What do you think?
I feel this way they learn to be secure individuals. they know I am here for them inconditionally.
I read in a book (which one??) something like: your child will eventually find out that sometimes people hurt and noone will come to comfort or help them. But your child should not learn that because of your inaction.
Trust your instincts!!
i dont consider that whiny, faking, or spoiled...
always trust your own motherly instincts.. u know whats best for you and your babe..
Your on the right track, trust your instincts.
Originally Posted by hipmamawnc
I often find myself comforting my 6 yo dd after being the one to cause her upset to begin with.
Baby #6: 20****25****30****35**** - EDD December 17, 2010
I spend my days : : and seeing how many smilies I can fit in my siggy.
I've pretty successfully broken myself of saying it to her, so I don't think I'll have any issues w/Connor.
I feel for the kids who get told they're crybabies or "that didnt hurt."
So I guess I hang around in the middle. If they are carrying on I reassure them that they are Ok and they will live and it will stop hurting by tomarrow and if it doesn't we will try something else. usually they go right on playing.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
Mama to a teen and tween
I usually hold back unless I know it was something really big and he really got hurt. So if he falls off his bike I wait to see if he just picks himself up again and keeps going. Sometimes he comes to me when he needs a hug and kiss to make the ouchie better. And if it is a big fall or stumble I am right there scooping him up.
My much older kids sometimes do and sometimes don't. Dd usually does (and she's 14) - not that I pick her up, she's my size. Ds#1 frequently just wants to be by himself for a few minutes and will push me away - so I try not to intrude. But if he's bleeding, he wants me.
ETA: I say she's my size but I really mean that she's my height. I probably have 50 pounds on her. Accuracy......
I do not understand how a person can see a child hurting and crying and NOT want to comfort them. It's beyond me. ( And this is coming from someone who was not always an AP momma.)
Originally Posted by lilyka
When they fall rather than saying "ouch, did that hurt" I will say "boom, wow! are you alright" or just "kaboom! that was quite a landing! hop back up"
for the average thump or bump, i say, "woop!" and watch him. if he seems upset i ask if he'd like a hug. if he really takes a header or seems to have "mangled" himself (:LOL lilyka) of course i don't wait around, i go check him out, i offer sympathy. but i've made it a habit not to sound upset myself or gasp or anything, just matter-of-fact reassurance & love.
i remember some cheesy old western novel i read that had an "indian" mom, grandma, & toddler. the toddler fell and the mother rushed after him right away. the grandma caught her arm & stopped her. the mother said, "i have to see if he's hurt!" and the grandma told her, "no, *he* has to figure that out first."
It lets her know Im here and attentive, and it gives me a few seconds to judge her reaction to whatever just happened.
I will never deny her hugs,cuddles and kisses when she needs them. I think it lays a great foundation for caring and compassion.
The child that I watch daily sadly doesnt get that reaction from either of her parents- her mom says "oh,your okay" and gives her food, her dad laughs unless he hurts himself,then he plays it up and acts all sad and gets his dd to kiss it better :
He laughed at my dd twice when she had hurt herself. The first time I explained to him why laughing at pain is no good, and the second time I actually reprimanded him-I felt so dumb chastising another adult. He sat silently next time dd hurt herself and cried.
I give thier dd the same attention for hurts my dd gets, and at first she completely resisted being held, but now she comes looking for the sympathy and compassion
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