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#1 of 7 Old 10-07-2020, 08:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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bank account

What are your thoughts on sharing a joint bank account with your wife?


It seems that many conservative Christian men with happy marriages say that it’s best to live as one unit and that you shouldn’t be living with your property separately partitioned. That is not the way to have a successful and happy marriage. It should be “our” bank account. Mark Driscoll talks about this. If you don’t trust your wife and are constantly trying to keep property separate from her, then the marriage isn’t likely to succeed. If the property isn’t joined, the couple isn’t likely to stay joined.


On the other hand, the Red Pill community seems to understand a woman’s true nature. They say women like being subjugated. Women really can’t be trusted with money. I have heard so many horror stories about men getting screwed over by divorce courts. If you have a marriage license and she wants to divorce you, and you have a separate bank account, she will eventually be able to get to your bank account even if it’s separate, but it will take a while; she won’t be able to access it immediately, and will have more trouble paying a divorce lawyer up front. If the wife has access to your bank account, she can just take a bunch of money and then just run off with the kids. So it can accelerate a divorce. If you don’t have a marriage license, and you have sole access to your bank account, and you’re in a state that doesn’t recognize common law marriage or palimony, then the man is in an even better position. She won’t be able to touch your bank account. I am thinking that it may be better to just give your wife an allowance instead of sharing the bank account. An allowance could allow her to buy the items she needs, like groceries, household items, women’s clothing, kids’ items, etc… Denying your wife access to your bank account doesn’t mean you don’t love her; that is like saying you don’t love your 9-year-old child because you won’t let your child access your bank account. There are so many temptations and inducements for women offered by our legal system and our culture, and so much dishonesty or silence about that system, that in today’s world it may be wiser to just keep a separate bank account. It may be better to just let her know that you're in charge, you're the boss, and you'll make sure she's taken care of.


Any thoughts?
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#2 of 7 Old 10-07-2020, 08:11 AM
 
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I see no advantage to joint accounts. There are disadvantages though -- if one person screws up with the finances, both account holders' credit reports get dinged. If the relationship goes south, joint accounts can be a huge headache, as you suggest. Been married almost 20 years and have never had a joint bank account, but we consider the money in both accounts "our money." If money needs to be moved between accounts -- which happens sometimes -- it's easy enough to do freely and quickly. Joint accounts are a trap.
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#3 of 7 Old 10-07-2020, 08:12 AM
 
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For starters, any man should explain to his potential wife both viewpoints that you have outlined in the OP.

See what her take on the matter is, and then ask himself 'does that agree with my take on the matter?'

Of course, the question he must first ask himself is, 'do I have the correct take on the matter to begin with?'.

'Distrustful vs Prudent?' - how should that be answered?

I would offer this suggestion of 'compromise':

One family bank account, only accessible by the husband. Your wife would have to ask/be given the money, in cash, for every household expenditure (unless, for example, you want to do all the grocery shopping yourself), receipts being provided afterwards.

However, even a husband that is in 100% control of all the finances should respect his wife enough to let her see the bank-accounts and family budget-ledgers each month/paycheck, and encourage her feedback on these matters.
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#4 of 7 Old 10-07-2020, 08:13 AM
 
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Well, I think segregated bank accounts are much better. Not even out of consideration of who is in charge of the house, it's just more convenient (of course, if we're talking about a family in which both work). It's much easier to distribute money that way, I think. I have never used combined accounts, and to be honest, I am not going to. This applies not only to the bank. Even at work, I use many different accounts that I don't share with anyone. Often I buy myself new accounts from bestaccounts when I start a new project. Do you know the expression "fresh start"? I try to stick to it when I start a new project. Very convenient from a psychological point of view. All the same, let's get back to the main question. My wife and I have separate bank accounts, but we have access to each other's accounts. I can withdraw money from her account at any time, and she from mine. The point is that we trust each other, so I don't see any problem with that.
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#5 of 7 Old 10-07-2020, 08:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BearMonster17 View Post
Well, I think segregated bank accounts are much better. Not even out of consideration of who is in charge of the house, it's just more convenient (of course, if we're talking about a family in which both work). It's much easier to distribute money that way, I think. I have never used combined accounts, and to be honest, I am not going to. This applies not only to the bank. Even at work, I use many different accounts that I don't share with anyone. Often I buy myself new accounts from bestaccounts when I start a new project. Do you know the expression "fresh start"? I try to stick to it when I start a new project. Very convenient from a psychological point of view. All the same, let's get back to the main question. My wife and I have separate bank accounts, but we have access to each other's accounts. I can withdraw money from her account at any time, and she from mine. The point is that we trust each other, so I don't see any problem with that.
Well, sounds interesting..
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#6 of 7 Old 10-14-2020, 08:29 AM
 
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Sorry, but I don't believe anyone should be on *motheringdotcom* spouting talking points from the Red Pill misogynists.

Besides which, I think financial account management is something that belongs in the "Parents as Partners" forum, it's off-topic for the general "Parenting" forum. And if you search the forum you'll find this topic has come up before, without the Red Pill misogyny.
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#7 of 7 Old 10-17-2020, 04:26 AM
 
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I think its good to have a joint account is doesn't mean that you cannot have seperate accounts but that joint account can be for anything like your childs education money or house money and that kinda stuff so its good to have one but when both parties are willing to have it then and only then
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