with her saying, "DOG" and his saying, "No, PIG!"  A few weeks later they came over and he walked in the house and our DD pointed at him and yelled "PIG!" So, he was Uncle Pig until the day he died a few years ago.  (Their son, our nephew is known as The Piglet, as is his daughter, who is "Little Piglet." We needed a funny name for my husband so we call him "Uncle Booger." Our oldest DD couldn't say my best friend's name, but she could say "Honey." So, she's been Auntie Honey for all my kids.

 

For some odd reason my other "adopted nephew" began calling me "Auntie Eggie" when he was a baby, because he couldn't say my name. I loved it, but he outgrew it when he got older.


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#52 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 12:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Honey693 View Post
 

 

Do you know the reason or are you blindly following b/c that's how it's always been done?

 
My kids usually call me mommy, but I get called by my first name sometimes, especially when they're trying to get my attention.  I think it's really important for them to know my full name in case they ever get lost.

 

your question is not clear. are you asking about the cultural evolution of addressing parents by a particular endearment term?

 

mine know both parents' first names (and last, too) and they know they are to use it when it is appropriate to do so. they do not get my attention by being rude.

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#53 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 08:01 PM
 
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Our DD calls us Mummy/Daddy or Mum/Dad or sometimes Mama.

Every once in a while she calls us by our first name. I wouldn't like it all the time. But it doesn't phase me when she does it.

She is 4 yrs old and knows our first and last names, her full name, her address and her birthdate.

She does not yet know our phone number.

 

We call my wife's parents Granny and Grandad. (our child is first grandchild).

My parents are Nanny and Grumpy. (there are four grandchildren before ours).

 

I call my in-laws by their first names. I sometimes call them Mum and Dad. But it seems weird to me. Although they like it.

 

I have a hard time not calling my wife Mama...because I have said it so many times to the kids.


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#54 of 69 Old 09-22-2013, 10:03 PM
 
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I call my parents by their first names, and my sister calls them Mom & Dad, it makes it kind of annoying sounding now when we talk with each other about them. DD started calling me by my first name for a while and I kept telling her that she should call me "Mama" instead. I actually wish I didn't call my parents by their names, so I made sure that I was Mama. I think it is just because when I was growing up I always felt like I was weird calling my parents by their names, and it got really annoying to explain it to everyone all the time. I felt strongly about being "Mama" to my kid. I have not problem with other people doing it, though. I just decided It wasn't what I wanted!

A little off topic but NOBODY ever says Mr/Ms where I live, we even called our teachers by their first names. If a friends parents had wanted me to call them Mr/Ms I would have thought it was so strange. If someone wanted my DD to call them Mr/Ms I would think they were on some weird power trip/ a snob, it would just be so strange. To me it seems kind of disrespectful to the kid, like "you aren't as old/ important as me, and you have to be reminded of it whenever you say my name".  My wife tells me that is just because I grew up in VT and live in a bubble surrounded by hippies, lol.

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#56 of 69 Old 09-23-2013, 02:41 PM
 
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i dont care either way. but dd calls me all sorts of things. mom being one of them. not by name. when dd was little and we were at the park i asked dd to call me by name coz i would have no clue as there are so many loud 'mom's flying around and they all sound so similar. 

 

my parents would not handle me calling them by their first name. 


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#57 of 69 Old 09-23-2013, 03:29 PM
 
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My 3-year-old son calls me Mom, Mama, Mommy, etc, but he usually calls my husband by his first name, except on rare occasions when he says Daddy instead. It's just something he started doing. I've had people tell me it's disrespectful and we should "correct" him, but it doesn't bother us. He's not doing it to be a brat or anything, he's just referring to his dad by the name he hears everyone else use.
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#58 of 69 Old 09-23-2013, 06:58 PM
 
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My kids know my full legal name, but they call me mom, and that's what I call my mother as well.

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#59 of 69 Old 09-23-2013, 09:22 PM
 
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Our kids call us by our names mainly because in order to teach them to call us mom or dad we would have had to refer to each other as such or speak about ourselves in the third person, both ideas I find to be pretty silly.They call me mom about as often as I call them child or son/daughter.

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#60 of 69 Old 09-23-2013, 09:58 PM
 
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Let's be really respectful of differences here, without letting negative terms creep into the conversation. 

 

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They call me mom about as often as I call them child or son/daughter.

I call my kids dearest, sweetest, sweetheart, my dear, young woman, young man, child of mine, daughter, daughter of mine, son, son of mine... others.


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