SAHMs-how do you divide household work? - Mothering Forums

Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 11:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
liawbh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: got the boo-less blues
Posts: 2,805
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wondering how much household stuff your husbands do?

Besides the housecleaning, I do the banking, bill-paying, recycling, and flower beds. Plus I'm the one that keeps track of which weekends we have the kids here, birthdays, etc.

So that leaves him with work, maintaining the cars, and the lawn (only does that all the time since I've been pregnant.). Oh, and any projects he has (right now he's making loft beds for the kids), but I don't think those should count, since my knitting doesn't.

Now DH says he wants me to make the tax appointment, and his dentist appointment.

Is this part of being the SAHM?
liawbh is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 12:34 PM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My husband does at least half of the housework and usually more. I am taking care of our daughter when he is at work. They are both jobs as such, so we don't see a reason why the rest of the household work should not be divided evenly.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
#3 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 12:43 PM
 
onthemove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NW BC
Posts: 1,069
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
dh does the bill paying along with working, yard maintenance, and he does most of the cooking(dinner) and takes care of his own appointments.
onthemove is offline  
 
#4 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 12:59 PM
 
mamalisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Germantown WI
Posts: 8,323
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
We both do our own "stuff" like dr's appts, car repairs, things like that. He takes care of all things involving money, bill paying, taxes, ect. I do the household stuff, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, ect. He helps out with household type things when I ask, but doesn't think of them on his own usually Heck, he tried to vacuum a few weeks ago and couldn't figure out how to turn it on

I have a lot more free time than he does. He travels and drives a lot so a normal 8 hour day can take him 12. It doesn't leave him with a lot of time, energy or inclination to cook or clean anything. I would rather he spend his free time with ds rather than cleaning the bathroom. I see ds all the time he doesn't. This doesn't mean that I don't occasionally toss a fit about his lack of helping around here though :
mamalisa is offline  
#5 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 01:39 PM
 
bebe luna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 2,260
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It depends on the time of year.
From April to October my dh runs a very time consuming business. He leaves for work around 6AM and often isn't home until 7PM, sometimes 8. During this time, I do most the household chores: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. He hires someone to mow the lawn for us. We do financial stuff together. He will take out the trash and occassional dishes.

During the winter months he is around a lot more and we take turns cooking meals and taking out the trash. He does the laundry and dishes. I usually do the sweeping/mopping/dusting. I get the younger ds ready for bed, he helps our older ds w/ pj's and brushing teeth. We also take turns buying groceries, and share financial responsibilities.
bebe luna is offline  
#6 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 03:04 PM
 
mountain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: closer to fine
Posts: 1,844
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is a really timely topic for me. I started a thread in this forum about resenting your partner for having all the responsibilty at home.

I'm not an expert in this field. We bought a restaurant & turns out it requires A LOT of time to make a profit...he is gone 8-10 pm on Tues, Thurs, Fri & SAt, 8-3 on Mon & Wed, home Sundays.

On Sundays sometimes he'll do some dishes or try to fix our VW :LOL But most of the restaurant is now on him (I used to do 1/2 but got chronically exhausted)...and the house has always been on me...then I feel guilty b/c he works hard at the restaurant & such long hours, why do I feel so resentful...then I'm pissed because I'm on my own so much...then I feel guilty for the kids hardly seeing their dad...ugh...

I feel like I'm living a feminist nightmare...but my kids are young, and we are selling the restaurant (soon I hope) so I'm looking at reevaluating our work in a bit...

interested to see everyone's experience.
mountain is offline  
#7 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 03:24 PM
 
Ragana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 2,460
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 98 Post(s)
Hope you don't mind me chiming in. I am a full-time WAHM and DH is the full-time SAHD. This is a simmering bone of contention for us - usually whenever one of us is overtired, it flares up. When we're both pretty well rested, it's really not a problem, because I feel that we share as fairly as we can. The whole burden does fall on my husband when I have to work overtime, though, which he doesn't like, but I'm a freelancer, so it does happen. For the most part, our arrangement works well.

DH takes care of our 2 DDs, does most of the household cleaning, most laundry, appointments, car-related stuff, snow shoveling and gardening, dinner dishes, and takes care of their lunch. I work full-time and do breakfast dishes, usually make breakfast and dinner, do the grocery shopping, pay/keep track of bills, take care of the pets, some cleaning and some laundry. We trade off putting the girls to bed. I take them out on Saturday, and he takes most of the day off.

I agree with the poster who said that we both have jobs and the household work should be shared.

Mom "D"
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
to DD1 "Z" (17)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
and DD2 "I" (13)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DH "M"
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ragana is offline  
#8 of 40 Old 02-24-2005, 03:39 PM
 
Lucky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Cool dry place away from direct sun
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In the begining, when we were first married w/baby, I used to fume over the fact that if I didn't do housework, it didn't get done. Dh is not messy, so I didn't need to pick up after him,...but the laundry, cooking, dishes, shopping, general house cleaning...Dh just didn't do it.

Now, I actually do all of it and more...garden, pets, 3 kids. It's tiring, sometimes, and overwhelming, sometimes, but it's part of what I do and who I am. I run the house, and all that is implied by that.

What about dh...? Dh runs his own business and works 6 days a week. When he's home I like to hang-out w/him and the kids.

It just makes life easier and happier for everyone in my home.
Lucky is offline  
#9 of 40 Old 02-25-2005, 12:00 AM
 
velcromom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: N. Ca Sierra Nevada
Posts: 4,977
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH does dishes, helps frequently to pick up clutter, and once in a while will do some laundry or vacuum. He handles all the outside stuff and get us going on the bigger housekeeping things like taking all the sleeping bags and comforters to the laundromat (where he does most of the work!) and big projects like that. He leaves the basic housecleaning, such as floors, dusting, bathroom cleaning (except for mildew control, that's his jurisdiction) and 99.9% of the family's laundry to me, in addition to shopping and cooking dinner most nights. He doesn't complain if I get behind, he just says, hey, let's all pitch in and tackle this. He does a lot of landscaping work when the weather is nice so a lot of times he works all day even on his days off. But he is always willing to try to help when I ask for it.
velcromom is offline  
#10 of 40 Old 02-25-2005, 12:41 AM
 
Meli65's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: the town where rock lives
Posts: 2,138
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dh was a horrible domestic partner when we first got together -- I was rereading old journals recently about how angry I'd get when we'd both come home form work and I'd make dinner, do the laundry, and pay the bills, while he sat on the couch and watched TV

I guessed I whipped him into shape That being said, as the SAHM I still do most of the housework, most of the grocery shopping, all of the bill-paying and all of the "life-scheduling" (which mostly amounts to me nagging him to get the oil changed on his car, schedule a physical, etc. -- I hate it). He cooks dinner a lot, almost always does dishes if I cook dinner, and handles (poorly) the outside work -- he grew up in a house where his mother (who worked FT) did everything including the yard work, while his father went to gun shows or to the dojo to practice karate. Ugh.

He is a very hands-on dad though -- more so than anyone I know in real life. He gives ds a bath every night and totally takes him off my hands (sorry to say so, but that's how it feels lately) as soon as he gets home from work at night.
Meli65 is offline  
#11 of 40 Old 02-25-2005, 12:51 AM
 
lauraess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: creamery, pa
Posts: 3,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He does dishes about one third of the time since im home for breakfast, some lunches, snacks-- that can be plenty of dishes.
He does some laundry maybe once a week when im not 'caught up" with it (will I ever be?)
he fixes things - we live in an old old house
He does the car stuff
He mows in the summer
He picks up some dog poop
He plows in the winter when it snows
He takes care of any problem for the renter upstairs
He trims the dogs nails
He cleans the dogs ears
He does the bills and checkbook balancing
This is all good-----But honestly I'd LOVE FOR HIM TO CLEAN THE D%^& TOILET SOMETIME!!!!!!
~L
lauraess is offline  
#12 of 40 Old 02-25-2005, 01:07 AM
 
becca011906's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,086
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh lets see... i'm not a full time sahm anymore, i work about 10 hours a week outside the home and another 10 from home, but he works 45+ hours a week as 911 disbatcher on the night shift and a volenteer firedept. Since i've only been really work for this past week (first 3 weeks were 2 days of training), it's hard to say what will happen in the weeks to come...
but for now, i do all the house work and child care, dishes, vacuuming, moping, bathrooms, ect. I do all the childcare, such as bathing, feeding, changing clothes, picking up toys... I do all my gardening in the summer. I water all three dogs in the AM (2 outside full time, 1 inside/outside dog). I take the trash out daily and to the end of the drive weekly. I do all the cooking unless dh gets ambisious and will cook out on the grill durring the summer time.

ok now to what dh does, he does all the mowing of the yards are the major house fit up stuff, ie he replaced my dishwash and dryer, re did the floor by the door way in hard wood, fixed out electrical problems (all in the past 2 weeks), he feeds and waters the dogs ever evening b4 he leaves for work at 7pm, takes the cars to get worked on (not much of a machanice to speak of), and will take the dogs to the vet and make his own appointments.

what we do together or take turns doing is bill paying, shopping for weekly grosheries, caring for our large garden....

seems ok with us.... i don't mind most of the time.
becca011906 is offline  
#13 of 40 Old 02-25-2005, 02:27 AM
 
earthenware's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 782
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, let me preface this by saying that this is not my idea of a happy division of labor but for the most part it works for us. Occasionally it does not and the explosion can be heard for miles around.

DH works alot of hours, 7 days a week. He is gone at 5:30am and is often not home until 7:00pm or later. He is usually asleep around 8:30. If the weather is unsuitable for working he will be home earlier but *trying not to use profanity here* because he works so much he feels that this free time belongs to him and him alone so it's not like this is time he feels like doing laundry or whatever. His last 2 week pay period he had one-hundred-and-eighty-seven hours. I try to tell him that I work every hour he works but he just doesn't get it. Maybe one day I will come unglued and he will see the light!!

what he does:
work many, many long hours
bath with DS if he is home in time (literally, sits in the tub while I bring and then retrieve the baby)
big projects (like laying sod or building a workbench in the garage)

what I do:
98% of childcare
100% of daily household stuff (meals/cleaning/laundry/maintenance)
grocery shopping (also, going for anything else we need anywhere else)
financial stuff (bill paying, banking)
car stuff (washing,checking fluids,tire pressure,scheduling maintenance, etc)
outside stuff (shoveling snow, cleaning dog poop, etc)
personal assistant type errands (calling for his doctor's appts/ insurance/ taking his change to the bank, etc, etc, etc... this one drives me INSANE!)
social graces (i buy, sign, and send out cards for *all* of our family's birthdays, buy gifts for all occasions (even for his mom for mother's day ) and keep track of weddings and other events we are invited to. Basically, I keep people in our lives from hating us and thinking we are rude.)

Wow, I'm actually surprised, now that I write it out, that we are still together!
In his defense, he really isn't home much so even if I wanted to wait for him to do something, I'd be waiting a loooong time. I think at this point I have my own system and my own way of doing things and I don't think I'd like for him to mess with it!
earthenware is offline  
#14 of 40 Old 02-25-2005, 11:44 AM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,396
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do pretty much all the housework and banking/bill paying. He does most of the outside work. We pretty much split the snow shovelling. I come up with the ideas, he carries them out :LOL He does all the investing stuff.
Irishmommy is offline  
#15 of 40 Old 02-25-2005, 03:26 PM
 
PadmaMorgana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Where the snowflakes are paper
Posts: 2,526
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Let's see:

DH :
empties dishwasher and loads it occasionally (and always wrong :LOL )
pays bills
makes his own appointments (he has to do them around meetings and I am not psychic)
recycling & garbage collection, including dog poop collection
changes diapers when he is home
he will vaccume, dust, clean bathrooms *IF* I ask him to and will fold laundry if I dump it beside him
mows lawn
garden stuff
snow shovelling (the 1 or 2 times a year it snows)
all the 'handy' stuff-installing blinds, floors, fixing holes, painting, changing lightbulbs.....

I:
Take care of the kids 90% of the time
Laundry
clean bathrooms
vaccume & mop
clean kitchen and do dishes
dust (rarely )
make appointments for kids
take kids to playdates, appointments and speech therapy
take dog to vet
make the car appointments (but we all go to them, it is an hour away for servicing)
shopping....I do groceries with the kids, we do household stuff as a family, DS looooves Home Depot

It works out to about 70/30 or maybe 60/40. He does alot around here and does it without complaining
PadmaMorgana is offline  
#16 of 40 Old 02-27-2005, 08:19 PM
 
malibusunny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 525
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
it constantly changes... basically, i always do the finances and everything else is flexible. we do 99% of the shopping together. i do 95% of family laundry but he always does his own work clothing. he takes care of garbage and car maintenance. i do whatever i can in terms of cooking and cleaning and he picks up the slack.

as we speak he is doing dinner prep while i nurse the babeling.

i'm pretty lucky, but we also do not have a neat house by any definition.
malibusunny is offline  
#17 of 40 Old 02-27-2005, 08:25 PM
 
lynchmon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Caleeforneea
Posts: 324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Since being a SAHM does mean that I work too, just like him, we split the household chores. I expect him to pick up after himself. I pick up after DS and the dog. He takes care of the cats and feeding them. I take care of the dog and feeding her. We both do the laundry. We both do grocery shopping. If I cook dinner, he does the dishes. We have someone come in and clean every two weeks. We are so lucky to have that. It takes a lot of stress off the situation.
lynchmon is offline  
#18 of 40 Old 02-28-2005, 04:15 PM
 
MoMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Missouri
Posts: 662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm a SAHM, dh works about 70 hours a week. He

does all the car stuff
mows the lawn
shovels the snow
takes out the trash
pays bills, does taxes
fixes various things around the house

I

do all the housework and laundry
do all the shopping
do all of the appointments, errands, etc.
do all the cooking
take care of dd

He plays with dd tons when he's home but never changes diapers, gives baths, or anything like that so it all falls on me. Sometimes I feel like this is a fair arrangement because he works so hard and I get to stay home but sometimes I feel like I'm getting ripped off. Depends on the day, I guess.
MoMommy is offline  
#19 of 40 Old 02-28-2005, 09:34 PM
 
Amys1st's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 8,322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm a SAHM but I work several hours a week (I think its about 100 or so! but all sahm's do!) I just don't get a pycheck for it. But DH works 45 hours weekly at his clinic. He works late 3 nights a week and is home early two days a week at 2pm. Its a great schedule for us since he is here with us and we get stuff done.
in BC (before child)
I did:
all laundry, groceries, cleaning except bathroom, lawn care, scheduling, gifts etc, errands, appts, etc, cooking and clean up 1/2 time- he other half
He did:
DIY projects around our house, bill paying, trash, cooking, gardening w me.

When I was nursing a newborn, he had to pick up the slack. I finally said about 3 weeks into it- if you see a laundry basket full of clothes fold em and put away, clean up dishes etc since I cannot get to it for a few weeks. He did get up with me in the night and bring our DD to me to nurse after he changed her. Or he would get her, put her at my breast and go back to sleep- both were great. He did everything I would for her but of course BF.

Now almost 3 years later-
I do laundry (love it though don't ask why ), dishes 80% of time, dinner 80% of time, bill paying - this is something I took over since I was in the dark over it. Now I know where our money goes we are much happier. DD is with me most of the time, but he is a great hands on Dad and she is an extension of us. She goes along with what we are doing- whether working on a remolding, cooking etc. She stands along side "painting" with water or stiring flour in a bowl etc. DH still cleans the bathroom. I dust when I notice its gross, clean the kitchen, do meal planning, groceries etc.

He takes care of car appts, I do lawn care, we all do gardening, we share bath duties and tucking in duties. But dinner time, he is in charge of DD eating and is awesome at it.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
Amys1st is offline  
#20 of 40 Old 02-28-2005, 09:42 PM
 
BlueStateMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: New England
Posts: 3,329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do the vast majority of the housework, but DH and I are completely equal co-parents (actually, he takes over most of DS's care...diapering, bathing, etc. when he is home.) For us, my taking care of the house *is* my job (obviously, in addition to mothering DS)...he works all day outside of the house and I work all day *inside* of the house. If I want/need help with anything, I ask and he gladly pitches in. For me, though, I construe cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc as my "housework"...it does NOT include picking up after DH (clothes go in the hamper, his dishes go into the dishwasher, etc.) I'm not his maid, and he "gets" that.

On the weekends, though, he'll naturally help when he sees me doing "chores" or asks what he can do.

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

BlueStateMama is offline  
#21 of 40 Old 02-28-2005, 09:42 PM
 
julielenore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do most of the indoor stuff, but dh does the supper dishes most nights so I can relax . If there is something that I have overlooked, like if the dust is piling up and it is bothering him, he will do it as well.
julielenore is offline  
#22 of 40 Old 02-28-2005, 09:52 PM
 
BlueStateMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: New England
Posts: 3,329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
but dh does the supper dishes most nights so I can relax
Same here..hence my chatting with y'all right now. Clean up after dinner is his job - I go off duty around 7

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

BlueStateMama is offline  
#23 of 40 Old 02-28-2005, 10:09 PM
 
flminivanmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 6,971
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do it all. I didn't always - dh and I used to divide things pretty evenly - no one had assigned chores we just worked it out well.... but now he works 6 days a week form about 8:45 am to about midnight :yawn

It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that he wasn't going to do any work around the house between midnight and 8:30 am (not sure why? )

now that I finally realized "if I don't do it nobody will" I decided to make it easier by giving myself certain jobs on certain days.... laundry monday, bills tuesday, bathroom wednesday, etc.

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

flminivanmama is offline  
#24 of 40 Old 03-01-2005, 01:24 AM
 
MandyWelch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Al
Posts: 97
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is a huge hot-spot for me as well . Dh works a reg 40hr week with the occasional Saturday but he has to leave at 5am to be there early enough to get a free parking space. He's home between 4 and 7 most evenings. I stay at home during the week and I work 2 12 hr shifts on Fri and Sat night.

Even though I work 24 hrs a week I am expected to do the housework, cleaning, shopping, appt making, banking/bill paying and care for our 3 children - ages 5, 3 and nearly 6 months :. Dh does the yard work and dog care. If I ask him to do something such as fold a load of laundry or bathe the kids, he'll do it. On occasion he will take it upon himself to make dinner but he never cleans up after himslef. When I work on the weekends he will on occasion clean the kitchen or do a load of laundry.

I am very bitter about the way things are split and our relationship is suffering terribly. It doesn't help that he is not the most hands-on father either. His work is very physically demanding and he just doesn't have much energy for play when he comes home. He will play outside with them maybe 1 day a week and never takes them to the park. His excuse is that we have a playground in our backyard. Well sometimes it's fun to go to the park and play on different equipment with new kids. I don't think he has ever taken them all grocery shopping, yet if I call him and ask him to pick up something at the store he immediately asks why I haven't done it as I have had ALL DAY.

My housework is suffering as well. I just don't have the energy to clean like I should because I feel so defeated. Dh doesn't pick up after himself very well and surely doesn't pick up after the kids. I guess I was hoping that since I was lacking that he would pick up the slack and I have talked to him about it. He also mentions that he doesn't understand why I can't do it since he finds time to do laundry and clean the kitchen, den etc. while I sleep and work on the weekends. It's different when it has to be done every day - day in and day out without relief. Sure even I can do it once in a while. I do enough to keep us all in clean clothes and clean dishes with food on the table every night, but the kids' rooms are always a mess and there are always fingerprints on the bathroom mirrors and towels on the floors.

Maybe i'm just too moody to recognize that this is normal and I don't have a valid complaint. Maybe I need to be medicated. Maybe I need to win the lotto so that I can hire a housekeeper to come in once a week! Maybe I need to ditch the dh! I love my kids more than anything and I would love to have at least one more if I thought I had a partner. It makes me so sad to think about never feeling another baby swirling and twirling inside me and never feeling another life slide out from me.

Phew that got long! Sorry!! I guess my answer to the OP is that I am looking for another way to share duties as well and no, I don't feel like it's an equal partnership.
MandyWelch is offline  
#25 of 40 Old 03-01-2005, 01:57 AM
 
taradt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: victoria, BC
Posts: 2,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i do almost all of the indoor things (with the exception of litter boxes and bathtub cleaning) DH does the outside things and is the driver (i don't have a licence). we tend to do all our shopping as a family. DH works a lot of hours in the evening to be able to have thursday-sunday afternoons off to spend time doing family things and that works great for all of us. i don't mind the extra work when we get so much family time together

tara
taradt is offline  
#26 of 40 Old 03-01-2005, 02:36 PM
 
Mummoth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,611
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 28 Post(s)
He does the kitchen, I do everything else. He throws in a load or two of laundry here and there, and he does garbage & recycling. We both do the lawn, but I only do the backyard when I do it. I do the garden beds. He maintains the truck. I make his dentist appointment at the same time as I make mine and we switch off taking care of the kids/being in the chair. Other than that, he makes his own appointments.
Mummoth is offline  
#27 of 40 Old 03-01-2005, 05:14 PM
 
NorCal Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: In a blissful fragrant garden
Posts: 638
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This has always been an interesting topic for me, because I at times start to feel resentful over this subject. I am a SAHM, although I do work 11 hours per week running an after-school program at my ds1s' school. I am fully responsible for all indoor maintenance. Cooking, cleaning, diaper changing (dh has only changed about 5 diapers total, and he's 1 now!). My dh does spend 40 a week on our own business (auto repair) which, really wears him out, and then he spends another 20 or so hours a week on our other home business.

For the past few years I had such a hard time trying to figure out how to "keep up" with everything. Now that ds2 is 1, it is much easier, and I've found the flylady. She's helped me so much with learning how to do household routines, and how often to do what. I was at a complete loss before. There's also wonderful support here at MDC for flybabies and there's a yahoo group. If anyone's interested, check this out . It's the flylady homepage.

I was up late last night, talking to dh about having family time outside the house. He thinks of the home as a place to be away from work, a place to spend time with family. I just need to get away with family outside the home. I'm home all day everyday it seems. I explained it like this: Would you like to work everyday at the shop and then have your days off at the shop too? I think this got through to him.

Now I'm 'ing. Sorry to take over with my woes. It's just hard sometimes, and yes rewarding at the same time. We SAHM's need all the support we can get.
NorCal Mama is offline  
#28 of 40 Old 03-01-2005, 05:17 PM
 
NorCal Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: In a blissful fragrant garden
Posts: 638
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wanted to add that I do remind myself that, I'm lucky to have a dh that works so hard, so that I can be at home with the ds'. Even if that means that I do change ALL of the diapers, and clean ALL of the dishes, and so on and so forth. It's hard to be a provider for a family of 4. To have that heavy responibility on you, to make sure the bills are always paid, and everything.
NorCal Mama is offline  
#29 of 40 Old 03-01-2005, 05:20 PM
 
udonandbroth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: just outside of Philly
Posts: 526
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Let's see, I stay at home with our kids and do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, bills. Plus I knit and sew things for the family. My husband works full time (sometimes more than full time) and he helps with the kids most of the time in the evening (bath, reading and putting them to bed, which can take a while sometimes), maintains the aquarium, takes out the trash (when I beg on my knees) and occasionally does dishes (no dishwasher). I try to get all of this stuff done during the day so that we're both active plus I also don't clean all that often (it's either creative projects of cleaning/chores/errands). I just try to make sure that we're both doing something- that way it seems more fair. When he's putting the kids down I'll either be knitting, going out and renting a movie or dishes. Then we spend the rest of the evening together. He's always bugging me about picking up some work for pay part time but I think my life would be too busy if I did (esp. after #3 arrives).
udonandbroth is offline  
#30 of 40 Old 03-01-2005, 07:36 PM
 
Amys1st's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 8,322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorCal Mama
I was up late last night, talking to dh about having family time outside the house. He thinks of the home as a place to be away from work, a place to spend time with family. I just need to get away with family outside the home. I'm home all day everyday it seems. I explained it like this: Would you like to work everyday at the shop and then have your days off at the shop too? I think this got through to him.

.
That is very well put. I sometimes feel the same way- especially if DH is working a lot since I also work a lot as well since there is no one else home to assist with things.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
Amys1st is offline  
Reply


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 1,836

12 members and 1,824 guests
91mj , Beccamom32 , Hyacinthe , idler , KerriB , Kolkad , manyhatsmom , OliviaBenjamin , Realdeal , sarrahlnorris , skyrocket , xsukix
Most users ever online was 21,860, 06-22-2018 at 08:45 PM.