If your child gets hurt? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you pick them up and cuddle with them? I'm mostly referring to babies and toddlers, like when they start crawling and walking. I've been told by plenty of people in r/l not to pick up my daughter and comfort her if she gets hurt, that it will spoil her, make her whiny, and make her fake or dramatize her injuries to get attention, something of that nature. Of course I do what my instinct tells me anyway, to pick her up and comfort her if she's really hurt. If she lands on her butt and doesn't make a sound I don't rush to her of course.

What do you think?
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#2 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:22 AM
 
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absolutely. my arms are open for my children ALWAYS. it does not matter if they are hurt, happy, sad, crying, laughing, clingy, tired.. they can always come to mama!

I feel this way they learn to be secure individuals. they know I am here for them inconditionally.
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#3 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:23 AM
 
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i absolutely comfort my 9 month old when he hurts himself. isnt that what mommies are for???
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#4 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:26 AM
 
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What loving-my-babies said
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#5 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:27 AM
 
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Trust your instincts!!
I read in a book (which one??) something like: your child will eventually find out that sometimes people hurt and noone will come to comfort or help them. But your child should not learn that because of your inaction.
Trust your instincts!!
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#6 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:30 AM
 
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My dd is 5 yrs old... and i still comfort her... and did when she was a baby... now she needs less comforting and more of a kiss on the boo boo to make it feel better and about 3 seconds later she is playing..

i dont consider that whiny, faking, or spoiled...

always trust your own motherly instincts.. u know whats best for you and your babe..

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#7 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:31 AM
 
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I will always hug my child if they get hurt. The only reason that children fake things *to get attention* is because they never got any or get any now.

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#8 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:53 AM
 
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Oh, yes. I always comfort my kids. No matter why they are crying, they are still crying and need some comfort. I often find myself comforting my 6 yo dd after being the one to cause her upset to begin with.

Your on the right track, trust your instincts.
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#9 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 12:53 AM
 
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Well, I'm 32 years old, and my dh comforts me if I get hurt, so I figure it must be okay to comfort my 3yo!
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#10 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 01:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's so nice to talk to some moms who have the same parenting philosophy as I do
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#11 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 01:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hipmamawnc
I often find myself comforting my 6 yo dd after being the one to cause her upset to begin with.
I do this too! I don't like making my kids cry, so the hug is for them AND for me!

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#12 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 01:35 AM
 
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The way I see it, if you DON'T comfort and hug your child when s/he gets hurt, s/he is more likely to dramatize or fake injuries because they're longing for attention, kwim? If my son falls down and scrapes his knee I don't freak out and make a huge deal out of it, because I don't want him to think something is horribly wrong. But I will cuddle him, comfort him, and kiss his booboo if applicable.

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#13 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 01:36 AM
 
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I have 2 really tough little boys, 3 y. & 21 mos. and people always comment on how they don't cry when they wipe out; ie. stumble, trip, fall,e tc. BUT...I am always right there to comfort them if they need or want it. I can tell by their cry if it's a "real" owie or just an annoyed one; ie. darn, I stumbled on this root. : What they'll usually do at this point, is stand up, brush off, laugh and come over and present the injured part for a kiss.
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#14 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 01:38 AM
 
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I always run to my dd when she falls and cries (of when she cries in general). What makes me sad is she is a "hold me.. but don't touch me!!" kind of baby when she's hurt. She will cry and put up her arms to me, I pick her up and try to hold her close to comfort her and she pushes me away. She doesn't want the hugs, just the pick up I guess

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#15 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 01:45 AM
 
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Yes, I *always* comfort my daughter when she hurts. If she topples over from standing or sitting, we'll often clap and exclaim "hooray!" and if she laughs, she's ok. If she starts to cry or whimper at all I pick her up and cuddle her immediately.
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#16 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 01:48 AM
 
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My girl is a pretty tough cookie. There's been plenty of times she's done something that's made me wince and ask if she's okay, but she always hops right up. When she was smaller I had to break myself from telling her "ooooh, you're tough, don't cry" I don't know why I always said that, but I made the connection that I wasnt validating the fact that sometimes it does hurt, regardless of how "tough" you are, and darnit (!) it's okay to cry. So I decided to make an effort to stop saying that.
I've pretty successfully broken myself of saying it to her, so I don't think I'll have any issues w/Connor.
I feel for the kids who get told they're crybabies or "that didnt hurt."
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#17 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 02:10 AM
 
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I guess i don't run to them unless I suspect there may be a real injury. I usually hold back a little and see if they are hurt and how much. I have a friend who gushed over her dd every bump and tumble wether she needed it or not and I swear she went into a fitone day because she bumped her hand on a pillow and I didn'tjump up to kiss her owie. I can see how that would get really old (well it did and I only had her two days a week). I would never deny my child comfort if they needed it but I don't assume they need it either. Also I comfort them as they need comforting. If thier pride is hurt I will direct my comfort to that instead of an owie. I try to remain upbeat and encouraging so that they don't assume they are always hurt just because they fell or something. When they fall rather than saying "ouch, did that hurt" I will say "boom, wow! are you alright" or just "kaboom! that was quite a landing! hop back up" My oldest one taught me a lot about not over reacting. As I ran one day to kiss her owie she quick planed a smack on her scrape and said "don't worry mommy, I've got it, stay where you are at . . . . " and another time when she was older she wrecked her bike. ran into a stop sign, completely mangeld herself. And as i was trying to comfort her she pushed me aside and said "get out of my, Sally is getting too far ahead of me I have ot catch up . . . . "

So I guess I hang around in the middle. If they are carrying on I reassure them that they are Ok and they will live and it will stop hurting by tomarrow and if it doesn't we will try something else. usually they go right on playing.

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#18 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 03:45 AM
 
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Unless my children cry, I leave them be. I figure they will let me know if they need me. Of course if they are crying I pick them up and cuddle them, but if they fall, get up, brush themselves off and go back to what they were doing, I leave them alone.
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#19 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 06:27 AM
 
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Definately. That's what I am here for, to comfort him and kiss his boo boos. It will not spoil him. My parents did it for me. Dh's parents however did not, they never showed affection in fear of "spoiling" him and he is still messed up.

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#20 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 07:13 AM
 
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I rush to DS when and if he needs me to. If I ran to comfort him every single time he fell or bumped into something that is all I would be doing. He is always falling and stumbling and hurting himself!

I usually hold back unless I know it was something really big and he really got hurt. So if he falls off his bike I wait to see if he just picks himself up again and keeps going. Sometimes he comes to me when he needs a hug and kiss to make the ouchie better. And if it is a big fall or stumble I am right there scooping him up.

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#21 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 09:30 AM
 
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I sure do!
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#22 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 09:47 AM
 
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When they're really little, I run to them right away and pick them up. As they get a bit older, I try to judge the situation and discern what they would want me to do. But usually, they do want to be picked up and cuddled.

My much older kids sometimes do and sometimes don't. Dd usually does (and she's 14) - not that I pick her up, she's my size. Ds#1 frequently just wants to be by himself for a few minutes and will push me away - so I try not to intrude. But if he's bleeding, he wants me.

ETA: I say she's my size but I really mean that she's my height. I probably have 50 pounds on her. Accuracy......
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#23 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 10:12 AM
 
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Absolutely! My job first and foremost is protector and comforter.
I do not understand how a person can see a child hurting and crying and NOT want to comfort them. It's beyond me. ( And this is coming from someone who was not always an AP momma.)
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#24 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 10:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
When they fall rather than saying "ouch, did that hurt" I will say "boom, wow! are you alright" or just "kaboom! that was quite a landing! hop back up"
I do this, too. I always wait for dd's reaction to see what *her* take on it is before I run over (unless it's something that obviously hurt). Lots of times she's more startled by what happened than hurt, so I give her a second to get her bearings and then say "Did that surprise you, honey?" and then give her a hug.
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#25 of 27 Old 08-17-2004, 04:50 PM
 
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nak

for the average thump or bump, i say, "woop!" and watch him. if he seems upset i ask if he'd like a hug. if he really takes a header or seems to have "mangled" himself (:LOL lilyka) of course i don't wait around, i go check him out, i offer sympathy. but i've made it a habit not to sound upset myself or gasp or anything, just matter-of-fact reassurance & love.

i remember some cheesy old western novel i read that had an "indian" mom, grandma, & toddler. the toddler fell and the mother rushed after him right away. the grandma caught her arm & stopped her. the mother said, "i have to see if he's hurt!" and the grandma told her, "no, *he* has to figure that out first."
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#26 of 27 Old 08-27-2004, 01:10 AM
 
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I usually say "oh dear!What happened there?"
It lets her know Im here and attentive, and it gives me a few seconds to judge her reaction to whatever just happened.
I will never deny her hugs,cuddles and kisses when she needs them. I think it lays a great foundation for caring and compassion.

The child that I watch daily sadly doesnt get that reaction from either of her parents- her mom says "oh,your okay" and gives her food, her dad laughs unless he hurts himself,then he plays it up and acts all sad and gets his dd to kiss it better :
He laughed at my dd twice when she had hurt herself. The first time I explained to him why laughing at pain is no good, and the second time I actually reprimanded him-I felt so dumb chastising another adult. He sat silently next time dd hurt herself and cried.
I give thier dd the same attention for hurts my dd gets, and at first she completely resisted being held, but now she comes looking for the sympathy and compassion
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#27 of 27 Old 08-27-2004, 03:32 AM
 
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I usually ask if they want mmmy to pick them up or kiss it or whatever. yana will tell you what she wants you to do, morissa will reach to be picked up. but yes, I do some kind of cuddling.
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