Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: West Papio Creek Trail
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Ok, my disclaimer is that I totally get that I'm being somewhat unreasonable. But I am so angry and disappointed I'm actually crying, which I rarely do.
Our family is outgrowing our home. We have a 900sf two-bedroom condo, and we need more space. I am in grad school and WAH (I'm done with classes.) I have no private space or place to leave out books or whatever I'm working on. We have four rooms and two small children. I am going crazy trying to keep things somewhat neat... every time there's anything going on like a craft or a puzzle or a game it is in the middle of the only space we have (shared LR/DR.)
So somewhat against dh's inclinations we have been looking for another place. For the second time today, he has totally sandbagged me on another condo. The space is *perfect* for us, it needs a little work but not much, they came down significantly on the price, it's in the mid-range of what we're approved for mortgage wise... and dh decided at the last minute that we just can't afford it.
I am feeling so humiliated and angry ... our realtor is someone I like and respect and I feel like he's witnessing me get treated like I am powerless and have no voice in our family decisions. I make no money. I feel like dh is my parent or something - he can veto whatever I want. I put *hours* of time into research, viewing places, getting our place ready to put on the market, etc. I feel like I've dragged our realtor into some ugly marital stuff and now I'm embarrassed to even speak with him.
I think dh never wanted to move and just waited until the last minute to avoid having to actually talk with me about it. I am now back to having no place to work. We can't really have people over in the way that I'd like to because there's just no room. I'm not going to have a party for ds's first birthday because our home is just too small. I hate living like this - I'm lonely.
I just feel powerless and also like I'm being petty and stupid.
And damn it, I'm stuck here
Can't give up actin' tough, it's all that I'm made of. Can't scrape together quite enough to ride the bus to the outskirts of the fact that I need love. ~ Neko Case